Family – The Welcome Home

Lists Are Tools

After writing last week how I dealt with starting out unprepared, my friend wrote about lists I used to have on my walls. So I thought I’d continue on today sharing about lists and how to use them — remembering: lists are tools, they’re simply tools.

Again, I wasn’t born organized — I’m not a naturally organized girl, but life as a mother to many children gave me much practice and many opportunities to test the results of being disorganized and being organized. And, believe me, organized was better. It’s still better — and it is for so many reasons I actually had no grasp of at the time.

Lists help us to be clear on the concept. And, as the picture to the left shows, when a child isn’t clear on the concept, what we want to have happen isn’t going to happen! In this case, I needed the dishwasher to be loaded. And it was. But what I wanted was clean dishes — that wouldn’t have happened if some instruction, care and attention to detail hadn’t been given.

List help us. Lists help us to be careful, thorough, and efficient. I totally get that lists and schedules are confining — the abstract/random in me knows that feeling very well! But it’s in the confines of the list that our true desires can be laid out.

Lists help us not only do what we ought, but also what we want. Most of us want a clean house, for example, and more, we ought to have a clean house. But it’s more fun to hang out on the computer, or go to the beach or to the lake or swing in the park. It’s more fun to chat over coffee, read a book, or go window shopping. Interestingly, lists that help us do what we ought, also help us do what we want — they help us accomplish what we ought to have done so that we can have time to do whatever else we want to do. ~smile~

For years I had lists on the walls of rooms in our home. Some of the lists detailed, in order, what was entailed in cleaning that room. In time, these lists became more than cleaning tools. As I would later learn, they were a discipline tool, a work ethic tool, a negotiating tool, and a great feedback “check-list” for the room when it was pronounced “all clean” by whichever child(ren) doing the job. Since the list was on the wall, children knew it wasn’t just an arbitrary decision what to do to clean the room. I worked side by side whoever was learning to do a job until I knew they really knew what to do. I didn’t want to set them up for failure… I wanted them to win. ~smile~ Often, it would have been so much easier and quicker to just do the work myself, but then, that would have defeated my purpose in bringing up children.

So, as an example, on the kitchen wall, (as best I can recall) I had a laminated list something like this:

To Clean This Kitchen

Unload the dishwasher
Clear the table to the kitchen
Wipe the table and the chairs with a clean, damp cloth
Put away the milk and wrap “left-over” foods, etc., into the fridge
Scrape, then Rinse the dishes, load the dishwasher
Wash the pots, pans, griddle, etc., with soap and hot water
Dry them with a clean towel and put them away
Wipe the jars, mixer with a clean dishcloth, rinse the cloth
Wipe all the counters, start at one end, all around the kitchen
Wipe the stove top, rinse the dishcloth
Wipe the drawers, cupboard doors, stove door, refrigerator door
Rinse the dishcloth, hang up the towel
Sweep the floor
Take out the trash (if needed)
Take the dishcloths and towels to the laundry (if needed)

I shared earlier that these lists did much more than outline the job. They helped kids (and myself) see what was expected and gave them opportunity to negotiate who would do what on any given night as there were generally at least a couple of kids doing the work. Occasionally, I’d be in on a plan where one child offered to do another child’s job if they did their job. I tried not to be too strict on who was doing what — only that everyone had to contribute what they were capable of doing in one way or another (on that or some other job in the home). All along the way, they were learning skills, they were learning to work and the repetition helped them learn to be thorough in their work — whatever it was. And to this day, they, each one, amaze me with their attention to detail on jobs. It’s one of the “I’m glad we did that” things I look back on.

Thousands of Pictures to Sort

I’m in the midst of an overwhelming project: I have thousands of pictures to sort. Earlier today I was standing next to a table lined with boxes into which I’m distributing the thousands of pictures. It never seemed like we took a lot of pictures. At the time.

