Homemaking – The Welcome Home

Why didn’t I do this sooner?

I have in a folder a heap of “draft” blog entries — some dating back several years. I was going to just ‘blindly’ delete the whole folder since I generally write inspired by studies, current events, or experiences for single entries, message series, or Bible studies.

Today I reread the following entry, written two years ago in the midst of an activity that lasted a couple of months. What’s interesting to me is that while this happened two years ago, hindsight demonstrates it was just a precursor to what began to happen just before this new year, this 2021 year.

Written February 2019

As I go through our home in this process of eliminating clutter, I keep wondering, why didn’t I do this sooner? And, you know what? I have no good answer except that it wasn’t time yet for this overly-sentimental girl. I don’t know if I wasn’t ready for the work or if I didn’t have the prompting to do it or if I just thought: forget it, the task is too daunting — but one thing’s for certain: I didn’t know what I didn’t know!

I think that’s one of the greatest deterrents of not doing things: not knowing what we don’t know. As an example, I didn’t know it would feel so nice to have space between items in a cabinet — to have empty spots on a shelf or plenty of room in an area. All I know is that at the end of the year as I was putting away our Christmas decorating items, I had a sudden urgency to get busy decluttering our home.

Somewhere around Christmastime we got wind of a local newspaper article regarding an update for the progress of the airport expansion near our home — we’ve had knowledge of the proposal for well over four years now (well, actually for a couple of decades), but this news just seemed more certain. [cp_quote style=”quote_left_dark”]the clean slate of the new year was before me and clutter was in the way.[/cp_quote]That’s a hard hard story for another day, but it dawns on me now that I must’ve internalized that news and without intentionally acknowledging it — that, or I finally recognized the clean slate of the new year was before me and clutter was in the way. Whatever the case, I’m glad it happened that I felt an urgent need to go through every room {not the bedrooms of the two kids at home} and eliminate clutter.

This is the first time in 41 years that we’ve had an “extra” room in our home. It’s also our final year of homeschooling — thirty one years of homeschooling has meant accumulation of all sorts of materials, a permanent “homeschool area” filled with books, and arts and craft supplies. So that ‘extra room’ and the closing of our homeschooling chapter has allowed me to ‘permanently’ set up my sewing machine and have a stamping & paper crafting/hobby room. With a guest bed. ~smile~ Why didn’t I do this before now? I couldn’t.

But this brings me to thinking about why we don’t eliminate clutter, why don’t we clean out things? Why do we put off getting rid of things or the work of deeply-cleaning our homes? Maybe we don’t know we’d someday wonder why didn’t we do this sooner?!?

It seems that we think we’ve got a lot more time than we do. So, in all this work {and the thinking time I’ve had in it} the interesting lesson I’m learning is to tackle things that come to mind: today if at all possible, to use and appreciate the things I have, to be content with and purposeful about things — bcz I sure don’t like this recent feeling of wondering why I didn’t do this sooner. And, today’s all I’ve really got.

[I wrote about this process here, here, and here

The Next Right Thing

Over the years I’ve used a phrase numerous times in all sorts of seasons, mental spaces, homemaking, motherhood, even on this blog — the phrase: do the next right thing. This concept wasn’t learned overnight and it wasn’t learned easily. It wasn’t something that came naturally to me — as disciplines of motherhood didn’t come naturally to me.

But, from the beginning, God was working in me to will and to work for His good pleasure. –Philippians 2.13. Day by day He has been working disciplines into my life and I share these things with you that you might experience the same: God working in you for His good pleasure. Or God affirming in you what you’re already doing, learning, accomplishing for His glory.

Journaling, daily chore lists, daily prayer and devotions, checklists, etc., etc., all came into practice for me after I’d been married a little while. Early on, c. 1978, my mother-in-law gave me (among many other books) a copy of Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman by Anne Ortlund. I think, for the first time, I realized how much I did not know, how many things I didn’t pay attention to doing, or how many things for which I had no real plan. I don’t recall enough of the book to heartily recommend it today, but I do recommend establishing disciplines to live by.

Speaking of disciplines to live by, sometimes, “the next thing” isn’t the next right thing (even though it might seem like it). And often we jump to do the next thing in haste (because it’s on the list and because: it. is. the. next. thing.) when we ought stop to evaluate what the next right thing is.

Sometimes we get caught up in the snowball effect of doing next things —all day long, practically running through our day checking off all the things, all the busy things we do every day. And at the end of the day instead of being tired but fulfilled, we might feel as though we didn’t actually accomplish much (except a checked off list) and end the day feel tired and empty. Maybe in that list mix a right thing was missed, a right thing was overlooked, a right thing was rejected.

As I’ve shared a number of times, there are a couple of things I began to do and have done every day for the last 40+ years or so. Every day, first thing, I make our bed, tidy our room and have some sort of quiet time/Bible study/journaling. Those aren’t checklist items but they set the tone of the day… they’re sort of foundational to being ready for the day, ready for the next thing: the next right thing. Since I could have a tendency to be haphazard so these (and other) disciplines help keep me in line. Getting fully dressed for the day is another.

So, what’s a next right thing? Sometimes a next right thing is a: Stop everything–stop and pray! Or, stop and push a swing, see the sunset, listen to a trouble, a story, a heart. Or, stop everything: go take care of someone, go get someone, go make something for someone. Sometimes the next right thing is a necessary brief interruption–sometimes it’s all day. Whatever the case, right things might be seen as intrusions to our disciplines —our order— unless and until we seek to yield to what God is doing.

We might have our next things done so that we can be ready for the next right things. A daily order makes “time demands” easier to oblige. Next things are often task oriented only, whereas a next right thing is hopefully more grace oriented.

Does the next right thing take the place of the next thing? Yes, often.

As mothers, one of the hardest things to evaluate/prioritize is time/list management with so many potential variables. We might fall into one camp or another: so ordered we cannot be spontaneous —or— so spontaneous we never have order. Disciplines are tricky. But necessary. And gracious.

Disciplines bring freedom… freedom to do what we ought instead of doing whatever we want. This is where we can learn to do the next thing with the priority of the next right thing. In Titus 2.3 speaks of aged women being teachers of good things with verses 4 and 5 amplifying the good things.

Doing the next right thing is… a good thing. ♥ —ps

Intentional DeCluttering

Over the last month or so, living with less clutter, I’ve experienced some unintended benefits of my intentional decluttering project. Not the least of which has been ease of housekeeping and/or ease of moving from one daily activity to another with very little preparation or tidying. Having been the mother of many children for decades, home organization has been paramount. But even with all my planning and organizing, I still had clutter.

In this process of decluttering over the last couple of months, I’ve mulled over some of the “clutter factors” and how they came to be. One of the reasons, which I discovered quite by accident, was that I’ve had a “country farmhouse” decor for the last thirty five years or so. And, while I’ve loved all the decorations – baskets, candles, bears and geese and whatever else was showing up in my Country Woman, Taste of Home, or other related magazines, they’d become clutter. Cute stuff. Everywhere, cute stuff. When I gave away some books and stacks of magazines, it dawned on me, I no longer have the longing to accumulate and decorate in that way and magazines showing me all my favourite things weren’t necessary to keep anymore– I clipped my favourite pictures to keep for memorabilia. While some country farmhouse decor remains, the time had come to move on from there. And the more I moved on, the easier it was to keep moving on.

Another reason for a good deal of the clutter has been the shear number of people in our home and the volume of furniture, bedding, possessions, clothing & shoes, jackets, purses, backpacks, toys, hobbies, etc. Homeschooling eleven children has necessitated the gathering of all sorts of books, materials, equipment, supplies, etc., for all the studies and projects. Seasons change and I needed settle into this next season.

But, as I mentioned in my last post (Tidying. You’re Still You), I’m still me, I’m exceedingly sentimental, we still live in a farmhouse, because we’re a big family, big things regularly happen. So, I’ve kept things to accommodate our life/family. But! There’s a place for everything and everything’s in its place.

That’s where the intentional part of this decluttering project comes in. What I’ve learned is that it was good to have a clear plan and be willing to work until the plan was complete. As I wrote earlier, it took weeks. For the sake of brevity, I’ll share a part of the plan. I decided to get rid of the large oak corner desk and shelves of our school/craft room. There were dozens of bins, towers of plastic drawers, plastic shoe boxes, and the myriad of supplies each contained. The next, and parallel part of the plan, was to set up a craft and sewing room upstairs. This is a luxury that was never an option prior to this season. Now that most all our kids are married and have homes and families of their own, we had an ’empty room’.

Intentional decluttering requires ♥ having a plan for freed up space and how/where the new set-up will look and function.
Intentional decluttering also requires ♥ thinking of, and planning for, the immediate disposal, give-away, etc., etc., of no longer needed/wanted items.
Intentional decluttering also requires ♥ the resolve to stay with the plan until it’s complete.
Intentional decluttering means ♥ keeping an eye on the prize: a peaceful home.
Intentional decluttering means ♥ intentionally maintaining the new way of living/thinking.

As I sorted every single thing, I immediately took things upstairs to their landing spots. I set up the room and filled the spaces as I intended. It became easier with each passing day — one area was getting all cleaned up and another all set up. I also immediately took boxes of giveaways out to my car, furniture out to the porch, bags of trash to the bins. Each activity fueled the completion of the project(s).

Finally, I’ve allowed this intentional decluttering to flow into other areas of our home and my life. Eliminating and concentrating in other areas, drawers, cabinets, etc., etc. And then, going back over and over again to eliminate and concentrate further. Honestly, it’s been a very encouraging process to a peaceful home. There’s no ‘clutter police’ so the process can just continue to evolve over time and the simplicity will continue to be refreshing as time allows for projects to be undertaken. I recognize it will take practiced “intentionality” to maintain this peaceful home.

Tidying. You’re Still You.

The problem with attempting to make dramatic changes, or to carry out new resolutions, or most anything, really, is that we’re still the same people with the same proclivities, habits, personal styles, bents. The tidying, or in my case, the project of eliminating clutter, only lasts as long as the determination/work/project continues. No matter where you are in the project of eliminating clutter or tidying, you’re still you.

You’re still you. I’ve had to repeat this to myself many times in the last couple of weeks as I see myself “dropping my guard” on eliminating clutter. Just recognizing this has been inspiring. And I’ve remembered a couple of old adages: It didn’t get this way over night and its not going to go away over night, and: Anything worth doing is worth doing well.

As the weeks pass, and still maintaining the mindset of working to eliminate clutter and possessions, I’m sure seeing that no matter where I am in this process: I’m still me and this is a process, not a race. No one’s keeping score and there’s not an arbitrary finish line. I understood this when I made the decision to not sort and eliminate the boxes of mementos and memorabilia. But I still seem to operate as if there’s a score being kept or a standard not yet met.

An important revelation for me was to realize that I didn’t need to try and be someone else. I’m still me and am just fine being me. I’ve spent over forty years being a wife and mother to eleven children and have had decades of learning how to arrange, make space and organize things. I really don’t want to start over and do things differently–I won’t be able to maintain that persona, know what I mean? I don’t need new methods, I need to apply what I already know! This is freedom!! I hope if you’re on this track, you’ll see your freedom, too!

I watched a few episodes of the Netflix reality series Tidying Up. I mentioned in a previous post that I stopped watching after a few episodes bcz I didn’t need/want to learn new ways of storing things or folding clothes,— that, and I couldn’t get into living other people’s clutter drama. I also didn’t need a new mindset concerning possessions. I bristled at the thought of thanking items before setting them in the discard box. As I mentioned in a previous post, I had already taken to thanking the Lord for His provision and the use I had for the items I discarded (and I even sought forgiveness for the carelessness I’d exhibited for the several items I bought but never used). But even as I “fast-forwarded” through the shows, what I saw inspired me to stay my course and keep eliminating and organizing my “new normal.”

