Category: Wayward’s

Don’t Give Up

romans838TWHGiving up is not an option. Cutting off all contact is not an option. Negating or negotiating wrong choices is not an option. Reversing the damages is not an option — that is to say, whatever precipitated the wrong choices is done. You cannot recreate the past. If you made stupid parenting decisions, if you weren’t there as a parent, if you messed up — whatever — you have to get past the idea that you can, today, make your yesterdays or their yesterdays any different. But you can walk on in obedience and faith today.

Only the devil will try to convince you that giving up IS an option.  This is hard to consider — it’s hard to face.  It’s hard to see sometimes that seemingly “good ideas” about giving up are not from God.  That is, the devil’s very convincing. Very convincing.  He convinces women all the time that they’re worthless, their lives are useless, their accomplishments amount to nothing, their failures are beyond redemption and their sins or mistakes cannot be forgiven.  All that, and considering that his chief aim is not glorifying God –because he hates God– the devil’s chief aim is not your best interest, it’s very certain that his prompting for you to throw in the towel–for you to give up–is for your complete destruction.

But God.

There is nothing that can separate you from the love of God.  You have His Word on it.   If you will call on Him, He will hear you, He will carry you, He will deliver you. Because He loves you.

You may feel alone today — your behaviour, decisions, sin, neglect, stupid actions, foolish words, pride, ignorance, selfishness, or a whole host of whatever else, may have brought you to this day with a big pile of nothing but regret, loss and shame.   But God who loves you, gave His only begotten Son, Jesus, to be your Redeemer.  Seriously.  There is a Redeemer — Jesus — and He is only faithful and true.  He cannot fail you, He cannot leave you nor forsake you. Don’t give up today.  Don’t run away.  Run to Jesus.  Call on His name.  Pick up His Word and read it.  He is for you.  He loves you — don’t think it’s the love you see all around you — you know what I mean, the love you thought was here, there and everywhere.  God’s love is different than all human love.  God’s love is eternal.  It’s powerful — it divides the Light and the darkness.  Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you WILL be saved.  You have His Word.

Don’t give up.  Give God your troubles, your trials, your mess.  He redeems.

quoteWho shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?  As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.  Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.  For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,  Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  –Romans 8.35-39

 

Each Day is Like Heaven

April06treeringsmallOver the years, standing at the sink many times each day, I’ve seen the most remarkable sights… all the changes each season brings.   Through the years, I’ve become aware of what changes will come about in each of the different months.  I look for what each new season brings–eagerly anticipating the blooms that will soon appear all over the yard… the tiny new, elegant leaves of the giant old weeping willow tree, the daffodils that will soon dance around the base of that old tree.

Today was no different, the familiar sights were there… the earth pounding with the shoots and buds of springtime… the flitting hummingbirds taking sips from any one of the many feeders around the house.  I found myself wandering back in time when little ones played in the yard—little feet stretching out, reaching to the heavens with each pump of the swings, splashing in the pool, volleyballs flying back and forth over the net,  buckets and shovels in the sandbox, doll strollers, matchbox cars, tonka trucks and scooters, bicycles and basket balls in the driveway, roller skates down the lane, rubber boots jumping in puddles, snow angels on the lawn.   Days gone by.  So many days gone by so fast.  Sweeter days.  But they really weren’t sweeter than these.  Just like those days… these are the good old days.

As I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, I was singing as I often do… and I stopped, mid-verse, and thought:  do I really live this?  Is each day ♪ really like heaven to me?  does my heart really ♪ overflow?  does He really grow sweeter to me the longer ♪ I serve Him?   I was stopped in my melancholy-baby tracks.  I had to say: No.  No, each day is not like heaven—-at least not like the heaven I’ve imagined the Lord preparing for us.  No, I thought, my heart’s not overflowing with that sweetness today.  My heart was full of anxious thoughts, discouragement, disappointment and even frustration at different situations over which I have no control and cannot see good as an outcome to some of them.

I worked along… and there I was singing again; ♪ every need He is supplying, plenteous grace He bestows, every day my way gets ♪ brighter, the longer I serve ♪ Him, the sweeter He grows… ♪  Wait… here comes that chorus again.  I thought:  I’ve gotta get my mind straight, if I’m going to sing this, I’m going to mean it and if I’m going to mean it, then I’ve got to live it, and if I’m going to live it, then I’ve got to turn some things around–or, rather, turn some things over to the Lord that I absolutely cannot take care of, handle, understand… or carry.

housebasketAre you there with me? Are you needing to hand Him your basket?  If you are, I totally understand.  And, in order that you’ll be able to press on, I’d really implore you to join me in just handing over that stuff… there’s nothing we can do about it all anyway, so handing it all over is really quite freeing.   I came across a verse yesterday that says, “And it shall come to pass that before they call I will answer, and while they are yet speaking, I will hear.” — Isaiah 65.24  Truly the Lord is our Jehovah Shammah — He is the Lord who hears — the Lord who is there.

