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The Love Dare Journal — Day 6

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Love is not Irritable.
This chapter begins with a verse from Proverbs 16.32
And then continues, “Love is hard to offend and quick to forgive.”

To be irritable means ‘to be near the point of a knife.’ Not far from being poked. People who are irritable are locked, loaded, and ready to overreact.”

I know I get irritable when there’s a deadline and I’ve not adequately prepared for it… when I don’t feel well and don’t have a quick solution… when I don’t have a meal prepared on time or when I’ve not planned well enough for an event or when I think things will never change in this or that person’s life — in all this — even knowing that there’s nothing whatsoever I can do about the situation, I still fret and become irritable sometimes — but I determine not to be irritable with my husband. I have continually striven to stop and recount the ways of the LORD and His dealings and have sought to live in accordance with His Word — bcz it is there that I know I will find hope and peace for certian.

A little further on in the chapter we read,

A loving husband will remain calm and patient showing mercy and restraining his temper. Rage and violence are out of the question. A loving wife is not overly sensitive or cranky but exercises emotional control. She chooses to be a flower among the thorns and respond pleasantly during prickly situations.”

The book suggests that there are at least two key reasons for irritability — stress and selfishness. Of selfishness we read:

When you are irritable, the heart of the problem is primarily a problem of the heart.” (Matthew 12.34)

I smiled as I read differences between people and the characteristics of fruits — peaches and lemons. So, when things get stressful and the squeeze is on… remember lemons and peaches — be a peach, the result is sweet.

Being easily angered is an indicator that a hidden area of selfishness or insecurity is present where love is supposed to rule. But selfishness also wears many other masks: Lust… Bitterness… Greed… Pride… These motivations can never be satisfied. But when love enters…”

I liked the analogies and comparisons. I like ‘two things’ type lists — catchy phrases, and the exhortation in this chapter to “respond… with patience and encouragement rather than anger and exasperation.”

Today’s Dare

Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. The list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life [I would write: list any wrong motivations you need to repent of, confess as sin and seek forgiveness for].
_____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.”

To the questions, I am mulling over my responses — I know I need to work on priorities and to stay ahead of my work — for I am learning more and more that I will neglect important things or drop important things — schedule-wise — instead of saying or volunteering in advance that I cannot do something by a specific date/time. I recognize that these failures lead to irritability — the very last thing I want to be / respond.

Where do you need to add margin to your life? When have you recently overreacted? What was your real motivation behind it? What decisions have you made today?

I’m mulling this over — especially in light of some recent health problems in which I have had to realize I am not handling things as well as I had thought and that I need to not fret about things — I need to just rest in what I can do today and not get caught up in what others are doing or what I think they might be thinking if I don’t have this or that thing done. My husband’s been very, very helpful to me in seeing these things. O, for grace to trust the LORD with things I grieve over — things I cannot do anything about.

The Love Dare Journal — Day 5

love dare Today’s “Dare” begins: Love is not rude.

Once again, I find it difficult to carry out the dare of the day. I say this because I genuinely feel as though I am never rude to my husband. In fact, from the beginning of our marriage, courtesy and manners have been something we’ve continually practiced. But I am determined to go through this book and so I read the chapter and considered the definitions, thoughts and suggestions. And then I had thought on them for a number of days.

Nothing irritates others as quickly as being rude. Rudeness is unnecessarily saying or doing things that are unpleasant for another person to be around. To be rude is to act unbecoming, embarrassing, or irritating.”

I’ve considered several scenarios and I’ve realized that I will occasionally make a comment that interrupts or even contradicts something my husband has said. In times past I have thought I do this bcz I know him so well that I know what he meant to say and so I occasionally interject what he meant to say. And you know… I got to thinking about this and realize that I need to keep this in check — O, I’m not saying I wouldn’t tell him something — but rather, the way it’s done is what I need to determine to redouble my efforts to consider.

The chapter continues with suggestions as to what rudeness looks or sounds like and some Scriptures — concerning how rude behaviour affects a husband (Proverbs 25.24) and the importance of discretion and graciousness. (Proverbs 112.5) The sugesstions were followed by some questions — one being:

Would your husband or wife say that you are a blessing, or that you’re condescening and embarrassing?”

Then tree suggestions (with comments):
1. Guard the Golden Rule…
2. No double standards…
3. Honour requests…

Just yesterday I heard a request — I complied… but I didn’t complete the task — and actually didn’t realize I hadn’t completed the task. Do you know why? I hadn’t listened carefully to the information I was given. I hadn’t paid close attention to the details. Now, in that situation there was no harm done whatsoever — except — that I hadn’t paid close attention to specifics. So from that I now know two things — the next time I am to complete that specific task, my husband will remind me of what I missed this time and *I* will pay very close attention to look in the place he told me I would find the product he had purchased. :o)

Do you think I wanted to ask the questions in this chapter’s exercise? Really… I don’t mind — even though, as with any test, confrontation or question I get nervous that I won’t measure up. I know one thing’s for sure — when my husband tells me something I need to do or something he’d like to have done I kow he is *for* me and wants the very best for me. Time and experience has proven this over and over. I am assured of his love and respect. Here’s this chapter’s dare:

Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behaviour. This is from their perspective only.”

______ check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.

There’s space in the book to record what your spouse pointed out; space to record how you handled it; and space to record what you plan to do to improve these areas. Tomorrow, Day 6: Love is Not Irritable.

The Love Dare Journal — Day 2 — Love is Kind

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The Love Dare — Day 2 — Love is Kind

Today’s Dare was much like (in my mind anyway) yesterday’s dare — except it was more “outward” or “tangible” instead of passive, personal or inward. Whereas yesterday’s dare was a “be careful, little mouth, what you say” sort of thing, I think today’s dare was more: be ~~careful~~ caring, little hands, what you do. However, that said, being kind (as with being patient) also requires great emotional and verbal restraint from time to time.

Not reading ahead for tomorrow’s dare, the coupling of the first two ‘dares’ for the second day was really instructive and encouraging to me. Now, it was encouraging — not because I have so much or so little need in this area but because I really loved the challenge to do more — to be more — for my husband. I don’t have marital strife or troubles with my husband — so, in many ways, I could tend to dismiss this book out of hand and sort of smugly ignore it. But I have chosen to read it and go through journey and the exercises of each day. My reason is much like my reasons are for doing any sort of Bible study or class — I want to improve the things that are already good or satisfying, I want to have ‘blind spots’ revealed (and corrected), I want to know the Lord’s will more and more and I want to learn new things or see things in a new light — and in this case, so that an already strong marriage can be fortified.

I woke up this morning with today’s dare on my mind. I thought of some of the suggestions in the book that were given to shed light on the topic of kindness. It gives suggestions regarding gentleness, willingness, initiative, and helpfulness (with a paragraph of illustrations for each of those). “She opens her mouth with wisdom and on her tongue is the law of kindness.” — Proverbs 31. 26 Now that’s a great way or a powerful admonishment for starting the day right, isn’t it!?

Here’s another quote from this chapter: … But love in its truest sense is not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness.”

Day 2

In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today,
do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

_____Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.

What discoveries about love did you make today? What specifically did you do in this dare? How did you show kindness?”

I loved looking for ways to demonstrate kindness — and you know, once again, I found myself doing this in many areas of my life – husband, home and family. As I did specific chores and meal preps, I was especially mindful as to how it would appear or how kind or gracious I could respond to each person or each situation that arose today and I made extra effort to get many things done. O… ack… I just now remembered I forgot to put away a shovel. Ooops. When I answered questions, I thought of my tone and words in replies. I wanted my husband to know that I had prepared his plate especially for him and was cheerful about what he was doing — this was not difficult… he’s very easy to please, very easy to prepare for and to serve.

So, day two: check, check. ;o)

Tomorrow: Love is Not Selfish

The Love Dare Journal Day 1 ~ Love is Patient

love dare This is going to be some journey as I attempt to follow the ‘rules’ and go through each of the forty days’ suggestions. I cannot, however, resist making a few comments.

I’ve skimmed through the book — but I’ve intentionally not read through the whole thing… so that I will approach each day with an open mind. I understand why the authors have chosen some of the headings or topics – as they follow 1Corinthians 13 in presenting some of the days challenges or “love dares.” I also want to point out a thought expressed in the introduction: “If you accept this dare, you must take the view that instead of following your heart, you are choosing to lead it. The world says follow your heart, but if you are not leading it, then someone or something else is.” (and then Jeremiah 17.9 is noted) They admonished to choose instead to “lead your heart to that which is best in the long run…”

So, Day 1 Love is Patient

This chapter is sort of the foundation for the book or the ‘dares.’ They say, “Love is built on two pillars that best define what it is. Those pillars are patience and kindness.” I would have said the two pillars of love are: Faith and Mercy. But I didn’t write The Love Dare… And so the first dare is the dare to be patient.

