Journal – The Welcome Home

Drawing a blank

I used to think that drawing a blank (in writing, conversation, blogging) was the result of having nothing to say, or not being able to gather one’s thoughts or whatever. I now think that while there may be times of writer’s block, it’s usually something else that’s preventing someone from moving on in writing. I think, for me, it’s being shot in the foot, or ideas being shot down, or being mentally shot in the head — ideas gone, drawing a blank.

And, it occurred to me the other day that the devil’s generally in the details here–doing the shooting when an idea or writing plan comes about but isn’t acted upon. He’s in the details shooting things up. But here’s the thing I’ve decided to acknowledge: he shoots blanks. He’s ever lurking about in the shadows. In 1Peter 5 (after we’re told, humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time: casting all your care upon Him for He careth for you) the Word says: Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary, the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour. (1 P 5.6-8)

I’ve taught on this section from time to time — highlighting the fact that the devil is always roaring about seeking to destroy whatever God’s doing, whatever a follower of Jesus is doing, doing whatever he can to destroy it. But he’s a roar, a lion with no teeth. Scary, yes. But shooting blanks.

You get what I mean? Blanks. We’re often held back by the roar of those blanks. The roar of the shot that says we’ve failed too often. The roar of the shot that recounts all those failures and superglue’s us to them. The roar of the shot that says our best days are behind us and there’s no use trying to gain ground now. The roar of the shot that says we’ll never be ___________ or whatever enough. The roar of the shot that says we have no credibility or will just likely fail again so why try.

Those shots are blanks. They roar at us or past us, but they’re blanks. God’s mercies are new every morning and His faithfulness is above the heavens. I may feel wounded by the shots of those blanks, but I mustn’t think they’ll destroy me — I must take those thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ. I do this bcz of His faith — my faith in Him is His faith. The Word says that when we’re in Christ Jesus, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us. (romans 8.37)

I’ve decided to keep writing and when I draw a blank or am shot with one, I know I can go to the well. Drinking at the well of God’s Word fills in the blanks, mends the wounds of the shots of blanks, gives me strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow.

God bless your day & your home. ♥ –ps

Why I Write

[cp_dropcaps]B[/cp_dropcaps]rowsing Twitter this morning, I noticed the hashtag #WhyIWrite and I decided to click on the link to read why others write. Not surprising, the answers or reasons are very similar—very familiar, albeit with an occasional condescending comment. It’s the occasional condescension that trips me up from time to time, but over time I’m learning to not take negative opinions so seriously (and I sure hope those twitter writers weren’t derailed by some of the rude comments). Insults, along with self-doubt, really have an effect on creativity, so it’s been instructive to me to weigh negative comments carefully, glean what I can and literally ignore the rest. Sometimes, insults can be instructive: they help me refine my message, they help me see what I might be blind to and surely to see what I don’t want to be, and they help me clarify or to attempt to more carefully articulate my thoughts.

[cp_quote style=”quote_left_dark”]Words in my head every day,
all day long.[/cp_quote]So why do I write? Words. Words in my head every day, all day long. I write because of what the Lord has done for me in all I’ve seen and done in my life. I write because He’s lavished blessings on me (especially in hard days, the deep blessings I couldn’t see at the time!). I write because of His great and precious promises—His unfailing kindness and mercy every day of my life. I write because in all these ways the Lord has given me the gift of words to encourage, instruct, inspire, comfort and/or affirm others. It may well be to a very small or limited number of people, but my goals or purposes have never been dependent on the number of readers or listeners–only with the hope that they would minister to those who do. Incidentally, most all my daily writing is never seen by anyone but me—dozens of journals bear this out.

You know… I think most everyone could, should, would write if they recognize the great gift and value of their life—or if they realized that their unique experiences could help someone. Maybe many someone’s.

