Category: Slices of Life

Motherhood’s early years: Why It’s Hard

The other day I was browsing the aisles of a local thrift shop — not that I need another thing, but since many of our things are in a storage unit, on more than one occasion recently, I’ve needed to pick up an item or two.  This time, of all things, I needed a cake pan.   I didn’t find what I needed, but the trip was more than edifying.

An eager, loving young boy was pointing out to his mother all the things he would like to buy for her and telling how nice they would be in her kitchen… how nice a picture would be on their wall… do you love this, mama? As he continued to find perfect treasures and had a comment or question for each, she replied appropriately to his statements or questions… she was attentively listening but occasionally reminding him they had a few things to look for.

I’d have lingered longer but I had other stops to make. I decided not to let the moment go unnoticed and mentioned to the mama that she sure had a kind and fine young son there… and that she was doing a great work. She thanked me and with a weary sigh, “…I hope so.”

Motherhood’s hard. It many ways, it has to be.

It’s hard because there’re are other seasons ahead.
It’s hard because there are trials, testings, sorrows ahead.

It’s hard because a young “motherhood tree” is gearing up and trying to produce rich fruit on a frail tree with shallow roots and spindly branches. Spring rains, Summer sunshine, Autumn frosts, cold Winter winds and snow have not yet deeply tempered the tree of motherhood. Few occasions of deep pruning for rich growth have come upon the early years of the motherhood tree.

Young motherhood has days that don’t seem all that fun. Lonely, isolating days — tasks, meals, nursing, washing, wiping up spills, picking up toys, books and clothes… repeated over and over and over again.  Hard days that most mothers wouldn’t trade for all the gold in the world (I know, some days you might be saying: don’t tempt me!).

Warm and bright, sunny days seem to remedy the hard days and bring long awaited playtime, running around outdoors.  Wearing a baby, pushing a toddler, hurrying to keep up with some busy preschoolers — even the sunny days are hard sometimes.

All the hard, all the things that go into early motherhood make for strong branches for children to climb, to swing from, to sit under. The seasons temper the tree — the hard seasons, even more so.

With the passing of seasons, the older the tree, the sturdier the trunk, the stronger the branches, the thicker the bark, the deeper the roots, the more able to bear fruit and provide needed shade.

Mothers need the hard early years.

Children won’t be so for long.

 

 

ReBlogging

Lots of women do this. Every day they do this. For years I wrote every day. But then a reality check came. And the reality was this: I was so consumed with doing all I was doing that I forgot/neglected what I was supposed to be doing.

I think lots of early sites, early website designers/builders and then bloggers fell into this same thing: out of control distraction! I’ve had the honor and privilege of talking with some of them over the years. One such blogger, Keri Lamar, who faced a similar ‘day of reckoning, is the author of Present:  How one woman pulled the plug on distraction to connect with real life. It’s worthwhile reading (along with the Present Journal).

In the 90’s, internet was new and thrilling —a time of information explosion— bulletin boards, seemingly unlimited content, email, internet chatrooms/groups/platforms were big. Really big. And SO easy! The allure was amazing, captivating and intoxicating.  And captivated we were — sometimes for hours on end. Days evaporated.  I’ve written from time to time about this early {and ongoing} distraction and time drain (Here and many other posts on internet addiction).

Once I got hooked on internet lists/groups, I began to gather material and content to begin building a website for women, homemakers/home educators after the manner of Titus2. The learning curve was steep and sometimes exasperating as I worked at learning html coding, creating site content and images. It was helpful and instructive to receive supportive email (and occasional naysayer mails, too).  I loved what I was doing and the encouragement others were gleaning. Problem was, I didn’t notice what I wasn’t doing.  My distraction was encroaching on my calling as a wife and mother/homemaker and years of yoyo-ing in an attempt to find balance ensued.

