Letters to my Sisters – The Welcome Home

Married for Keeps – The Treasure

[cp_dropcaps]M[/cp_dropcaps]ay the LORD be with you and bless you this day! He is so gracious to us all and His mercies are new every morning. I share this before I share my letter with you because I know that each time I share a letter on marriage, there are sisters whose hearts are breaking and the pain of marital difficulties weighs heavily on them. So it is with this in mind that I write and pray to offer a bit of hope today. What I’m sharing with you today is a message I wrote many years ago and have continued mulling over and continues to be the subject most dear to my heart and a main focus of ministry to women.

As I shared previously, at the beginning of each game of marbles, a circle was drawn in the dirt and the question was posed: “Are we playing for keeps, or are we just playing?”

You see, in marriage, it’s a lot like that and from the beginning, the ground rules or the foundation must be firmly in place and clearly defined. In observing couples over the years, I’ve often noticed that some seem as though they’re just playing while others are clearly playing for keeps. Some seem careless about the marbles in their bags… as if to disregard their value — while others cherish them knowing their worth is greater than all the finest jewels in the world.

As analogies often do, this analogy of marbles, games, and playing for keeps or just playing will break down quickly and perhaps lose the depth of meaning I’m intending to convey, but I ask you… are you married for keeps or are you just playing? If your answer isn’t an affirmative: playing for keeps(!), then may I ask you again for a moment more of your time… another visit over a cup of tea and a prayer for resolve to do whatever it takes to get to the heart of your commitment and to see any fault lines or cracks in your foundation and for you to take a sincere look at what else you’ve got in the bag that you’re treasuring. What might be competing or what might be distracting you?

As with most things, what you’ve got in your bag demonstrates what you treasure and what you’ve been willing to part with or what you’ve lost. You’ve likely had some of both, but will hopefully come to see, value and cherish your treasures more as the years go by.

[cp_dropcaps]T[/cp_dropcaps]he Treasures… There’re numerous treasures—valuable marbles in the bag of one who’s “married for keeps.” And for one who’s married for keeps, quickly discarding the worthless marbles or those things that will damage the treasures is paramount to the guarding of the treasures. In addition to faith in the Lord Jesus, marbles worth keeping and guarding are trust, intimacy, hope and love. Others are: forgiveness, repentance, forgetfulness of wrongs, laughter, tenderness, respect, more intimacy and loyalty. You see, all of these, if treasured and cherished, if guarded and kept polished, provide such strength and an unshakeable resolve to “play for keeps!” If these aren’t kept carefully, then the marriage will be open to all sorts of assaults and distractions resulting in damage or loss of any or all of the foundational stones or “marbles.”

Perhaps you’ve noticed the interaction in different marriages. Some, you’ve readily seen are played out sweetly with great precision as if every move is made with love and skillful intention; you might feel warmed by the loving respect you see displayed, the tender kindness you see demonstrated in even small, but thoughtful, things. You might be inspired by the kindnesses and courtesies given. You might be encouraged by the storms they’ve endured, the trials they’ve faced and suffered and the blessings they rehearse. But then in others, you see right away the negligence and disregard; careless words that make you wince, disrespectful attitudes that make you cringe, lack of respect, etc. The un-cherished treasure, the unloved gift—the bag of marbles spilling out — the pink cleary lost in the battle. I ache when I see this—but I’m instructed to take a look at my current reality–where am I at the moment?

Because I’m keenly intent on the matter, it’s an area of occasional spiritual attack and I’m so ashamed when I discover that I’ve not been gracious and loving to my husband, or that I’ve not cherished the treasure of the gift that he is. I grieve when I hear a man belittle, shame or mock his wife or a woman’s careless disrespect for her husband’s abilities, opinions or plans. It’s as if edification is for *others* but we allow a certain measure of leeway for our flaws or flexibility if we don’t feel like “playing by the rules” in our personal life or marriage that we might demand in others.

I shared with you last time that when I was a little girl playing marbles, I tried to play with intense skill and the determination of a professional as I’d guard that pretty “pink cleary” and I tried to never let it out of my site. Everyone knew it was my favourite as I rarely took it out of my little bag and played it only when I felt absolutely certain I’d not lose it. So it ought to be with each of us and the husband the LORD’s given us: each with our prized treasure: his hopes, his reputation, his home, his goals, his thoughts, his needs, his vulnerabilities, and his emotions—we ought to be so careful with these that we would do nothing to lose or damage them.

