Comparisonitis

It sure took me by surprise… hasn’t happened in a long time… and, when it does, it rarely lingers.  Except today.  Today it lingered awhile and I completely caught off guard.  I was busily cleaning an area and reorganizing a bunch of books… I even had a ridiculous Christmas song stuck in my head.  And then, all of a sudden I was overwhelmed thinking of some of my abysmal failings as a mother – a homeschooling mother, specifically.  And I was trying to think of one good thing I’ve done — one really exceptional achievement in which I had even a small part.

I can’t say I’ve done my best as a homeschool mama.  I can’t say I’ve dedicated my life to homeschooling.  And, I can’t say there’ve been many stellar achievements — as the world might measure.  And I wouldn’t have even taken the time to bore you with this seemingly self-deprecating post had I not “snapped out of it” and considered God’s great work and His continuing processes!  And then to further be encouraged as I came in to browse my links, I saw a post Tim Challies had written.  It sort of paralleled my resulting thoughts today and something my husband had told me a few days ago (wait, was I inundated with doubt that day, too??) which really spoke to my heart.

I thought, well, what have we done? My husband has daily, decade after decade, gathered the family every morning for Bible study (Co-Incidentally, this morning, we were studying Deuteronomy 6), and I’ve done my best to teach them using the truths of God’s Word and to, by example, trust in the Lord and live by faith in Him.  I’ve sought to make our assignments according to His Word and show them that He is always only good all the time.  I got a lot of stuff wrong.  Probably more wrong than right.  But, even if that’s the case, I will continue to cling to the Truth and I’m so thankful my husband’s words came back to me and rang in my ears.

He said them in the beginning of our homeschool journey, some twenty eight years ago, he was saying them in the middle and he said them again as we plan for another school year in what is now the last few of our homeschooling years. I’m comforted that his earliest goal is the same today.   He said he didn’t care if they were geniuses or lacked knowledge in this or that… his desire is that they know the Lord, that they know God’s Word very well…  And beyond that, that they have integrity, that they know how to work  diligently and honestly and that they know how to learn whatever it is they need to learn.  That sounds so very simplistic, I’m sure.  But I will continue to affirm and trust what the Bible says.

All this, on a day when I had comparisonitis wash over me.  But as I set out, as I always do this time of year, to make this the best year ever, I’m reassured that what I plan is the very best thing I could do with and for them.  And in the end, I will continue to trust God for the increase.

It’s critical for me to reaffirm and truly rejoice in, as Tim Challies so poignantly wrote, the one thing that matters most.