I’m humbled again by the God who is already there… the God who hears me.

Blue & White

teacuppamelaI love blue and white things.  Blue is my favourite colour.  It’s not my favourite mood, though I struggle with that one.  Sometimes, a lot.  Blue is my favourite for hydrangeas, dishes, gemstones, berries, skies and seas.  And though I mostly prefer to wear pink and black now, navy clothing has long been pretty much the only colour I’ve worn. 

So you can imagine, that when I went to my first Basic seminar (wearing my favourite colour and that favourite colour was the colour of my dress),  I felt right at home that night.   I hadn’t learned yet that how things feel and seem in a situation are both critically important to me—and bcz of this, I, early on, was taken in by all the new information, all the new approach to life.  All the blue and white.

A few years later I would be sitting in a Mother’s Meeting in Tennessee and I would hear a phrase  that would come to have incredible significance to me.   One of the mothers commented to another:  Well, you don’t have to be so blue and white about it!  I let that sink down in my ears.  Tucked it away for some future day… and when that day came, I understood.  I totally understood.

I was not raised “in a christian home” and did not have the background or the foundation of faith that I have today.  I was growing in the Lord and was eager to do the right thing to live right,  to do the right works, to not make mistakes, to have bright and cheerful, obedient children, to not suffer shipwreck.  And on and on.  So… the blue and white!  There was so much blue and white  (remember, I’m not talking colour here)!

All the stuff I didn’t agree with or that didn’t set well with me or things I didn’t/couldn’t grasp, began to pile up—but instead (in the early days) of discarding or walking away from those things, I kept thinking I would/should/could try harder.  The blue and white appeal was so alluring, so compelling—I felt I must strive to do/think/be better.  I thought if I worked harder, I could get it… I could finally get to a successful, faithful Christian life. That was a lie.  It would, in time, become clear to me.

The trouble with cleverly orchestrated, tightly controlled information, firmly established methods and the appearance of righteousness  is that somewhere along the way, that original, sincere desire to know and serve the Lord God, to understand His Word and to observe it and to walk in His ways, to give Him honour and glory, to live in faith by the grace of God, to know and love the Lord Jesus and to obey Him… well, all that gets set aside or gets redefined by following all the rules instituted by a man  instead of simply seeking to know and do the will of God by daily seeking Him in the Word and in prayer and following the Lord Jesus Christ in the light of the Holy Spirit.

As I’ve written in some previous posts, it’s been a long time since I(we) sat in one of those Basic or Advanced seminars.  It’s been a long time since we’ve read anything the Institute publishes and a long time since we began to question and throw off the shackles of IBLP / ATI.  But, like an onion… or any engrained erroneous teaching or any engrained bad habit or patterns of thinking, there are layers and layers and layers that need to be peeled away, cut back and removed in order for the truth to have preeminence.  

With each passing year… I see yet another thought or principle that is incorrect or is a false teaching that I’ve believed and I’ve had to stop, see the error for what it is and repent of the practice of the teaching/idea/etc.  Freedom comes from each exercise of faith, each revelation of Truth. 

What I thought was freedom was really a cage… what I thought was a solid foundation of truth was really a slippery slope and the new approach to life was really an intricate web of false teaching.   You gotta understand, it all seemed so good… life seemed so much better when it was all blue and white… I thought we were doing all the right and best things for our home and family.  We were so sincerely seeking to know and do the will of God and thought that the careful constructs of the Institute were the ones to follow.

A battle I’ve had to fight through the ensuing years has been the battle of what if’s.  What if we hadn’t been in ATI?  Or what if we’d never followed the principles of the Institute?  What if we’d not been so legalistic or so rigid in our parenting?  What if we hadn’t been so blue and white?  Would we have been able to escape some of the problems we’ve experienced?  Would we have been able to avoid some heartaches?  I don’t know.  I don’t know the answers to the what if’s.  But I do know this:  God is and has been faithful to us.  And I trust His word.  And what the devil intended for evil, God intends for good and so… the what if’s?  Eternity will sort them out.  I cannot.