I began writing newsletters in high school, first as the activities commissioner and then as student council president. From there I wrote the newsletter for a day school and childcare center in Seattle. In those days we used a mimeograph machine using spirit masters and a manual typewriter. It was a banner day when we bought our IBM Correcting Selectric II typewriter (If you’ve never used/seen one, they’re pretty cool!!). Eventually, those were replaced by various computers and, in time, I wrote church newsletters and Bible studies for women which led to the privilege of speaking at women’s retreats and seminars. All of this was just prior to creating the website that ‘launched’ this blog in the late 90’s. This progression of writing projects also included stamping and lettering… and occasionally, my antique Underwood typewriter.

I share all this to hopefully inspire *you* to write… using whatever you have on hand, whatever your experience, whatever your ‘platform,’ to encourage others, to be used of the Lord to bless and relate to others.
In the end, I hope you’ll enjoy the journey, writing it down as you go.

Keeping a Journal

Keeping a journal is sure a marvelous way to watch for the Hand of the Lord in our lives. I say marvelous bcz of the many times I’ve seen the “rest of the story” or the completion of the story as I’ve gone back and reread passages written in days gone by. Had I not kept a note or had I not written a thought, a description of an event, a heartfelt prayer, or lamented a painful sorrow, I’d not have connected the beginning to the end of a trial — an answer to an ache or God’s plan for the experiences of sorrow, regret or pain.

I remember thinking {fearing, really} that I wouldn’t want someone to find my journals, read them and know my deepest thoughts. I’m not so concerned about all that anymore — probably bcz I can’t imagine why anyone would take the time to read them. But there’s still an occasional pang in my heart that my journals might be read by others and they’ll misinterpret what’s written, pin me to that entry, miss the bigger picture or misunderstand why I write what I do or how I do.

Keeping a journal is so much more than just documenting events — it’s really an exercise of discerning current “reality” and what I think about it (at the time). It’s in the writing that we come to grips with what we really feel about a matter as if the instrument of our writing is a spotlight giving clarity or illuminating that current reality. I say this bcz it’s sure interesting how after writing down the thoughts or the feelings of an event/circumstance/season, I’ll look back and reread those thoughts and see that either I feel the same way or I was seeing that circumstance all wrong and am glad for the passage of time to see things differently. This is (or should be) encouraging — encouraging bcz it shows growth — encouraging bcz it shows God is at work — encouraging bcz it reaffirms to me to be teachable, flexible, open to God’s work in my heart and life. And, it’s encouraging to see growth especially if you’re like me, the devil sure attacks by trying to Superglue me to my past failings (and keep me there).

From time to time, rereading what I’ve written in days gone by is really quite humbling. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve opened an old journal and thought: Omygoodness, I never want to repeat that stupid behaviour, or think/say those self centered things! Reading past thoughts/feelings reveals a lot of things — helps me to reevaluate my thinking and to, if necessary, realign it with God’s Word and not according to how things seem(ed) at the time.

Another thing that “looking back” does, is to reveal God’s work… His ways and His purposes for various trials and temptations I/we face. We can’t learn much if we don’t look back and remember what He’s done. It’s in the remembering that our faith is made surer, stronger, more secure. It’s in the looking back that trust is built and/or strengthened. It’s in the remembering that we can give thanks.

Keeping a journal ultimately shows us that God is writing our story. He is working all the stuff — everything — together for His glory and our good. When I write in anguish over an event, it’s almost a blaring signal to me now: watch! wait and see! God’s working! this is so hard! this is so big: God’s surely in it!!

And, what do you know? It’s always true. God’s at work. He’s in the big things. He’s in the little things. He’s working for His glory and my good. And I’ve got His Word on it. And, to God be the Glory: I’ve got my own words to remind me of this incomprehensible truth.

Write this memorial & rehearse it

womenbible [cp_dropcaps]S[/cp_dropcaps]o much on my mind lately that I’m overwhelmed if I indulge in thinking too long without something to specifically direct my thoughts. Were it not for prayer, singing and morning Bible study, I don’t know where I’d be. I know that’s an over used phrase — I don’t know where I’d be — but it’s over used bcz it’s true. More true than we might realize, I’m sure.