What I remember of the early days was buying film and flash bulbs, taking pictures during special events and occasional pictures of our children’s milestones or accomplishments. And those quick get the camera adorable poses. We’d get to the end of a roll of film and put the roll (along with the other rolls) in a drawer to be developed when we had enough money to do so — which would be days, weeks or years later! Sometimes stores (Bartells in Seattle ~smile~) would have film developing specials and we’d sure take advantage of them – sometimes having ten or more rolls to develop! We’d take the film in, fill out an envelope for each roll, place the roll in the envelope, seal it and drop it in the bin to be developed. We’d wait a couple of weeks and finally get the phone call (on the kitchen-wall rotary phone with the mile-long coiled-cord) that our pictures were ready! We’d go, pay for them, and hastily open them up right there! to see the beautiful pictures and the not-so-beautiful blurry ones and black nothing shots. No previewing, no editing, no instant delete in those days. It’s hard to believe, now in retrospect, that the whole process was so involved, so time consuming and seemed to be so expensive. But that’s how things went back then. Incidentally, you wouldn’t know it was like that by the sheer number of photos nearly filling three under-bed boxes.

Those were the days before digital images we now take by the hundreds without a single thought of expen$e (unless we factor in the co$t of our phone$ and/or camera$!). Ironically, considering how many developed photographs as we have, it’s interesting to see some very distinct, unique differences between the photos of yesteryear and today. As I took stacks of photos in hand to deal them out into the 25 different boxes labeled by year, I smiled as I began to consciously see the obvious then and now differences. There were no “selfies” or random prolific “photoshoots” of everyday life, voluminous numbers of photos of significant and not-so-significant events, week-by-week pregnancy shots, day-to-day, week-to-week, month-to-month baby photos, etc., etc.

This digital generation (and offspring) is surely the most documented, photographed, recorded — in the history of the world. (I just became my grandmother!)

This current little 😉 project is precipitated by the purchase of a photo scanner. We knew it would take f.o.r.e.v.e.r. to get to scanning each photo individually. So, Wes shopped around for a digital scanner that would do stacks at a time – and we figured that, presorted, they’d be easy to file just as we’ve filed our digital images for the last 16 or 17 years. Theoretically, this was to be a simple project — had the photos had dates written on the back, it might’ve been. My bad.

Big takeaways from this project so far? There was sure a lot of living. A lot of children. A whole lot of time’s gone by. I sure wish I’d written dates. on. the. back. of. each. photo. So many things I wish I’d done. I know I thought I’d never forget. :-/

You know what’s funny? It’s like there are no parents most of the time. Just kids. Kids at events; at home; on swings; at parties; in plays. Kids sitting in a row.

Today’s melancholy tears remind me: the parents were there.

the subtle shift

January 6, 2006

2timothy434 It’s so subtle and is happening so slowly and smoothly that it’s hardly noticeable to some people—the faint shift from day to day to the acceptance of immorality. Think for a moment about the church growth “movement” of the last decade or two. Consider the shift from Christ centered to man centered theology and from Biblical principles to marketing strategies for growth. Then take into account the music that fills the minds and the airwaves… no longer Christcentric but egocentric. Consider the shift from Bible study to “focus-groups” that address “felt needs” or personal interests or individual crisis. And then mull over the ramifications of the “AIDS crisis” over the last twenty-five years. Very gradually we’ve been “indoctrinated” to accept people where they’re at—to not condemn or judge behaviour and certainly not attribute to sin the consequences of certain behaviours. So that’s been engrained steadily over time by advertisers and the massive machine of Hollywood—the pseudo social and political experts, the change agents and shapers of cultural norms–the destroyers of family and morality. Hollywood’s been very cleverly working to redirect the thinking… the subtle washing, the crafty work of emotionally moving videos. I reflect on two movies I’ve seen this year… the characters which command acceptance. The lifestyles that demand tolerance—so cunning is the inclusion of two women as parents of a boy in Kicking and Screaming… Two men as a couple in The Family Stone… and in another movie which we did not/will not see was the assaulting of the sensibilities by a pair of cowboys. Over the years, homosexuality has been slowly creeping into movies and television so that it’s like the proverbial frog in the pot… slowly, as the heat is increased, the frog boils to death—never jumping out of the pot because of the slow acclamation to the heat.