Fast forward to today. The last ten plus years have given much perspective. Through valleys of depression, extreme lack of confidence, lack of purpose, hope and worth, I’ve been learning more and more about the love and mercy of God. The Lord is only good. The Lord is only faithful. All the time.  No matter where we’ve been, what we’ve done (or haven’t!) God is good and has good things for us — working all things together for His glory and our good.

It is of the Lord‘s mercies that we are not consumed,
because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is Thy faithfulness.
Lamentations 3.22-23

As I prepared to write this post, I felt that nagging feeling that I had no business doing this. But I desire to carry on using/sharing the gifts God’s given me, what God’s done for me, what God’s done in and through me. Prior to the internet and all that’s transpired, I was writing — from newsletters, guides and booklets to Bible studies and various retreat talks and programs.
And so now… I’d like to {again} more regularly share some experiences and observations here.
I’ll be re-blogging as He leads me.  ♥ —ps

The Next Right Thing

Over the years I’ve used a phrase numerous times in all sorts of seasons, mental spaces, homemaking, motherhood, even on this blog — the phrase: do the next right thing.  This concept wasn’t learned overnight and it wasn’t learned easily.  It wasn’t something that came naturally to me — as disciplines of motherhood didn’t come naturally to me.

But, from the beginning, God was working in me to will and to work for His good pleasure. –Philippians 2.13. Day by day He has been working disciplines into my life and I share these things with you that you might experience the same: God working in you for His good pleasure. Or God affirming in you what you’re already doing, learning, accomplishing for His glory.

Journaling, daily chore lists, daily prayer and devotions, checklists, etc., etc., all came into practice for me after I’d been married a little while. Early on, c. 1978, my mother-in-law gave me (among many other books) a copy of Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman by Anne Ortlund. I think, for the first time, I realized how much I did not know, how many things I didn’t pay attention to doing, or how many things for which I had no real plan. I don’t recall enough of the book to heartily recommend it today, but I do recommend establishing disciplines to live by.

Speaking of disciplines to live by, sometimes, “the next thing” isn’t the next right thing (even though it might seem like it). And often we jump to do the next thing in haste (because it’s on the list and because: it. is. the. next. thing.) when we ought stop to evaluate what the next right thing is.

Sometimes we get caught up in the snowball effect of doing next things —all day long, practically running through our day checking off all the things, all the busy things we do every day. And at the end of the day instead of being tired but fulfilled, we might feel as though we didn’t actually accomplish much (except a checked off list) and end the day feel tired and empty.  Maybe in that list mix a right thing was missed, a right thing was overlooked, a right thing was rejected.

As I’ve shared a number of times, there are a couple of things I began to do and have done every day for the last 40+ years or so. Every day, first thing, I make our bed, tidy our room and have some sort of quiet time/Bible study/journaling. Those aren’t checklist items but they set the tone of the day… they’re sort of foundational to being ready for the day, ready for the next thing: the next right thing.  Since I could have a tendency to be haphazard so these (and other) disciplines help keep me in line. Getting fully dressed for the day is another.

So, what’s a next right thing?  Sometimes a next right thing is a: Stop everything–stop and pray!  Or, stop and push a swing, see the sunset, listen to a trouble, a story, a heart. Or, stop everything: go take care of someone, go get someone, go make something for someone.  Sometimes the next right thing is a necessary brief interruption–sometimes it’s all day. Whatever the case, right things might be seen as intrusions to our disciplines —our order— unless and until we seek to yield to what God is doing.

We might have our next things done so that we can be ready for the next right things.  A daily order makes “time demands” easier to oblige. Next things are often task oriented only, whereas a next right thing is hopefully more grace oriented.

Does the next right thing take the place of the next thing?  Yes, often.

As mothers, one of the hardest things to evaluate/prioritize is time/list management with so many potential variables. We might fall into one camp or another: so ordered we cannot be spontaneous —or— so spontaneous we never have order. Disciplines are tricky. But necessary. And gracious.

Disciplines bring freedom… freedom to do what we ought instead of doing whatever we want.  This is where we can learn to do the next thing with the priority of the next right thing.  In Titus 2.3 speaks of aged women being teachers of good things with verses 4 and 5 amplifying the good things.

