Family – Page 5 – The Welcome Home

Facing and ‘fessing

I’ve been thinking of you and am praying that God is blessing you in your home today. I’m sure I’m not alone in the busyness of life or that there’s been more day than the day can hold sometimes. So I’m [still!] wondering how to do more in less time or how to make sure that each day I do what counts the most. And, I’ve had to face up and fess up to the fact that some days it’s not so much that there’s so much to do but that I’ve been focusing on the wrong things — allowing the unnecessary to override the necessary and allowing the frivolous to obscure the imperatives.

So, what are the imperatives? What things must I focus on each day or to what must I strive to attend to and what things have I been sacrificing in the squandering of the days? These are hard questions – or maybe the questions aren’t hard, but the conviction is hard to face and fess up to. Maybe you have things you need to face and fess up. This “fessing-up” is quite a freeing exercise. In fact, it’s so freeing, it’s a wonder we don’t delight in doing it more often. But, while it’s freeing, it’s also sometimes painful –painful because we will likely have discomfort as we make changes, painful because we’ll likely be embarrassed over our behaviour, and painful because of what’s lost and can never be retrieved. O, this doesn’t negate the marvelous work and redemption the LORD can bring to a situation or even a life, but in reality, time squandered is still time lost.

When we discover there’s a problem in our home and we want to get to the bottom of it, we might ask one or more of the children: what did you do? We might ask: who did this? Invariably, no one wants to fess up to the wrongdoing. None of us want to admit that we’ve either done or been wrong. But the incredible thing is that when we do fess up, there is a freedom –a sweet peace washes over us and we’re clean before the LORD. Our children experience this same freedom when they “fess-up” to the transgression—even if they face a discipline for it. Whether or not there is restitution made or a consequence to be paid, the freedom is sweet and the restored confidence is precious when they face and fess up to a transgression. It’s that way for us, too, before the LORD.

I’ve had to “fess-up” to squandering time, to wasting the gifts and talents the LORD has given me, to giving my attention to those things that are only temporal and have little eternal value or worth. I’ve had to ask myself again: What would I think if I walked in (as a stranger who heard that the mother in this home was an aspiring Titus 2 woman) and browsed through this home unattended?” Or, “Would my husband’s customers be satisfied with his work were he to work in the same manner that I do in our home?”

I keep these questions sort of simmering on the back burner to keep myself in check.

Probably the most difficult areas for me regard necessary sleep and computer time. These, along with food preparation are areas that can’t be avoided, put off or ignored. Since they’re needful or are beneficial, they can also be neglected or “abused.” In the examples I’ve given, discipline is required and I fall into that abyss of often doing what I want rather than what I ought to do. To rise early requires an earlier retiring at night – to be refreshed requires adequate sleep. My flesh fights against that. In addition, losing weight requires no snacking. My flesh fights against that. Limiting computer time means less browsing, less reading, less “justa minute’s” and less entertainment. My flesh fights against that. Instead of yielding to the truth of what I know is right, I find ways to justify what I want to do rather than what I ought to do. So I have to set and live within boundaries… the boundaries that come from times of facing and ‘fessing up. These are disciplines and though we may not want disciplines in our lives, it is through discipline that we put aside the things of the flesh and yield to the things of the Spirit.

These thoughts come from spending a bit of time in Romans 6 and 7. I would encourage the reading of these chapters and then ask the LORD to reveal to you areas that you, too, might face and fess up to. Maybe you have some areas of your life that need facing and ‘fessing up. I pray that as you do, you will see that the LORD is already there and you have all you need. He is your all in all.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins,and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
1John 1.9

May you always be blessed.

What’s a mother to do?

Dear Sister,
First, I want to thank you for writing — for it is in acknowledging our condition and in seeing our need that we can best affirm and apply, by the grace of God, the help or teaching we receive.

Second, though this may not be helpful, you’re not alone and your situation or your “dilemma” is not unusual. The devil may attempt to tell you otherwise, but what you’ve written is common to women who both come home from the “work-force” *and* who’ve been trained otherwise. The “trained otherwise” is the main problem — not the new daily routine of being home and not out of the home. That will be the easy part once you accept the calling and seek to define and live it. You will define it as you go — and you will live it as you define it.

