Womanhood – The Welcome Home

the power of communication

newglasses1 Regardless the circumstance, the importance and power of good communication cannot be understated. The impact of either good or bad, clear or muddled, distinct or vague communication is powerful. Think of a time recently when something you said or did was misunderstood by another person; or consider the last time you misunderstood what was communicated to you. How’d that go for you? What were the consequences?

I’m sharing with you part of a talk I gave last night at our monthly TitusTwo meeting. As I go along through the years, I’m so grateful for these opportunities to share (and learn!!!) as the Lord gives me different messages stemming from quiet times, things I’m going through, or from passages I’m reading in the Scriptures.

Colossians 4 is loaded with messages and benefits — especially regarding the many facets of communication. It begins with the Apostle Paul communicating proper ways of treating others, matters concerning prayer, walking in wisdom, redeeming the time. Each verse contains a message, or two, I think. But what really caught my attention, in the section of verses I was reading, is verse 6: “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer every man.”

Effective communication is the lifeblood of relationships. And, conversely, poor communication is a destroyer of relationships. I think some things we really must keep in mind regardless the circumstance or conversation are these five points:

What’s directly said
What’s inferred
What’s meant
What’s heard
How what’s heard is interpreted by the hearer

With those basic points as the framework, imagine the benefit and the blessing of speech that’s always grounded in grace or focused on grace or hemmed in grace? And, to be sure, it’s not a matter of the old saying: “It’s not what you say but how you say it.” Don’t get caught in that trap — a manipulative statement or question said sweetly or cleverly is still a manipulative statement or question. And another old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” is a lie. Words can hurt. Words can destroy. That’s where that saying, “Loose lips sink ships,” holds a lot of water.

When we concentrate on having our speech be always with grace, we demonstrate we have high regard for our hearer in mind. What we’re saying, what we’re inferring and what we’re meaning is our side or our part of the communication — whatever grace there is in that depends on the importance we’ve placed on it. The other side of the communication depends on the other person: what’s heard and how what is heard is being interpreted by the other person–the hearer. This is why it’s such a useful practice or habit to seek feedback or to replay what you think you’ve just heard the other person say. Going a step further, it’s also useful to clarify the meaning behind what’s said. This is especially useful or important when discussing some serious matters or making serious decisions.

I shared last night with the ladies in the group how my husband had misunderstood a statement I’d made some weeks ago. After talking about the situation again at another time, I realized that I could’ve been clearer or elaborated on what I’d been thinking but was trying to communicate a point with some brevity that first time. I know, that’s hard for me. ~wink~ When my husband clarified what he thought I meant by what I said, I was able to tell him what I really meant. Isn’t it interesting how many misunderstandings would either never come to be in the first place or could be instantly clarified by simply restating back what we think the other person said or what we think the other person meant. We could save ourselves so much time and so much emotion if we’d just employ this simple process. It’s stilted at first, to be sure, when you begin to practice this communication clarification tool, but it’s a tool really worth learning to use and to personalize depending the situation.

Well, that verse in Colossians continues on with another critical aspect of our speech: that it be seasoned with salt that we may know how we ought to answer every man.

Think of delicious soup or any food, really, it’s usually the addition of salt that makes it so tasty! And, it’s what makes you want more! That, and it makes you thirsty! Now, think back on one of your recent conversations. Were your words seasoned with salt? Did you know how you ought to answer? Was your conversation satisfying? That’s some great food for thought, isn’t it?!

Salt’s an interesting thing when you think of all it does–not only is it savory, it’s a preservative. So, regarding conversation or communication, you might think: is it pure? is it clean? is it true? is it sincere? Think of some opposites — these might clarify for us a bit better if our communication is gracious and seasoned with salt or not: is it impure? is it unclean? is it empty (salt lost its savour, as in Mark 9.50)? is it corrupt? Ephesians 4.29 “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace to the hearers.”

This is sobering, isn’t it. Bcz it’s pretty easy to fall into poor or derogatory communication, maligning, or ungracious speech. All of these different thoughts have caused me to question or mentally review recent days’ conversations: Were they always with grace? Was my speech seasoned with salt? Did my words point to my Saviour or to the Word? Did I draw others to Christ or give them a taste of heavenly things?