[cp_quote style=”quote_left_dark”]She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. —Proverbs 31.12[/cp_quote]” All the days of her life. Not when convenient, not just when others are observing, not when comfortable, but all the days of her life. Doing good is *active* and intentional… laziness takes little effort, but doing good means taking initiative, being intentional and requires being resourceful. Why? Because sometimes we’ve got such a long way to go or feel there’s no good place to start that every move seems heavy and hopeless. But with God, all things are possible and nothing is hopeless—with God. That’s the key to being married for keeps: with God, all things are possible.

Today, a circle is drawn in the dirt… the take a look at the “bag” of the treasures of your life. Is the bag intact? What’s in your bag? Have you cherished the treasures in your bag? Is the circle in the dirt very clear and visible? Have you sought to be diligent in caring for the things the LORD’s called you to care for? Have you been careless with your treasures? Have you neglected or mishandled the treasures of your marriage? [cp_quote style=”quote_left_dark”]do the next right thing. [/cp_quote]Today—while it is still today, do the next right thing. What have you neglected? Respecting him? Loving him? Meeting his needs? Honouring him? Building him up to your children? Have you laughed *with* him or *at* him? You see, the answers to these questions will give you a bit of a hint as to what next right thing is that you ought to do. On your knees your answers will come — this is what I have found to be true: on my knees, the answers have come.

Motherhood: A Call to Carry On

Carry on. When you’re drop dead tired and there’re still several hours and as many chores left to do at the end of the day: Carry on. When you have so much to do you don’t know how you’ll do it all: Carry on. When you have so many needs to fill and seemingly not enough resources to fill them all: Carry on. When you’re weary and successes are few and failures are many: Carry on. When you feel all alone and as if no one cares for what you do: Carry on.

Carry on, Mother, carry on! Motherhood’s a call to carry on. No matter what you think, how you feel or how things seem to appear, as a mother, you’re called to carry on.

I was mulling over this message, I got to thinking about flying; the hustle and bustle of the airport, the waiting in line, the scans and the check-points. You board the plane and you prepare for the flight ahead and you sit back and either endure or enjoy the ride. You don’t really worry about your baggage, for at that point there’s really nothing you can do about it anyway. But there’s still your “carry on” stuff… the stuff you need to be responsible to take care of. All the while, it’s up to you to make the best of the flight or perhaps by default, just choose to snooze or endure the passage of miles and time.

Motherhood’s a lot like that… you may come into it with lots of baggage, but there comes a point that you need to put the baggage down and “check it” as it were, and deal with your carry-on’s. You know, it’s interesting how baggage goes… it’s all the stuff we think we’ll need for the trip; it’s all the stuff we thought we couldn’t live without; it’s all the stuff that follows us wherever we go and much of it doesn’t do us any good or isn’t actually useful or necessary for the trip –we usually find that out when we reach the destination. Actually, for most all of us, what’s really important is what’s in our carry-on’s. We usually pack the most important things in our carry-on’s – our valuables, our money, our credit, our identification, our appearance enhancing tools, and other necessities. Problem is, many mothers get bogged down with their heavy baggage and are consumed with looking at it, thinking about it, rifling through it, trying to carry it around –that they forget to hang on tight to their precious carry-on’s. Many mothers are more concerned with the baggage… the things, the what if’s, the furnishings, the styles, the weights of the world, the what-will-other-people-think’s in life.

It’s what’s in the carry-on that is most important —You keep the carry-on stuff intact, chances are good that no matter what happens to the baggage, you’ll still make it though the trip just fine. Your ‘carry-on’ is usually what you need for the trip… the stuff in the carry-on is your treasure. Well, this is sort of a description of motherhood, but as analogies usually do, this analogy breaks down at some point.

