mothering from the sidelines – The Welcome Home

Keeping Up

teacuppamela I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately… you know, keeping up. Not the Keeping up with the Joneses sort of keeping up, but the staying strong and keeping up with the times sort of keeping up. It’s been going on for awhile, but I hadn’t noticed it so much in the last few years as much as I have recently.

On a recent trip down to SeaTac airport, there was some questioning who’d drive and who’d stay home. I volunteered to drive and as I was driving and the miles were passing… maybe it was mile-marker 14 or so, I mulled over the thought that I wondered am I going the right way — or will I miss my turn-off? Then I thought, O, that’s absurd, I go down to the airport at least once a month, if not more. Then I got to thinking, there sure have been a lot of changes to the Bellevue skyline and in the number of cars on the road. And I felt old. Music was playing… I hadn’t pushed any of the buttons (preset to stations I didn’t even know) and I noted that everyone in the vehicle was using some sort of device… listening, talking, texting… texting… texting. And somewhere along the way, I thought: Omy, I really must work at keeping up. A few minutes later, arriving at the departure gates, my daughter said I ought to go in and that she’d drive the van around; go ahead, mama, go ahead, I’ve got it.

Eventually I obliged and got out… still thinking, still feeling old, still thinking I need to keep up, I thought: Yes, you’ve got it; I used to have it and now I feel like I don’t. And time seemed to stand still for a moment as I waited with the others for the passengers to deplane. A bit later, as we made our way home, I commented to the driver, I need to keep driving sometimes — I need to stay sharp, I need to keep up.

She smiled and said, don’t worry, I don’t mind driving. And I thought, me neither. She doesn’t know I need to drive. She doesn’t know I need to keep up.

sunrise ~ sunset…

Swiftly fly the years………..

another birthday…

Another birthday for one of our children. Another day to reflect on the many blessings, provisions and calling of the Lord on this son’s life — the golden child, the brothers and sisters call him. We all have a smile when someone says this or refers to him in this manner. They all know they are — each one to me — a golden child, though they’d insist he is the golden child. ~smile~

So another year, another birthday… another celebration that doesn’t look like one here tonight. We’ll make up for it when he returns from Africa in a couple of months — but for now, we have had a day of reflection, stories and melancholy, misty eyes. Well, maybe that was just me with the misty eyes most all day today. It’s not that I want him to stay around here — I really don’t — but he’s such a delightful person… just missing him especially much today as I’ve been reflecting on the many things that have been particular to him. I think back on his love for anything-pooh-bear to his love for a favourite blanket and the shiny blond hair of his younger years. In those days his hair was cut much longer than he’d ever wear it today — in a “bowl cut” — the same style of haircut I gave to each of the other boys before and after him in their younger years. Two brothers older and four younger than him. Funny to hear them talk now of how they all loved their hair that way — what they don’t know is that it was the only cut for young boys I knew how to do very well. I glanced at a pooh bear today… stopping for a moment to remember… and smiled.

One of the wonderful advantages of the passage of time is that we accumulate many stories and happy memories — these both bless us and bring us tears when a day such as this comes along. And while we all miss him for as many different reasons as there’ve been minutes in this day, we’re blessed by the knowledge that he’s right where he ought to be. And somehow, that makes everything perfect. Just as a cake & ice cream would be the perfect thing to serve were he to be here at home tonight.

I’ve been reflecting on God’s tender preparations for me for these years — and in different ways, He’s actually prepared all of us for these days. Showing Himself strong on our behalf, He’s orchestrated quite a mixture of joys and sorrows — gains and losses — working everything together for our good and His glory. I see this more and more clearly as the years pass.

So, Timothy’s in Africa… adding another birthday to the number of birthdays he’s spent away from home. I’ll get used to this — perhaps, in a way, I already am. I think of the years he’s been in Mexico or in Africa and each time I recall, as I’ve done today, that there’s really no place I’d rather have him be. In the hand of the Lord, anywhere in the world, is the safest and best place to be. He’s there ministering to the saints, visiting different remote villages and participating in ministering and teaching in Bible seminars. The opportunities have been a great source of joy and blessing to him as he spends time with old friends and new. So you see how I could not wish for him to be here and miss all that.