Doing the next right thing is… a good thing.  ♥ —ps

Thanks Giving Is Here

[cp_dropcaps]T[/cp_dropcaps]hanksgiving is here, I heard someone exclaim. And one might immediately wonder how it came so quickly again this year.  I mull this over (and, yes, I do marvel that another Thanksgiving is already upon us), I think: Is Thanks-giving here? I mean… here, here.  Here in my heart, here in my life, here in my thoughts and in my words.

I stop and take a mental inventory of my days of late. How thankful have I been–or have I displayed thankfulness at all? Is thanks g-i-v-i-n-g a characteristic plainly obvious in my life? Is thanks giving part of my everyday conversation? Is thanks giving the tone my ready reply?

And let the peace of God rule in your hearts,
to the which also ye are called in one body;
and be ye thankful.
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom;
teaching and admonishing one another in psalms
and hymns and spiritual songs,
singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
And whatsoever you do in word or in deed,
do all in the name of the Lord Jesus,
giving thanks to God and the Father by Him.
Colossians 3.15-17

I was looking through some old photos this morning and it was there that I really got to thinking about thanks giving and what a thankful or thanks-giving life looks like. It’s easy in the moment (when things are going well, supplies are ample and health is strong and full) to be thankful.  It’s another thing to be thankful or giving thanks when things aren’t going so well — when the yets of God aren’t yet (I’ll write on that another day).

It’s also pretty normal to consider one’s current state of affairs when feeling thankful or not. But those photos I was looking through changed my perspective quite a bit.

 

These photos are 10 years old. I’m thankful for this… all this. All the children living at home at the time, gallons of milk, heaps of food, piles of laundry, hundreds of thousands of miles on the fifteen passenger van and on and on. Thankful, really thankful.

Fast forward to today… less and fewer of everything… more and greater of so many other things.   In between the more and fewer are sicknesses, health, losses, weddings, funerals, births, disappointments, achievements, mistakes, graduations and countless other life events that have clearly shown the great grace of God — things for which to give thanks. Much thanks.  Had all these various things not happened, I’d not known the vastness of the graces of God and how to be thankful, or how to give thanks in/for adversity, loss, failure and regret.

So, this Thanksgiving, this time of giving thanks, I’m truly thankful, very thankful. Thanks giving is here for me. I trust it is for you as well. Or, soon will be.

You can’t afford to not pay attention.

I know. The last entry I wrote was 7 months ago. Hounded by voices that tell me I’ve lost mine, by regrets that prevent me moving forward, and various time/emotional demands that drain creativity, I come to my blog and draw a blank — or am shot with one.

But… again, here I am. I love to write. I love this platform. I love the connections it’s given me through the years. And I love that the Lord has given me a whole bunch more time and has absolutely dumped His great mercy and grace over me every day of these last emotionally crippling ten years (and all the years before these).

So, here we go.  I thought I’d just jump into blogging by just writing about things that come up each day and we’ll see how it goes.  This might end up being what the blog originally was fifteen or sixteen years ago… Slices of Life and Views of the Day. That could be anything from verses to sermons, recipes to homemaking, politics to societal trends, marriage and family to motherhood and what it looks like in the rear view mirror. ~smile~

Here’s a slice of today for you:
Chic-fil-A. I had my first Chic-fil-A sandwich in Marietta Georgia in 2006.  It was good. But you know why it was good? I was eating it with my dear friend. Lunch with dear friend makes just about any meal good — any cup of coffee better.  The other thing that made that Chic-fil-A sandwich good was the wholesome atmosphere and the fact that the company was a Christian company. You know, like A Christian Home. ~wink~

Truett Cathy, the company’s founder was still alive. Business was running on Christian principles, morals and character. It was well respected for all of that. Business boomed for the Cathy family because of that.
Tenacity and hard work built the business into a multi billion dollar company.