Motherhood’s a call to carry on. But we don’t carry on alone. O, the enemy may attempt to persuade us that we’re alone, that no one else is doing what we’re doing, that we have too much to carry or not enough help with what we’ve got to carry or that our load is heavier that other mother’s loads or worse: that our load or the work we carry is not all that important – that anyone can do it. Truth is, whatever the LORD’s given us to do is ours to do – not someone else’s to carry and do. That’s why the LORD has so faithfully preserved His Word, given us His direction and defined our roles as mothers. Many mothers attempt to carry baggage that’s not even theirs to carry –as if what they’ve got isn’t enough already. Many mothers think they’ve got to do all the lifting and carrying and, really, the LORD never intended mothers to do all that some do. O, some things are noble, even admirable, but they’re not necessarily what the LORD designed and called them to do.

So, how do we carry on? Well, I’ve come to see that carrying on is probably best defined as obedience – obedience to the will and way of the LORD and nothing else – for obedience sort of sums up the whole of the Christian walk. It’s hearing what you’re being told and doing it. And for mothers, it’s what we do (or ought to do) and what we teach (or ought to teach). As we walk with the LORD and live in obedience to Him, He enables us to hear Him and to obey Him –that’s the precious work of the Holy Spirit. As we live and walk in obedience to Him, we’re carrying on the call of motherhood. For God calls us to obey Him and He calls us teach our children as we rise up, as we lie down and as we walk along the way. A mother cannot lead children where she herself is not going; a mother cannot teach what she herself has not learned or is not learning. A mother cannot call her children to obedience if she’s not seeking that in and for herself –it’s part of that precious calling: the call to carry on.

So, precious mother, when the way is dark and the future seems bleak: carry on. When the path is rocky, windy and steep: carry on. When life seems to be endless piles –piles of papers, piles of dishes, piles of laundry, piles of toys and books and crayons, piles of dirt and piles of chores: carry on.

And when you feel you cannot go on, stop where you are, fall to your knees and carry on. Carry on to the LORD, He will be there, He will hear and He will carry you. And you will see that all the while you carry on, your cares are in the hand of Jesus and all your carrying on is in His strong hand. You will never find a time when you open the Word or fold your hands in prayer that He won’t already be there. You’ll never find a time where your prayers are not heard by the One who loves you. There will never ever be a time where you step out in faith or in obedience and not fin Him already there.

If it’s been a while since you stepped aside to pray or to read the Word or to write in your journal, taste and see: the LORD is good. He will already be there. He will welcome you with open arms – He won’t be looking at where you haven’t been, He will be looking at your “now.” In the moment you call upon His name, He will answer, He will be there. Taste and see.

Dear mother, faithful and wise, you’re called to carry on – one day at a time in the hand of the Saviour. He’s not looking at your yesterdays or even your worries about tomorrow; He’s looking at your “today” – at your “now.” All that stuff that in the baggage? Be done with fretting about it; be done with lesser things, be done with vain glory and all the trappings of the world. The enemy doesn’t want you to bask in the blessing and direction of the LORD –that’s why he seeks to distract you and weigh you down –reminding you of your failures, what you don’t have and what you haven’t done –or worse: that none of it matters, that it doesn’t matter what you do.

But today? O, today, dear mama, today’s your new beginning. Now is the day, now is the time to carry on in His name – His wonderfully strong name. Your children will see Him in you and they’ll see the Light on the path as you carry on. You have a most honourable, most noble calling: that of carrying on throughout motherhood. Be faithful. Finish well.

an entry from

Carrying on with you: in love and blessings… pamela

What’s Pulling On Your Apron Strings?

teacuppamela What’s Pulling on Your Apron Strings?

That might sound like a strange title to the message I want to share with you today, but perhaps by the time you finish reading this letter, you’ll have an idea and perhaps realize some things you’ve been wanting to take care of for some time.

So, what’s pulling on your apron strings? You know… the thing or things that nag at you or that seem to be pulling at you from one direction or many. You may be attempting to work around your home and keep having interruptions or distractions that prevent you from accomplishing what’s really needful. You may have plans or schedules, or wish you had plans or schedules, and yet every day something, or many things pull on your apron strings and prevent you from meaningful or notable accomplishment.

I know I have these same feelings or experiences from time to time –sort of as if nothing seems to go right or nothing measurable ever seems to get done. It’s as if at the end of each week I have relatively little to show for my efforts and certainly none for the fatigue I might be feeling. Yet, my apron’s dirty and the strings are raveled at the end.