The “it” is the high calling of being a keeper at home… the main tree of motherhood. Incidentally, motherhood doesn’t relegate a woman to never leaving the home or never having “outside” work — there are likely seasons where one or both of these will happen — but it is my understanding that the season of child birthing, nurturing and training necessitates that mothers stay home to heed the calling the Lord has placed on her life and carry out and do these things. Radical feminists will argue the point. But I will continue to defend the Scriptures that call a mother to be a keeper at home, to love her husband and her children, to be discreet, sober, good, chaste, obedient to her husband — seeking all of these — that the Word of God be not blasphemed.

Psalm 113.9 He maketh the barren woman to keep house,
and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.

As to the question of not knowing what to do. Here’s an exercise that might be helpful for you. It will take you some time, so you might print this off so you can address it when time allows. Here is the exercise:

List all the outcomes you desire (so far as it depends on you) for your life?
What kind woman do you want to be remembered as being?
As for your walk with the Lord, how do you see that worked out in your daily life?
How can you work these attributes into your daily life? What do you need to implement?
As for your behaviour and character what specific qualities to you most highly value?
As a wife? As a mother? As a companion?
What sort of atmosphere do you seek as a description of your home?
The appearance of your home? The flow and routine of your homelife?

You may never have had the instruction to be a “godly woman” or a “keeper at home” or a “homemaker” or a “mother.” But I think you might agree that you do have an idea what this looks like or a dream of what it might be like. That’s what I’m asking you to consider — that’s what I’m asking you to ponder as you go through the days ahead. Yes, you may not know what to do – exactly – today, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have any idea. You may not know the paints, the colours, the hues, the brushes and blades used in painting a portrait, but you’ve seen the portrait or, at least, you’ve imagined it.

Yes, you may have been “instructed otherwise ” and, therefore, you need to spend some time reevaluating, rethinking, reorganizing your thoughts about motherhood and keeping a home — that’s what that “exercise” above is meant to address. You may be mourning the loss of time — the robbing of your time and purpose as a wife and mother. Don’t let the devil deceive you that it’s too late. If you’re still living, it’s not too late. Don’t ever forget that. The devil will deceive you to believe otherwise.

That crafty devil’s playbook is very thin — he doesn’t possess many tools or ideas — so he plays them over and over and over again. The longer you live, the more you’ll see this.

May you always be blessed.

Life’s Threads

Through the years we gather and carry with us so many experiences and acquaintances. All of these are mingled among the successes and failures in the different testings and affirmations of faith. I marvel: the handiwork of the Lord; I marvel that He never misses a thread. Things I think are wasted, things long forgotten, prayers and petitions, praises and disappointments… God’s still holding all the threads of these things.

Time passes and memories fade — and then, seemingly by chance, an old friendship is rekindled, a memory is brought to mind, a photograph sparks thoughts of an event rarely remembered. But God remembers… His memory never dims and He’s not constrained by time or recollection. The threads, unseen or unknown to us, continue to be woven by His gracious and skilled Hands.

I’m reminded to not think He’s forgotten or that life’s experiences have little meaning. I’m reminded that all my yesterdays have tomorrows. The seeds sown in years past may seem to by lying dead in fallow ground… but in time I will see what became of those seeds — some carelessly, some intentionally planted in different seasons of my life.

A long distance phone conversation with a friend last week seems to have opened a floodgate of memories that leave me longing for the early years, smiling at the thought of the babies — now men and women — with babies of their own. And then, another surprise, a phone call and plans to spend some extended time together with dear old friends. Surely we’ll be reminiscing and talking over days gone by when we meet — I can hardly contain my excitement! Were that not enough, and surely not by chance, another old friend posted a couple of photos on Facebook… ah, the endearing faces, photos of little boys — now men — our first two sons. This led to my husband (who very rarely ever even logs on to Facebook) posting some photos of babies and little children… old photos! Threads of connection… bringing life circles around again.