So all this has happened and the church nods off. All this is happening and the church is busy building bigger barns and catering to felt needs. Reading paraphrases of paraphrases of the Bible. Singing inane songs with sensual tones and repetitive lines of few words. And then, taking into consideration the enormity of church “attendance” and the extraordinary availability of Biblical information, helps, guides, studies, buildings, buildings, buildings, seminaries, and Bible schools, it is deplorable that there’s isn’t notable Christian influence and appearance in this nation. There really ought to be a difference… there ought to be distinctively different look and action of Christian individuals… individuals who are not their own—individuals who’ve been bought with a price, redeemed from the curse of the Law.

I’ve been thinking of some different letters I’ve received concerning movies, the sales of clothing with clearly anti-Christian symbols, the legislature and other topics where there is clearly an open antagonistic and sometimes hostile view of Christians—not so much of religion per se, not anti-God, but anti-Christ. It’s actually kind of chic to be religious–not Jesus-religious, but yoga religious, christian-science religious, new-age religious, mystic religious, and the whole gamut of sorcery sort of religious—anything but Jesus. It’s very common for people to accept talk of God—but totally bristle at the mention of the Lord Jesus—which is totally bizarre —considering the awesomeness of the LORD God—not the pseudo-god who is known as the “higher power” in the world of Emmet Fox, Norman-Vincent Peale or Robert Schuller or all the people currently influenced by them—but God, the God of the Bible, the God of the Universe, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob—the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Isn’t it amazingly ironic—the God is so cavalierly held in mind, esteemed so common as to be used as a household expletive. So, God is acceptable—sort of the universally accepted -word- but not the God of the Bible.

“If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you. Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also. But all these things will they do unto you for my name’s sake, because they know not him that sent me.” John 15.18-21

Our lives ought to be–-must be—different because of the terrific price paid on our behalf: Titus 2.14 “Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.” But, sadly, our lives are often not all that much different at all. Our behaviour, words and appearance really ought to outwardly reflect the inward change of our lives. I was thinking back on a situation recently where we were attending a program and I distinctly recall watching the men watching the women in attendance. The “holiday” attire was alluring and the line of distinction between modest and immodest was blurred. But what saddened me the most was the tightly packed row of teenagers immediately in front of us. Throughout the evening there seemed to be a constant preoccupation with the pants and the tops–so involved in making sure the tops were meeting but not covering the top of the pants, the victoria’secret tag in view, and then when sitting down, it was painfully obvious that the pants were too low. I was embarrassed for the young ladies; I found myself feeling sorry for them as they were more concerned with their view of their appearance than with the statement their appearance was really making. I felt sorry for the obvious distraction they were to the young men who kept glancing and then looking away. I felt sorry for the lack of understanding of modesty—not just in appearance, but in behaviour. I was sorry for the parents who were not in proximity to the young people and weren’t watching the situation. And seemingly hadn’t been part of the purchasing process, either.

So, when I think of all the anti-Christian rhetoric and the slurs and insulting music, movies and merchandise, I guess I consider the Word and what the LORD has said would happen, I consider the state of the church today–its message, in many places, so anemic. I pray… come, Lord Jesus—for He is the only One who can save— Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved.

The Hard Life of Young Mamas

Bookp1 I just read a blog post written by a young mama — a thirty something year old mama. She wrote about the stage of life that’s hard. The repetitive dailies that are particular to young motherhood. She’s a great writer, part of a group of mamas who have a website to which they contribute entries. It’s for encouragement and help for other young moms — I suspect they are helped more themselves by offering the same to others. I’m so glad I read it (and I hope lots of other young mamas read it, too). It’s a hard stage of life. What great encouragement they are to one another and to all the readers of their blog. God bless them.