Here are a few of the chapter quotes: “Patience is a deep breath. It clears the air. It stops foolishness from whipping its scorpion tail all over the room.” And a few others: “Patience, however, makes us wise… helps you give your spouse permission to be human… it understands that everyone fails…” This is why I would say one of the pillars of love is mercy — it’s the gift of God’s mercy that enables us to be patient and so on.

The Dare (in part): For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all…”
Each day’s entry has this exercise following ‘dare’ “_____Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare. ”

A couple of questions prompts recollection of the day and reactions to situations.
My notes:
Well… I can happily say I’ve been patient with my husband. This is very easy bcz he is very easy to live with and years have taught me to rest in his care for me. But I have thought on other days when I was impatient with a decision he was making or not making and I couldn’t see why he was doing thus and so. Interestingly, very seldom has he been ‘wrong’ in a decision or a plan — he might disagree — but I see with 20/20 hindsight why he did some of the things I initially thought weren’t the wisest decisions. And I shudder to think where we’d be had my plan been agreed to or whatever when we had two different views on a decision. It’s very, very rare that we have different views on a decision — as opinionated as I am, I can pretty readily see his side or idea and can see the wisdom in it.

We had a situation come up over the weekend that needed to be handled this morning and I knew my husband would take care of it… and I smiled as I knew this day’s dare… I genuinely rested in whatever he needed to do today because I had predetermined to be patient! no matter what! ;o) What a blessing it was to just watch the situation be resolved so well and know that the LORD is glorified by a resolve to trust in Him.

I notice that I am not patient when I don’t have my ‘stuff done’ or when I have neglected to do what I ought — when I feel threatened by a situation or something. It’s sort of the precursor to a defensive answer when responding to why I should do something or why I haven’t done something or when I am nervous about what “someone might think” — then I might be impatient with him (or my children or myself!!) — but, again, time and experience has really taught me to listen to what he has (or they have) to say and why he’s (or they’re) saying it.

A blessing: the determination and decision to BE patient — to be a patient wife (and mother)! It’s been hard today to simply use this dare specifically for Wes and not also for the rest of my family and my thoughts… but I’ll take that as an admonition from the LORD. Other parts of this book *are* just for Wes. ;o)

By the way… this book is a forty day journey — but it’s really intended to be a launching of a lifetime lifestyle of genuine love for one’s spouse.

It’s been a good day — a sunny day here. Tomorrow: Day 2 — Love is Kind

The Love Dare

I’d like to share another sort of journey with you. Wes bought me The Love Dare book. And so, I thought it would be sort of neat to share observations along the way as I go on the journey through the Love Dare book. I’ve read the preface, introduction and Day 1. Tomorrow I’ll write about “Day 1 – Love is Patient” and I will entitle each blog entry with the day and the heading. I know I won’t be able to communicate all that happens on this journey and will likely not share specifics – but I’d like to write about this journey in hopes that I will encourage at least one woman to invest love, loyalty, effort and desire to improve or restore her marriage – to intentionally invest in her marriage. I desire to improve my happy marriage — I desire to reinforce my strong marriage — I desire to learn more about my husband and my Heavenly Father’s desire for us as a couple. I desire more opportunities to help others in marriage.

You know why this is important to me? Because marriage matters. Because God’s Word matters. Because Faith matters. Because children need an example to emulate, a pattern to follow and path to walk. Because family matters. Because history matters. Because children need a godly heritage to pass on to their own children’s children. Because God’s design matters.

Marriage matters to me. Because I have seen the enemy attempt to thwart God’s design and godly seed. Because first it was an attack on the children — destroy the faithful line – then an attack on the marriages — destroy the fruitful vine; now it’s all-out war on the family — destroy God’s design.

Another couple is facing divorce… another man has left his wife… another woman has left her husband… another family has been torn apart… another marriage has become a shipwreck.

Marriage matters. Because God designed marriage to be (among other things) a picture of Christ and the church – His bride.

Get the Love Dare book… Fireproof your marriage! Take the dare with me.