Over the years I had great ambition for great things. I wanted to spend time individually with each of the children each day; I wanted to spend time reading aloud, fixing their hair, assisting them with schoolwork, chores and prayers. I had lofty aspirations that we would do projects, tell and record stories: that I would pass on valuable stories, life-lessons and a rich heritage…

But then, many days –most days– I would come to my bedside and realize that, once again, yet another day where I’d failed to reach my glorious ambitions. Instead, we had just spent another day –another hum-drum day. Together.

Pulling at my apron strings were all the wouldda, shouldda, couldda’s and few of the atta-girl’s, way-to-go’s and wahoo’s of life. At the point I realized that all those marvelous and coveted accolades were simply unrealistic, I also realized I truly was getting all those atta-girl’s, way-to-go’s and wahoo’s of life. I truly had them… I just wasn’t seeing them, that’s all. I wasn’t seeing the “atta-girl” in my son’s: “Mom, will you fix this for me? I can’t do it.” Or, in my daughter’s: “Mama, you’ve got to write down these recipes for me or I will not ever be able to cook like you!” Or, “O, my mom will do it for you, she’s right here!” Or, probably the sweetest gift of all I just received and it was contained in a letter, reading: “Mama… You are the best friend I’ve ever had.”

See, I missed the blessings by being concerned about the unimportant things or on my failings instead of what really was important for the day.

Often, pulling on my apron strings are all the things I’ve done wrong as a mother, wife or friend. Pulling on my apron strings are the things I don’t do well or the things I don’t have (as compared with my friends) or all the ways in which my children don’t *seem* to measure up (again, compared to others’ or compared with a high ideal or whatever).

Everyday, nagging thoughts creep in and occasionally pull me here and pull me there… and even get me all tied in knots sometimes over the silliest things – all tied up over things only the LORD can take care of or only the LORD knows about. Sometimes all tied up over things I *imagine* to be so. And then, I stop and think: wait a minute… should these things be pulling at my apron strings, pulling me down in despair? Should I be letting those thoughts come in and flood my mind, or should I take those thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ.

I know this to be a truth: I have never given to the LORD –any thought, desire, motive, whatever that was then rejected by Him.

He has never yet, will never, can never: fail me. So then, I consider at thought or a pulling on my apron strings and I ask: is this of You, LORD? Or I say, I know this is not of You, LORD, and I ask You to take this thought, desire, fear (or whatever), from me and I ask You to guide my thoughts, guard my heart and mind and help me to see only You. Please hide me behind Your Cross, LORD.

O, sure, other women are going to have bigger, better, more than you or I; and sure, other families are going to have newer, brighter, more attractive homes, children, lives, accomplishments, etc., etc., than you or I. But you know what? They don’t get to be you—they don’t get to be me. You’re uniquely you created by God, saved by Him unto faith and good works. He loves you with an everlasting love and underneath you are His everlasting arms and in you is His eternal Spirit and surrounding you is His eternal joy of salvation in Christ Jesus. Wow. Now those are some pretty wonderful things. Did you know you had all those treasures tucked in the pockets of your apron?

So, next time something starts pulling on your apron strings and you know it’s not simply one of the little blessings the LORD has given you, you just reach in your pocket and pull out one of the Truths of God’s Word and His love for you.

The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee. Jeremiah 31.3

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.” 2Corinthians 10.3-6

I pray the LORD will just bless you and bless you over and over and that you will be assured of His great love for you and that He will guide your steps and guard your thoughts.

always in His hands,

from “Letters to my Sisters”

What you’ve been through…

Browsing through a bunch of papers and stuff… a slip of paper… the quote:

“It is in the quiet crucible of your personal private sufferings that your noblest dreams are born and Gods greatest gifts are given in compensation for what you’ve been through.
–Wintley Phipps

The paper is yellowed, the ink is smudged. I mull the quote over in my mind – having done so many times before, I reflect on what it’s meant to me – what it means to me today. I know it’d be real easy to just think on the first part… the crucible part — the suffering part. Then it’s easy to move on to the dreams part and camp there for a while and consider what dreams have come from times in the crucible — the times of suffering. But my eyes leap to gifts. God’s greatest gifts. I can’t even carry — can’t even recount — all the gifts the Lord has given. You might not think this just looking at my life… you may see the high points, low points, the scattered tragedies of misunderstandings, losses, failings, joys and sorrows, blessings and wasted days. You may see all that and more… God sees a girl He’s redeemed.