I’ve had women ask me countless times through the years if it gets easier. I try to encourage them that they’re doing a great job. And, to answer their question, I tell them, no. No, it doesn’t get easier. It gets different, but it doesn’t get easier — bcz other new hard things come along. There are many things that improve — but I don’t think they improve because the children get older so much as the mama gets wiser. While the children are being trained and are more helpful, there are other difficulties added to the mix. Mama starts improving her serve, as it were. She learns how to do things more efficiently and forces herself to do them that way until they’re habit — second nature. Efficiency fosters confidence and enables her to accomplish more in less time. All this enables her to be more attentive to her husband and to better care for her children. I tell young mamas they’ll cry for these days. They look at me like I’m nuts. And I understand.

I tell them they’ll long for these sunny days they think will never end. I tell them they’ll wish for one more pregnancy, one more nursing, one more diaper to change, one more story, one more potty training success day, one more jelly faced kiss, one more push on the swing, one more second of being clung to like glue, one more moment of being the only one to console a crying baby, a fearful toddler, a disappointed gradeschooler, a nervous teenager. They’re sure they will not. Ever. And I understand.

We all need every hard day of motherhood. The longer I’m a mother, the more sure I am of this truth. I cry for those early days… those early days when it was just us. Just us two. Just us three. Just us five. Just us seven. Just us nine… and so on. Everything was new. Everything was amazing. Days when it was just us reading bedtime Bible stories and praying beside beds, just us piling into the car, gathered around the table, sitting in the row at church, going on a trip, pushing a cart full of groceries, pulling a cart full of kids. Hard days. Days when lots didn’t get done. Days when so much growing was going on. Just us.

We all needed those hard days — those hard days brought us to these hard days. Those hard days brought us through all the hard days in between those early hard days and these hard days. I’m mindful of this as I look ahead to closing chapters of life—I want to remember I need these days and all I’m learning of the Lord and His ways through the years. I know I will need what He’s shown me and look forward to what He’ll teach me in the days ahead.

Though I know it doesn’t necessarily get easier, I do know He is faithful and that allows me to look forward to the different days ahead.

Thanksgiving 2015

spurlingfamilyjune2015TWHblog From me (and my family) to you, Happy Thanksgiving 2015

We celebrate God’s merciful kindness this Thanksgiving!
I’m filled with awe and gratitude for the opportunities the Lord
has given me and I am thankful to be able to share this blog with you.
I sincerely wish you love, peace, joy, hope, contentment and patience.
May we all give thanks unto the Lord, for He is good. always only good.
May the Lord encourage your heart as you count your many blessings.
May He increase your faith as you recall His loving kindness.
May your joy be full regardless your circumstances.
May your love abound more and more.
May your faith ever be unwavering.
May your all hope be in God.
May He bless you
more & more.
with love
to you.

Flee Comparisonitis

psalm16

Maybe you saw my thoughts yesterday where I wrote about Comparisonitis or making comparisons and how easy it is to become ensnared by this. Comparing ourselves to others, comparing our situations to other’s situations (or our perception of their situations), our accomplishments (or lack thereof) to other’s accomplishments (as we perceive them to be). Then we spend precious moments or days or years mulling over what we have or haven’t done (right), what we do or don’t have, what we have to deal with — compared to others. [Late edit to add a link to another article I wrote regarding Titus2 blogs, groups and teachings — I call it: Compare-a-Titus. There are so many comparisons we make are often bogged down by the lack we often feel as “TitusTwo” women. You can read it here.]

When these thoughts come up, I know I need to flee these thoughts. Flee! And quickly.

I’ve come to realize that when I compare myself with others or my whatever’s with other women’s whatevers, I inadvertently make them the standard to which I seek to attain. I make them the guide and standard of my life instead of making the Lord, His Word, His way, and His truth for me the guide and standard of my life.

We know that medically or pathologically, “itis” is inflammation, which, in an organ of our body, is a bad thing and we seek quick attention to reverse or eliminate it as it’s usually painful and damaging. But we don’t often do this in our own lives when it comes to inflammation of thoughts or feelings. We often, instead, harbour the thoughts that brought on the inflammation, we feed them and encourage them by continuing to validate them. I do this sometimes — though I know it’s not good — not good for me, and not good for my home and family. In this way, I unwittingly spread my “itis” to them — they know something’s not right, but can’t see what it is. That’s why (in part) it’s so critical for me to flee making comparisons before they become in me: comparisonitis.