Keeping Up

teacuppamela I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately… you know, keeping up. Not the Keeping up with the Joneses sort of keeping up, but the staying strong and keeping up with the times sort of keeping up. It’s been going on for awhile, but I hadn’t noticed it so much in the last few years as much as I have recently.

On a recent trip down to SeaTac airport, there was some questioning who’d drive and who’d stay home. I volunteered to drive and as I was driving and the miles were passing… maybe it was mile-marker 14 or so, I mulled over the thought that I wondered am I going the right way — or will I miss my turn-off? Then I thought, O, that’s absurd, I go down to the airport at least once a month, if not more. Then I got to thinking, there sure have been a lot of changes to the Bellevue skyline and in the number of cars on the road. And I felt old. Music was playing… I hadn’t pushed any of the buttons (preset to stations I didn’t even know) and I noted that everyone in the vehicle was using some sort of device… listening, talking, texting… texting… texting. And somewhere along the way, I thought: Omy, I really must work at keeping up. A few minutes later, arriving at the departure gates, my daughter said I ought to go in and that she’d drive the van around; go ahead, mama, go ahead, I’ve got it.

Eventually I obliged and got out… still thinking, still feeling old, still thinking I need to keep up, I thought: Yes, you’ve got it; I used to have it and now I feel like I don’t. And time seemed to stand still for a moment as I waited with the others for the passengers to deplane. A bit later, as we made our way home, I commented to the driver, I need to keep driving sometimes — I need to stay sharp, I need to keep up.

She smiled and said, don’t worry, I don’t mind driving. And I thought, me neither. She doesn’t know I need to drive. She doesn’t know I need to keep up.

2013… Endeavors

teacuppamela

It’s a new year, a clean, fresh start… be done with lesser things, be a woman who seeks joy, peace and love — start today doing foundational things… and what are these, where can they be found, Who is the Source? The source is Jesus… Faith in the Living Lord Jesus and being found in Him… daily looking to Him; daily abiding in Him; daily watching at His gates and following in His Steps. All of these “Endeavor-To-Be’s” are nothing if not founded upon the Faith of Jesus and His Life in and through us — know this “in my head” and I seek to know it — truly know it practically: in my heart.

I pray as you read this that you’ll join me in this endeavor… that you’ll join me in seeking to press on toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Jesus Christ. We read this in Philippians 3.14 And for this calling, I seek to have my heart fixed: endeavoring to be, and do, these things in a renewed desire to be a living testimony of the Mercy and Grace of God… for He alone is Worthy. In the end, I know I want my life to be a living sacrifice. This has come to mind in recalling different women in my life whose lives were truly a living sacrifice of praise and because they were faithful women it was always evident that their lives were worthy of emulation. And so, when I think of these women — along with women whose life stories I’ve read — it’s as though God gave me living pictures to bring to remembrance.

And so, today as I was mentally gathering the different virtues that characterized them — I realized there are so many qualities I have long desired to see bear fruit in my life and in order for that to happen, it occurred to me that I must prayerfully set my life on the altar that I might die to self, die to past failures and regrets, unmet expectations, disappointments, bitterness, shame, envy — all of these things, for they stand in the way of the fruit of the Spirit. When I allow any of these things ‘place’ in my life, it’s as though I invite the devil in for tea… to do and say, act and control anything he wants… it’s as if I let him set up housekeeping in my life — and I know that I know that I know I don’t want this to be the case. And so, God being my strength and my guide, my help and my source… I lay my life down at His feet that He might raise me up to be a vessel He uses, a vessel that gives Him glory and honour. Thus, my resolve is to have a life well lived and fully yielded to Him…

I Endeavor to…

Be in the Word daily.
Be in prayer daily.
Be thankful for each day and for whatever each day brings.