If you’re a believer — redeemed by grace through faith in Jesus — think where you’d be without Christ. Think of where you’d be without that precious hope. Think of where you’d be if you hadn’t yielded your life to Him. It’s a staggering thought to me when I consider who I am in Him, because of Him and my infinitesimal grasp of His mercies in my life and that of my family. Small as my grasp may be, it’s sure. It’s very sure. It’s very sure bcz it’s not my grasp that keeps me — It’s His grasp¹, it’s His faith², it’s His finished work³, it’s His gift of hope⁴.

So, why would I fret? Why would I worry? Why would I be overwhelmed? Why would I wonder for a moment about the days ahead of me? When I ask myself these questions, I’m prompted to recount His mercies… I’m prompted to recall the ways He has worked and the blessings and provisions are more than I can count–more than I can recall. I’m sure of this: His blessing and provisions are, and surely have been, more than I know.

Bookp1 Earlier as we were reading along in the book of Exodus, chapter 17. I was struck again how the Lord commanded things to be remembered and methods for such remembrance — piles of stones, books, memorials, feasts and more — and His direction to Moses to write for a memorial in a book and rehearse it in the ears of Joshua (verse 14). [cp_quote style=”quote_left_dark”]Never wasting a thread, never wasting opportunities, isn’t God merciful to provide exactly what’s needed?[/cp_quote] Joshua was going to need that memorial — not only to bolster his faith, but bcz he was going to need strength and great courage — God was going to use him in ways he could not have imagined.

Bookp1 So I take this; I receive instruction to keep accounts of God’s dealings with me and our family — and I tell them what the Lord has done for us. The timing of this reading is perfect — as His work (and Word) always is. I so need to pay attention to what God’s doing in these days as we’re calling on Him for so many specific things. I know I’m going to need all these things — I want to add to the great things He’s done what He’s doing now and I want to rehearse it my children. They need to hear. And to remember. Not only bcz it’s part of their heritage, it’s also God’s work in their lives and what they’re going to need as they face the battles ahead, as they follow the Lord — maybe they’ll face some Joshua moments, maybe they’ll face some trials and testings of faith unlike any we’ve ever faced. I don’t know… but I do know this: God is faithful, and as they walk with Him, He will be with them–He promises this for His children.

For my birthday, Wes bought me a new journal Bible — a Bible so unlike any I’ve ever had. Because there are no cross references, footnotes, commentary or maps ~smile~ I feel like I’m reading the Word with new eyes or, maybe, like I’m riding a bike without training wheels for the first time. All this and bcz I’ve had many Bibles that were exactly the same, I’m familiar with where verses and passages are on a given page. This new one, while still KJV, is very different. Fresh start… and it’s a blessing. I’m not an artist by any stretch of imagination—but here I have my new Bible and new watercolour pencils and I’ve begun this journey. It’s my plan to add something every day. Down the road, I pray I’ll be able to look back and trace the Hand of the Lord on this journey. And someday my children will see some of what I saw and what the Lord was doing in, for, and through me — and more: for them.

1. John 10.28-29 “And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father’s hand.”
2. Galatians 2.16 “Knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law, but by the faith of Jesus Christ, even we have believed in Jesus Christ, that we might be justified by the faith of Christ, and not by the works of the law: for by the works of the law shall no flesh be justified.”
3. John 17.3-4 “And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent. I have glorified thee on the earth: I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do.”
4. 2Thessalonians 2.16 “Now our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God, even our Father, which hath loved us, and hath given us everlasting consolation and good hope through grace,”

Just One Added Thing Journal

So the idea I wrote about yesterday… I implemented it and added one more thing to the idea: Journal it! Make an account of that next thing — every day — that one thing I added. Accountability is a powerful tool.