Incidentally, by continually making comparisons (especially if voiced), I validate the activity (and further cement it in my emotional pathways). I model it for my children and set them up for their own comparsonitis. In addition, I elevate another’s situation or accomplishments or possessions over my own. Again, validating making comparisons for my children to do the same — if I don’t want this attitude/behaviour for me, I sure don’t want it for them.

So when it comes around, I have to make the conscious decision to flee comparing before it wiggles its way deep into my thoughts. When I see that I can’t do something like, or a wells as, another person does them, I need to just be content that I do what I can do and I can choose to rejoice at their fine work or rejoice with them over their accomplishment. Then, my heart is warmed bcz it’s all about them and not about me. The more I do this through the years, the more easily and quickly comes the response of rejoicing.

When I feel like I never do enough, right enough, good enough, whatever enough, I have to see that as an alert! Compared to what? Compared to who? Did the Lord tell me that or did I take my eyes off Him and fix my gaze on someone or something else? Do I not have something I feel I should have? Is He not enough? Has He not provided exactly what I need for each day? Has He forgotten something? Or — have I run ahead, doing something He never directed me to do or in a way He never directed me to do it? Did I get out of order my reason for doing something? Have I made my life hard by doing something in a way He didn’t intend for me (but I was trying to do it like So-‘n-so)?

Discontent is tremendous fodder for comparisonitis. And vice versa. [cp_quote style=”quote_left_dark”]Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. –Hebrews 13.5[/cp_quote]So I continually resort to the Word, it is my foundation. After all these years I finally see why He says His mercies are new every morning. I see the why behind the great and awesome privilege to daily sit at His gates. The Lord reveals Himself, magnifies Himself and feeds me as I read and think on His Word. I trust in Him and seek to follow in His steps.

I continually rehearse what He has done, for I know and have seen(!) that no matter what comes, I can truly trust Him and lean on His promises.

But he knoweth the way that I take:
when he hath tried me,
I shall come forth as gold.
–Job 23:10

Comparisonitis

cuppatimothy It sure took me by surprise… hasn’t happened in a long time… and, when it does, it rarely lingers. Except today. Today it lingered awhile and I completely caught off guard. I was busily cleaning an area and reorganizing a bunch of books… I even had a ridiculous Christmas song stuck in my head. And then, all of a sudden I was overwhelmed thinking of some of my abysmal failings as a mother – a homeschooling mother, specifically. And I was trying to think of one good thing I’ve done — one really exceptional achievement in which I had even a small part.

I can’t say I’ve done my best as a homeschool mama. I can’t say I’ve dedicated my life to homeschooling. And, I can’t say there’ve been many stellar achievements — as the world might measure. And I wouldn’t have even taken the time to bore you with this seemingly self-deprecating post had I not “snapped out of it” and considered God’s great work and His continuing processes! And then to further be encouraged as I came in to browse my links, I saw a post Tim Challies had written. It sort of paralleled my resulting thoughts today and something my husband had told me a few days ago (wait, was I inundated with doubt that day, too??) which really spoke to my heart.

I thought, well, what have we done? My husband has daily, decade after decade, gathered the family every morning for Bible study (Co-Incidentally, this morning, we were studying Deuteronomy 6), and I’ve done my best to teach them using the truths of God’s Word and to, by example, trust in the Lord and live by faith in Him. I’ve sought to make our assignments according to His Word and show them that He is always only good all the time. I got a lot of stuff wrong. Probably more wrong than right. But, even if that’s the case, I will continue to cling to the Truth and I’m so thankful my husband’s words came back to me and rang in my ears.

[cp_quote style=”quote_left_dark”]”But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned and hast been assured of, knowing of whom thou hast learned them; And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works.”
–2 Timothy 3.14-17[/cp_quote]He said them in the beginning of our homeschool journey, some twenty eight years ago, he was saying them in the middle and he said them again as we plan for another school year in what is now the last few of our homeschooling years. I’m comforted that his earliest goal is the same today. He said he didn’t care if they were geniuses or lacked knowledge in this or that… his desire is that they know the Lord, that they know God’s Word very well… And beyond that, that they have integrity, that they know how to work diligently and honestly and that they know how to learn whatever it is they need to learn. That sounds so very simplistic, I’m sure. But I will continue to affirm and trust what the Bible says.

