Month: June 2007

When you see something long enough or often enough, it sort of becomes normal. And things that are not offensive or “way out there” or grotesque become sort of acceptable… not so strange. Sort of like hairstyles — you know all the different hairstyles that characterize or define different generations or time periods. I remember looking at the hairstyles of the 60’s and thinking they were so attractive…and recalled that one day I just might have that beautiful style for my wedding… I planned on the beehive—the ultimate up-do! Instead, I had a 70’s *Toni Tennille cut. When I was a little girl I so wished I could have that poofy hair and wear giant curlers. Instead… I didn’t. There was a point to this post… I just can’t remember what it was — o, yah, stand by your man.

So… today I was working along and Sam called me in to see a youtube video. He was laughing… I’m not sure exactly what was so funny to him… was it the stiffness of the singer? was it that stiff hair? was it what she was singing so stiffly? Anyway… I came in to watch — (okay, and to laugh). I thought… omygoodness, the message of *the song was a good message — but the delivery: (!).

And so, like in that video/song, Stand By Your Man, if we stiffly deliver the message, the meaning will be missed or misconstrued — thereby, actually changing it altogether. So, I’m thinking about the words of that song… stand by your man… as women, we may believe or say we believe those words are true… and we say we “stand by our man,” but if our behaviour and actions don’t line up with those words, then really, the message we say we believe really isn’t true in our lives. Messages we believe will be lived in and through us — and if we don’t really believe the message, it’ll show — probably when we least anticipate it, it will show.

*this is not an endorsement of youtube or those two songs… they’re meant for humour only… nothing more and no browsing the youtube site.

The Way I See It #225

  People don’t read enough. And what
reading we do is cursory, without absorbing
the subtleties and nuances that lie deep
within – Wow, you’ve stopped paying attention,
haven’t you? People can’t even read
a coffee cup without drifting off.”
— David Shore

You know you’ve been here…

I’ve been mulling over a passage of Scripture:

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing
by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving
let your requests be made known unto God.
Philippians 4.6

I mull over this for many reasons… for the “be careful for nothing” part —the don’t fret about anything; and the “every thing by prayer…” part —the pray about everything; and the “with thanksgiving” part — I’ve been mulling over what it really is to not worry, to pray and to pray about what I’m not worrying about and to pray about it with thanksgiving.

I have about fifty things or fifty directions I want to say or go with this matter and then I find another thought that has been swirling around in my mind… actually, thoughts — thoughts regarding the “bigger-better-more’s” of life.   If we’re honest, we’d all be able to immediately bring to mind some “bigger-better-more’s” that either plague us or cause us to feel dejected, worthless or inept.  I can’t think of anything that will bring a woman down faster than the reality of the “bigger-better-more” of someone or something else.

I’ve written a number of times about my dumb three-ingredient-cookies.  Many years ago, when our son was first married, our daughter-in-law was making a spectacular dessert at Christmastime in our kitchen.  She was in the main part of our kitchen… the production encompassed the counters, the stove and the sinks.  At one end of our kitchen we have our washer & dryer and in a pinch, they, too, become kitchen prep counters.  So I was standing there with my bowl of melted white chocolate and I was stirring in and coating Cocoa Puffs and mini-marshmallows.  I then proceeded to drop them by spoonfuls onto the parchment paper on the dryer.  All the while I was seeing the butter clarifying, the orange peel was dredged through the chocolate… just a hint of flavour… the whisks beating the dark chocolate, the mousse filling was cooling in the fridge, the dark chocolate was being shaved and curled, the mixer whipping up the eggwhites for the many layers of chocolate meringue torte….

Plop, plop, plop… spoonful after spoonful… these little treats dropped down on the paper.  All the while… I would glance up to see the beautiful work and the creation of this spectacular and delicious dessert was really simply amazing to me.   It was, for me,  another of life’s many “bigger-better-more” moments — and there really have been many.  Ironically, there’ve been so many that they really aren’t “bigger-better-more” anymore.  Instead, many what used to be to me “bigger-better-more” moments are now just met with a smile: “Of course they are.”  Or, “Of course they do… (or did or whatever).”