Chic-fil-A restaurant’s foundation is this:

“To glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us.
To have a positive influence on all who come in contact with Chick-fil-A.”

With a mission statement like that, how could they go wrong?

So, what’s happening?  Well, just as in a Christian family, it only takes a generation or two (who drop/discard the mantle) for the heritage to be forgotten and the firm foundation that heritage was built upon to be eroded.  It appears that’s the way of Chic-fil-A and its once principled Christian business structure.  Chic-fil-A, once the bastion of morality is caving to the vociferous left’s social intolerance for all things Christian and appears to be stepping up its effort to appease the offended left by coming alongside with financial support to causes and organizations that are morally compromised or in opposition to the very founding of Chic-fil-A.  Sadly, the casualties are not few, nor are they small.  Consider but a couple of organizations Chic-fil-A has discontinued financially supporting:  The Fellowship of Christian Athletes and, ready? The Salvation Army! The. Salvation. Army!!  You  can read about all this in this PJ Media article.

I’m going to guess that this won’t end well for Chic-fil-A.  O, they’ll continue to serve the uninformed masses, and they’ll continue to upset liberals who don’t know they’re actually caving.  Pitifully, they won’t be traveling the moral high ground on the foundation of feeding the hungry, proclaiming the Gospel and won’t be a beacon of genuine  integrity.

On the US Dollar is imprinted the words: In God We Trust.  Have you considered that when you spend a dollar?  Sadly, it seems that rarely do corporate Directors and Chairmen have the moral compass required to stand on those words and uphold them.

So… pay attention, you can’t afford not to.  ♥ ps

Autumn Days

The lazy, hazy days of summer are giving way to the busy, hurry, scurry days of autumn as the new “school year” begins and demanding schedules and activities fill the calendar.  You know the first thing that comes to mind as I consider these upcoming autumn days? Where’d summer go? It came and went so fast.  Sort of like motherhood (but that’s another topic for another day).

Did you complete the plans and projects you had for summertime?  Me neither.  But there’s still time to get a few things done before the time comes to put away all the outdoor equipment, furnishings, plants, etc.  I’m just writing to encourage you (and myself!) to make use of the few sunny days remaining in this season.   I’m determined to attempt to preserve some of the plants and hanging baskets by bringing them in to the greenhouse before the chilly weather and to finish up some minor outdoor painting and cleanup that I’ve put off all summer.

To help me with these projects I’ve started a new Gardener’s Journal  (I’ll include some notes and pages from old calendars and journals).  I decided to do this bcz I’ve noticed that I’ve forgotten when/where some things were/are planted (both plants and bulbs) and what needs to be divided and replanted and I want to have a record of these, a diagram of my rose gardens (with the specific name & location of each rosebush) plus a place to keep future ideas/plans.

I hope you’re all doing well! God bless you, keep and guide you. ♥

Beginning. Again.

But I want to do this… I want to write this blog — I want to finish what I’ve started. Time’s slipping by and I want to finish well.

[cp_dropcaps]B[/cp_dropcaps]eginning.  Just typing this word makes me want to get up from the table and fix a cup of coffee.  Not as in: lemme get a cup of coffee, rub my hands together and get warmed up to type.  No, beginning as in:  I’ve done so many beginnings. This, in itself, often signals the unintentional, subconscious beginning of the end for me.

But I want to do this… I want to write this blog — I want to finish what I’ve started.  Time’s slipping by and I want to finish well.

It’s hard to believe that all this stopping and restarting, starting and stopping has been going on for over seven years – and also that I began blogging around 2002.  Not like women power-blog today, but just blogging slices of life and views of the day. Not a monetized blog or even a theme blog — again, just blogging slices of life.

Two things bring me to this point.

[cp_dropcaps]O[/cp_dropcaps]ne is a small beginning back on the road to more sensible (or conscious!) eating.  See, I fell off the THM wagon a couple of years+ ago… you know, kind of keeping my eye on the THM-shore as my boat slowly floated further and further away until I could no longer pretend to have a daily eating plan — I gained weight and lost confidence.