All this, on a day when I had comparisonitis wash over me. But as I set out, as I always do this time of year, to make this the best year ever, I’m reassured that what I plan is the very best thing I could do with and for them. And in the end, I will continue to trust God for the increase.

It’s critical for me to reaffirm and truly rejoice in, as Tim Challies so poignantly wrote, the one thing that matters most.

Keepers @ Home

u_skap_4 [cp_dropcaps]I[/cp_dropcaps]n Titus 2.4-5 we read, in part, that younger women are to be taught by older women to be keepers at home, we see that there must be something to this ‘keeping a home’ for it to warrant teaching or knowledge of skills to do the keeping. This home-keeping, something that needs to be studied, or which requires skill, must also be pretty important or noteworthy for it to be contained in the list of imperatives in the book of Titus concerning what ought to be taught through and to women. I will add that this ‘home-keeping’ be done well because it does not stand alone. In context, it is in the verse which concludes: that the Word of God be not blasphemed.

Everything we do must be measured against the standard of God’s Word. Nothing we do is worth anything if it does not measure up to the Word of God. That’s convicting. And it’s also tough teaching—but that’s the Word—God’s Word to us. You know what’s also convicting? Older women are directed to do this — to be about doing this. More often than not, I see the younger women hanging around the younger women and working it all out. I see the older women feeling like has been’s, antiquated in their ways and ideas and not all that willing or able to impart teaching to younger women. Younger women may also not really want advice or training from older women, either. Whatever the case, the Scriptures are pretty clear on “discipleship” and instruction to youth.

So, what if the older woman isn’t in a position or doesn’t feel capable to teach the younger? It seems that desire to be available probably ought to be a priority and then action when opportunity arises. But regardless how this all plays out in a woman’s life, there needs to be some nurturing of the desire to be used of the Lord in other’s lives—the willingness to be available to others in their time of need, the willingness to be open and vulnerable over a cup of coffee, as an example. And all the while, older women need to continually grow in the Lord and in prayer — sharpening their faith, skills, understanding, and knowledge — so that they will be ready to give an answer! ♥

So, the home is a shelter, a place of worship and prayer, a place of refuge, a place of forgiveness and forgetfulness, a place of refreshment, a place where skills are taught and where they’re learned — it’s a place of hospitality. It is all of these and more.

I will suggest that the home is also a place of harmony. A place where lives are blended in order that a whole may be formed. Two come together as one—a whole is formed. A child is added to the whole and it is made more complete—perhaps another or many others are added in order that that whole might be made more complete. Whatever the case, the home is where harmony and oneness are learned; it is where communication and cooperation are learned; it is where acceptance and rejection is learned and handled. The home is where relationships are modeled and worked out. The home must be a safe place for all these things to be nurtured or understood. All of these facets of human relationships will be learned somewhere—a nurturing Christian home will help all of these develop healthily. The longer I live, the more I see the value and necessity of a nurturing home.

The keeper at home has a tremendous responsibility to make sure that the home is all of these, that in addition to these or the working out of all of these, makes sense with the home a place of work, creativity, industry, health, basic education and training for the desire for life-long learning. When the home is seen in proper perspective— in line with the Word of God, it is a dynamic place—a place that’s so full of life that it’s naturally growing and incorporating and encouraging each member, friend, or guest, and the model is Christ-like. And isn’t that our greatest desire — our whole hope—our whole hearts’ desire: That the Lord is glorified and that we may be like Him?!!? Then it stands to reason that our homes should reflect that desire—they should radiate that hope or that tone—and should be ever growing in grace as each season passes.