Once again my heart is filled with thanksgiving — knowing I don’t deserve the great honour and privilege of all these years of motherhood. My thoughts linger here tonight… thankful for a son who’s in the gracious and merciful hand of the Lord. God’s been so very kind to Timothy.

May you always be blessed. ♥

Quintessential Motherhood

Throughout that week I wondered what the LORD would have me to write for that week’s letter. And so, in an attempt to prepare a letter, I sat down to write. Distractions, buzzers, timers, calls, the dryer’s beep-beep-beep, and the knocking at the back door… distractions. And then I thought: distractions? No: life. Life is what’s happening when we’re waiting and planning for something else to happen. And then I thought on this further and wondered: is this the story of my motherhood experience? Has it all happened while I was waiting for something else to happen? Have the days passed by while I was looking for a brighter tomorrow and a better way of doing things? While hurry-scurrying around, gathering, sorting, washing, folding, packing… suddenly the time comes for a departure.

Suddenly the time-clock runs out and this game is over or the hour comes. This is quintessential motherhood.

I came inside from the chilly porch where I hugged one of our sons and waved him good-bye-for-now. As he drove away, the darkness giving way to light and the early morning sun casting a pink glow on the snow, tears flooded my eyes and instantly, all the compelling rush was completely forgotten in the haze of the exhaust and the taillights slowly dimming in the distance. I stood there in the cold-still waving… the asl sign for i-love-you… and found myself wondering—questioning what significant thing had I contributed to that remarkable boy’s life? Was there anything noteworthy? All at once I thought of many things I’d forgotten to remember—things I suddenly realized I meant to say. Memories instantly flooded my mind — sort of like those endearing slideshows you see at weddings — the emotionally gripping photos that chronicle lives and bring tears and laughter simultaneously one frame after another.

Part of the calling of motherhood is that there will be suffering. There will be days of joy and sorrow. Sort of that paradoxical truth that in every adversity there is triumph and in every joy there is an inextricable mix of delight and sorrow. The sorrow part is the part we didn’t read in the fine print. The sorrow part is one of the consequences of endearment –one of the consequences I didn’t perhaps expect when I first received the confirmation call from the doctor’s office or when we first saw the indicator lines in the home-pregnancy test kit. No, in those days, we had no idea what lay ahead, what tears we’d shed or how many sleepless nights we’d spend waiting and walking. Waiting for a child to return home or walking a crying baby from one end of the living room to the other: round and round.

No, in the early days, we had no idea what lay in store a few years down the road. We had no grasp of where those first baby-steps would take those feet. We had no concept that snow-tires would eventually replace those training wheels. Even now, I probably have no real grasp of what the consequences of motherhood are. Just as I can’t fathom the exhilaration of tremendous joy, I can’t fathom the plummeting sorrow—both are those inexplicable consequences of endearment and motherhood.

I’ve often said I wasn’t prepared for these years—the gripping anguish of regret and disappointment, the overwhelming joy proud moments bring and the unstoppable ticking of the clock and the turning of the calendar pages. It seems new calendars are purchased more frequently now. But in reality, nothing and everything prepared me for these days. The LORD has been with me, guiding, abiding and upholding me —preparing me for each of the next days He’d bring. The preparation has been in the living. Bidding farewell to passing seasons and ushering in new ones prepares us for these goodbyes.

It’s quintessential motherhood: fully experiencing of all the seasons over and over. Experience, history… photographs and memories all prepare us for these goodbyes. As I look out at the morning glow on the snow… and then at the leafless, frost covered branches of my weeping willow tree, there’s sort of a melancholy hopeful looking forward to what this day will bring and how I’ll one day look back on this day.

I smile as I realize that with every good bye… there’s a welcome home. In the end, the true joy is looking to the ultimate welcome home.

May you always be blessed.

the blessing

An excerpt of my reading today, finishing the book of Joshua… in light of Mother’s Day tomorrow and in my absence, praying for my children.