[cp_quote style=”quote_left_dark”]It’s totally God’s great grace.  And I know it.[/cp_quote]Many times I decided to get back on track only to fail by mid morning. Months would go by.  By the grace of God I’ve been able to stay on track all day, every day and I’ve determined in prayer that if/when I fail, I’m going to get up and press on.

[cp_dropcaps]T[/cp_dropcaps]he other was an event that leveled me — disappointed, embarrassed, and discouraged me — an event that sent me to the net searching for articles for help, hope, encouragement, and instruction how to deal with that event. And then I thought: what would I say to a woman who found herself searching for help, hope, encouragement, and instruction how to deal with a life event?  Well, I’d want to help her — I’d want to pray for her, point her to the Word, tell her it will work out and she’ll one day see it as a blessing and maybe even one day be thankful for it.  I’d tell her she’d smile again, she’d carry on again, she’d find joy again.

That was well over a year ago.  I’m more sure of it today.  And that’s why I want to “begin again” writing this blog.  It may just be a tad bit cathartic for me — but if that’s the case (and you’re encouraged somewhere along the way) that’ll be fine.

It’s a beginning. ♥

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bold confidence, sheer determination, blind faith

In my earlier years, I seem to have had no lack of bold confidence or sheer determination (and what was becoming blind faith).  As I look back now on those earlier days — so many amazing (and so many cringe-worthy 😲) days!  I marvel at the goodness and mercy of God!

The other day Hannah asked me if I regret any of the purchases we made in the early days of parenting.  This conversation was sparked by a comment I made regarding the proliferation of infant and toddler necessities — all the latest stuff young mothers think they must have these days – in addition to all the other things they need to buy and do and be!  I told her, no.  No, I don’t regret what we bought for our kids or for my pregnancies, or our home… and I laughed as I told her that most of the time we couldn’t afford to make poor decisions!  ~smile~  But I did go on to say that we didn’t have all the things in those days — so many things! — that are pushed as necessary and imperative today.  Again laughing, I said, I sure sound like an old person, don’t I?!?   I’m so glad now… glad we didn’t have the money to buy things which didn’t exist then. ~smile~ There were enough stresses just “making it” through without the added burden of having to measure up or deal with what I see are today’s must have‘s (must be‘s – must do‘s) for young mothers.  We had all the necessities for the babies — may’ve been short on space and money, but sure long on imaginative creativity.

Those were the days of bold confidence and sheer determination.  Those were the humble beginnings of blind faith.  Those were the days where I began to see that God was in it all.  [cp_quote style=”quote_left_dark”]”The years teach much which the days never know” — Ralph Waldo Emerson [/cp_quote] In those days I was beginning to collect the thousands of  mercies, experiences, provisions, protections, and miracles from the Lord — the years now teaching much which most of those days never knew.   But in bold confidence and sheer determination, God was working to instill blind faith.

I don’t think in those days that I expected God to work — He was working marvelously, but I didn’t know Him enough to know it.  Working through my bold confidence and sheer determination, those were the days where the Lord allowed for a very,very short season –about a year’s time– a great amount of money and lavish living.  I know we credited Him for that prosperity — but it was, in reality, misplaced or misunderstood credit.  What was happening was that God was showing Himself strong on our behalf — not in the sudden wealth so much as what He was going to do with it all.   We’d asked Him to bless us.  And He did.  O, He did.  We thought the blessing was in what we could see — the goals and the things we could obtain.  That wasn’t the blessing at all.  The blessing was in what we couldn’t see/didn’t see — at that time.  Part of the blessing was to put us back on the track of humble beginnings.  The years have taught so much what those days didn’t know.  It was the beginning of blind faith.  It was the beginning of very sharply refining that bold confidence and sheer determination.  It was the dawn of knowing that God does all things well: All the time.