The threads of photos and conversations seem to connect us to our past like nothing else — these are the good threads — the sweet threads. How sweet to think the Lord is holding all these threads together, that not a time is wasted or lost — even though we don’t keep tract of or keep tying threads.

Testing of Faith

“Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:” –1Peter 1.6-7

There seems to be no lonelier place than the den of rejection — few trials more painful and few trails more uncertain. And for us, as Christian women – wives and mothers, the enemy is at his fiercest when we give in to despair or, worse, self pity in the face of rejection. If we’re not tempted to retaliate, then we’re likely tempted to be defensive. If we don’t give in to self pity, then we’re probably headed down any of a number of other destructive roads — either literally or mentally.

Rejection is happening all over. It seems the devil is pulling out all the stops in his prowling around to see whom he may devour — and a devourer he is (or seeks to be!).

In a recent conversation, comments were being made regarding the number of marriages undergoing strife or, worse, separation and the incredible number of people in conflict in some manner or another. And I observed that never in my life have I witnessed such damage in homes, friendships, marriages, churches… not to mention the moral decline of society all around us. It’s staggering. It’s distressing.

So what do we do? What should our response, our reaction or action be regarding these things?

Puzzled, I recall the scripture that tells me to rejoice. Rejoice? Rejoice at rejection? Rejoice that things are falling apart all around me? Rejoice that there is so much division and squabbling? Rejoice that there are so many messes? Rejoice at all the loss? Rejoice at the decline and decay?

Rejoice: I am to rejoice and be exceeding glad. Not at the rejection. Not at the particular mess. Not at the sin or the gossip or the slander. Not at the loss. I am to rejoice in my Saviour. I am to greatly rejoice even when I am in heaviness through manifold temptations.

He has made a way… He is the way. I need to remember this. I need to live this.

1Peter 4.12 “Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:”

2Peter 2.9 “The Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of temptations, and to reserve the unjust unto the day of judgment to be punished:”

I reminded in John 16.22 that no man can take my joy from me. He is my joy. And that I am the only one who can determine to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. The devil only dwells in and dictates my thoughts if I let him and if I entertain his devices and his intent to destroy.

I cannot — I must not — do that, for I am to: (1Thessalonians 5.16) “Rejoice evermore!” I am to “Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, rejoice!” –Philippians 4.4

Ultimately, I know that I know that I know: I want to please the Lord — I know I want strong faith and I know I want to honour Him. So my response to trials and testings and temptations must be filtered through 1Peter 1.6-7 so that I will be: found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ.

Graciously interrupted

I consider things for which I want to be remembered in life. Obviously, as a believer, I want to be remembered as a godly woman, I want to be remembered as a faithful wife and a loving mother. I most want this to be observed by my husband and family — from my bathrobe behaviour to my apron work behaviour to my garden clothes behaviour to my dress and jacket behaviour. Regardless my outward adornment, my activity or accomplishment or present company, I desire to be in behaviour that from the heart becomes godliness.

That’s my prayer, my aim, my path.

A natural result or expression of godliness is graciousness. I want to be remembered as gracious — Proverbs 11.16 says, “A gracious woman retains honour…”

Though graciousness is demonstrated in many ways, one of the ways I want most to develop and improve graciousness is in my response to interruptions. I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit as it’s an area I’ve needed to continually revisit, revise and improve through the years. I’ve come to conclude that if there’s one thing a mother needs to learn, it is the skill of being gracious while being interrupted — retaining honour in the midst of an interruption.

Not until I was a mother did I realize how selfish I am/could be — it wasn’t until tasks were interrupted or put off, sleep was interrupted or until health or strength waned did I realize I was so self-centered. It was, ironically, a wake up call for me. Then came all the other changes and experiences that life brings. Along the way I would come to understand biblical submission, more of motherhood and serving others. Interruptions. Interruptions. Interruptions.

Through a series of events, I would come to understand the importance of flexibility, of scheduling, of forbearance, of service and, ultimately, graciousness. Training came in unlikely forms for me: the late nights, accidents, sickness, soccer practice, piano lessons and reminders to practice, lost jackets and torn seams. These would serve to prepare me for unexpected car troubles, financial strains, hospital emergencies, deaths and other life experiences and inevitable surprises. I’ve come to see that everyone goes through most or all of these same “interruptions” — difference is, do they go through them graciously? Do I?