Joshua 23.6-24.15

6 Be ye therefore very courageous to keep and to do all that is written in the book of the law of Moses, that ye turn not aside therefrom to the right hand or to the left;
7 That ye come not among these nations, these that remain among you; neither make mention of the name of their gods, nor cause to swear by them, neither serve them, nor bow yourselves unto them:
8 But cleave unto the LORD your God, as ye have done unto this day.
9 For the LORD hath driven out from before you great nations and strong: but as for you, no man hath been able to stand before you unto this day.
10 One man of you shall chase a thousand: for the LORD your God, he it is that fighteth for you, as he hath promised you.
11 ¶ Take good heed therefore unto yourselves, that ye love the LORD your God.
12 Else if ye do in any wise go back, and cleave unto the remnant of these nations, even these that remain among you, and shall make marriages with them, and go in unto them, and they to you:
13 Know for a certainty that the LORD your God will no more drive out any of these nations from before you; but they shall be snares and traps unto you, and scourges in your sides, and thorns in your eyes, until ye perish from off this good land which the LORD your God hath given you.
14 And, behold, this day I am going the way of all the earth: and ye know in all your hearts and in all your souls, that not one thing hath failed of all the good things which the LORD your God spake concerning you; all are come to pass unto you, and not one thing hath failed thereof.
15 Therefore it shall come to pass, that as all good things are come upon you, which the LORD your God promised you; so shall the LORD bring upon you all evil things, until he have destroyed you from off this good land which the LORD your God hath given you.
16 When ye have transgressed the covenant of the LORD your God, which he commanded you, and have gone and served other gods, and bowed yourselves to them; then shall the anger of the LORD be kindled against you, and ye shall perish quickly from off the good land which he hath given unto you.
1 ¶ And Joshua gathered all the tribes of Israel to Shechem, and called for the elders of Israel, and for their heads, and for their judges, and for their officers; and they presented themselves before God.
2 And Joshua said unto all the people, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Your fathers dwelt on the other side of the flood in old time, even Terah, the father of Abraham, and the father of Nachor: and they served other gods.
3 And I took your father Abraham from the other side of the flood, and led him throughout all the land of Canaan, and multiplied his seed, and gave him Isaac.
4 And I gave unto Isaac Jacob and Esau: and I gave unto Esau mount Seir, to possess it; but Jacob and his children went down into Egypt.
5 I sent Moses also and Aaron, and I plagued Egypt, according to that which I did among them: and afterward I brought you out.
6 And I brought your fathers out of Egypt: and ye came unto the sea; and the Egyptians pursued after your fathers with chariots and horsemen unto the Red sea.
7 And when they cried unto the LORD, he put darkness between you and the Egyptians, and brought the sea upon them, and covered them; and your eyes have seen what I have done in Egypt: and ye dwelt in the wilderness a long season.
8 And I brought you into the land of the Amorites, which dwelt on the other side Jordan; and they fought with you: and I gave them into your hand, that ye might possess their land; and I destroyed them from before you.
9 Then Balak the son of Zippor, king of Moab, arose and warred against Israel, and sent and called Balaam the son of Beor to curse you:
10 But I would not hearken unto Balaam; therefore he blessed you still: so I delivered you out of his hand.
11 And ye went over Jordan, and came unto Jericho: and the men of Jericho fought against you, the Amorites, and the Perizzites, and the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Girgashites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites; and I delivered them into your hand.
12 And I sent the hornet before you, which drave them out from before you, even the two kings of the Amorites; but not with thy sword, nor with thy bow.
13 And I have given you a land for which ye did not labour, and cities which ye built not, and ye dwell in them; of the vineyards and oliveyards which ye planted not do ye eat.
14 Now therefore fear the LORD, and serve him in sincerity and in truth: and put away the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the flood, and in Egypt; and serve ye the LORD.
15 ¶ And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.

The Birthday Card

I received such a beautiful card yesterday. It was a birthday card — but yesterday was not my birthday — well, not technically, anyway.