I Endeavor to…

Be a woman of the Word.
Be a woman of Prayer.
Be a woman who Seeks the Lord.
Be a woman who Listens for His Voice.
Be a woman who Obeys His commands.
Be a woman who is Faithful.
Be a woman who Believes.
Be a woman who Trusts and is Trustworthy.
Be a woman who Loves her Husband.
Be a woman who Loves her Children.
Be a woman who is Wise.
Be a woman who is Discreet.
Be a woman who is Respectful and Respectable.
Be a woman who is Thankful.
Be a woman who is Godly.
Be a woman who is Content.
Be a woman who is Chaste.
Be a woman who is Discerning.
Be a woman who is Kind.
Be a woman who is Honest.
Be a woman who is Gentle.
Be a woman who is Charitable.
Be a woman who is Modest.
Be a woman who is Grateful.
Be a woman who is Hospitable.
Be a woman who is Generous.
Be a woman who is Prudent.
Be a woman who is Merciful.
Be a woman who is Industrious.
Be a woman who is Courteous.
Be a woman who is Careful.
Be a woman who is Thorough.
Be a woman who is Honourable.
Be a woman who is Just.
Be a woman who is Good.
Be a woman who is Considerate.
Be a woman who is Forbearing.
Be a woman who is Honest.
Be a woman who is Resourceful.
Be a woman who is Meek.
Be a woman who Waits.
Be a woman who Listens.
Be a woman who is Gracious.
Be a woman who is Healthful.
Be a woman who is Diligent.
Be a woman who has a Tender Heart.
Be a woman who is a Living Legacy.

I Endeavor to…

Be a woman of Hope.
Be a woman of Joy.
Be a woman of Peace.
Be a woman of Patience.
Be a woman of Kindness.
Be a woman of Gentleness.
Be a woman of Temperance.
Be a woman of Inner Beauty.
Be a woman of Purity.
Be a woman of Grace.

I Endeavor to…

Be a sweet woman… a woman who seeks to be a sweet, fragrant offering… a memory maker… a sweet, sweet, memory maker. I want to gracefully move through the seasons of my life… fully in season… fully engaged… everywhere I am, I want to BE there…all there.

A Patient Woman

A beautiful image is brought to my mind as I think of… a patient woman. Conversely, what an ugly image is brought to mind at the thought of an impatient woman. It takes me no time to bring up recollections of impatience (on my part or on the part of another). But what I seek is for ready responses of patience – patient thoughts, patient replies to requests, patient understanding.

So beautiful is the woman who patiently waits, patiently listens, patiently answers, patiently watches, patiently prays. I long for this peaceable fruit of righteousness. Though there are times my actions appear that I’ve not the vaguest understanding of patience, each day I have new mercies from the Lord to press on – renewed desire to live the Truth I know-that-I-know I believe. And, I’m learning that this is part of what patience does: it presses on. So, regardless how things seem to me to be today, Christ being my strength and my guide, I press on. I want to be longsuffering — not preoccupied with how things feel or how long things are taking or how long things have been difficult or whatever. How ever long something takes, I want to be about His ways, preoccupied with trust, with faith, with peace. I know this is right and what I really want — but my flesh gets all caught up in the temporal things and I appear to forget the eternal things in the stressful, anxious moments — in the seemingly never ending waiting for situations to turn around. It’s the stuff of life. Interestingly, I’m finding it’s not so much the big stuff, it’s the accumulation of a lot of small things (that sometimes feel huge and overwhelming)… a wayward child, an extended illness, financial reverses, troubles with family or friends, weight or health issues, communication difficulties. Well, you get the idea and probably understand what I’m talking about.

When I’m seeking to improve/correct an area, I know I must go only to the Word. So when this matter came to my mind and I genuinely knew I must act on it. So, I read in Galatians and reflected on the different facets of the nine-fold fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, longsuffering [patience], gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance), I considered them individually, though they are, indeed, integral parts of the whole. And while we might look at each aspect as we seek to develop different character qualities in our lives, they remain inextricably one fruit.

Then, a little further on in Ephesians 5.8-11, I read: “For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light: (For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;) Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.”

So then I consider the fruit of the Spirit and the light of the Lord, and when I’m impatient or lack patience for someone or some situation, it must be that I’d turned my eyes from the Lord, it must be that I’ve stopped drinking long from the well of His Word or I’ve neglected to hold fast those things I know to be true. Ouch, right? I know that, intellectually speaking, I get this. But to DO these things — I relate to what Paul wrote about doing that which I do not want to do and not doing that which I would do. Ah, that war in the members! O, that I would seek to be as Samuel – (1Samuel 3.19) “And Samuel grew, and the LORD was with him, and did let none of His words fall to the ground.”