Someone gets a new this-or-that…  I can just smile.  No longer (hopefully/prayerfully) do I see the acquisitions or accomplishments of others as indictments against myself — and just as those things or accomplishments don’t define who they are, they also don’t define who I am not.  I am not the car I drive, the house I live in, the possessions I do or don’t own. These don’t define me — and I mustn’t let them — good or bad.  I’ve had to work at this decision to not be controlled by what others think, say or do — and especially not by the “bigger-better-more’s” of life.  I cannot compare my self or my life or my children with other’s lives or other’s children or another’s husband or whatever.  I cannot do it – not only bcz it’s a well known deep-dark spiral, but it’s also selfish and covetous — both are dangerous.

So when we’re faced with a “bigger-better-more” situation, what do we do?  Do we burn with envy? Do we stammer and make excuses for why we don’t, can’t or didn’t do, buy, make, build, etc., etc., this or that?  No… we must simply decide to acknowledge the fact as fact, rejoice with the person and admire the thing or whatever and leave it at that.  If we don’t, we’ll be consumed with envy and discontent.  And really, envy or discontent is one of the ugliest attitudes – both mentally and physically and becomes a debilitating, negative disposition.  Envy is the greatest joy stealer – it robs of today’s joy and tomorrow’s hopes and clouds everything in its wake.  What’s more, envy is opposite what God says we’re to do when we pray, when we talk to Him, when we make our requests known to Him.  Whether we seem thankful or not, God knows our hearts and really, what’s happening with others is His concern, too.  That’s just one more reason we mustn’t envy others.

And you know… most of the time, the person we think is or has “bigger-better-more” stuff really isn’t or really doesn’t have “it all together” as we assume they do.  They don’t really “have it all” like we think they do.  In fact, many times the people who seem to “have it all” or “have it all together” only have it that way on the outside — inside they may feel or be totally empty, they may feel or be very lost, alone, or aimless; inside they may be feeling a whole lot of things we’d never be able to imagine.  Worse, they may be alone without faith in the LORD.  No matter what they do or don’t have, if they don’t have Jesus, nothing else matters.  That’s why it’s so dangerous to emulate the “stars” of the world, the “fashion models” and other headliners in the news.

Things aren’t always as they seem… and as I tell my children, everything seems to have a way of settling in the end.  Things may go some way for a very long time, but in the end, things always settle.  I tell them, when their friends have this or that or can do this or that or are always so this or that: don’t fret over that, don’t murmur over that… just be you, just be the best you God created you to be – don’t worry… be happy.  Be happy for them, be happy you’re you!  Anything else is selfish and covetous.

So what happened with those dumb-three-ingredient-cookies?  Well, in addition to becoming my funny story and great equalizer, they all got eaten up right away… I made more and those disappeared, too. Her dessert was spectacular and was superb — whatever she makes is that way… and I’ve learned so very much and always look forward to whatever she’ll create next.

I’m never going to be it all or do it all or have it all… I’m never going to be thin enough or pretty enough or young-looking enough or clever enough or athletic enough or industrious enough —for what others might think, see or do — but by the grace of God, I will continue striving to be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication —with thanksgiving— I will be glad for wherever, or for whatever, He has for me.

As I inferred in a post or two ago… there is often great anguish over decisions we make or made or must make in marriage. Actually, more specifically, in the area of childbearing and/or “childbarriering.” I know I’ve made some very bold statements in regards to this matter – and I stand on them, though there are times I might even seem to bend or waffle on strongly held beliefs, I guess I desire to convey that I seek to hold my gaze fixed on the Standard of the Word. Being fallible, I do have times of fretting, of doubting, of questioning, etc., etc. But my resolve is to keep my eye, my self, my hope and my will on the goal of serving and submitting to the only Holy, Immortal, Invisible, Unchanging, Infallible, Omniscient, Omnipresent, all-Loving, all glorious, Eternal: God. That high calling —that grace of God— keeps me stepping Heavenward.