But in a way, it was my birth-day, for twenty-five years ago yesterday I gave birth to our first daughter — third child, first daughter. As I look back, nothing and everything prepared me for that day. O, it wasn’t the gap between her birth and the birth of the son five years previous — though it was. It wasn’t that I knew I was to have a daughter — I didn’t know that; it wasn’t that I was surprised to be having a baby — though I was, initially — for I had prayed for years to have another baby — but years went by; no baby. I guess, in reality, what I was unprepared for was the absolute, astounding, overwhelming joy I experienced that day. The stunning joy and practical disbelief that washed over me at the hearing: it’s a girl… it’s a girl. Crying, I repeated the refrain, it’s a girl, it’s a girl. It’s a girl!

The Lord gave me a gift that day — a gift for which I was and am so undeserving. The inestimable value of the gift of that child remains to this day a mystery to me. The child I prayed for was not the child I received. You see, I didn’t then, and do not now, have the capacity to pray for such a gift. And so my request was insignificant compared to the answer I received.

A few weeks or so before her birth, I began to write down names…. O, the oft rehearsed list of favourite names came easily to me. But then one Sunday morning, during the singing of a hymn in church, a word in the chorus seemed to ring out so boldly to me: Grace… grace… God’s grace… Grace that will pardon and cleanse within… Grace… grace… God’s grace… Grace that is greater than all our sin. My hand resting on my round tummy — the baby moving within… I heard & sang the words: Marvelous, matchless, wondrous… infinite grace… freely bestowed on all who believe…

Grace… I stood there… praying: Lord, I prayed, if this is a baby girl, then one of her names will be Grace… and I will tell her about You.

So, you see, nothing and everything prepared me for the gift of the baby girl that day, twenty-five years ago. Space and time do not allow for the recounting of the ways the Lord has blessed me through the years in the gift of this ‘baby-girl.’ As I told her again yesterday, were it not for her, I’d never have made it through the years. I meant it: I don’t know how I’d have made it were it not for her. What she has given me, what she taught me, what she has been to me, I can never repay. Her gracious, tender, generous ways — her eagerness, thoughtfulness, industriousness and a host of other gifts all wrapped up in merciful loving-kindness carried me through motherhood.

Perhaps only another mother of many could understand the significance of what I’m saying here. I had this daughter’s loving support and help… year after year. Perhaps only a mother who tried to do to many things and had many things slip through the cracks will understand what I’m saying here. I had this daughter’s tireless encouragement. I had this daughter’s enthusiastic help. And then, perhaps only a mother who failed to stay focused, failed to keep priorities straight, failed to daily live in tender devotion to her children, will understand the gift of a daughter who remained loyal and merciful.

So when I opened that card yesterday… I cried. I cried with joy. I cried with sorrow. I cried with regret. I cried with thankfulness that God, in His mercy, has redeemed me, has restored the years the locusts have eaten, has given me new hope, new zeal, new passion, new eyes for motherhood… though I so often didn’t even see my lack, didn’t even grasp my blindness to so many things. I don’t know how the days will go… I don’t know how some sorrows will be corrected in life, I don’t know how some losses will be redeemed, I don’t know how some bitternesses will be sweetened, I don’t know how some brokenness will be mended — but I do know this — back when “my world” came crashing down around me and I wondered if I would ever have joy again; I wondered if we would ever smile again; a few things happened: the first, and most important was that God gave me a new heart. Sincerely, that was most significant.

But one of the other things that happened in those days, was that this daughter, this gift from the Lord, this grace in my life, stood by me. Stands by me still. Her encouragement… I can never repay. O, how I recall crying to her in those days — sorrowful that I had been insensitive to her, sorrowful that I so often didn’t see her — just saw what needed to be done. I sort of became such a perfunctory mother. This daughter helped me to see all this so clearly, so tenderly. I owe her a debt of gratitude I can never repay.

And so yesterday morning — undeserving, I opened the card — the birthday card — and I read the beautiful sentiment of gratitude, a gift from this daughter; this precious daughter, the wind beneath my wings… this gift of grace from the Lord. Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace.

I smile tonight… thankful to the Lord for the long journey. Regretful for some of the days behind me… but Hopeful for the days ahead. Rejoicing at what He has done. To God be the glory.

Happy Birthday ♥ sweet girl.

motherhood means goodbyes

The goodbye’s of motherhood. I’ll tell you, I never thought about this end of the deal as the children were coming along and our family increased in size every other year. I didn’t even think about it when the children would go on occasional outings or when they headed off to camp every once in a great while. It just didn’t occur to me. I don’t know why — but it didn’t. O, sure, I did nod my head in total ignorance agreement when women would give me knowing smiles and advice that these days would go so fast. I would agree with them — as. if. I. understood.

But, I’m telling you, I know now — that I really had no idea what lay ahead. I’m pretty sure I thought we’d always be “us” and things would just go along. I’d be in the kitchen cooking, baking and cleaning and we’d always be home-educating or home-birthing or drinking 10 gallons of milk a week and I’d be driving a whole van-full of children around f.o.r.e.v.e.r. I’m sure I thought we’d a.l.w.a.y.s. be whatever, wherever, however we were. You know, us. Always us.

But then there were more goodbyes. Marriage, leaving home, missions trips, camps. Goodbyes. How could the raw emotion of the goodbyes have been so surprising when it began to happen with more frequency?

I don’t know… but the well of motherly emotion with each goodbye was (and still is) surprising to me. So, I’ve had to revisit this matter of goodbye’s and reevaluate my thinking to accept the wonderful fact that motherhood means goodbyes. And it is a wonderful fact, really.

Each goodbye means a new adventure. Each goodbye means things are happening — and, for the most part, each goodbye is really a blessing. It’s taken a lot of goodbyes to finally begin to realize and rejoice over this. This is what I’ve wanted – for I haven’t been mothering so I could keep them with me — I’ve been mothering for the sheer joy of giving them to the Lord in gratitude for His blessing me with their life and for whatever He had prepared ahead for them. Our children are God’s gift to Himself.

Ye are our epistle written in our hearts,
known and read of all men”
2Corinthians 3.2

As we drove to the airport last week, we arrived and Timothy hopped out of the car, bag and backpack in hand. I was happy for him — happy he had another mission opportunity, happy for the adventure that lay ahead for him and happy that the Lord had healed and strengthened him that this was even possible. Happy… really.

And the car door closed and it was time to drive away. Still smiling at the adventure that lay ahead for him.

And then it began to rain.

………………………….

Save

30 Favourite Things #12

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord
and in the power of His might.
Put on the whole armour of God

that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood,
but against principalities, against powers,
against the rulers of the darkness of this world,
against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God,
that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day,
and having done all, to stand.
Stand therefore,
having your loins girt about with truth,
and having on the breastplate of righteousness;
And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
Above all, taking the shield of faith,
wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
And take the helmet of salvation,
and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:
Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit,
and watching thereunto
with all perseverance and supplication
for all saints;
Ephesians 6.10-17

These verses have been a blessing to me in this past year as our son, Timothy – a missionary in Ghana, has been facing many oppositions from the enemy. Learning to trust God in adversity has been a blessing throughout my adult life and certainly I have come to see that had it not been the Lord who was *on my side* I would have been swallowed up in discouragement, fear and doubt. But God. But God has been merciful and of great comfort and strength for the day.

I know I can trust the Lord for whatever comes and that assurance is fortified each time we face a trial or a testing or sickness or loss or whatever. God is only good, only faithful. Learning more and more to trust the Lord with anything that concerns me has been such a blessing and has carried me through. So, that’s why I add — testings of faith — to the list of thirty things I am thankful for in my fiftieth year. (And I will write about some specific testings of faith in a bit)

Because of the faithful, merciful and perfect will of the Lord, I can truly and honestly say that I would rather have my boy in the Hand of the Lord anywhere in the world — than nearby wandering or outside the will of the Lord.

Safety is in the Hand of the Lord.

Today is Timothy’s Birthday – Blessed be the Name of the Lord.

Mothers, Untie !

Yep – I let a typo become the title of this entry. Cindy‘s original blog yesterday “Older Mothers of the World Unite” has been quite interesting to watch as comments have doubled overnight. I shared some things on her comments section and posted them here. Not as an indictment of mothers but an admonition to evaluate some decisions/activities. That said… I continue to mull over this matter today.

I say… mothers: Untie!

This, I say, for many reasons. Older mothers have been afraid to say things to their capable, confident, well accessorized, independent, younger counterparts. Now, at first blush, my description of the younger counterparts may seem critical and maybe even judgmental. O, not so. I actually marvel at the capabilities of the younger mothers – and am astonished at the proliferation of baby-childcare-childhood merchandise and training materials. But I also marvel at the independence I see and the sad consequence of that independence. I see many young mothers as unaware of their lack of skill or unaware of their self-centeredness or unaware of their marginalizing of their older counterparts. To many younger confident mothers, the older mothers are passé – obsolete has-been’s who aren’t really relevant because times have changed and the archaic ways have been replaced by the nouvelle motherhood – the, what I call: bigger, better, more motherhood. The “righter than you” motherhood.

Now, here is a potential for trouble – young mothers may feel unnecessarily accused or offended at this point and that’s not my intention. My intention is not to ‘slam’ young mothers or to reprimand or criticize. But to say: Mothers! Untie!

Untie! Old mothers… Older mothers… Younger mothers… Young mothers: Let us all not be so bound up in sanctimonious thinking that we forget where we are, where we’ve come from or where we’ve been.

So that, when a young mom says, for example: we’ll never spank our children! You don’t reply: “Then you’ll wind up with little terrors who will destroy the property of every home they visit and be miserable to spend time with.” Instead, maybe a better tact would be to demonstrate how and when and where and why to properly discipline and hopefully the ~~overly confident-~~ inexperienced young mother will take into consideration the biblical mandate to discipline properly and to love and respect properly – and quite possibly understand the reason Titus 2.3-5 is included in the Word. You will gain respect, you will impart understanding and wisdom and, more importantly, you will gain a loyal friend in that young mom.

So that, for example, when an older mom describes how to do something that goes against or doesn’t line up with contemporary conventional thinking, young moms don’t bristle and close their ears to other options – and old moms need to see there are some great ‘new ways’ of doing old things better and not be so callused, closed minded or hard hearted to new ways of seeing things. We need to see there may be new and better ways. We might need reminding that the old way of doing things just might still be the best way – and just because appliances and convenience have replaced many things – that doesn’t mean the old ways obsolete.

Just look at the number of so-called retro things are popular. Aprons, cookbooks, wheat-grinding, bread, clotheslines, soap making, herbs and tinctures, natural products, cloth diapers and on and on.

Untie! Young mothers… untie yourselves from the preconceived notions that the older mothers think they know everything and want to ~~ruin~~ rule your lives. Be taught! You’ll be teachers one day!

Untie! Young mothers… from the thought that generations before you are antiquated and this generation now (finally and fortunately) has things figured out. Learn from the old ways while you’re walking the new paths.

Untie! Older mothers… Untie from the old ways that aren’t profitable! Be teachable and adaptable to the new ways. Hold fast that which is good… (1Thessalonians 5.21 “Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.”)

Untie! Older mothers… be what God has called you to be. Be it! Teach it! Live by example – and if your example isn’t so good right now – get it there… study, improve, correct, change, apply! Get your life in order, learn what you ought to know, be what you ought to be: that(!) the Word of God will not be blasphemed in or through your life – Let the Word be lived through your life!

Unite your heart to fear the LORD and to live in obedience to Him.

Let us learn from Titus 1.9 and 16 and 2.1: “Holding fast the faithful word as he hath been taught, that he may be able by sound doctrine both to exhort and to convince the gainsayers… They profess that they know God; but in works they deny him, being abominable, and disobedient, and unto every good work reprobate… But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine:”

And older mothers: we need to be sweet. The younger generation needs an example to follow. Let’s strive together – not against one another. Let’s unite.

Cindy’s “Older Mothers of the World Unite”

I was reading Cindy’s Blog and sort of felt compelled to leave a note for her in her comment section. Now, she didn’t need my input – surely all the other entries were sufficient, but I was compelled, nonetheless. She had set up her writing in such a manner as to almost induce others to think of their own ‘lists’ and it was very effective. So much so, that at this point I am thinking of many more entries… but I’ll just leave it at what I already posted. She titled her blog entry “Older Mothers of the World Unite. I originally typed Untie. so… here I go: Untied. Or United. Whatever.
I often think of her quote: “Ideas have consequences” and find myself saying that here at home from time to time.