I want to hang on to the truths I want to govern my thoughts and actions and I want to respond in such a manner as to demonstrate Who’s governing my thoughts. When I’m faced with an opportunity to respond to a situation, I’m reminding myself to stop! and evaluate my response. Interestingly, simply asking myself: Is this thought/response fruitful (fruit-filled!) ? Or, is this an ugly response? Amazingly, I see the Lord correcting my thoughts and filling me with the sort of patience I long to have.

May the Lord be with you and may you always be blessed.

Things aren’t as ___ .

Hey… how’s your day going? Anybody ask you that yet today? What’s going on in the theater of your mind today? I hope you’ll be encouraged on many levels today.

I can’t pinpoint the thing that drew me to remembering this today — to humming this song (The “Sunscreen” song… a piece attributed to Baz Luhrman that he used by permission, originally written by Mary Schmich). If it’s too loud, turn down your speakers… the intent here is not to blare some rappy tune but I hope a few of these life-experience tidbits of advice might be of some encouragement to you. The thought that things aren’t always as they seem keeps running through my mind today.

Truly, the longer I live, the more I see blatantly, that things aren’t always as _____ as they seem. You know, the bleak, sad, hard, difficult, long, terrible, fat, earth-shattering… whatever things. It’s hard to remember this sometimes, though, isn’t it?!? It’s not until we look at the big picture or the bigger picture that we gain a bit of perspective. And, ultimately, it’s not until we look at God’s picture — His design — His character — His purposes — His promises — that we gain proper perspective. Regardless our circumstances. It only takes a moment of looking back, looking around or looking in the Word to see that our thoughts or perspectives or circumstances are not the only thing going on, not the worst thing happening — or, not the most important thing occurring. Everybody’s got stuff going on — everyone’s facing challenges or a lot of whatever. Everyone’s got questions, a bombardment of opinions, decisions, thoughts. Everyone’s dealing with something. And, to be sure, it’s not in a song, a philosophy, a regimen or in whatever or wherever else we might try to find peace and truth. It really is in the Person of Jesus Christ and in His life and the marvelous Truth of His Word we find all we need for life. But, in life, when we most need to seek answers, when we most need help we often least ask for, see or accept it.

It is always there…

2Timothy 3.16 All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:.
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Opportunities Come and Go

I mull over this phrase from time to time as I consider the many opportunities I’ve had, the many opportunities I’ve botched and the many opportunities I’ve either missed or passed up through the years. The missed and passed up opportunities have probably hounded me as much or more than the opportunities I’ve botched. Usually, but not always, I’ve had or take a second opportunity to repair or at least attempt to make up for that botched opportunity and usually (but not always) things have turned out okay. But still, it’s those occasions I missed or passed up — those opportunities are the ones I most regret. It’s probably bcz I’ll never know what could have come out of what should have been. But then… even as I share this I know this flies in the face of my strongly held belief that God is, indeed, sovereign. It is in these times I could be labeled a Calarminian. :-S I know God is sovereign and what will be will be — it’s just that I can’t ever seem to be fully reconciled to that fact in the face of missed or ~~rejected~~ passed up opportunities.

For example: I may botch up talking with someone about the Lord — I may get all intense or neglect to be succinct or whatever and come away feeling like I really messed up that opportunity to share the gospel, to draw someone into conversation and prayerfully into the kingdom. But then I must consider that faith is of the Lord, and that person’s redemption is of the Lord — though He does use cracked pots to pour out His message of salvation and redemption.

My missed opportunities or passed up opportunities have been those times, though I may not have recognized it at the time, when I clearly had the grace of God to do this or that thing and I frittered away the time or I didn’t make a call or I made the wrong call or I thought my way of handling a situation would suffice or whatever… and an opportunity to do good, to help, to encourage, to correct, to confess an offense or whatever was missed or lost.

I can’t go back and recreate those opportunities — but I can seek to correct losses and offenses and as I do so, I must leave the results to the Lord and then I can use those missed or passed up opportunities to prompt me the next time such an opportunity arises, presents itself or even seems to be present. God is mercifully helping me through the years in His loving kindness, all my missteps, my failings, miscommunications, misunderstandings, resentment, fears, regrets, losses, etc., etc., to watch — really watch — for opportunities and seek to not miss them. All these problems, especially in the last couple of years, have surely taught me that opportunities come and go — good ones and difficult ones, and it’s really imperative to daily be in the Word, to daily be in prayer, to keep short accounts and, perhaps above all, to seek God’s will and direction for each of the opportunities He brings my way.