If being a keeper at home has been difficult for you (as it has been for me at different times and in different seasons) then maybe it’s just time to stop and refocus, time to stop and reevaluate where you are, what’s going on and where you’d like to improve. I do this from time to time so that I can sharpen my focus or get back on track where I’ve derailed. Only the devil will attempt to convince you that you’ve failed or that you’re not capable of getting it right (bcz you never do) or that it’s too late. Those are lies. The truth is that [cp_quote style=”quote_left_dark”]the Lord has created you specifically with all your special skills and abilities, quirks and even your limitations[/cp_quote] the Lord has created you specifically with all your special skills and abilities, quirks and even your limitations — and desires that you use them for His glory, that you cry out to Him to equip you, strengthen you for the task, give you hope, joy, peace and patience for the journey and that He would work in you to be a gracious blessing to your family. I think that’s why He’s set many of us in our homes where we often feel like we know not what to do—but with God all things are possible.

homeschool conference withdrawal

[cp_dropcaps]E[/cp_dropcaps]ach April, for the last ten years, a highlight for us has been the annual Christian Heritage Family Discipleship & Homeschooling Conference—this year, particularly so—for so many reasons.

When I awoke this morning, I realized I’d been processing the conference in my dreams all night long. I wondered how many other’s night’s sleep were filled with screen images, books, papers, faces, admonitions and beautiful music. Through the day today, I’ve recounted conversations, in addition to important talks given by various teachers, I see and hear, in the theater of my mind, the beautiful performances and music that blessed us all — thousands of voices lifted in praise for what God has done.

But I also pondered, as I went about the dailies this morning, that there are probably countless others who’ve come away from the annual conference feeling overwhelmed and maybe even defeated — defeated in their home, homeschooling, family, marriage or homemaking — before they even put on Monday’s running shoes. They may have arrived at the conference feeling that way, too. But at the conference, they were uplifted, encouraged, cheered on! At the conference, they were inspired to tackle the responsibilities that lay before them, to seize the opportunities set before them, and with gusto and fervent desire, to grasp the gold ring, so to speak.

And today they’re experiencing conference withdrawal. Our kids talk about this sort of withdrawal when we drive away from an annual Bible conference weekend at the river in eastern Washington or from our annual family reunion gathering—mountaintop experiences that make normal, daily life seem ever so mundane. And flawed. I experience it, too. Even though I predetermine not to.

I didn’t buy a thing at the conference this year — not even the cute commemorative coffee mug. I didn’t order the whole conference on CD or mp3 (and not bcz it wouldn’t be totally worth buying!). I didn’t feel compelled for even a moment to look for the key to homeschooling or the latest and best math or writing curriculum. I didn’t even wonder what I was missing. For the first time ever at a homeschool conference or convention.

No, I haven’t arrived and no, I don’t feel like I’ve got it. Surely not! I just finally know that I know: there is no key out there. There is no magic homeschool: bling! you’re done! There is no one-size-fits-all, success-in-a-box, homeschool program. All that, and if I live to be one hundred, I could not fully utilize, read, implement all the stuff I already have. Seriously.

But there’s withdrawal… even still. One thing I believe is common to us all is that we’re all seeking to do well, to finish well.

I wish I could convey that to others who are feeling inadequate as they come down from the past weekend. Especially those who looked around all weekend and saw all the perfect mothers, perfect children, perfect curriculum packages, perfect books and perfect manuals… and are feeling like this mom:

homeschooler cartoon

And what I’d like to say to this mom: take it easy. Do the next right thing. Stop collecting stuff and start using what you’ve got. Study the Word to know the Lord. Read aloud. Hone in on the basics. Talk & listen. Listen and talk. And take it easy. Major on the majors and not on the minors. In the end, it’s really all about God: loving Him, knowing Him — what He has said, who He is, what He has done and what He will do — trusting Him, following Him, hearing Him, obeying His voice and doing His will. Stay in the race with your children.

The race is shorter than you think.

A blogger’s loss & gain

teapotcup [cp_dropcaps]H[/cp_dropcaps]ardly a week goes by that I don’t think (or mutter aloud) that this or that blog or twitter account will have a crash. In just a matter of time there will be an incident or an avalanche of incidents that will take a blogger to an intersection in her life where she’ll be broadsided some Thursday afternoon and she’ll sit on the floor, head in her hands, crying out to God for His mercy. But for now, she doesn’t ask for help because she doesn’t know she needs it. Yet.