Interestingly, I’ve found that emergencies don’t feel like interruptions — at. the. time. — because they are, after all, emergencies. Sort of like getting hit broadside in an intersection. A heart attack. A call from the hospital: “hurry and meet me here.” You don’t plan for it or anticipate it — so it doesn’t really interrupt you. At the time. In those sorts of scenarios, you don’t stop and think: this sure is an interruption — and many of those sorts of things, we never look back and call them an interruption.

It’s most often little things… that’s what I’m referring to: the little, insignificant interruptions to your day, schedule or plans.

You make dinner and either everyone’s late or no one comes home or everyone’s home and a few bring friends… you planned for a few and now you have many. You’re planning a day of housekeeping and mending — suddenly someone needs something you consider to be insignificant — but it’s not insignificant to them — your plans are thwarted. A wonderful book, a Bible, a study, an article beckons to be read, a squabble upstairs interrupts your thoughts. You sweep, mop and wax the floor… muddy shoes mar the shine. Small things. You have time to react… time to think. You finish all the laundry… only to discover a few loads’ worth in various and sundry places. Empty milk jug in the fridge. One more blog to read. Empty tissue roll on the dispenser. One more dish to wash. You’re exhausted, your teen needs to talk. You’re on your way to the Sunday meeting, the car won’t start. You’ve just bathed, towels on the floor, none clean on the shelf.

You have time to react… time to think.

One after another, interruptions seem to flow through the river of your life… is your response gracious? Is the Lord apparently at the helm? Is the day bathed in promises and covered in prayer?

It’s in the little things… it’s in the big things… it’s in the emergencies… it’s in the mundane: I want to be found to be graciously interrupted.

Crowned with Goodness

May the Lord, indeed, crown your year with goodness ♥ and may the coming year be your most blessed year in the Lord.

Praise waiteth for thee, O God, in Sion: and unto thee shall the vow be performed.
2 O thou that hearest prayer, unto thee shall all flesh come.
3 Iniquities prevail against me: as for our transgressions, thou shalt purge them away.
4 Blessed is the man whom thou choosest, and causest to approach unto thee, that he may dwell in thy courts: we shall be satisfied with the goodness of thy house, even of thy holy temple.
5 By terrible things in righteousness wilt thou answer us, O God of our salvation; who art the confidence of all the ends of the earth, and of them that are afar off upon the sea:
6 Which by his strength setteth fast the mountains; being girded with power:
7 Which stilleth the noise of the seas, the noise of their waves, and the tumult of the people.
8 They also that dwell in the uttermost parts are afraid at thy tokens: thou makest the outgoings of the morning and evening to rejoice.
9 Thou visitest the earth, and waterest it: thou greatly enrichest it with the river of God, which is full of water: thou preparest them corn, when thou hast so provided for it.
10 Thou waterest the ridges thereof abundantly: thou settlest the furrows thereof: thou makest it soft with showers: thou blessest the springing thereof.
11 Thou crownest the year with thy goodness; and thy paths drop fatness.
12 They drop upon the pastures of the wilderness: and the little hills rejoice on every side.
13 The pastures are clothed with flocks; the valleys also are covered over with corn; they shout for joy, they also sing.
——Psalm 65

It’s the week before Christmas and…

It’s the week before Christmas and all through the house, mother is ____________ and the family feels ___________.

I posted this @ Welcome Home on Facebook… but it’s so important that I thought I’d share it here. I’ve been posting brief year-end countdown thoughts on Facebook @ Welcome Home. In the new year I hope to post daily home notes and verses for encouragement.

More housekeeping and sorting today. Don’t be afraid to box up stuff you really don’t use — as you’re cleaning and preparing for festive dinners and/or visits from family & friends. Whatever you box up today, just set it aside and after the first of the year, you can decide if you really wanted to part with it or not. As you work in the kitchen, do some cleaning as you go. If you get seldom used items out, wipe the cabinet before putting things away.”
If you haven’t ironed your table linens, do it today, hang the ironed cloths in your closet — first hand a thick a towel over the hanger and put your cloth on the hanger — less creasing this way. If you still need tea-lights or candles — be sure to add them to your shopping list.