So is follow-through and accomplishment!

So I have this notebook and will just keep writing the day/date and the item and I’ll keep a running number — honestly, I truly hope to see 266 things added. Using this method *and* my This Beautiful Life planner journal, I will have a very tangible accountability tool/marker for this year. I marvel at the ways of the Lord in my life and see that had I not had so many failures, I’d not have so many fixes or solutions for correcting failures. Not that I advocate failure or carelessness, I just see how God uses our shortcomings, our failings, our missed marks, our losses. He uses them for His glory and our good. Strange, this. Really, it’s strange, isn’t it? That God, Creator of the Universe, loves me (and you!!) so much that He watches over me (and you!!) day by day, gently leading us along. But sometimes I don’t even know that in the moment I am being led along. But i am. He sees. He knows. He cares. Incredible, yes?

So when I come to the place of having to have all these crutches—the planner journal, the Bible journaling, the just one thing added journal, I have to realize that His ways are higher than mine and His Word — every day — lights my path. Whether I recognize it or not. When He frequently gave instruction to make an account of what He’d done, heap up a pile of stones for a memorial, write a book of remembrance, He had a purpose: it for was for His glory and for the good of each one who saw, heard or read the accounts. This speaks to my heart today as I have written so many accounts of His doings and dealings in our family and in my life. It’s for me to remember. Maybe it’s for others, to see as well, I don’t know. I do know this: all His ways are good.

As I write in the journal(s) I see (often later) so much more than had I not recorded things—-I remember so many more details later, details I’d never have remembered had I not written just a note about something at the time. I so often think that I could not possibly forget different things, events, provisions for their magnitude or miraculous nature. But I forget — even though I know I don’t want to forget.

Journals help me to not forget to remember.

Standing in the Son

April06geraniumsun

Though I use it most every day, it’s only every now and then that I take note of the verse imprinted on the cover of the notebook I’m currently using: “May the Lord bless you and keep you, and give you peace.” from Numbers 6.24-26

I have dozens of such books since I began note-taking & journaling many years ago. I’ve made a concerted effort to revisit the books from time to time — not only to see where I’ve been compared to where I am today, but to see what the Lord was showing me in Scripture, sermons, notes, plans, etc., etc., and take note now of how the Lord answered those questions, situations, needs, prayers — to see what became of what I thought was important enough to record… notes I wrote, articles I clipped, ideas I gathered and plans I made.

As I’ve been writing notes, gathering ideas and making plans lately, I see I’ve been hurried and unsettled; the future seems hard and the way seems dark sometimes. And I have to wonder: where’s the Lord in all these thoughts? Knowing that He is the God of all comfort, the God of all peace, the God who heals, supplies, redeems, I have to admit, He’s not at the center (or the author) of those doubtful thoughts—He’s not at the center (or the author) of dark thoughts.

So, then, I have to deduce that those thoughts are not of Him and, in faith, I need to replace them with Truth—what does God say? —where is God in all this? Instantly I think of Philippians 4.19: “But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”

When I read through old journals and notebooks, the common thread that I see in all the books is the thread of faith in Jesus — His truth, presence, provision and protection. It’s been Jesus. All day every day. That’s what I wanted then. That’s what I want now. Actually, now more than ever. I want to be seeing Him and I want Him to be seen in me.

When I see the Stong’s 2424 number for Jesus, I think: Yes, that’s what I want: the will, the blessing, the keeping, the presence, the joy, the leading, the peace and the love of Jesus, 24/24: all day-all day… every day-every day.

I want to be found standing in the Son.

The Current Truth

Oct05springhetti

I began working on my new This Beautiful Life journal/planner/notebook, and once again I’m stymied by my answers. I see the designated spaces for specific answers and am reticent to write mine down.