This phrase continually comes to mind: “God does not call the equipped, He equips the called.” So, that being understood, as responsibilities go, I know that mine is to watch and receive, His is to present and provide, mine is to obey, His is to guide, mine is to be willing , His is to be filling, mine is to be poured out, His is to be glorified.

Opportunities come and go… O, that I would be found faithful in them.

Facing and ‘fessing

I’ve been thinking of you and am praying that God is blessing you in your home today. I’m sure I’m not alone in the busyness of life or that there’s been more day than the day can hold sometimes. So I’m [still!] wondering how to do more in less time or how to make sure that each day I do what counts the most. And, I’ve had to face up and fess up to the fact that some days it’s not so much that there’s so much to do but that I’ve been focusing on the wrong things — allowing the unnecessary to override the necessary and allowing the frivolous to obscure the imperatives.

So, what are the imperatives? What things must I focus on each day or to what must I strive to attend to and what things have I been sacrificing in the squandering of the days? These are hard questions – or maybe the questions aren’t hard, but the conviction is hard to face and fess up to. Maybe you have things you need to face and fess up. This “fessing-up” is quite a freeing exercise. In fact, it’s so freeing, it’s a wonder we don’t delight in doing it more often. But, while it’s freeing, it’s also sometimes painful –painful because we will likely have discomfort as we make changes, painful because we’ll likely be embarrassed over our behaviour, and painful because of what’s lost and can never be retrieved. O, this doesn’t negate the marvelous work and redemption the LORD can bring to a situation or even a life, but in reality, time squandered is still time lost.

When we discover there’s a problem in our home and we want to get to the bottom of it, we might ask one or more of the children: what did you do? We might ask: who did this? Invariably, no one wants to fess up to the wrongdoing. None of us want to admit that we’ve either done or been wrong. But the incredible thing is that when we do fess up, there is a freedom –a sweet peace washes over us and we’re clean before the LORD. Our children experience this same freedom when they “fess-up” to the transgression—even if they face a discipline for it. Whether or not there is restitution made or a consequence to be paid, the freedom is sweet and the restored confidence is precious when they face and fess up to a transgression. It’s that way for us, too, before the LORD.

I’ve had to “fess-up” to squandering time, to wasting the gifts and talents the LORD has given me, to giving my attention to those things that are only temporal and have little eternal value or worth. I’ve had to ask myself again: What would I think if I walked in (as a stranger who heard that the mother in this home was an aspiring Titus 2 woman) and browsed through this home unattended?” Or, “Would my husband’s customers be satisfied with his work were he to work in the same manner that I do in our home?”

I keep these questions sort of simmering on the back burner to keep myself in check.

Probably the most difficult areas for me regard necessary sleep and computer time. These, along with food preparation are areas that can’t be avoided, put off or ignored. Since they’re needful or are beneficial, they can also be neglected or “abused.” In the examples I’ve given, discipline is required and I fall into that abyss of often doing what I want rather than what I ought to do. To rise early requires an earlier retiring at night – to be refreshed requires adequate sleep. My flesh fights against that. In addition, losing weight requires no snacking. My flesh fights against that. Limiting computer time means less browsing, less reading, less “justa minute’s” and less entertainment. My flesh fights against that. Instead of yielding to the truth of what I know is right, I find ways to justify what I want to do rather than what I ought to do. So I have to set and live within boundaries… the boundaries that come from times of facing and ‘fessing up. These are disciplines and though we may not want disciplines in our lives, it is through discipline that we put aside the things of the flesh and yield to the things of the Spirit.

These thoughts come from spending a bit of time in Romans 6 and 7. I would encourage the reading of these chapters and then ask the LORD to reveal to you areas that you, too, might face and fess up to. Maybe you have some areas of your life that need facing and ‘fessing up. I pray that as you do, you will see that the LORD is already there and you have all you need. He is your all in all.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins,and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
1John 1.9

May you always be blessed.

What’s a mother to do?

Dear Sister,
First, I want to thank you for writing — for it is in acknowledging our condition and in seeing our need that we can best affirm and apply, by the grace of God, the help or teaching we receive.