I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t see many things as gifts from God if I hadn’t been through the valleys I’ve been through. And I surely didn’t walk through them alone – I may not have seen this at the time, but I surely see now… looking back, God’s been with me through them all. ‘Seems He’s sometimes been with me in the front. Other times He’s been with me from behind. Sometimes my footsteps have left no imprint in the valley — those are the times He carried me through — and the print of the valley is on my heart. Still other times I see now that it was His hand firmly around mine that guided me through the dark.

I don’t see these valleys from mountaintops, not really — though the many mountaintops have been great blessings and cherished gifts. I actually see the valleys better when I’m in them. Recently, walking through a valley, I had the keenest sense of awareness that I’d passed this way before. A few times, actually. And I had the strangest yet most familiar feeling of security… the valley imprinted on my heart. And then I knew for sure… ahhhh, yes, Jesus has been this way — He followed me here… He watched over me here… He guided me here… He covered me here… and He carried me out.

I don’t know what you’re doing today – I don’t know what you’re going through — but I do know this: whatever it is, wherever you are: Jesus is near. You may not even know Him as Saviour and Friend, but He truly is near. Even if you’re in the darkest valley of despair – His hand is not shortened that it cannot reach you. Nothing you’re facing, nothing you’re going through, nothing that’s concerning you is a surprise to Him. Nothing escapes His merciful gaze. Do you know that? Do you know that in Him you *will* — you surely will — find all you need?

I’m praying for you right now. Turn around. Look… call on Him. If you, in faith, call on Him, He will — He surely will — answer you. Repent… turn your eyes upon Jesus; give Him your life. The Bible says: “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised Him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.” — Romans 10.9 And you can rest in His Truth: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” — 1John 1.9

He will live in your heart… whatever you’ve been through. He tell you that you’re clean and forgiven. His love for you will say: welcome home.

This is life…

At its very best.

I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the value of a life, the influence of a life, the consequence of a life, the purpose of a life, and the final testimony of a life. As I have been studying for a Titus2 meeting I’ve been mulling over this month’s topic (from 2 Peter and the list of character qualities) and this month’s topic is charity. We know from 1 Corinthians 13 that without this — without charity, we are nothing.

So one of the questions that continues to be before me is this: what is my motivation for ________? (filling that space with whatever’s before me. I ask myself this question — and want to be more and more mindful of this question when I do this or that thing, think this or that thought, say this or that word — share this or that story. What is the motivation for doing this activity? Am I motivated by love or is it some other motivation? Is my action, word, thought, etc., motivated by love or selfish ambition? Love or personal gain? Love or retaliation? Love or fear? Love or manipulation? Love or deceit?

When I stop and ask myself this question or these questions, I am challenged to do what’s right… challenged to be honourable. When love is the motivation for doing, saying or thinking a particular thing, then I/we desire to do it, say it, think it as the Lord Jesus would have us to do it, say it, think it. This sort of bearing, believing, hoping all things sort of love is a strong motivator to be — and seek to become more — gracious.

So then, I have come to this conclusion:
This is life at its very best:
Graciously doing, at any given moment, what needs to be done..

From Webster’s 1828 Dictionary: GRA’CIOUS, a. [L. gratiosus.]

1. Favorable; kind; friendly; as,the envoy met with a gracious reception.

2. Favorable; kind; benevolent; merciful; disposed to forgive offenses and impart unmerited blessings.

Thou are a God ready to pardon, gracious and merciful.
Nehemiah 9

3. Favorable; expressing kindness and favor.

All bore him witness, and wondered at the gracious words which proceeded from his mouth.
Luke 4

4. Proceeding from divine grace; as a person in a gracious state.

5. Acceptable; favored.

6. Renewed or implanted by grace; as gracious affections.

7. Virtuous; good.

8. Excellent; graceful; becoming.