So the last 16 or 17 years have been sort of a free-fall *into* the everlasting, strong Hands of the Lord.   We’ve clearly seen God’s tender mercies and work in our lives:  we’ve been weaker and we’ve been stronger… we’ve been more sure and more doubtful of different Christian beliefs/practices… we’ve made a bunch of blunders and have had a bunch of good things happen… but most of all, we’ve come to the place of looking to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith, by the mercy of God, seeking to live daily following Him and Him alone and by the grace of God we seek to finish well.

A Patient Woman

A beautiful image is brought to my mind as I think of… a patient woman.  Conversely, what an ugly image is brought to mind at the thought of an impatient woman.  It takes me no time to bring up recollections of impatience (on my part or on the part of another).  But what I seek is for ready responses of patience – patient thoughts, patient replies to requests, patient understanding.

So beautiful is the woman who patiently waits, patiently listens, patiently answers, patiently watches, patiently prays.  I long for this  peaceable fruit of righteousness.  Though there are times my actions appear that I’ve not the vaguest understanding of patience, each day I have new mercies from the Lord to press on – renewed desire to live the Truth I know-that-I-know I believe.  And, I’m learning that this is part of what patience does: it presses on.  So, regardless how things seem to me to be today, Christ being my strength and my guide, I press on.  I want to be longsuffering — not preoccupied with how things feel or how long things are taking or how long things have been difficult or whatever.  How ever long something takes,  I want to be about His ways, preoccupied with trust, with faith, with peace.  I know this is right and what I really want — but my flesh gets all caught up in the temporal things and I appear to forget the eternal things in the stressful, anxious moments — in the seemingly never ending waiting for situations to turn around.  It’s the stuff of life.  Interestingly, I’m finding it’s not so much the big stuff, it’s the accumulation of a lot of small things (that sometimes feel huge and overwhelming)… a wayward child, an extended illness, financial reverses, troubles with family or friends, weight or health issues,  communication difficulties.  Well, you get the idea and probably understand what I’m talking about.

When I’m seeking to improve/correct an area, I know I must go only to the Word.  So when this matter came to my mind and I genuinely knew I must act on it.  So, I read in Galatians and reflected on the different facets of the nine-fold fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, longsuffering [patience], gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance),  I considered them individually, though they are, indeed, integral parts of the whole.   And while we might look at each aspect as we seek to develop different character qualities in our lives, they remain inextricably one fruit.

Then, a little further on in Ephesians 5.8-11, I read: “For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light:   (For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;) Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord.   And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.”

So then I consider the fruit of the Spirit and the light of the Lord, and when I’m impatient or lack patience for someone or some situation, it must be that I’d turned my eyes from the Lord, it must be that I’ve stopped drinking long from the well of His Word or I’ve neglected to hold fast those things I  know to be true.  Ouch, right?  I know that, intellectually speaking, I get this.  But to DO these things — I relate to what Paul wrote about doing that which I do not want to do and not doing that which I would do.   Ah, that war in the members!    O, that I would seek to be as Samuel – (1Samuel 3.19)  “And Samuel grew, and the LORD was with him, and did let none of His words fall to the ground.”

I want to hang on to the truths I want to govern my thoughts and actions and I want to respond in such a manner as to demonstrate Who’s governing my thoughts.  When I’m faced with an opportunity to respond to a situation, I’m reminding myself to stop! and evaluate my response.  Interestingly, simply asking myself: Is this thought/response fruitful (fruit-filled!) ? Or, is this an ugly response?  Amazingly, I see the Lord correcting my thoughts and filling me with the sort of patience I long to have.

May the Lord be with you and may you always be blessed.

Testing of Faith

“Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:”  –1Peter 1.6-7

There seems to be no lonelier place than the den of rejection — few trials more painful and few trails more uncertain.  And for us, as Christian women – wives and mothers, the enemy is at his fiercest when we give in to despair or, worse, self pity in the face of rejection.   If we’re not tempted to retaliate, then we’re likely tempted to be defensive.  If we don’t give in to self pity, then we’re probably headed down any of a number of other destructive roads — either literally or mentally.

Rejection is happening all over.  It seems the devil is pulling out all the stops in his prowling around to see whom he may devour — and a devourer he is (or seeks to be!).

In a recent conversation, comments were being made regarding the number of marriages undergoing strife or, worse, separation and the incredible number of people in conflict in some manner or another.  And I observed that never in my life have I witnessed such damage in homes, friendships, marriages, churches… not to mention the moral decline of society all around us.  It’s staggering.  It’s distressing.

So what do we do?  What should our response, our reaction or action be regarding these things?