Second, though this may not be helpful, you’re not alone and your situation or your “dilemma” is not unusual. The devil may attempt to tell you otherwise, but what you’ve written is common to women who both come home from the “work-force” *and* who’ve been trained otherwise. The “trained otherwise” is the main problem — not the new daily routine of being home and not out of the home. That will be the easy part once you accept the calling and seek to define and live it. You will define it as you go — and you will live it as you define it.

The “it” is the high calling of being a keeper at home… the main tree of motherhood. Incidentally, motherhood doesn’t relegate a woman to never leaving the home or never having “outside” work — there are likely seasons where one or both of these will happen — but it is my understanding that the season of child birthing, nurturing and training necessitates that mothers stay home to heed the calling the Lord has placed on her life and carry out and do these things. Radical feminists will argue the point. But I will continue to defend the Scriptures that call a mother to be a keeper at home, to love her husband and her children, to be discreet, sober, good, chaste, obedient to her husband — seeking all of these — that the Word of God be not blasphemed.

Psalm 113.9 He maketh the barren woman to keep house,
and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.

As to the question of not knowing what to do. Here’s an exercise that might be helpful for you. It will take you some time, so you might print this off so you can address it when time allows. Here is the exercise:

List all the outcomes you desire (so far as it depends on you) for your life?
What kind woman do you want to be remembered as being?
As for your walk with the Lord, how do you see that worked out in your daily life?
How can you work these attributes into your daily life? What do you need to implement?
As for your behaviour and character what specific qualities to you most highly value?
As a wife? As a mother? As a companion?
What sort of atmosphere do you seek as a description of your home?
The appearance of your home? The flow and routine of your homelife?

You may never have had the instruction to be a “godly woman” or a “keeper at home” or a “homemaker” or a “mother.” But I think you might agree that you do have an idea what this looks like or a dream of what it might be like. That’s what I’m asking you to consider — that’s what I’m asking you to ponder as you go through the days ahead. Yes, you may not know what to do – exactly – today, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have any idea. You may not know the paints, the colours, the hues, the brushes and blades used in painting a portrait, but you’ve seen the portrait or, at least, you’ve imagined it.

Yes, you may have been “instructed otherwise ” and, therefore, you need to spend some time reevaluating, rethinking, reorganizing your thoughts about motherhood and keeping a home — that’s what that “exercise” above is meant to address. You may be mourning the loss of time — the robbing of your time and purpose as a wife and mother. Don’t let the devil deceive you that it’s too late. If you’re still living, it’s not too late. Don’t ever forget that. The devil will deceive you to believe otherwise.

That crafty devil’s playbook is very thin — he doesn’t possess many tools or ideas — so he plays them over and over and over again. The longer you live, the more you’ll see this.

May you always be blessed.

Compare-a-titus

If you’ve been a mom for any length of time and you’ve spent time in and about homeschooling circles, Bible studies, workshops, conventions, courtship talks, retreats, blogs in the last 3 years or so… etc., etc., you’ve no doubt heard, or been part of, conversations that left you with a case of comparatitus. All those Titus2 groups… you may lament and despair. Comparatitus happens — no matter your age, no matter your income, no matter your experience and, really, no matter your skills and abilities. Comparatitus happens.

Some time back, a group of sisters were gathered and there was some back and forth lamenting the various skills and abilities one or another lacked. The conversations meandered into areas of homemaking… babies… schooling… child-training. I noticed one of the women not saying all that much — but her eyes conveyed a tender message and her tears, despair. I observed that day and understood from that moment something I’ve never forgotten and that is when a group of sisters is sharing, there is (among *many* +/- things) a great potential comparing — potential for discontent and for envy. Comparatitus. O, how we must face this and determine to nip it in the bud.

When we stand next to and compare ourselves with anyone we’ll likely fall into one of two categories and, perhaps, a third will follow. We’ll either feel inept, inferior and sorely lacking whatever it is we think she has (self-pity), or we’ll feel superior, better-than, or self-confident (pride). A third category we might fall into might take on many forms — but will stem from what I’m calling Compartitus. We compare ourselves to a Titus woman = comparatitus. We might say, O, I don’t do thus and such, I never accomplish this or that, I’m not able to do thus, I don’t have these or those, I don’t have x number of children, I have x number of children, since I don’t have x number of children I must not be_____, since she has x number of children, she must be________.