I know it is in this stepping that I both step on toes and am stepped on. I do not intentionally do so or maliciously do so – though, for those on whose toes I step, it likely appears intentional –as if I have an ax to grind or some self-serving reason for writing as I do. I took a risk sharing strongly held beliefs and I took a risk sharing what I’ve shared in the past concerning motherhood, homeschooling, government issues, trends in the “church” today, homemaking, submission, child-training, and most recently: birth-control. Risk is a curious blend of doubt, probability, hope, danger and trust. Since I trust the LORD for who He is, what He has done, what He said He will do and for His eternal purposes to be accomplished because of Who He is: I, by faith, take steps forward that *seem* like risks and yet, in reality, they are steps of obedience — steps of faith. Faith being the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Faith that by prayer and the reading and rereading of the Word, I come to conclusions and set about to share what I see it saying based on the Word itself, by the truths I have seen laid bare and the experiences of others and the teaching of men who walk with God. How else, then, do we live and move in this world? It is by faith in God that comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God by the moving of the Holy Spirit that we know that we know that we know. I think of Romans 1.20 – “…that the invisible things of Him are clearly seen, being understood by the thing that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead.”

So why do I say then that there may be anguish over decisions? Because we are not infallible. We make decisions, sometimes foolish ones, based on what we see. We live and move making decisions based on what we *don’t* see. We make decisions based on fear or based on doubt. We even make decisions based on Truth – but the consequences or the outworking of the decision becomes painful even scary at times. As one of the readers and an additional few personal letters I received indicated, past decisions regarding childbearing have present consequences or cause present anguish. Decisions to limit family size based on convenience alone are usually met with regret later when things aren’t (or didn’t, in fact, turn out) as they once appeared. Even when the determination to limit family size or childbearing is or was based on medical reasons, there is still regret years down the road — there is still anguish —it may have been a right deicision, but there is still anguish. Was the decision wrong or not of faith or whatever? No – as I have shared on a number of occasions, there are times when our situations do not pan out the way we assume they will or would have. This, to some, may sound like waffling or hesitation or even contradiction to a “staunchly held” position – it’s neither – it’s just reality. The reality for my friends with pcos or endometriosis, or cancer or other conditions is limited, no or ending childbearing. They still stand strong – I still stand strong – on the resolution regarding birth-control and faith-based-family size — whatever that ends up being or appearing.

With those for whom this is a hurtful or painful area I empathize. With those for whom this matter of past choices in “birth-control” is one of remorse, I empathize. To those who heard and bought the lie that a vas or a tie was going to fix things for them and now see that the big fix is a big lie, I truly empathize. I cannot count the number of men and women who are walking with the LORD and share how they now deeply regret that painful and seeming permanent decision to end childbearing. We have several friends who were told the same lie: do your wife a favor and get fixed. They so deeply regret a decision based on worldly assumptions, methods and falsehoods. So is there hope for the anguish over past decisions? Yes – hope and life and *that* more abundantly! All the promises of God in Jesus are yay or yes and amen!

The enemy would have us to believe that we can never be forgiven. It’s either immediate or down the road, most times, that the schemes of the cunning enemy are revealed as lies… the enemy that makes sin so enticing, so expedient, so necessary that it’s not only believable but something to be embraced. That’s what the enemy’s big fix is – the only way out of the problem of: children.The enemy will never reveal the consequence of the big lie – the termination of godly seed, the finality of cutting off blessings, etc., etc. Is there hope? Is there forgiveness? Is there a solution? Yes, yes, and yes. It’s all in Jesus. As is everything. It’s all Jesus.

The solution may simply be in repentance. The solution may be a reversal of the heart. A solution may be fixing the broken – a physical, surgical reversal. A solution may be all those things… but it is in the hand of the LORD that those things will be done or decided – that’s where peace is and that’s were anguish is turned to joy. That’s where regret is turned to trust, iniquity to cleanness and doubt to faith—where the self-centered life is yielded to God and its members as instruments of righteousness – no longer of iniquity unto iniquity.

In the end, a decision may not appear outwardly, but it will be of the heart… where decisions are made and where decisions matter.p.s. Thanks again, Jill, for the beautifully succinct comment post regarding this matter and God’s eternal purpose.