Journal entries for days… What the Lord gave and what He took away. What happened to that confidence? What does blind faith look like now?

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the subtle shift

January 6, 2006

2timothy434It’s so subtle and is happening so slowly and smoothly that it’s hardly noticeable to some people—the faint shift from day to day to the acceptance of immorality.  Think for a moment about the church growth “movement” of the last decade or two.  Consider the shift from Christ centered to man centered theology and from Biblical principles to marketing strategies for growth.  Then take into account the music that fills the minds and the airwaves… no longer Christcentric but egocentric.   Consider the shift from Bible study to “focus-groups” that address “felt needs” or personal interests or individual crisis.  And then mull over the ramifications of the “AIDS crisis” over the last twenty-five years.  Very gradually we’ve been “indoctrinated” to accept people where they’re at—to not condemn or judge behaviour and certainly not attribute to sin the consequences of certain behaviours.  So that’s been engrained steadily over time by advertisers and the  massive machine of Hollywood—the pseudo social and political experts, the change agents and shapers of cultural norms–the destroyers of family and morality.  Hollywood’s been very cleverly working to redirect the thinking… the subtle washing, the crafty work of emotionally moving videos.  I reflect on two movies I’ve seen this year… the characters which command acceptance.  The lifestyles that demand tolerance—so cunning is the inclusion of two women as parents of a boy in Kicking and Screaming… Two men as a couple in The Family Stone… and in another movie which we did not/will not see was the assaulting of the sensibilities by a pair of cowboys.    Over the years, homosexuality has been slowly creeping into movies and television so that it’s like the proverbial frog in the pot… slowly, as the heat is increased, the frog boils to death—never jumping out of the pot because of the slow acclamation to the heat.

So all this has happened and the church nods off.  All this is happening and the church is busy building bigger barns and catering to felt needs.  Reading paraphrases of paraphrases of the Bible.  Singing inane songs with sensual tones and repetitive lines of few words.   And then, taking into consideration the enormity of church “attendance” and the extraordinary availability of Biblical information, helps, guides, studies, buildings, buildings, buildings, seminaries, and Bible schools, it is deplorable that there’s isn’t notable Christian influence and appearance in this nation.  There really ought to be a difference… there ought to be distinctively different look and action of Christian individuals… individuals who are not their own—individuals who’ve been bought with a price, redeemed from the curse of the Law.

I’ve been thinking of some different letters I’ve received concerning movies, the sales of clothing with clearly anti-Christian symbols, the legislature and other topics where there is clearly an open antagonistic and sometimes hostile view of Christians—not so much of religion per se, not anti-God, but anti-Christ.   It’s actually kind of chic to be religious–not Jesus-religious, but yoga religious, christian-science religious, new-age religious, mystic religious, and the whole gamut of sorcery sort of religious—anything but Jesus.  It’s very common for people to accept talk of God—but totally bristle at the mention of the Lord Jesus—which is totally bizarre —considering the awesomeness of the LORD God—not the pseudo-god who is known as the “higher power” in the world of Emmet Fox, Norman-Vincent Peale or Robert Schuller or all the people currently influenced by them—but God, the God of the Bible, the God of the Universe, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob—the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. 

Isn’t it amazingly ironic—the God is so cavalierly held in mind, esteemed so common as to be used as a household expletive. So, God is acceptable—sort of the universally accepted -word- but not the God of the Bible.

“If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.  Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also. But all these things will they do unto you for my name’s sake, because they know not him that sent me.”   John 15.18-21