The conversations (mental or actual) may continue on… I wish I could have_____, then I’d be able to______, but since my______ doesn’t or won’t______, I can never be______or have______. Like you.

Comparatitus can then get pretty heavy and… watch out now…

O, she thinks she’s so______, I mean, just look at what she_____. She always ____. I’ll never be as____ or ____. I mean, because she____ and I’ve never had the_____ and I cannot____ like she does. And, besides, I only have____ ____, so I________, unlike her, because she has_______ and she always_____ and________. So, I can’t ever be _______ like her.

Comparatitus.

Comparing ourselves to an ideal… to another sister who seems to have it all together, who seems to always get the right stuff, say the right things, have the right friends, yada, yada, yada. It’s such a dangerous spiral to get caught up in that thinking and in that talk.

Truth is, we’re not to compare ourselves to others — God didn’t create us to be someone else — He created us to be ourselves growing in grace to be like Jesus — for His glory. When we compare and despair, we are rejecting God’s marvelous design *and* His provision for us. When we compare and despair, we invite the enemy in to mock God (and our thoughts and actions determine how long he’ll stay and how much ground we’ll give the enemy). We gasp and think, O, I didn’t mean to do that! Really, none of us want to be found in that camp — surely. That’s why we must not covet — we must be content with such things as we have. (Hebrews 13.5)

Comparatitus is dangerous… and unless we determine daily to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ, we’ll succumb to it. Maybe in a big way.

Titus 2 tells us boldly and plainly what we are (as Christian sisters) to do or to learn to do. But, above all, we must be about the business of daily yielding our hearts to God, daily following Him and trusting in the promises of His Word — not comparing ourselves to others — but simply living in obedience to Him and His calling on our lives. And He has individually called us — each one! This is good news! This is marvelous!

The cure for comparatitus is faith and trust: seeking to know and please the Lord. We read in 2Timothy 2.15 “Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.”

Be done with that lesser thing! Be done with comparatitus. (And, have a cheerful day)

May you always be blessed.

Testing of Faith

“Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:” –1Peter 1.6-7

There seems to be no lonelier place than the den of rejection — few trials more painful and few trails more uncertain. And for us, as Christian women – wives and mothers, the enemy is at his fiercest when we give in to despair or, worse, self pity in the face of rejection. If we’re not tempted to retaliate, then we’re likely tempted to be defensive. If we don’t give in to self pity, then we’re probably headed down any of a number of other destructive roads — either literally or mentally.

Rejection is happening all over. It seems the devil is pulling out all the stops in his prowling around to see whom he may devour — and a devourer he is (or seeks to be!).

In a recent conversation, comments were being made regarding the number of marriages undergoing strife or, worse, separation and the incredible number of people in conflict in some manner or another. And I observed that never in my life have I witnessed such damage in homes, friendships, marriages, churches… not to mention the moral decline of society all around us. It’s staggering. It’s distressing.

So what do we do? What should our response, our reaction or action be regarding these things?

Puzzled, I recall the scripture that tells me to rejoice. Rejoice? Rejoice at rejection? Rejoice that things are falling apart all around me? Rejoice that there is so much division and squabbling? Rejoice that there are so many messes? Rejoice at all the loss? Rejoice at the decline and decay?

Rejoice: I am to rejoice and be exceeding glad. Not at the rejection. Not at the particular mess. Not at the sin or the gossip or the slander. Not at the loss. I am to rejoice in my Saviour. I am to greatly rejoice even when I am in heaviness through manifold temptations.

He has made a way… He is the way. I need to remember this. I need to live this.

1Peter 4.12 “Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:”

2Peter 2.9 “The Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of temptations, and to reserve the unjust unto the day of judgment to be punished:”

I reminded in John 16.22 that no man can take my joy from me. He is my joy. And that I am the only one who can determine to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. The devil only dwells in and dictates my thoughts if I let him and if I entertain his devices and his intent to destroy.

I cannot — I must not — do that, for I am to: (1Thessalonians 5.16) “Rejoice evermore!” I am to “Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, rejoice!” –Philippians 4.4

Ultimately, I know that I know that I know: I want to please the Lord — I know I want strong faith and I know I want to honour Him. So my response to trials and testings and temptations must be filtered through 1Peter 1.6-7 so that I will be: found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ.