Titus2 – Page 2 – The Welcome Home

Live a Great Love Story

I hope you’ll take time to listen to the following video clips — a three part series, foundational to both marriage and Christianity… about a God who is passionate and full of life. And the Bible: the greatest love story ever written… God created marriage and He is passionate… Unless we have this life and this passion, we’re not an accurate reflection of our God who created these emotions and marriage and romance and love.

Sometimes we see Jesus as a great Saviour, but do we see Him as a great role model? Regarding your marriage… Francis Chan says, “…It’s not, ‘Are you happy?’ ” “When people watch you interact with your spouse, do they see Jesus Christ in you?”

Whoever claims to life in Him, must walk and live as Jesus did. Do we follow in His steps?

Watch Francis Chan and his wife, Lisa, as they minister in this three part series: Christ Centered Relationships

So you’re addicted. Now, what?

When the day of my turning point came, I wouldn’t have been more stunned had a wrecking ball come swinging into my kitchen window. I’m now not so sure if it was the actual event or the combination of that and a heartrending revelation and my subsequent overwhelming grief that I’d squandered precious time — for years — reading, searching, creating, writing, researching… on the computer. Good things… so many good things.

There is a silver lining…
Lord has opened His Word to me in many new ways. I want to be careful not to exceed the context or intent of the Scriptures, so my ‘revelations’ or insights might not seem applicable to this situation — but numerous passages have spoken to my heart in new ways through these last two and a half years. One, is that the Lord is not willing that any should perish. Now, this pertains, ultimately, to salvation, but I’ve begun to see His love for life in a new way. His love for eternal life, His love for unborn life, His love for the downtrodden, His love for obedience in life, and His purpose that we might have life and that, more abundantly.

Addictions limit abundant living.

No worries: I haven’t jumped ship here into name-it-and-claim-it-prosperity-(little g) gospel living. But I do see that we limit God’s work in our lives when we live contrary to His plans and purposes for us. Being a preoccupied and distracted mother leads to all sorts of visible and not-so-visible troubles — but that’s not all — whatever is occupying our thoughts and time must be in accordance with God’s plan and design for our lives and things that hinder that or draw us away should rightly be called sin to us. Yeeouch. All the justifications, excuses and reasons for doing otherwise just deepens our problem and widens the sweeping damage done in our homes and in the lives of our family members.

Having the computer set up in the kitchen where it could be accessed and consulted at any hour, any time, for any length of time was like a drug to me — a gotta-have- it drug. That’s why I can so easily and confidently call unguarded, unrestrained and unmeasured internet use an addiction.

You know you’re addicted when you pray: Give us this day, our daily bread… And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us [some email]…

So, now what?

When facing and fessing up to and then turning/recovering from addiction, may I say, you’re never going to make it if you try going it alone. The devil will meet you at every turn (or log-in). You will make provision for the flesh. You will justify, minimize your addiction, make excuses for your ‘work’ and need to be online. And then you’ll remember you made a deal, your regret or shame or embarrassment may come back to your mind — but admissions will not keep you on track. Your sorrow will not keep you on track. Your resolve will not keep you on track. Your best intentions will not keep you on track. Simply deciding to be done with spending too much time on the computer will not solve your deeper problem and will not prevent you from carrying on just as you had been doing. I think that’s why the Lord taught or gave the following warning in Matthew 12:

(43-45) When the unclean spirit is gone out of the man, it walks through dry places, seeking rest, and finds none. Then it says, I will return into my house from which I came out; and when it is come, it finds it empty, swept, and garnished. Then it goes and takes with itself seven other spirits worse than itself, and they enter in and dwell there; and the last state of that man is worse than the first…”

Walls and fences for wills and fancies!

AA. Yep, AA! No, I’m not talking Al-Anon, I’m talking Accountability and Activity! I have learned over the last several years — and most especially in the last two and a half — that whenever a change — a drastic change — is needed, drastic measures must be taken. And, believe me, computer addiction is that serious. Think of the times you’ve dieted. You don’t leave the delectable foods on the counter, you don’t snack on candy bars, sip on rootbeer floats or munch on potato chips; No, you clear those things away and gather for yourself nourishing vegetables, fruits, lean meats and water. Additionally, you don’t sit and wait for weight to drop off — you get moving: you get busy and exercise or go for walks. You track your progress with a scale or measuring tape. And, better yet, you get a partner to join you: someone to whom you are accountable. You’ve already proven your ‘self’ is not a good accountability partner. Sadly.

So, also with computer addition. You make no provision for the flesh — and, believe me, while simply unplugging may seem like a good solution, it’s not a real solution. It may stop the activity for that length of time, but it wouldn’t necessarily get to the heart of the matter. In this, I encourage you (and myself) to begin with acknowledgement and prayer. Face the truth, look square into the face of the matter and then set up accountability. This provides the place to “confess your faults one to another.” (read James 5.16) That’s a powerful verse — the third part of it tells us that the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. Did you catch the fervent part? This is no small problem – computer addiction; thus there’s no casual solution. Fervency in prayer! You won’t be fervent in prayer until you grapple with the problem and grasp its gravity.

Here’s a net-net for you. Make a break — a clean break — you will survive and so will the masses.

Recommit. Reconnect. Re-create. Restore.

You see? There are many REasons for facing and tackling online addiction. But then… you’ll never know until you stop…

Next time, something of a new track to run on.

Things happen; and life goes on.

I thought I’d sort of continue on from where I left off yesterday (and then life goes on). Things happen; usually a bunch of things have to happen in order to arrest our attention – unless someone yells, Fire! or someone comes in bloody or the phone rings in the middle of the night. Those things get out attention.

Unfortunately, there are a whole bunch of other things happening (and not happening) that don’t get out attention — at least not until some crisis happens. Even then, we may address the interruption and move on… never seeing — really seeing — what’s going on. Thus, the damage being done by too much computer/electronic device games or text messaging is not so easy to see (harder to admit). Things happen, though, and we see them if we would break away long enough to listen and if we’d stop long enough to see. Just take a look around — anywhere — everywhere — you’ll see distracted individuals all connected and disconnected at the same time.

Things happen; and life goes on. Here’s where I hope, today, to be of some help. When things happen that bring us to our day of reckoning, we might foolishly focus on the day of reckoning instead of on the “things happening” and we might wallow in our despair over what we think we’ve lost instead of the damage our actions (or inaction) caused. On the first day of the greatest sorrow we’d ever faced, my husband asked me for my computer — and as I’ve written in the past (here) you know that I humbly and gladly did so. I recall thinking: Anything! Anything at this point, I will do it. I knew. I didn’t need to be asked twice and I didn’t need an explanation — nor did I give one. I knew. My days of being overly distracted by the computer had culminated in a breach of attention to my home and resulted in a deep time of sorrow, chastening and redemption.

Time and space do not allow for recounting of the marvels and miracles the Lord showed and did on my behalf and on the behalf of my family. In the 97 days one of our daughters was away, in the near death experience of our missionary son, in the loss of friendships and in the division of our home church, God worked deeply, powerfully, tenderly, painfully and lovingly. I cannot blame, nor do I seek to blame, anyone or anything… but this I know: what the devil intended for evil, God is working for good.

The life goes on part is this: When we face trials and temptations, we can be assured of these very things: God is working all things together for our good and His glory and “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” –1Cor 10.13

The days I thought I could not bear: passed. They passed by and underneath were the loving Arms. They way of escape? A humble and contrite heart seeking faithful obedience. Period. I don’t know how else to explain the outpouring of grace in those dark days (and these). When we seek Him, He is faithful and just to hear our prayers — and though the consequences may continue on (and be ugly!), you can rely on this: God is and will be at work as time goes on. He is the restorer of the breach — He truly is! He is the lover of our souls — He truly is! And every son [daughter] He loves, He chastens — ouch, He truly does!

So then what? What’s after a big fall? I learned a valuable truth about God in the earthquake, the wind and the storm — the Lord taught me this at the time and then later during a study of 1Kings. It’s what I most longed for — then and now — the still small voice of the LORD. “.

And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD.
And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.
1 Kings 19.11-12

After the fire: the still small voice — and isn’t that the sweetest .

Next: (part 3-ish) Make no provision for the flesh.

Captivated

You know I’ve written about internet addition… e-mail… group list mail addiction… AOL… Geocities… One-List… eGroups… screen addiction… information addiction… whatever could be looked up… early on: Ask Jeeves. Bling. Ask him… ask him anything. Then Yahoo, then Google… click, click, click… Bling. You’ve got mail… Bling! Click, click, click… Blogs! Bling! Facebook. Bling! Pinterest. Bling!

I write what I’m learning… I share what I see, what I experience, what God is teaching me. You know; through a series of trials, disappointments and losses I was presented face to face with the reality that I was/am an internet addict. By the grace of God and through the love of my husband, I had to face this reality and, after some time had passed, learn to make changes — and when it was obvious I could not be self governing, I had to have boundaries — literal restrictions — placed on my computer. Like a drug addict, I am powerless over media. And… like a drug addict, I didn’t realize what was going on around me, nor did I realize I was causing others to resent me — the time I was spending online and the time I was not spending with them. And guess what the fruit of this was/is? Yes… in many ways, family and friends addicted to media. That is not sweet fruit.

So… I implore you today. Get fences. Get restrictions on your media. Get pruned. Get staked. Learn to live within the boundaries so that you will be more fruitful, more fragrant, more productive… You’ll see. And you’ll be amazed.

Two years ago, when I handed my computer to my husband, I knew I had to come to grips with internet addiction/family hurts and my walk with the LORD. Then, months later, when I had worked through and walked through where I was, what I’d done and what I needed to do: my one hour’s use per day almost seemed like a worse prison than no computer use per day… but that time was actually a school of prayer and more repentance, more revelation of what had happened (and why it happened) and what needed to happen. What I thought was a punishment was a blessing. What I thought was too hard was actually a marvelous mercy. What I thought was too restrictive has become my greatest freedom.

Now, as in this little window of allocated/measured time, I have freedom — permission — blessing — to use this computer and I can choose to use the time to browse, listen to sermons, to research, to read/write devotionals, blogs, connect with my children and friends… bcz I’m in step with the plan for my days. It’s freeing. This humbling limitation has given me so much assurance and freedom.

It’s joked about sometimes around here — this restriction — and it reminds me of people’s comments to me early on when we only had one vehicle for many years and my husband was gone all day. I could walk to the store for my groceries — returning with what could be carried or hung on the stroller. It was freeing to me to not “run around” in the car — to plan my days and outings, to live within those boundaries. I didn’t always know it and probably couldn’t appreciate it. But I know and appreciate it now. These things affirm to me that God never wastes a thread.

Quintessential Motherhood

Throughout that week I wondered what the LORD would have me to write for that week’s letter. And so, in an attempt to prepare a letter, I sat down to write. Distractions, buzzers, timers, calls, the dryer’s beep-beep-beep, and the knocking at the back door… distractions. And then I thought: distractions? No: life. Life is what’s happening when we’re waiting and planning for something else to happen. And then I thought on this further and wondered: is this the story of my motherhood experience? Has it all happened while I was waiting for something else to happen? Have the days passed by while I was looking for a brighter tomorrow and a better way of doing things? While hurry-scurrying around, gathering, sorting, washing, folding, packing… suddenly the time comes for a departure.

Suddenly the time-clock runs out and this game is over or the hour comes. This is quintessential motherhood.

I came inside from the chilly porch where I hugged one of our sons and waved him good-bye-for-now. As he drove away, the darkness giving way to light and the early morning sun casting a pink glow on the snow, tears flooded my eyes and instantly, all the compelling rush was completely forgotten in the haze of the exhaust and the taillights slowly dimming in the distance. I stood there in the cold-still waving… the asl sign for i-love-you… and found myself wondering—questioning what significant thing had I contributed to that remarkable boy’s life? Was there anything noteworthy? All at once I thought of many things I’d forgotten to remember—things I suddenly realized I meant to say. Memories instantly flooded my mind — sort of like those endearing slideshows you see at weddings — the emotionally gripping photos that chronicle lives and bring tears and laughter simultaneously one frame after another.

Part of the calling of motherhood is that there will be suffering. There will be days of joy and sorrow. Sort of that paradoxical truth that in every adversity there is triumph and in every joy there is an inextricable mix of delight and sorrow. The sorrow part is the part we didn’t read in the fine print. The sorrow part is one of the consequences of endearment –one of the consequences I didn’t perhaps expect when I first received the confirmation call from the doctor’s office or when we first saw the indicator lines in the home-pregnancy test kit. No, in those days, we had no idea what lay ahead, what tears we’d shed or how many sleepless nights we’d spend waiting and walking. Waiting for a child to return home or walking a crying baby from one end of the living room to the other: round and round.

No, in the early days, we had no idea what lay in store a few years down the road. We had no grasp of where those first baby-steps would take those feet. We had no concept that snow-tires would eventually replace those training wheels. Even now, I probably have no real grasp of what the consequences of motherhood are. Just as I can’t fathom the exhilaration of tremendous joy, I can’t fathom the plummeting sorrow—both are those inexplicable consequences of endearment and motherhood.

I’ve often said I wasn’t prepared for these years—the gripping anguish of regret and disappointment, the overwhelming joy proud moments bring and the unstoppable ticking of the clock and the turning of the calendar pages. It seems new calendars are purchased more frequently now. But in reality, nothing and everything prepared me for these days. The LORD has been with me, guiding, abiding and upholding me —preparing me for each of the next days He’d bring. The preparation has been in the living. Bidding farewell to passing seasons and ushering in new ones prepares us for these goodbyes.

It’s quintessential motherhood: fully experiencing of all the seasons over and over. Experience, history… photographs and memories all prepare us for these goodbyes. As I look out at the morning glow on the snow… and then at the leafless, frost covered branches of my weeping willow tree, there’s sort of a melancholy hopeful looking forward to what this day will bring and how I’ll one day look back on this day.

I smile as I realize that with every good bye… there’s a welcome home. In the end, the true joy is looking to the ultimate welcome home.

May you always be blessed.

What’s a mother to do?

Dear Sister,
First, I want to thank you for writing — for it is in acknowledging our condition and in seeing our need that we can best affirm and apply, by the grace of God, the help or teaching we receive.

Second, though this may not be helpful, you’re not alone and your situation or your “dilemma” is not unusual. The devil may attempt to tell you otherwise, but what you’ve written is common to women who both come home from the “work-force” *and* who’ve been trained otherwise. The “trained otherwise” is the main problem — not the new daily routine of being home and not out of the home. That will be the easy part once you accept the calling and seek to define and live it. You will define it as you go — and you will live it as you define it.

The “it” is the high calling of being a keeper at home… the main tree of motherhood. Incidentally, motherhood doesn’t relegate a woman to never leaving the home or never having “outside” work — there are likely seasons where one or both of these will happen — but it is my understanding that the season of child birthing, nurturing and training necessitates that mothers stay home to heed the calling the Lord has placed on her life and carry out and do these things. Radical feminists will argue the point. But I will continue to defend the Scriptures that call a mother to be a keeper at home, to love her husband and her children, to be discreet, sober, good, chaste, obedient to her husband — seeking all of these — that the Word of God be not blasphemed.

Psalm 113.9 He maketh the barren woman to keep house,
and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.

As to the question of not knowing what to do. Here’s an exercise that might be helpful for you. It will take you some time, so you might print this off so you can address it when time allows. Here is the exercise:

List all the outcomes you desire (so far as it depends on you) for your life?
What kind woman do you want to be remembered as being?
As for your walk with the Lord, how do you see that worked out in your daily life?
How can you work these attributes into your daily life? What do you need to implement?
As for your behaviour and character what specific qualities to you most highly value?
As a wife? As a mother? As a companion?
What sort of atmosphere do you seek as a description of your home?
The appearance of your home? The flow and routine of your homelife?

You may never have had the instruction to be a “godly woman” or a “keeper at home” or a “homemaker” or a “mother.” But I think you might agree that you do have an idea what this looks like or a dream of what it might be like. That’s what I’m asking you to consider — that’s what I’m asking you to ponder as you go through the days ahead. Yes, you may not know what to do – exactly – today, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have any idea. You may not know the paints, the colours, the hues, the brushes and blades used in painting a portrait, but you’ve seen the portrait or, at least, you’ve imagined it.

Yes, you may have been “instructed otherwise ” and, therefore, you need to spend some time reevaluating, rethinking, reorganizing your thoughts about motherhood and keeping a home — that’s what that “exercise” above is meant to address. You may be mourning the loss of time — the robbing of your time and purpose as a wife and mother. Don’t let the devil deceive you that it’s too late. If you’re still living, it’s not too late. Don’t ever forget that. The devil will deceive you to believe otherwise.

That crafty devil’s playbook is very thin — he doesn’t possess many tools or ideas — so he plays them over and over and over again. The longer you live, the more you’ll see this.

May you always be blessed.

what’s a mother to do (part 2)

(This is part 2 of the post What’s a mother to do?)

Remember, you are a book that’s being written every day… and your husband and children are reading it. Your story, in part, is defining their lives. Let the Lord be the author and finisher of your faith.

You may resent (as many women do) that no one ever told you the truth about marriage, wives, motherhood and being a keeper at home. You may also resent that you were persuaded to pursue a career or led to believe that a “professional” career is of more worth than “just hanging around the house all day for the rest of your life.” And, given that scenario, I just might agree. But motherhood — true motherhood — and being a keeper at home isn’t at all about “just hanging around the house all day…” That’s another reason for the “exercise” above. True motherhood is a God-given, God ordained gift — this has to be, and become to you (and me), more than rhetoric — more that pious words. This is truly — truly — a very high calling.

And so there’s another thing I’d like to suggest is that you clean the slate — clean the slate of bitterness, resentment, disappointment you may be feeling toward your husband, mother, family and friends who instilled the “otherwise” teachings in your life. That regret or even anger against people or things will not allow you to move ahead in the way the Lord has planned for you. His plan is infinitely greater than you can ask or imagine.

Yes, motherhood and being a keeper at home is a cycle of dailies — and, yes, the dailies are *so* daily. But they are the rudimentary things God uses to refine us. They are the building blocks of character and training we need and we need to instill in our children. They are the stuff of love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and self-control. And all of these things give motherhood its glory and define its purpose — and they are the things we must yearn for and seek in and through our lives and the lives of our children.

You may have been trained otherwise, but you’ve got something going for you that can dispel that training and replace it… you’ve got a picture of what you want (and what you don’t want). The title of that picture is haven and time. You know you want a haven for your husband and children. Stop for a moment and ponder what that looks like. You might keep that word in mind as you fill out some of your answers to the questions above. The second word, time, is also important to remember as one of the priorities you already know you have (or want to have). You want to have time for your children. It, too, will be important to remember when answering the questions. How will you spend your time in order to have or make time available for your children. I think you might also be implying that you want your children to remember you as their mama who always had time or made time for them. This will be important as you set up the routines of your day.

Schedules are very hard to implement and maintain in a home, but routines — daily set routines — priorities are the set activities of each day; these are things we see that we accomplish each day. You know the phrase goes something like: Fail to plan = a plan to fail. So, that being said, start today… take a step of faith. Begin with prayer: Lay all this before the Lord, lay proverbs 14.1)down your life before Him… give Him your sorrows and regrets; give Him your plans and desires; yield to His calling on your life. If you will commit your way to the Lord, He will direct your steps9. I know this to be true — I’ve lived this and for me this is not rhetoric but truth — a wise woman builds her house…. When I deviate from this, I fall. I literally fall and utterly fail. And a house comes down with the foolish mother. I know this personally and truly — thus I press on and part of my calling is to tell other mothers the truth, to show other mothers that the Lord is Faithful and True and His Word does not fail.

I hope this will help you today… I will think on this further and will write to you again. You know, the very fact that you wrote tells me you’re off to a wonderful start. I guess I’d add: take in the Bread of the Word, eat well, plan well, listen to praise music – not jarring music, get sunshine, seek every single day to find good things… good things to say, good things to think, good things to remember, good things to do for your husband and children. Their future (and yours!) really and truly depends on decisions you make today and every day.

This may, at first blush, seem harsh — but let the thought sink down in your ears — I say all of these things today at the door of my 34th wedding anniversary. I’ve experienced the fruit of good and bad decisions — good and bad branches and vines. You know, good and bad seeds both grow — that’s really a hard reality to grasp and to face — but it’s the truth. When I’ve neglected things, been distracted over things, been lazy or careless, lost my focus or given the bulk of my attention to things that didn’t pertain to the task at hand, the seeds planted in those times have yielded bad fruit — weeds — noxious weeds — branches and bitter fruit that needed to be pulled, pruned, burned and/or destroyed… even now, I must be vigilant to watch for roots of bitterness or selfishness of those times and even in these days and take the necessary — painful, humbling and difficult — steps to cut them out. When I’ve cultivated the soil and have planted good seed, when I’ve invested and have been eager, working diligently, heartily, cheerfully, purposefully and graciously, the blossoms have been fragrant, the branches strong and the fruit sweet. That’s what I pray will be the result of your life: sweet fruit.

May you always be blessed.