Minimize your steps and trips… you’ll get more done in less time with careful planning and —-minimizing — without apology!— at this point.

And… really… do yourself a favour: If you haven’t gotten things done by now, you probably won’t get “big” things done — forget it…. really. Cross those things off your list. Concentrate instead on doing nice things with your family — it’s not worth it to you — or to them — to stress about not getting all those big things done. Believe me… a couple of nice, fun things are much better than a bunch of regrets and apologies for not getting all the big things and plans done – or done poorly.

As I have written for years: Mamas, be sweet to your family. They need you — and I will say again and again… they may not remember all the stuff you did, but they’ll remember how it felt at home and how you loved them.

Trust me… a fretful mother, a distracted mother, an always sorry mother is tough to be around — if you’ve talked candidly with your children and have sought to be ‘right’ with them, they’ll tell you these things. You’ll be surprised how loving, forgiving, supportive they’ll be with you as they experience your daily desire/effort to be a godly woman and joyfilled mother.

Join me in working at attending to the best things… and being a loving/loveable mother… a mother worthy of all the cards. ♥ ”

The Vacant Chair

I’ve entitled this blog entry The Vacant Chair — a title that’s not original with me, but the title of a poem I’ll add to this post in a moment. The poem was written by a dear saint, the husband of a precious friend who passed into heaven earlier this year.

It’s interesting that the poem should come in the mail today… as I have been thinking of several different ones who have ‘vacant chairs’ at their tables again this year. I think of the mothers and fathers who stand at the glass watching for the wayward son or daughter, hoping he or she will be home to occupy his or her chair at the table this year. I think of the families who won’t have a baby to hold, a parent to care for, a friend to visit at Christmastime… more empty chairs. I think of friends who have a vacant womb — bruised heart this Christmastime.

I think of families who will visit and look into the vacant, dim eyes of loved ones with vacant minds — long ago leaving vacant chairs. I think of couples with vacant chairs of children they never bore or only hold in their hearts. I think of those whose choices keep them afar off — who’ll not be home again this year — vacant chairs. I think of those whose husbands are off fighting in a war they never wanted to fight — the family tables with a vacant chair again this year. I think of friends or family who’ve moved away and they’ll miss sitting in the chairs around a familiar table this year. I think of mothers and dads who’ve married off a son or daughter this past year — a sweet sadness may wash over them — as they set tables with fewer chairs. And there are innumerable other scenarios… innumerable empty chairs. Vacant chairs will tell many stories… some, only in the heart.

The Vacant Chair was written by a loving, faithful husband whose eyes are growing dim, but whose memory is sweet and keen: for a wife who lived such a remarkable, long, full life — occupying the chair beside him for some sixty-seven years.

VACANT CHAIR

I love you dear with all my heart,
True love was ours to share,
God has called you to His Home,
I’m left with a vacant chair.

I think of things I’ve done today,
My toil and my care;
I praise the Lord you’re free from pain,
But I’m left with a vacant chair.

The day will come, I’ll join you there,
In Heaven, bright and fair,
We’ll praise the Lord, with all our heart,
And there’ll be no vacant chair!

Paul R Turnidge

From Paul’s Christmas letter, I’ll leave you with this very encouraging thought:

God has shown Himself wonderful to me. Every day I am amazed how He directs my path. Sometimes I look through my windshield of life and wonder where I’m going, then I look in the rear view mirror and see how far I have gone, and amazingly exclaim, “Surely the Lord has led me.””

Christmas Letters

I love receiving Christmas letters each year — I read them — some, many times. I read them to the family and take the enclosed photos and hang them on our kitchen cabinet doors. I love the letters for so many reasons — maybe for as many different reasons as the number of letters received each year.