My tendency is to be very tentative about what goals I write (thinking if I write it, I’ll be committed to doing it). One day I might only write a few goals — another day I might write down things that would take two lifetimes to accomplish. My abstract sequential / concrete random thinking style seems to prevent me from ever making a definitive list. Have you ever analyzed your thinking style? There are different tests you can take to determine your thinking style — and I’m sincerely not so sure it’s crucial to do it, know what it is, or whatever, but this might help you understand yourself (and particularly your children — and your husband) better, and help you get why you (or they) do things the way you (or they) do them. Just an idea for you.

So, back to my “priority journal” [Chloe’s: This Beautiful Life] and that box: The Current Truth. That box shows up on five pages. There are five sections corresponding to five priorities. It’s hard for me to narrow down five priorities. Would that be hard for you? So, I’m thinking about my priorities: what are they? Why are they important (or, important enough to be in the top five)? As I think on these things, I have to realize that my priorities and the things I prioritize —by how I spend my time— are not the same thing. That’s where that The Current Truth reality box is staring me in the face like a mirror. And I have to say: wow, my current reality is not where I want to be. And, if my current truth or current reality is not what I want it to be, what I’m doing each day is actually pulling me away from, or destroying, what I want or where I want to be. Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. –proverbs 14.1 What I’m doing or how I’m spending my time or money or whatever is quite revealing as to how serious I am about accomplishing my priorities.

You know, there’s another way to get a pretty clear picture of priorities… might be too hard to hear, but ask your husband what he thinks the current truth is regarding a particular priority you have. Or, maybe you have a son or daughter who could give you invaluable feedback. Maybe a trusted friend. Maybe all you need is a pen and paper. Write down your priorities — what they look like at their best and what’s the current truth? Better yet, get Chloe’s book. Honestly, you’ll be so surprised at how life changing, complex and invaluable this simple little book will turn out to be in your life.

So today I’m sitting here, writing things down, looking out over the yard… and, honestly, the way looks stormy and the road looks long. I don’t want to write anything else down and I don’t want to do what I must. I don’t want to commit to anything bcz I so often fail and I’m pretty uncertain about a lot of things – things over which I have little control. And, I don’t want to have another list of stuff I didn’t get to or didn’t do. I relate to the apostle Paul and think of what he says in Romans 7: “…For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. For the good that I would I do not…” — 7.18-19

But if I don’t press on… well, I sure don’t like where that would leave me — that, and I know I don’t want to be that girl. So… I press on. That’s my current truth. And, it’s because of the Truth that I will do this. I will seek Him and I will trust Him. That, and I truly do want this to be a beautiful life.

For it is God which worketh in you
both to will and to do of His good pleasure.”
philippians 2.13

What if You knew You were Dying?

AChristianHomeLogo10 Have you ever asked yourself what you’d do if you knew you were dying? Or, how would you live differently if you knew this year was your last year to live?
I was talking with my friend on the phone this morning and as I was recounting different ongoing family situations, I related that even though we had a real “wake-up call” last summer, we haven’t changed things we do or don’t do all that much. As I hung up the phone, it occurred to me that I must not take, or respond to, wake up calls all that seriously. I was disappointed with the reality of my inaction.

A few times a week I receive blog entries written by or about a woman who is graciously dying. I know, right?!? Graciously dying. She knows she’s dying — known it for quite awhile — wrote and published a book that she thought perhaps she’d never see in print, and yet, it has been circulating for a year or more, now. She’s battled cancer and, by her own admission, has sought to live well to the end. This is a relatively new way of describing living: living well. loving well. dying well. caring well for others. being loved well. You get the picture: well. Doing things well. I’m often put off by new lingo–but it reaches me eventually and sometimes even worms its way into my speech. Kinda like the, I know, right?!?! I frequently exclaim. Or, the use of the word, totally. I totally use that word.