Our lives ought to be–-must be—different because of the terrific price paid on our behalf:  Titus 2.14 “Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.”   But, sadly, our lives are often not all that much different at all.  Our behaviour, words and appearance really ought to outwardly reflect the inward change of our lives.   I was thinking back on a situation recently where we were attending a program and I distinctly recall watching the men watching the women in attendance.  The “holiday” attire was alluring and the line of distinction between modest and immodest was blurred.  But what saddened me the most was the tightly packed row of teenagers immediately in front of us.  Throughout the evening there seemed to be a constant preoccupation with the pants and the tops–so involved in making sure the tops were meeting but not covering the top of the pants, the victoria’secret tag in view, and then when sitting down, it was painfully obvious that the pants were too low.  I was embarrassed for the young ladies;  I found myself feeling sorry for them as they were more concerned with their view of their appearance than with the statement their appearance was really making.  I felt sorry for the obvious distraction they were to the young men who kept glancing and then looking away.  I felt sorry for the lack of understanding of modesty—not just in appearance, but in behaviour.   I was sorry for the parents who were not in proximity to the young people and weren’t watching the situation.  And seemingly hadn’t been part of the purchasing process, either.

So, when I think of all the anti-Christian rhetoric and the slurs and insulting music, movies and merchandise, I guess I consider the Word and what the LORD has said would happen, I consider the state of the church today–its message, in many places, so anemic.  I pray… come, Lord Jesus—for He is the only One who can save— Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved.

The Current Truth

Oct05springhetti

I began working on my new This Beautiful Life journal/planner/notebook, and once again I’m stymied by my answers.  I see the designated spaces for specific answers and am reticent to write mine down.

My tendency is to be very tentative about what goals I write (thinking if I write it, I’ll be committed to doing it).  One day I might only write a few goals — another day I might write down things that would take two lifetimes to accomplish.   My abstract sequential / concrete random thinking style seems to prevent me from ever making a definitive list.  Have you ever analyzed your thinking style? There are different tests you can take to determine your thinking style — and I’m sincerely not so sure it’s crucial to do it, know what it is, or whatever, but this might help you understand yourself (and particularly your children — and your husband) better, and help you get why you (or they) do things the way you (or they) do them.  Just an idea for you.

So, back to my “priority journal” [Chloe’s: This Beautiful Life] and that box: The Current Truth.  That box shows up on five pages.  There are five sections corresponding to five priorities.  It’s hard for me to narrow down five priorities.  Would that be hard for you?  So, I’m thinking about my priorities: what are they? Why are they important (or, important enough to be in the top five)?  As I think on these things, I have to realize that my priorities and the things I prioritize —by how I spend my time— are not the same thing.  That’s where that  The Current Truth reality box is staring me in the face like a mirror.  And I have to say: wow, my current reality is not where I want to be.  And, if my current truth or current reality is not what I want it to be, what I’m doing each day is actually pulling me away from, or destroying, what I want or where I want to be.  Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. –proverbs 14.1  What I’m doing or how I’m spending my time or money or whatever is quite revealing as to how serious I am about accomplishing my priorities.

You know, there’s another way to get a pretty clear picture of priorities… might be too hard to hear, but ask your husband what he thinks the current truth is regarding a particular priority you have.  Or, maybe you have a son or daughter who could give you invaluable feedback.  Maybe a trusted friend.  Maybe all you need is a pen and paper.  Write down your priorities — what they look like at their best and what’s the current truth?  Better yet, get Chloe’s book.  Honestly, you’ll be so surprised at how life changing, complex and invaluable this simple little book will turn out to be in your life.

So today I’m sitting here, writing things down, looking out over the yard… and, honestly, the way looks stormy and the road looks long.  I don’t want to write anything else down and I don’t want to do what I must.  I don’t want to commit to anything bcz I so often fail and I’m pretty uncertain about a lot of things – things over which I have little control.  And, I don’t want to have another list of stuff I didn’t get to or didn’t do.  I relate to the apostle Paul and think of what he says in Romans 7: “…For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. For the good that I would I do not…” — 7.18-19

But if I don’t press on… well, I sure don’t like where that would leave me — that, and I know I don’t want to be that girl.  So… I press on.  That’s my current truth.  And, it’s because of the Truth that I will do this.   I will seek Him and I will trust Him. That, and I truly do want this to be a beautiful life.

quotebeginFor it is God which worketh in you
both to will and to do of His good pleasure.”
philippians 2.13