Titus2 – The Welcome Home

The Next Right Thing

Over the years I’ve used a phrase numerous times in all sorts of seasons, mental spaces, homemaking, motherhood, even on this blog — the phrase: do the next right thing. This concept wasn’t learned overnight and it wasn’t learned easily. It wasn’t something that came naturally to me — as disciplines of motherhood didn’t come naturally to me.

But, from the beginning, God was working in me to will and to work for His good pleasure. –Philippians 2.13. Day by day He has been working disciplines into my life and I share these things with you that you might experience the same: God working in you for His good pleasure. Or God affirming in you what you’re already doing, learning, accomplishing for His glory.

Journaling, daily chore lists, daily prayer and devotions, checklists, etc., etc., all came into practice for me after I’d been married a little while. Early on, c. 1978, my mother-in-law gave me (among many other books) a copy of Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman by Anne Ortlund. I think, for the first time, I realized how much I did not know, how many things I didn’t pay attention to doing, or how many things for which I had no real plan. I don’t recall enough of the book to heartily recommend it today, but I do recommend establishing disciplines to live by.

Speaking of disciplines to live by, sometimes, “the next thing” isn’t the next right thing (even though it might seem like it). And often we jump to do the next thing in haste (because it’s on the list and because: it. is. the. next. thing.) when we ought stop to evaluate what the next right thing is.

Sometimes we get caught up in the snowball effect of doing next things —all day long, practically running through our day checking off all the things, all the busy things we do every day. And at the end of the day instead of being tired but fulfilled, we might feel as though we didn’t actually accomplish much (except a checked off list) and end the day feel tired and empty. Maybe in that list mix a right thing was missed, a right thing was overlooked, a right thing was rejected.

As I’ve shared a number of times, there are a couple of things I began to do and have done every day for the last 40+ years or so. Every day, first thing, I make our bed, tidy our room and have some sort of quiet time/Bible study/journaling. Those aren’t checklist items but they set the tone of the day… they’re sort of foundational to being ready for the day, ready for the next thing: the next right thing. Since I could have a tendency to be haphazard so these (and other) disciplines help keep me in line. Getting fully dressed for the day is another.

So, what’s a next right thing? Sometimes a next right thing is a: Stop everything–stop and pray! Or, stop and push a swing, see the sunset, listen to a trouble, a story, a heart. Or, stop everything: go take care of someone, go get someone, go make something for someone. Sometimes the next right thing is a necessary brief interruption–sometimes it’s all day. Whatever the case, right things might be seen as intrusions to our disciplines —our order— unless and until we seek to yield to what God is doing.

We might have our next things done so that we can be ready for the next right things. A daily order makes “time demands” easier to oblige. Next things are often task oriented only, whereas a next right thing is hopefully more grace oriented.

Does the next right thing take the place of the next thing? Yes, often.

As mothers, one of the hardest things to evaluate/prioritize is time/list management with so many potential variables. We might fall into one camp or another: so ordered we cannot be spontaneous —or— so spontaneous we never have order. Disciplines are tricky. But necessary. And gracious.

Disciplines bring freedom… freedom to do what we ought instead of doing whatever we want. This is where we can learn to do the next thing with the priority of the next right thing. In Titus 2.3 speaks of aged women being teachers of good things with verses 4 and 5 amplifying the good things.

Doing the next right thing is… a good thing. ♥ —ps

Nancy’s “Beau-az”

Nancy’s Beau-az, the wedding of Nancy and Robert Wolgemuth, witnessing the commitment they made to one another and the intended picture they represented. It was awe inspiring to experience the magnificent picture and the great-great blessing of the anticipation and hope we have for the ultimate wedding: the soon coming marriage supper of the Lamb.

diamond_wedding_rings For many years, Nancy Leigh DeMoss has been such a great encouragement and inspiration to me through her books, radio programs and other messages. She’s one of the women the Lord’s used to inspire me to use the gifts God has given me to teach and walk alongside women after the manner of Titus 2.3-5

Her books and teachings have resonated with me — echoing or inspiring messages the Lord’s given me through all these years and so I delight in this next chapter – this next season in her life – now, their life, as she has become bride and wife to Robert Wolgemuth — Nancy’s Beau-az!