Well, back to the wake up call. You know, when my husband had a heart attack this past summer – or three attacks, to be more realistic — it was hard to fathom the grave nature of what had happened. And I’m not sure if it’s his personality, his activity level or my own ignorance, but it’s like, Okay, so that happened, and we’ve moved on. Kinda like we moved on in 2007 when he had his first heart attack. But when I read about another woman dealing with a similar scenario, I’m moved with compassion and want to offer her comfort and encouragement; I pray for her and all that’s happening to her and what she’ll face in the midst of the trial: her wake up call. But mine? I don’t know why it doesn’t yet strike me the same way.

Well, as I talked with my friend, I realized I haven’t dared to just look at things for what they are and realize I need to take them more seriously. I’m not meaning I need to fall apart, cry it out or whatever, I mean that I need to recognize that real life’s happening and it is going to end. We are all, in fact, dying. At one rate or another, we’re all facing death. I wonder how quickly I’d make changes were I to be in Kara’s place – Kara of The Hardest Peace, Kara of Mundane Faithfulness – that Kara.

I keep reading Kara… and every day I learn something new about life, the Lord, peace and love. And as I work through my prayer/priority/goal-setting/evaluation Journal, This Beautiful Life, I learn more about what He has for me and what I ought to/might do about it all. I’ve decided to add to my thoughts as I’m writing in each section, the thought: would I value this more (or less) if I knew I was dying?

Because, I really am. I just have no idea when… and I want to live today in light of that fact.

This Beautiful Life

teapotcupdrawing As I mentioned in my previous post, one evening a month, I have the privilege of sharing a message with a “TitusTwo” group of women. As I wrote out that message on Communication, I was mindful that there was going to be a presentation by another sister at the meeting. My friend mentioned that her friend had written a book and would be sharing about it with the group. Thinking there really might not be time for me to share a message, I still wanted to be prepared — but looking back now, I’m not sure it was necessary for me to share a message that night. Sometimes best things get covered up by good things. I can say that now, especially since I’ve mulled it over many times in the last few days, that that book was the best thing and could’ve/should’ve been the only thing we concentrated on that night.

I’m so glad to be growing older as I see with the passage of time, there’s less urgency to have things go according to my plan and more necessity to be flexible to walk in the Lord’s steps. As He leads, I want to follow. I wish I could’ve just typed: As He leads, I follow. But the reality is, I’m still prone to wander.

You notice, I entitled this blog entry: This Beautiful Life. This is the title of the book. The book is half empty. Right now, the book is filled with power. When it’s full, I believe I will be able to tell you the book is powerful.

the current truth

I thumbed through the pages… those words caught my eye. When I glanced at the priority pages… I saw the spaces for different action points, and began to mentally fill them in. I came to those three words and let them sink in: The current truth. There’s a lot of power behind those words. We all have things we think about ourselves — sometimes deceiving ourselves into thinking we’ve got less to work on than we do or less to improve than we really do. Sometimes we’re duped into believing that we already are pretty much doing the things we’ve planned to do, or that we’re not straying too far from our daily responsibilities. Then there’s the angle of what others think is true about us and what we think is true about ourselves. I instantly think of the Lord talking with His disciples… them talking about other people and Him talking about the disciples themselves: But who do you say that I am? The current truth is a bold reality check. Get the book and you’ll understand this application.

Well, you might be thinking that what I’ve just shared is the last thing you need: another book, person, voice, or whatever, to beat you up for what you’re not doing or for what you oughtta stop doing. No, that’s not at all what this book is designed to do. But daring to amplify on those three words: the current truth, just may be the unlocking of chains that bind you to a problem or a way of reacting or responding.

So, what is this book, anyway? Chloe wrote this book This Beautiful Life (which is a working book! It’s a semi-guided journal, a planner, a calendar, a mirror) to help you.

…help you clarify your own unique gifts and callings,
and move forward in them with joy…
[that the Lord] guide you in the vision He has for your life.
May this help you become a stronger and more confident woman,
secure in your relationship in Christ and your role in the world.
May you have joy as you go about your days with purpose,
living out your own beautiful life.

get it.