Such was the case for me… going to bed most every night regretting all the stuff that didn’t get done that day… only to wake the next morning, hurrying to get enough stuff done to be able to log on, retrieve the messages, hurriedly scan blogs of interest, personally regretting lacking the coolest format and relevant blog topics, hurriedly editing the latest photos for a new layout and then opening the blog “new post” page to start another blog entry.

With new eyes, I see the new styles and formats year after year. Emails flood my inbox regarding new programs, site design software, search engine optimization, methods for attracting and increasing traffic, comments, customers, digital image editing, suggestions for link sharing and more. As I see these things for the few seconds they remain on the screen before they’re deleted, I think of all my years of temptation to be and do more — and now the young mothers who desperately long to have a successful marriage and pinterested motherhood, well educated home-schooled children, pinteresting organized homes and pinterest-perfect meals served on lovely tables in beautiful homes just like the pictures in the best blogs. I see the ideas, tutorials, instructional and encouragement blogs and I sincerely think it’s amazing how they’ve exploded exponentially over the last few years. The pictures almost have smell-o-vision and the images seem to be increasingly bigger, better, more than homemaking’s ever been. All, seemingly effortlessly accomplished. While blogging.

And for a while the mothers will be able to pull it off…. blogging and living. Living and blogging. Checking the other blogs. Sharing links and ideas. Guest posting. Guest hosting. I wish I could convey that a mama on the computer doesn’t realize — really does not realize — how much time is passing and what’s being missed and what’s NOT being done in the passage of time. I wish I could explain that the number of times a mama says Justa sec… Justa sec… only increases. I wish I could convey just what happens with each “Justa sec” that’s uttered. [cp_quote style=”quote_left_dark”]What’s really happening is not what it seems like at the time to the mama.[/cp_quote] What it seems like at the time to the mama is that she really will hop up and play, or hop up and read that book, that she really will push that swing, see that funny face, play that game. But what’s really happening, more often than not, is that mindless commands are given, mindless affirmations are made, and in Justa sec, Justa sec… a child (or two or seven) is walking away. A child (or two or five) is ignored or put off or forgotten. Then time is too short for that story, that game, that swing, that funny face, that trip to the library. The hours pass into days, the days pass into months and the months pass into years. And all those Justa sec’s net nothing — nothing but a little more precious time online. And then the weary mama sinks down defeated… because at the end of that “Justa sec” is dinner, a spilled cup of milk, laundry, the phone or the door or the diaper or the dentist – fifteen minutes late. The tensions build, the frustrations increase and troubles start to flow like a river.

And then one day the crash happens. It may be a literal computer hard-drive crash or a website crash. It may be a failed or broken or damaged relationship. But a crash happens and the mama gets a wake-up call. She probably won’t realize in the moment, but then, the dawning of reality crashes over her like a tsunami that precious moments were missed and forever lost.

And the impact of the reality hits her as she crumbles on the kitchen floor. She gasps to breathe as she begins to catch a glimpse of what’s happened in the space of fifty thousand Justa sec’s. She’s leveled as she begins to realize the utter waste that consumed her days… that time to push the swing is past. Forever. In the theatre of her mind she recounts all the things forever gone, the pictures she never coloured with the littles, the funny things she didn’t even realize she missed… that the children stopped asking her to come and see, come and read, come and play… they knew that Justa sec never came. Justa sec never comes. Apologies would not make up for all that was lost. Sorrow wouldn’t restore the days and months that turned into years. Regret would not rewind the clock.

And in a puddle of tears and a heap of sorrow, she’s pretty sure she’ll never outlive these hard days — these very hard days of reckoning. But she will. God in His mercy will answer her cries. And He will tenderly cover her sorrows. He can restore what the locusts have eaten. A blogger’s loss may be another’s gain.

This is my story, this is my song, praising my Saviour all the day long.