I already know how sort, clean, and organize things well and I already have an ample supply of plastic bins, containers, and drawers. I like the way I fold things, I like to order and arrange things. I know the flow of our home, and have learned by trial and error where things go best. I like the ways we use space in this old farmhouse. All that to maybe inspire you to take a look at your life and recognize your strengths and abilities, too.

In all this clutter elimination and tidying, I’m still me – with all my abilities, successes, failures, quirks and flaws.

And if you’re in the process, remember this: you’re still you! If you’ve got tidying to do (or like me, have the arduous task of a massive elimination of items!), keep in mind: if you won’t use it, no longer need it, want it, like it: Let it go! Thank the Lord for His provisions, repent if that’s in order, muster up the strength to do what you can/must for the day, tidy up your house and live a joyful, clutter-free, ordered life.

Clutter is Relative

There’s a saying, One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. I kept this in mind from time to time as I proceeded through my month-long activity of eliminating clutter in our home. I also had in mind a couple of other thoughts that sort of guided my process: I’m doing this for me and our family and clutter is relative! After an initial confrontation, I purposely blocked out a couple of thoughts: cost/origin of the item and other’s opinions/style. I kept in mind the goal of eliminating clutter, living in our new normal, gratitude for the past activities/needs/possessions, and keeping home home.

Guilt was the first giant I had to ~~slay~~ tackle. I didn’t realize how big this was! I felt very guilty (and have many times through the years) for getting rid of items that were no longer useful, no longer fit, or just weren’t right. (This is, in part, where my clutter is relative thought comes from.) Guilt was a giant for me. After a mental confrontation, a freeing thought came along — and it was in the form of a prayer of sorts. I said, Lord, thank You for this_____, for what it cost, how it’s been used and what was accomplished here. I would repeat that ‘prayer’ many times as items went out the back door. The giant, guilt, is a formidable foe, but must be seen for what it is. And the more I faced it, the easier it was to say: I no longer need this, use this, want this, or like this ITEM! Yes, there was a bit of regret, but no guilt, no shame in that.

I did have regrets — some regret that I hadn’t used items I’d bought — regret that they had become either obsolete, irrelevant to the next season or I never learned to incorporate them into our family activities/schooling/etc. All that, or I never even liked them. Other regrets were the time or money spent on items. To those regrets I answered with repentant thanksgiving — thanksgiving and reality. I’m thankful we had this or that item, yes, it cost a lot for us, but now it’s no longer needed, no longer necessary. And won’t be in the future. Whatever happened before this day must be a guide for my future purchases and acquisitions. Instruction gained: Do I need it? Will it be useful? Do I really like it? Am I doing this for someone else/some other reason?

This is where the clutter is relative thought kept coming to mind. I got rid of so much clutter, I reorganized/eliminated so many items, shelves, drawers, cabinets, etc. But our home didn’t even begin to start looking like a hotel room or an airB&B with few/no mementos or personalized style. My style did not become minimalist — even though there are areas with minimal items — there are areas that appear unretouched. On purpose. But! The clutter (for me!) is eliminated. An aside: I kept to a decorating standard – I reduced items on a table or shelf to groupings of three. Aesthetically, it is pleasing to me and curbs my (seemingly insatiable) need to fill space.

One more thought today… I came to a realization that there are a couple of areas I’m not going to address right now. Weeks ago, in the big closet reorg, I pulled out several large boxes of cards, letters, memorabilia… all over the floor, I began sorting. And then I decided: I’m not going to be bound by a set of arbitrary rules to go through every single space and eliminate every single thing I’m not using. I’m not ready to decide that quite yet. So, I put everything back in the boxes and neatly stacked them. When I look at them now, they aren’t clutter to me, they’re things I know I’ve loved a long time and have purposely decided I’ll go through them again another day. They’re not clutter – this is us, this isn’t someone else’s home, yes, I may die before I get to some of these other things, but for now I don’t have a specific timeline, there aren’t rules of clutter-engagement. One woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure. These are treasures to me. That, and clutter is relative.