I can’t tell you the tremendous joy it was to eagerly anticipate and then to vicariously attend their wedding this past Saturday. I was giddy as a schoolgirl! O, I know I only saw the wedding via livestream in my dining room, but I was totally there in my bathrobe, a participant in witnessing their vows — witnessing the commitment they made to one another and the intended picture they represented. It was awe inspiring to experience the magnificent picture and the great-great blessing of the anticipation and hope we have for the ultimate wedding: the soon coming marriage supper of the Lamb. It is our blessed hope as we look to That Day. If you know the Lord Jesus Christ as your Saviour, then That Day is for you, too. If you do not know Him – know Him as Lord, as your Saviour, as your Redeemer, please write to me, I want to tell you how you can have assurance of Salvation through Faith in Jesus Christ. He is the Way, the Truth and the Life. No man — no person — comes to the Father but by Him — Jesus. There is no other way. This is the truth. I want you to know the Truth—it will set you free, it will save you.

I hope you take the time to listen to these messages, that you take the time to “witness their wedding” (yes, it is very long–but so worthwhile!) and I pray the Lord will bless and encourage you in your own walk with Him. And if you are married, I pray their messages will inspire you to give/recommit your marriage to the Lord, for Him to work, rework, rekindle, and bless you with a marriage that pictures Christ and the Church. What a beautiful picture – what a marvelous mystery – we read in Ephesians 5! This is why marriage is so precious and should be/must be guarded and guided by the Lord. This is why marriage — as created, instituted and defined by God — is so sacred and must be honoured as such.

Keepers @ Home

u_skap_4 [cp_dropcaps]I[/cp_dropcaps]n Titus 2.4-5 we read, in part, that younger women are to be taught by older women to be keepers at home, we see that there must be something to this ‘keeping a home’ for it to warrant teaching or knowledge of skills to do the keeping. This home-keeping, something that needs to be studied, or which requires skill, must also be pretty important or noteworthy for it to be contained in the list of imperatives in the book of Titus concerning what ought to be taught through and to women. I will add that this ‘home-keeping’ be done well because it does not stand alone. In context, it is in the verse which concludes: that the Word of God be not blasphemed.

Everything we do must be measured against the standard of God’s Word. Nothing we do is worth anything if it does not measure up to the Word of God. That’s convicting. And it’s also tough teaching—but that’s the Word—God’s Word to us. You know what’s also convicting? Older women are directed to do this — to be about doing this. More often than not, I see the younger women hanging around the younger women and working it all out. I see the older women feeling like has been’s, antiquated in their ways and ideas and not all that willing or able to impart teaching to younger women. Younger women may also not really want advice or training from older women, either. Whatever the case, the Scriptures are pretty clear on “discipleship” and instruction to youth.

So, what if the older woman isn’t in a position or doesn’t feel capable to teach the younger? It seems that desire to be available probably ought to be a priority and then action when opportunity arises. But regardless how this all plays out in a woman’s life, there needs to be some nurturing of the desire to be used of the Lord in other’s lives—the willingness to be available to others in their time of need, the willingness to be open and vulnerable over a cup of coffee, as an example. And all the while, older women need to continually grow in the Lord and in prayer — sharpening their faith, skills, understanding, and knowledge — so that they will be ready to give an answer! ♥

So, the home is a shelter, a place of worship and prayer, a place of refuge, a place of forgiveness and forgetfulness, a place of refreshment, a place where skills are taught and where they’re learned — it’s a place of hospitality. It is all of these and more.

I will suggest that the home is also a place of harmony. A place where lives are blended in order that a whole may be formed. Two come together as one—a whole is formed. A child is added to the whole and it is made more complete—perhaps another or many others are added in order that that whole might be made more complete. Whatever the case, the home is where harmony and oneness are learned; it is where communication and cooperation are learned; it is where acceptance and rejection is learned and handled. The home is where relationships are modeled and worked out. The home must be a safe place for all these things to be nurtured or understood. All of these facets of human relationships will be learned somewhere—a nurturing Christian home will help all of these develop healthily. The longer I live, the more I see the value and necessity of a nurturing home.

The keeper at home has a tremendous responsibility to make sure that the home is all of these, that in addition to these or the working out of all of these, makes sense with the home a place of work, creativity, industry, health, basic education and training for the desire for life-long learning. When the home is seen in proper perspective— in line with the Word of God, it is a dynamic place—a place that’s so full of life that it’s naturally growing and incorporating and encouraging each member, friend, or guest, and the model is Christ-like. And isn’t that our greatest desire — our whole hope—our whole hearts’ desire: That the Lord is glorified and that we may be like Him?!!? Then it stands to reason that our homes should reflect that desire—they should radiate that hope or that tone—and should be ever growing in grace as each season passes.

If being a keeper at home has been difficult for you (as it has been for me at different times and in different seasons) then maybe it’s just time to stop and refocus, time to stop and reevaluate where you are, what’s going on and where you’d like to improve. I do this from time to time so that I can sharpen my focus or get back on track where I’ve derailed. Only the devil will attempt to convince you that you’ve failed or that you’re not capable of getting it right (bcz you never do) or that it’s too late. Those are lies. The truth is that [cp_quote style=”quote_left_dark”]the Lord has created you specifically with all your special skills and abilities, quirks and even your limitations[/cp_quote] the Lord has created you specifically with all your special skills and abilities, quirks and even your limitations — and desires that you use them for His glory, that you cry out to Him to equip you, strengthen you for the task, give you hope, joy, peace and patience for the journey and that He would work in you to be a gracious blessing to your family. I think that’s why He’s set many of us in our homes where we often feel like we know not what to do—but with God all things are possible.

The Current Truth

Oct05springhetti

I began working on my new This Beautiful Life journal/planner/notebook, and once again I’m stymied by my answers. I see the designated spaces for specific answers and am reticent to write mine down.

My tendency is to be very tentative about what goals I write (thinking if I write it, I’ll be committed to doing it). One day I might only write a few goals — another day I might write down things that would take two lifetimes to accomplish. My abstract sequential / concrete random thinking style seems to prevent me from ever making a definitive list. Have you ever analyzed your thinking style? There are different tests you can take to determine your thinking style — and I’m sincerely not so sure it’s crucial to do it, know what it is, or whatever, but this might help you understand yourself (and particularly your children — and your husband) better, and help you get why you (or they) do things the way you (or they) do them. Just an idea for you.

So, back to my “priority journal” [Chloe’s: This Beautiful Life] and that box: The Current Truth. That box shows up on five pages. There are five sections corresponding to five priorities. It’s hard for me to narrow down five priorities. Would that be hard for you? So, I’m thinking about my priorities: what are they? Why are they important (or, important enough to be in the top five)? As I think on these things, I have to realize that my priorities and the things I prioritize —by how I spend my time— are not the same thing. That’s where that The Current Truth reality box is staring me in the face like a mirror. And I have to say: wow, my current reality is not where I want to be. And, if my current truth or current reality is not what I want it to be, what I’m doing each day is actually pulling me away from, or destroying, what I want or where I want to be. Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. –proverbs 14.1 What I’m doing or how I’m spending my time or money or whatever is quite revealing as to how serious I am about accomplishing my priorities.

You know, there’s another way to get a pretty clear picture of priorities… might be too hard to hear, but ask your husband what he thinks the current truth is regarding a particular priority you have. Or, maybe you have a son or daughter who could give you invaluable feedback. Maybe a trusted friend. Maybe all you need is a pen and paper. Write down your priorities — what they look like at their best and what’s the current truth? Better yet, get Chloe’s book. Honestly, you’ll be so surprised at how life changing, complex and invaluable this simple little book will turn out to be in your life.

So today I’m sitting here, writing things down, looking out over the yard… and, honestly, the way looks stormy and the road looks long. I don’t want to write anything else down and I don’t want to do what I must. I don’t want to commit to anything bcz I so often fail and I’m pretty uncertain about a lot of things – things over which I have little control. And, I don’t want to have another list of stuff I didn’t get to or didn’t do. I relate to the apostle Paul and think of what he says in Romans 7: “…For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. For the good that I would I do not…” — 7.18-19

But if I don’t press on… well, I sure don’t like where that would leave me — that, and I know I don’t want to be that girl. So… I press on. That’s my current truth. And, it’s because of the Truth that I will do this. I will seek Him and I will trust Him. That, and I truly do want this to be a beautiful life.

For it is God which worketh in you
both to will and to do of His good pleasure.”
philippians 2.13

the power of communication

newglasses1 Regardless the circumstance, the importance and power of good communication cannot be understated. The impact of either good or bad, clear or muddled, distinct or vague communication is powerful. Think of a time recently when something you said or did was misunderstood by another person; or consider the last time you misunderstood what was communicated to you. How’d that go for you? What were the consequences?

I’m sharing with you part of a talk I gave last night at our monthly TitusTwo meeting. As I go along through the years, I’m so grateful for these opportunities to share (and learn!!!) as the Lord gives me different messages stemming from quiet times, things I’m going through, or from passages I’m reading in the Scriptures.

Colossians 4 is loaded with messages and benefits — especially regarding the many facets of communication. It begins with the Apostle Paul communicating proper ways of treating others, matters concerning prayer, walking in wisdom, redeeming the time. Each verse contains a message, or two, I think. But what really caught my attention, in the section of verses I was reading, is verse 6: “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer every man.”

Effective communication is the lifeblood of relationships. And, conversely, poor communication is a destroyer of relationships. I think some things we really must keep in mind regardless the circumstance or conversation are these five points:

What’s directly said
What’s inferred
What’s meant
What’s heard
How what’s heard is interpreted by the hearer

With those basic points as the framework, imagine the benefit and the blessing of speech that’s always grounded in grace or focused on grace or hemmed in grace? And, to be sure, it’s not a matter of the old saying: “It’s not what you say but how you say it.” Don’t get caught in that trap — a manipulative statement or question said sweetly or cleverly is still a manipulative statement or question. And another old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” is a lie. Words can hurt. Words can destroy. That’s where that saying, “Loose lips sink ships,” holds a lot of water.

When we concentrate on having our speech be always with grace, we demonstrate we have high regard for our hearer in mind. What we’re saying, what we’re inferring and what we’re meaning is our side or our part of the communication — whatever grace there is in that depends on the importance we’ve placed on it. The other side of the communication depends on the other person: what’s heard and how what is heard is being interpreted by the other person–the hearer. This is why it’s such a useful practice or habit to seek feedback or to replay what you think you’ve just heard the other person say. Going a step further, it’s also useful to clarify the meaning behind what’s said. This is especially useful or important when discussing some serious matters or making serious decisions.

I shared last night with the ladies in the group how my husband had misunderstood a statement I’d made some weeks ago. After talking about the situation again at another time, I realized that I could’ve been clearer or elaborated on what I’d been thinking but was trying to communicate a point with some brevity that first time. I know, that’s hard for me. ~wink~ When my husband clarified what he thought I meant by what I said, I was able to tell him what I really meant. Isn’t it interesting how many misunderstandings would either never come to be in the first place or could be instantly clarified by simply restating back what we think the other person said or what we think the other person meant. We could save ourselves so much time and so much emotion if we’d just employ this simple process. It’s stilted at first, to be sure, when you begin to practice this communication clarification tool, but it’s a tool really worth learning to use and to personalize depending the situation.

Well, that verse in Colossians continues on with another critical aspect of our speech: that it be seasoned with salt that we may know how we ought to answer every man.

Think of delicious soup or any food, really, it’s usually the addition of salt that makes it so tasty! And, it’s what makes you want more! That, and it makes you thirsty! Now, think back on one of your recent conversations. Were your words seasoned with salt? Did you know how you ought to answer? Was your conversation satisfying? That’s some great food for thought, isn’t it?!

Salt’s an interesting thing when you think of all it does–not only is it savory, it’s a preservative. So, regarding conversation or communication, you might think: is it pure? is it clean? is it true? is it sincere? Think of some opposites — these might clarify for us a bit better if our communication is gracious and seasoned with salt or not: is it impure? is it unclean? is it empty (salt lost its savour, as in Mark 9.50)? is it corrupt? Ephesians 4.29 “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace to the hearers.”

This is sobering, isn’t it. Bcz it’s pretty easy to fall into poor or derogatory communication, maligning, or ungracious speech. All of these different thoughts have caused me to question or mentally review recent days’ conversations: Were they always with grace? Was my speech seasoned with salt? Did my words point to my Saviour or to the Word? Did I draw others to Christ or give them a taste of heavenly things?

What’s Pulling On Your Apron Strings?

teacuppamela What’s Pulling on Your Apron Strings?

That might sound like a strange title to the message I want to share with you today, but perhaps by the time you finish reading this letter, you’ll have an idea and perhaps realize some things you’ve been wanting to take care of for some time.

So, what’s pulling on your apron strings? You know… the thing or things that nag at you or that seem to be pulling at you from one direction or many. You may be attempting to work around your home and keep having interruptions or distractions that prevent you from accomplishing what’s really needful. You may have plans or schedules, or wish you had plans or schedules, and yet every day something, or many things pull on your apron strings and prevent you from meaningful or notable accomplishment.

I know I have these same feelings or experiences from time to time –sort of as if nothing seems to go right or nothing measurable ever seems to get done. It’s as if at the end of each week I have relatively little to show for my efforts and certainly none for the fatigue I might be feeling. Yet, my apron’s dirty and the strings are raveled at the end.

Over the years I had great ambition for great things. I wanted to spend time individually with each of the children each day; I wanted to spend time reading aloud, fixing their hair, assisting them with schoolwork, chores and prayers. I had lofty aspirations that we would do projects, tell and record stories: that I would pass on valuable stories, life-lessons and a rich heritage…

But then, many days –most days– I would come to my bedside and realize that, once again, yet another day where I’d failed to reach my glorious ambitions. Instead, we had just spent another day –another hum-drum day. Together.

Pulling at my apron strings were all the wouldda, shouldda, couldda’s and few of the atta-girl’s, way-to-go’s and wahoo’s of life. At the point I realized that all those marvelous and coveted accolades were simply unrealistic, I also realized I truly was getting all those atta-girl’s, way-to-go’s and wahoo’s of life. I truly had them… I just wasn’t seeing them, that’s all. I wasn’t seeing the “atta-girl” in my son’s: “Mom, will you fix this for me? I can’t do it.” Or, in my daughter’s: “Mama, you’ve got to write down these recipes for me or I will not ever be able to cook like you!” Or, “O, my mom will do it for you, she’s right here!” Or, probably the sweetest gift of all I just received and it was contained in a letter, reading: “Mama… You are the best friend I’ve ever had.”

See, I missed the blessings by being concerned about the unimportant things or on my failings instead of what really was important for the day.

Often, pulling on my apron strings are all the things I’ve done wrong as a mother, wife or friend. Pulling on my apron strings are the things I don’t do well or the things I don’t have (as compared with my friends) or all the ways in which my children don’t *seem* to measure up (again, compared to others’ or compared with a high ideal or whatever).

Everyday, nagging thoughts creep in and occasionally pull me here and pull me there… and even get me all tied in knots sometimes over the silliest things – all tied up over things only the LORD can take care of or only the LORD knows about. Sometimes all tied up over things I *imagine* to be so. And then, I stop and think: wait a minute… should these things be pulling at my apron strings, pulling me down in despair? Should I be letting those thoughts come in and flood my mind, or should I take those thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ.

I know this to be a truth: I have never given to the LORD –any thought, desire, motive, whatever that was then rejected by Him.

He has never yet, will never, can never: fail me. So then, I consider at thought or a pulling on my apron strings and I ask: is this of You, LORD? Or I say, I know this is not of You, LORD, and I ask You to take this thought, desire, fear (or whatever), from me and I ask You to guide my thoughts, guard my heart and mind and help me to see only You. Please hide me behind Your Cross, LORD.

O, sure, other women are going to have bigger, better, more than you or I; and sure, other families are going to have newer, brighter, more attractive homes, children, lives, accomplishments, etc., etc., than you or I. But you know what? They don’t get to be you—they don’t get to be me. You’re uniquely you created by God, saved by Him unto faith and good works. He loves you with an everlasting love and underneath you are His everlasting arms and in you is His eternal Spirit and surrounding you is His eternal joy of salvation in Christ Jesus. Wow. Now those are some pretty wonderful things. Did you know you had all those treasures tucked in the pockets of your apron?

So, next time something starts pulling on your apron strings and you know it’s not simply one of the little blessings the LORD has given you, you just reach in your pocket and pull out one of the Truths of God’s Word and His love for you.

The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee. Jeremiah 31.3

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.” 2Corinthians 10.3-6

I pray the LORD will just bless you and bless you over and over and that you will be assured of His great love for you and that He will guide your steps and guard your thoughts.

always in His hands,

from “Letters to my Sisters”

What’s a mother to do?

Dear Sister,
First, I want to thank you for writing — for it is in acknowledging our condition and in seeing our need that we can best affirm and apply, by the grace of God, the help or teaching we receive.

Second, though this may not be helpful, you’re not alone and your situation or your “dilemma” is not unusual. The devil may attempt to tell you otherwise, but what you’ve written is common to women who both come home from the “work-force” *and* who’ve been trained otherwise. The “trained otherwise” is the main problem — not the new daily routine of being home and not out of the home. That will be the easy part once you accept the calling and seek to define and live it. You will define it as you go — and you will live it as you define it.

The “it” is the high calling of being a keeper at home… the main tree of motherhood. Incidentally, motherhood doesn’t relegate a woman to never leaving the home or never having “outside” work — there are likely seasons where one or both of these will happen — but it is my understanding that the season of child birthing, nurturing and training necessitates that mothers stay home to heed the calling the Lord has placed on her life and carry out and do these things. Radical feminists will argue the point. But I will continue to defend the Scriptures that call a mother to be a keeper at home, to love her husband and her children, to be discreet, sober, good, chaste, obedient to her husband — seeking all of these — that the Word of God be not blasphemed.

Psalm 113.9 He maketh the barren woman to keep house,
and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.

As to the question of not knowing what to do. Here’s an exercise that might be helpful for you. It will take you some time, so you might print this off so you can address it when time allows. Here is the exercise:

List all the outcomes you desire (so far as it depends on you) for your life?
What kind woman do you want to be remembered as being?
As for your walk with the Lord, how do you see that worked out in your daily life?
How can you work these attributes into your daily life? What do you need to implement?
As for your behaviour and character what specific qualities to you most highly value?
As a wife? As a mother? As a companion?
What sort of atmosphere do you seek as a description of your home?
The appearance of your home? The flow and routine of your homelife?

You may never have had the instruction to be a “godly woman” or a “keeper at home” or a “homemaker” or a “mother.” But I think you might agree that you do have an idea what this looks like or a dream of what it might be like. That’s what I’m asking you to consider — that’s what I’m asking you to ponder as you go through the days ahead. Yes, you may not know what to do – exactly – today, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have any idea. You may not know the paints, the colours, the hues, the brushes and blades used in painting a portrait, but you’ve seen the portrait or, at least, you’ve imagined it.

Yes, you may have been “instructed otherwise ” and, therefore, you need to spend some time reevaluating, rethinking, reorganizing your thoughts about motherhood and keeping a home — that’s what that “exercise” above is meant to address. You may be mourning the loss of time — the robbing of your time and purpose as a wife and mother. Don’t let the devil deceive you that it’s too late. If you’re still living, it’s not too late. Don’t ever forget that. The devil will deceive you to believe otherwise.

That crafty devil’s playbook is very thin — he doesn’t possess many tools or ideas — so he plays them over and over and over again. The longer you live, the more you’ll see this.

May you always be blessed.

what’s a mother to do (part 2)

(This is part 2 of the post What’s a mother to do?)

Remember, you are a book that’s being written every day… and your husband and children are reading it. Your story, in part, is defining their lives. Let the Lord be the author and finisher of your faith.

You may resent (as many women do) that no one ever told you the truth about marriage, wives, motherhood and being a keeper at home. You may also resent that you were persuaded to pursue a career or led to believe that a “professional” career is of more worth than “just hanging around the house all day for the rest of your life.” And, given that scenario, I just might agree. But motherhood — true motherhood — and being a keeper at home isn’t at all about “just hanging around the house all day…” That’s another reason for the “exercise” above. True motherhood is a God-given, God ordained gift — this has to be, and become to you (and me), more than rhetoric — more that pious words. This is truly — truly — a very high calling.

And so there’s another thing I’d like to suggest is that you clean the slate — clean the slate of bitterness, resentment, disappointment you may be feeling toward your husband, mother, family and friends who instilled the “otherwise” teachings in your life. That regret or even anger against people or things will not allow you to move ahead in the way the Lord has planned for you. His plan is infinitely greater than you can ask or imagine.

Yes, motherhood and being a keeper at home is a cycle of dailies — and, yes, the dailies are *so* daily. But they are the rudimentary things God uses to refine us. They are the building blocks of character and training we need and we need to instill in our children. They are the stuff of love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and self-control. And all of these things give motherhood its glory and define its purpose — and they are the things we must yearn for and seek in and through our lives and the lives of our children.

You may have been trained otherwise, but you’ve got something going for you that can dispel that training and replace it… you’ve got a picture of what you want (and what you don’t want). The title of that picture is haven and time. You know you want a haven for your husband and children. Stop for a moment and ponder what that looks like. You might keep that word in mind as you fill out some of your answers to the questions above. The second word, time, is also important to remember as one of the priorities you already know you have (or want to have). You want to have time for your children. It, too, will be important to remember when answering the questions. How will you spend your time in order to have or make time available for your children. I think you might also be implying that you want your children to remember you as their mama who always had time or made time for them. This will be important as you set up the routines of your day.

Schedules are very hard to implement and maintain in a home, but routines — daily set routines — priorities are the set activities of each day; these are things we see that we accomplish each day. You know the phrase goes something like: Fail to plan = a plan to fail. So, that being said, start today… take a step of faith. Begin with prayer: Lay all this before the Lord, lay proverbs 14.1)down your life before Him… give Him your sorrows and regrets; give Him your plans and desires; yield to His calling on your life. If you will commit your way to the Lord, He will direct your steps9. I know this to be true — I’ve lived this and for me this is not rhetoric but truth — a wise woman builds her house…. When I deviate from this, I fall. I literally fall and utterly fail. And a house comes down with the foolish mother. I know this personally and truly — thus I press on and part of my calling is to tell other mothers the truth, to show other mothers that the Lord is Faithful and True and His Word does not fail.

I hope this will help you today… I will think on this further and will write to you again. You know, the very fact that you wrote tells me you’re off to a wonderful start. I guess I’d add: take in the Bread of the Word, eat well, plan well, listen to praise music – not jarring music, get sunshine, seek every single day to find good things… good things to say, good things to think, good things to remember, good things to do for your husband and children. Their future (and yours!) really and truly depends on decisions you make today and every day.

This may, at first blush, seem harsh — but let the thought sink down in your ears — I say all of these things today at the door of my 34th wedding anniversary. I’ve experienced the fruit of good and bad decisions — good and bad branches and vines. You know, good and bad seeds both grow — that’s really a hard reality to grasp and to face — but it’s the truth. When I’ve neglected things, been distracted over things, been lazy or careless, lost my focus or given the bulk of my attention to things that didn’t pertain to the task at hand, the seeds planted in those times have yielded bad fruit — weeds — noxious weeds — branches and bitter fruit that needed to be pulled, pruned, burned and/or destroyed… even now, I must be vigilant to watch for roots of bitterness or selfishness of those times and even in these days and take the necessary — painful, humbling and difficult — steps to cut them out. When I’ve cultivated the soil and have planted good seed, when I’ve invested and have been eager, working diligently, heartily, cheerfully, purposefully and graciously, the blossoms have been fragrant, the branches strong and the fruit sweet. That’s what I pray will be the result of your life: sweet fruit.

May you always be blessed.