First, I want to thank you for writing — for it is in acknowledging our condition and in seeing our need that we can best affirm and apply, by the grace of God, the help or teaching we receive.
Second, though this may not be helpful, you’re not alone and your situation or your “dilemma” is not unusual. The devil may attempt to tell you otherwise, but what you’ve written is common to women who both come home from the “work-force” *and* who’ve been trained otherwise. The “trained otherwise” is the main problem — not the new daily routine of being home and not out of the home. That will be the easy part once you accept the calling and seek to define and live it. You will define it as you go — and you will live it as you define it.
The “it” is the high calling of being a keeper at home… the main tree of motherhood. Incidentally, motherhood doesn’t relegate a woman to never leaving the home or never having “outside” work — there are likely seasons where one or both of these will happen — but it is my understanding that the season of child birthing, nurturing and training necessitates that mothers stay home to heed the calling the Lord has placed on her life and carry out and do these things. Radical feminists will argue the point. But I will continue to defend the Scriptures that call a mother to be a keeper at home, to love her husband and her children, to be discreet, sober, good, chaste, obedient to her husband — seeking all of these — that the Word of God be not blasphemed.
Psalm 113.9 He maketh the barren woman to keep house,
and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.
As to the question of not knowing what to do. Here’s an exercise that might be helpful for you. It will take you some time, so you might print this off so you can address it when time allows. Here is the exercise:
- List all the outcomes you desire (so far as it depends on you) for your life?
- What kind woman do you want to be remembered as being?
- As for your walk with the Lord, how do you see that worked out in your daily life?
- How can you work these attributes into your daily life? What do you need to implement?
- As for your behaviour and character what specific qualities to you most highly value?
- As a wife? As a mother? As a companion?
- What sort of atmosphere do you seek as a description of your home?
- The appearance of your home? The flow and routine of your homelife?
You may never have had the instruction to be a “godly woman” or a “keeper at home” or a “homemaker” or a “mother.” But I think you might agree that you do have an idea what this looks like or a dream of what it might be like. That’s what I’m asking you to consider — that’s what I’m asking you to ponder as you go through the days ahead. Yes, you may not know what to do – exactly – today, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have any idea. You may not know the paints, the colours, the hues, the brushes and blades used in painting a portrait, but you’ve seen the portrait or, at least, you’ve imagined it.
Yes, you may have been “instructed otherwise ” and, therefore, you need to spend some time reevaluating, rethinking, reorganizing your thoughts about motherhood and keeping a home — that’s what that “exercise” above is meant to address. You may be mourning the loss of time — the robbing of your time and purpose as a wife and mother. Don’t let the devil deceive you that it’s too late. If you’re still living, it’s not too late. Don’t ever forget that. The devil will deceive you to believe otherwise.
That crafty devil’s playbook is very thin — he doesn’t possess many tools or ideas — so he plays them over and over and over again. The longer you live, the more you’ll see this.
May you always be blessed.