I often wonder how many drafts some writers attempted before the resulting letter was complete. I say this because I attempted to write our Christmas letter no less than a dozen times this year. Each draft wordier (no surprise there!) than the previous — then I’d write a rather perfunctory letter — and it sounded like it. Then I wrote intending to add photo highlights. But then I thought of all the things I wouldn’t have space to include. After each sort of attempt — some, far along in the process: I think, no… no, that’s not it. Click: Ctrl A. Click: Delete. Computer lid: click. Lights out: click.

Maybe tomorrow, I’d ponder as I drifted off to sleep… maybe tomorrow… maybe tomorrow I will write in such a manner as to concisely convey, in less than a thousand words, the story of a year in the life of a family. All I could see was the hand of the Lord over two extremely thankful parents in rocking chairs: observing the marvelous lives of nine ~~very busy adult~~ children living at home and more beyond.

And so, more treasured letters and cards have arrived… more beautiful photos are on the cabinet doors… more tears of joy have been shed for the changes and blessings and losses and accomplishments the Lord has given family and friends. Melancholy tears of joy… and the passage of time.

The Christmas letter is finished. It’s even been printed. And it’s incomplete to convey all the things I wish I could’ve written, because there’s so much more the Lord has done and taught us this past year than time or space allowed. But… I’m glad we have something to send and a photo to put with it. I’m really grateful it mattered enough to enough of our family here to push to do what I know I’ll be glad we did.

♥

It’s a Time to Rejoice

Through the years we’ve celebrated “Christmastime” many different ways — some years a little, some years more. A family tradition here and a family tradition there, but no set (read: unchangeable) tradition. I think this comes from a mixed reaction to cultural influence/cultural traditions. It also comes from an ongoing inner debate: should believers celebrate Christmas? We’d immediately say: Yes, we should celebrate the birth of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, but that’s not really the question when people ask: should Christians celebrate “Christmas.” They’re asking: should Christians celebrate the twisted mix of truth and tradition, pagan and sacred. The question opens a quagmire of debate. What’s pagan, what’s tradition, what’s the socioeconomic influence, what’s the reason, what’s reality, what’s Scriptural, what’s not… whatsamattah whiddit anyway?

We met friends who ignored the year end “holiday” and stay completely out of stores, etc., much like I totally ignore the event at the end of October. And stay out of stores, etc.

We just did what we’d always done… our home looked like a lot of homes that were ♪♫ beginning to look ♫ a lot ♪♫ like Christmas…

And then we had a baby girl born on Christmas Day…
And then we met more friends who love the wonder of the Christmas and the glorious celebration, music, prayers and rejoicing over the Greatest Gift ever Given.

We’ve continued growing older. So have our children. So has our baby girl, born on Christmas Day.
And then we met more friends who didn’t simply ignore the whole year end events, but hotly debated the atrocity of participation in anything remotely associated with the pagan rituals.
And then we met more friends who celebrated a little.
And then we met more friends who celebrated a lot.
And then we met more friends who shuddered at the thought.

So… one year we exchanged only homemade gifts. Another year, none. Another year, we played the “present game” where a pile of assorted gifts was placed in the center of the room encircled by seats where we sat passing around a gift until the time was called and each could keep or trade away their little gift. Another year, none.

Through all the years we’ve made cookies and treats and our annual most-special family dinner. And celebrate the baby girl’s birthday.

Then, last year, our daughter-in-law suggested we “draw names” for gift giving (according to the agreed upon theme). We’d never done this before. I think some [of us] balked at the idea – some wondered what papa thought(!!). But then as we, each one, thought about and planned and shopped for the person whose name we’d drawn, the thrill of finding just the right present seemed to add to the joy of the celebration of the birth of our Lord.

As we come to this “Christmastime” season… we do rejoice at the wonder of the Greatest Gift ever Given. We read and reread every Christmas letter we receive. We hang up every photograph we receive. We have plans for baking special treats and cut-out cookies to decorate… plans for Christmas candies to make and for cutting out snowflakes and gathering greens for the ledges where the red and white pillar candles will be placed. We have printed music for singing around the piano. We have nuts for cracking and a most-special dinner to plan and prepare.

We have another birthday to celebrate… for the little baby born to us on Christmas Day.

But… most of all, we rejoice over the birth of the Greatest Gift ever Given.