Puzzled, I recall the scripture that tells me to rejoice.  Rejoice?  Rejoice at rejection? Rejoice that things are falling apart all around me?  Rejoice that there is so much division and squabbling?  Rejoice that there are so many messes? Rejoice at all the loss? Rejoice at the decline and decay?

Rejoice: I am to rejoice and be exceeding glad.  Not at the rejection. Not at the particular mess.  Not at the sin or the gossip or the slander.  Not at the loss.  I am to rejoice in my Saviour.  I am to greatly rejoice even when I am in heaviness through manifold temptations.

He has made a way… He is the way. I need to remember this. I need to live this.

1Peter 4.12  “Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:”

2Peter 2.9  “The Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of temptations, and to reserve the unjust unto the day of judgment to be punished:”

I reminded in John 16.22 that no man can take my joy from me.  He is my joy.  And that I am the only one who can determine to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.  The devil only dwells in and dictates my thoughts if I let him and if I entertain his devices and his intent to destroy.

I cannot — I must not — do that, for I am to:  (1Thessalonians 5.16)  “Rejoice evermore!” I am to “Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, rejoice!”  –Philippians 4.4

Ultimately, I know that I know that I know:  I want to please the Lord — I know I want strong faith and I know I want to honour Him.  So my response to trials and testings and temptations must be filtered through 1Peter 1.6-7 so that I will be: found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ.

This Could Be…

As I read year-end letters, more Christmas cards and letters, headlines and articles, a common theme is always revisited this time of year — sure as New Year’s resolutions, are the slogans and affirmations: Out with the old, in with the New! This Year’s the Year for You!  The sentiments may have very different motivation, very different context, but the intent is the same: This year’s going to be the best year ever!

And they always are.  Today.

Today is the first day of the New Year… clean, fresh slate, an unmarked calendar, a new dawn, a bright new day unmarred by the oft repeated sins of our youth.  We may look back at previous years and see the failings that trip us up, the habits that chain us, the bitterness that superglues us to the past — but somehow, today, we have before us a new year with all the possibilities and none of the failures of the year that’s just passed by.  Every thing we ever wanted to do – to be – to say – to think: we can now plan (again) to do because THIS is going to be the best year ever.

And, you know… this could be.  This could be the best year ever.  This could be the year to crown all years.  It will all depend on what we say and do and think in response to all the God says and does and thinks toward us.  This could be the best year of our lives and not at all for all the reasons we might imagine. This could be the best year of our lives because of what God is doing in and through us or will do in and through us.

As you look back on the year that’s just passed, the year that’s so last year… Count your blessings, name them one by one… count your many blessings see what God has done.

This could be the year for you. I pray as I write this, that this will, indeed, be the year for you — and I pray all of these things for myself and my family, too, by the way — whenever I write “you” — I mean: me, too.  ♥

I pray this will be the year you see the loving kindness of the Lord.  I pray this will be the year you will take His hand and leave your hand in His.  I pray this will be the year you will trust Him, follow Him, obey Him, love Him, yield your self to Him and His leading.  I pray this will be the year you lay down your life, quit trying to go it alone — that you let go of all those things that bind you and lay them at the foot of the Cross.  I pray you will finish well —  this will be the year you will have been found faithful.

Could this be the year for you?

Stuff’s going to work out.

I know.  I’d probably grimace if one of my kids started an essay: “Stuff’s going to work out.”   But, it’s on my mind today: stuff — and how it works out.   But I want to begin by saying: stuff’s probably not going to work out how you thought it would — or even how you hoped it would — but, truly, in the end, stuff’s going to work out.

Last year, the year you’ve heard me describe as the most sorrowful year of my life,  I heard a song… it was one of two songs that so resonated with me that I played them over and over and over again.  Hymns and psalms and spiritual songs minister to my heart, they lift my thoughts heavenward and they seem to dispel the darkness of doubt and despair.

Over and over in my head I would hear the words, It’s going to be alright.  I knew this — because I knew that God only does all things well — but I also didn’t know this — do you know what I mean?  I didn’t know – know – know this because of what I was *seeing.*  What I was seeing looked to be anything but alright.  But in my wrestling, I knew the it was so big God must be in it.  In my wrestling I knew that none of it had escaped His gaze and that He would work it together for good.  He could not do anything other than that.  And I knew that.   But for ninety-seven days I struggled.  Struggle still.  Sometimes.