Open Space

One of the challenges I’ve been experiencing as I have been going through closets, cupboards, and drawers specifically — and rooms, in general is newly exposed space: open space! If you’re either a Queen Of Quite A Lot or a Saver Of Quite A Lot, you just might find yourself in a quandary. No, not the first day, not the second day, but a couple of weeks after you uncover OPEN SPACE in your home, your natural tendency will be to FILL it! Fill it back up. Quickly.

Don’t do it. Resist the urge to fill space. Now, I know this advice is probably only applicable to Savers Of Quite A Lot. I know women who do not struggle with this {I know, right?!?!} — open space is natural for them. To them, minimalism is natural or intentional. But it’s not for me. I seem to like to fill space. I fill space wherever I find it. In my home, my closets and drawers, conversations and dinner plates.

In the past weeks I’ve uncovered a lot of open space — it’s been as much a a whole shelf, a whole basket or simply a few inches between items instead of every item touching another on a shelf or in a drawer. It’s seems to me that I’ve been uncomfortable with open space previous to this massive project of eliminating clutter in our home. If there’s ever been a space, I’ve quickly filled it–cluttered it all up nice and tight. To be fair, many times “highly filled and tightly spaced” has been more a matter of necessity than preference. Eleven children = highly filled and tightly spaced farmhouse living.

Open space is refreshing. Really, I just said it! And meant to! It’s been refreshing to have space in my pantry to arrange the food items and see them all well, space between hangers in my closet, and so on. I got rid of a very large oak corner desk that’s been the family hub — just removing the piece of furniture alone created open space! Eliminating about half of my very, very ample supply of crafting, sewing, fabrics, and art supplies created open space. For minimalists, I still do not truly have open space — but for me! I have much open space. There are still areas that are full – but they are extremely organized in containers/drawers and shelves and for me, it’s spacious! In an upstairs storage closet, I have quite a few *empty* plastic bins, baskets and boxes. This is amazing to me! Open space!

My latest mantra has been: Now that I’ve gotten everything all tidied up, pretty quick, I’m going to start getting serious about this elimination of clutter!! ~smile~ After all, I didn’t quit being myself: A Saver of Quite a Lot!

Eliminating Clutter

Clutter, clutter everywhere and not enough places to put it. That’s how the beginning of this year felt to me. Clutter of things, clutter of thoughts, clutter of concerns. I didn’t know what I needed to do, initially, but I knew I needed to get busy.

I process things either verbally, by writing or by cleaning. So, it really stands to reason that my resolve to clean out the clutter was really a resolve to clean up some other areas of my life, too. I didn’t start with an exact plan or schedule beyond the decision to eliminate clutter, but the first decision or first item I decided to eliminate set in motion the work of the next 30 days.

That first decision was to eliminate the large oak computer desk in our kitchen/family room. It has been the gathering place for the last 20 years–not only of people, but of things! So many things. It’s been the writing, crafting, schooling, and catch-all area. Since most of our eleven children are grown and have homes of their own, life as we’ve known it for so long has changed dramatically. We don’t need that sort of ‘center’ anymore. Having an ’empty’ bedroom is also a first time occurrence in our home — this made for a perfect opportunity to go through all my sewing, crafting, cardmaking, wrapping, and writing supplies and set them all up in one place–one room.

As I went through every item, the more I tossed out or put in the ‘giveaway’ boxes, the more I was able to toss out or give away. When either was full, I took it out to the trash bin or put it in the back of my car. Out of sight, out of mind. Day after day I repeated the process from room to room throughout our home. It was really a freeing experience for this queen-of-quite-a-lot!! Every item became a question: Do I even want this? Do I even like this? Will I ever use this ever again?

Somewhere in the midst of the process, one of my daughters asked me if I’d heard of Marie Kondo. No, I told her — to which she replied I must watch her programs. So, I did — I watched a few. And you know what? I was already on my way, I didn’t know about the KonMari method, but I was already in the process of “Kondo-ing” our home!

I found that I was saying, do I love this? Do I even want this? And after watching Marie Kondo’s continual asking does this spark joy? I realized I was on that great track and all my years of cleaning, folding, organizing items, containerizing things, scheduling chores, events, and meals for a large family had prepared me for my huge task of eliminating no longer used or no longer useful-to-me things and reorganizing our home. I was finding joy again.

I’m not all finished yet as I now need to go back and refine some sorting, get a little more ruthless about some items. But the freedom has sure been inspiring. There’s freedom also is discovering I really didn’t need to watch more programs, learn more tricks, get more containers… I already had what I needed – I just needed to put it all in action! That was so freeing! And energizing. And joyful.

Lists Are Tools

After writing last week how I dealt with starting out unprepared, my friend wrote about lists I used to have on my walls. So I thought I’d continue on today sharing about lists and how to use them — remembering: lists are tools, they’re simply tools.

Again, I wasn’t born organized — I’m not a naturally organized girl, but life as a mother to many children gave me much practice and many opportunities to test the results of being disorganized and being organized. And, believe me, organized was better. It’s still better — and it is for so many reasons I actually had no grasp of at the time.

Lists help us to be clear on the concept. And, as the picture to the left shows, when a child isn’t clear on the concept, what we want to have happen isn’t going to happen! In this case, I needed the dishwasher to be loaded. And it was. But what I wanted was clean dishes — that wouldn’t have happened if some instruction, care and attention to detail hadn’t been given.

List help us. Lists help us to be careful, thorough, and efficient. I totally get that lists and schedules are confining — the abstract/random in me knows that feeling very well! But it’s in the confines of the list that our true desires can be laid out.

Lists help us not only do what we ought, but also what we want. Most of us want a clean house, for example, and more, we ought to have a clean house. But it’s more fun to hang out on the computer, or go to the beach or to the lake or swing in the park. It’s more fun to chat over coffee, read a book, or go window shopping. Interestingly, lists that help us do what we ought, also help us do what we want — they help us accomplish what we ought to have done so that we can have time to do whatever else we want to do. ~smile~

For years I had lists on the walls of rooms in our home. Some of the lists detailed, in order, what was entailed in cleaning that room. In time, these lists became more than cleaning tools. As I would later learn, they were a discipline tool, a work ethic tool, a negotiating tool, and a great feedback “check-list” for the room when it was pronounced “all clean” by whichever child(ren) doing the job. Since the list was on the wall, children knew it wasn’t just an arbitrary decision what to do to clean the room. I worked side by side whoever was learning to do a job until I knew they really knew what to do. I didn’t want to set them up for failure… I wanted them to win. ~smile~ Often, it would have been so much easier and quicker to just do the work myself, but then, that would have defeated my purpose in bringing up children.

So, as an example, on the kitchen wall, (as best I can recall) I had a laminated list something like this:

To Clean This Kitchen

Unload the dishwasher
Clear the table to the kitchen
Wipe the table and the chairs with a clean, damp cloth
Put away the milk and wrap “left-over” foods, etc., into the fridge
Scrape, then Rinse the dishes, load the dishwasher
Wash the pots, pans, griddle, etc., with soap and hot water
Dry them with a clean towel and put them away
Wipe the jars, mixer with a clean dishcloth, rinse the cloth
Wipe all the counters, start at one end, all around the kitchen
Wipe the stove top, rinse the dishcloth
Wipe the drawers, cupboard doors, stove door, refrigerator door
Rinse the dishcloth, hang up the towel
Sweep the floor
Take out the trash (if needed)
Take the dishcloths and towels to the laundry (if needed)

I shared earlier that these lists did much more than outline the job. They helped kids (and myself) see what was expected and gave them opportunity to negotiate who would do what on any given night as there were generally at least a couple of kids doing the work. Occasionally, I’d be in on a plan where one child offered to do another child’s job if they did their job. I tried not to be too strict on who was doing what — only that everyone had to contribute what they were capable of doing in one way or another (on that or some other job in the home). All along the way, they were learning skills, they were learning to work and the repetition helped them learn to be thorough in their work — whatever it was. And to this day, they, each one, amaze me with their attention to detail on jobs. It’s one of the “I’m glad we did that” things I look back on.

Unprepared

Just so’s ya know, I’m not a naturally prepared girl — I’m more unprepared than prepared. But God. It was through many blessings in my life that I learned to be prepared for things. It was through many failures, missed events and opportunities that I had to develop methods to be better prepared for — well, for life.

But I was unprepared. I didn’t come from a large family. I wasn’t raised in a Christian home. I didn’t have a great deal of Bible knowledge yet–but I had faith and that faith began to bloom. And so, that was the foundation of our marriage from the beginning: faith, hope and love. I didn’t have great homemaking, or cooking, or gardening, or time-management skills. And while I didn’t have a whole lot of experience, what I did have was a whole lot of want to! I really wanted to be a faithful woman, to have a happy marriage, home, and family.

[cp_dropcaps]L[/cp_dropcaps]ittle by little, I learned how to plan, how [cp_quote style=”quote_left_dark”]being a wife, mother, homemaker was everything I never knew I wanted[/cp_quote]to work, how to anticipate, how to care for my husband, family, and home. It surely didn’t come naturally to me, but being a wife, mother, homemaker was everything I never knew I wanted. I didn’t just want to be those things… I realized early on that I wanted to be good at those things.

So life circumstances developed into “preparedness training” for me. Necessity being the mother of invention, I had to develop methods for keeping some semblance of order (and sanity). I spent years defining and refining and–decades–preparing each day for the day ahead. I wrote in journals. I kept a notebook/planner that had all sorts of sections for specific information, appointments, shopping lists, kid’s needs- sizes, etc., meal plans and other records–I called it “my mind” and, truly, if I’d misplace it or (seem to) lose it somewhere, I’d sincerely lament: I lost my mind. ~smile~

Life preparations included a large “white-board” on the wall; it had a couple of rows on top and underneath, header columns written in Sharpie: names, chores, assignments, activities, appointments. In the top row (with dry erase markers) I wrote the month, day and year. In the row beneath that, I had seven squares, one for each day of the week and in each of those I wrote the family activity/appointment/whatever for that day. In long columns, I had sections for chores, schoolwork, etc., and down the left side I had each child’s name (creating a row for each one). For those who could read, I’d dry-erase write in the information for the day; for those who could not, I had small “chore” pictures for them to see, to do, and to tell me they’d done whatever the little picture indicated each day.

Years went by. More children were born. The whiteboard got bigger — the columns, longer; the days, fuller. And then the season began to change… a couple of names dropped off the board, but more names began to be added to my notebook. Then more names dropped off and I was slowly heading into a new role. Kind of unprepared, really.

I don’t have that sort of notebook anymore. The notes I take and the lists I make are nothing like those of days gone by. I don’t buy ten gallons of milk every week, I don’t do 4 or 5 loads of laundry every day, I don’t pass out chore lists — I don’t have a whiteboard on the wall anymore.

Though I still feel sort of unprepared sometimes in this new-ish season, I looking forward to each day with anticipation. When I get a call from a daughter, a facetime or a recipe request, or a visit with some thrilling news; or daughter in law wanting to visit or wanting care for some littles, or any or all the kids stopping by for a visit, I give thanks to the Lord for all this. Ironically, each day I prepare for the things that come up for which I might’ve thought I was unprepared, but God! Then I marvel: in nothing and everything He prepared me for this.

Keepers @ Home

u_skap_4 [cp_dropcaps]I[/cp_dropcaps]n Titus 2.4-5 we read, in part, that younger women are to be taught by older women to be keepers at home, we see that there must be something to this ‘keeping a home’ for it to warrant teaching or knowledge of skills to do the keeping. This home-keeping, something that needs to be studied, or which requires skill, must also be pretty important or noteworthy for it to be contained in the list of imperatives in the book of Titus concerning what ought to be taught through and to women. I will add that this ‘home-keeping’ be done well because it does not stand alone. In context, it is in the verse which concludes: that the Word of God be not blasphemed.

Everything we do must be measured against the standard of God’s Word. Nothing we do is worth anything if it does not measure up to the Word of God. That’s convicting. And it’s also tough teaching—but that’s the Word—God’s Word to us. You know what’s also convicting? Older women are directed to do this — to be about doing this. More often than not, I see the younger women hanging around the younger women and working it all out. I see the older women feeling like has been’s, antiquated in their ways and ideas and not all that willing or able to impart teaching to younger women. Younger women may also not really want advice or training from older women, either. Whatever the case, the Scriptures are pretty clear on “discipleship” and instruction to youth.

So, what if the older woman isn’t in a position or doesn’t feel capable to teach the younger? It seems that desire to be available probably ought to be a priority and then action when opportunity arises. But regardless how this all plays out in a woman’s life, there needs to be some nurturing of the desire to be used of the Lord in other’s lives—the willingness to be available to others in their time of need, the willingness to be open and vulnerable over a cup of coffee, as an example. And all the while, older women need to continually grow in the Lord and in prayer — sharpening their faith, skills, understanding, and knowledge — so that they will be ready to give an answer! ♥

So, the home is a shelter, a place of worship and prayer, a place of refuge, a place of forgiveness and forgetfulness, a place of refreshment, a place where skills are taught and where they’re learned — it’s a place of hospitality. It is all of these and more.

I will suggest that the home is also a place of harmony. A place where lives are blended in order that a whole may be formed. Two come together as one—a whole is formed. A child is added to the whole and it is made more complete—perhaps another or many others are added in order that that whole might be made more complete. Whatever the case, the home is where harmony and oneness are learned; it is where communication and cooperation are learned; it is where acceptance and rejection is learned and handled. The home is where relationships are modeled and worked out. The home must be a safe place for all these things to be nurtured or understood. All of these facets of human relationships will be learned somewhere—a nurturing Christian home will help all of these develop healthily. The longer I live, the more I see the value and necessity of a nurturing home.

The keeper at home has a tremendous responsibility to make sure that the home is all of these, that in addition to these or the working out of all of these, makes sense with the home a place of work, creativity, industry, health, basic education and training for the desire for life-long learning. When the home is seen in proper perspective— in line with the Word of God, it is a dynamic place—a place that’s so full of life that it’s naturally growing and incorporating and encouraging each member, friend, or guest, and the model is Christ-like. And isn’t that our greatest desire — our whole hope—our whole hearts’ desire: That the Lord is glorified and that we may be like Him?!!? Then it stands to reason that our homes should reflect that desire—they should radiate that hope or that tone—and should be ever growing in grace as each season passes.

If being a keeper at home has been difficult for you (as it has been for me at different times and in different seasons) then maybe it’s just time to stop and refocus, time to stop and reevaluate where you are, what’s going on and where you’d like to improve. I do this from time to time so that I can sharpen my focus or get back on track where I’ve derailed. Only the devil will attempt to convince you that you’ve failed or that you’re not capable of getting it right (bcz you never do) or that it’s too late. Those are lies. The truth is that [cp_quote style=”quote_left_dark”]the Lord has created you specifically with all your special skills and abilities, quirks and even your limitations[/cp_quote] the Lord has created you specifically with all your special skills and abilities, quirks and even your limitations — and desires that you use them for His glory, that you cry out to Him to equip you, strengthen you for the task, give you hope, joy, peace and patience for the journey and that He would work in you to be a gracious blessing to your family. I think that’s why He’s set many of us in our homes where we often feel like we know not what to do—but with God all things are possible.