So, this, quoted from Cindy’s site:

Since Amy (Pray for Amy. She is STILL pregnant.) sent even more young mothers over here I thought it would be FUN to get really honest. I thought maybe the older moms could tell the things that bug them when they see mothers with young children. I thought this would be a lot of fun and it would also be a way to plumb the ultimate depths of memory loss and truth telling. If there is one thing I have learned from blogging it’s that negativity sells

To get things rolling, I will list ten things I hate to see young mothers doing: (and then she listed them here) …”

And now, Here’s what I wrote in response to Cindy’s comments:

This is funny, Cindy… I was just having this conversation with an *old* ;o) friend of mine. I don’t know if I’ve got a top “Ten things I hate to see young mothers doing.”

When I see a mother with young children_________.

here goes:
1. …and the child is fussy, angry, whiny and the mother make endless excuses that or why he/she is so tired. (it’s your number 9 – but I suspect your list order changes as situations warrant.)

2. …and the toddler is wearing a diaper that is nearly down to his/her knees and is filled with about a quart or two of fluid. (o, and the mother says she likes how absorbent that brand of diaper is.) Ack!

3. …and the mother is *counting!* in some attempt to quell the disobedience(!?!?!) When? Surely not when she gets to ‘3’ or ’10’ Young mothers: don’t count! Please. Teach counting at the table with pencil and paper, beans or chocolate chips. But don’t count as a method of discipline. There’s a proper method for that. Use it early (and often) if necessary.

4. …and the child is emptying the cabinets or shelves or whatever and the mother makes excuses for her child’s “curiosity” and “busyness.”

5. …and she asks cranky child in the shopping cart if they want to go home? It goes something like: “We are so going home if you don’t stop that. I shouldn’t have brought you here. I’m not going to buy you anything. I told you you can’t have it. Okay. but I am not getting you anything else. Do you want to go home. You are going to be in so much trouble. I’m going to spank you. Okay. You’re not getting these. I’m going to take you home.” They don’t want to go home, Mama. They want their own way. Don’t talk, Mama. Act.

6. …and they think it’s everyone else’s children who are acting up or being rude – and that the trouble surely could not have been their child’s fault. 0ooo. (take this from a mom of angelic and naughty ones)

7. …and the mama has been duped into believing the latest hype… and is worn out, unsure, is a over-confident yet insecure and stays neurotically busy doing all the right stuff… just right and on schedule, wants all the right equipment – wants all the right clothes – all the right play groups – the right books – the right educational toys – the right pediatrician – the right carrier – the right order, schedule, and terms and yet doesn’t realize it’s not all the ‘right stuff’ that matters most. Relax. Most all the stuff that ‘seems’ most important just isn’t. Listen to an older mom: most all of that stuff doesn’t matter. What matters is: time with you… time hearing stories, making something, walking, talking, laughing, painting, colouring, praying, singing, mattering to you… that’s what’s important. Really.

8. …yep – flat headed babies.

9. …speak in third person to the child.
aiya!

But you know what I’m hating maybe the most? This trend I’m seeing in moms… it’s flippant or sarcastic or whatever – it’s a way young women are dealing with their families that is not nurturing and loving but is oftentimes offhanded, surly, using innuendos to make comments or requests. TV sitcom coarseness and mannerisms have crept into homes and many mother’s attitudes are not tenderhearted – gentle, kind, patient – but cocky, even caustic at times – about the ‘kids’ and about the fathers or husbands. Women have poor attitudes about their children, their husbands and their home-life.

So, number 10 – but probably number one… I’m not seeing the majority of young moms as joyful mothers of children (psalms 113).

But, Cindy, I’m pretty certain your readers are joyful – joy-filled mothers of children. I’ve seen this to be the case. Thanks for the good topics you bring to the table.”

So, this top-ten listing from older mothers could go on and on… so, if *you* feel like posting *your* top ten… go ahead, feel free to do so. This older mom has forgotten so much … maybe you have some better ones.