On the night that my whole world seemed to come crashing down around me I didn’t see that it was going to be alright.  I didn’t see how it could be alright.  Through a series of events, that led to one of our children leaving home for ninety seven days, I learned to see, believe, trust and hope in God as I never have before — and what I didn’t know at the time was that God was, indeed, using that event as an instrument to both chasten and strengthen me — to both humble and lift me — to crush me and to fill me.  I needed all of that — I needed it much more than I needed to know that it was all going to be alright.  What I needed to know was something I thought I knew but didn’t.   It was something I taught I knew but didn’t.  Maybe that’s a bit harsh — I guess, in reality, I knew as much as I knew of that truth — but I didn’t know as much I know of that fact now.

That child was longing for love, attention, time, affirmation… and I was busy.  I was distracted.  I was doing good things but not best things.  And that child went away — to my great shame, regret and sorrow — but by the grace of God returned ninety-seven days later.  Returned home, broken, completely restored and strengthened in faith and was genuinely welcomed home — such a beautiful testimony of the mercy and grace of God.  I, on the other hand, very humbled, broken and filled with such regret and sorrow, was still trying to gather up the shards and pieces of my life.  I am only now beginning to understand all that the Lord had for me in that lesson.  And,  I so do not want to miss anything He had for me in that very expensive and painful lesson — and though I’m not speaking financially at all, it was, truly,  a very costly lesson — I cannot afford to miss what He had, or has, for me in it/through it.

I won’t elaborate on the details of those days — but I’d like to say that the lessons I learned in that valley were and are very, very precious and have given me great hope and great faith in the Lord’s dealings with me — with us all.  He showed me, in so many ways, how resourceful and creative He is.  He showed me that none can pluck one of His little ones out of His hand.  He showed me that He cares for my child — my children — more and better than I ever could and He showed me He loved that little one… and never shifted His gaze.  And He loved me, too.  No matter that I did not deserve His mercy and His love.  He showed me that He loved me too much to leave me where I was – going on the track I was going.  I needed that correction.  I needed it so much.

One thing kept ringing through — I knew for certain all through that dark valley was that I was going to to need what I received there – I was going to need that faith, that hope and that trust in God.  I didn’t know how, I didn’t know why and I didn’t know when — but I knew I was going to need it.  I said to myself over and over: you’re going to need this.  You’re going to need this one.

And I did need it — not only for the following, but for many things since:  Only a couple of months later…  it didn’t take long and it wasn’t at all difficult to figure it out  when our missionary son returned from Africa – and then the following week lay sick in the hospital — in a coma, very sick with cerebral malaria.  It was then that I knew that I knew… the Lord truly is all I have and all I need.

It’s a real risk sharing stuff sometimes — but I think it would be pretty selfish not to.  If you barely hanging on… if you feel like you’re sinking in too deep… if there’s some pain that’s tearing you apart, then, would you cast your cares upon the Lord Jesus — would you trust Him that it’s all going to be alright — that He truly is going to work everything together for good — for your good and His glory.  He who cannot lie — cannot fail.  And He, who loved you first… loves you still.  And stuff’s going to work out.  Really… you have His Word on it.  Maybe not like you thought and not like you hoped… but stuff’s going to work out.

The words to the Sara Groves song: It’s Going to be Alright

It’s going to be alright, It’s going to be alright

I can tell by your eyes that you’re not getting any sleep
And you try to rise above it, but feel you’re sinking in too deep
Oh, oh I believe, I believe that

It’s going to be alright, It’s going to be alright

I believe you’ll outlive this pain in you heart
And you’ll gain such a strength from what is tearing you apart
Oh, oh I believe I believe that

It’s going to be alright, It’s going to be alright

When some time has past us, and the story if retold
It will mirror the strength and the courage in your soul
Oh, oh, I believe I believe,

I believe, I believe

I did not come here to offer you cliche’s
I will not pretend to know of all your pain
Just when you cannot, then I will hold out faith, for you

It’s going to be alright, It’s going to be alright

It’s going to be alright
It’s going to be alright 

I can tell by your eyes that you’re not getting any sleep
And you try to rise above it, but feel you’re sinking in too deep
Oh, oh I believe, I believe that

It’s going to be alright
It’s going to be alright

I believe you’ll outlive this pain in you heart
And you’ll gain such a strength from what is tearing you apart
Oh, oh I believe I believe that

It’s going to be alright
It’s going to be alright

When some time has past us, and the story if retold
It will mirror the strength and the courage in your soul
Oh, oh, I believe I believe,

I believe
I believe

I did not come here to offer you clichÈ’s
I will not pretend to know of all your pain
Just when you cannot, then I will hold out faith, for you

It’s going to be alright
It’s going to be alright