Married for Keeps – The Treasure

ay the LORD be with you and bless you this day!  He is so gracious to us all and His mercies are new every morning.  I share this before I share my letter with you because I know that each time I share a letter on marriage, there are sisters whose hearts are breaking and the pain of marital difficulties weighs heavily on them.  So it is with this in mind that I write and pray to offer a bit of hope today.  What I’m sharing with you today is a message I wrote many years ago and have continued mulling over and continues to be the subject most dear to my heart and a main focus of ministry to women.

As I shared previously, at the beginning of each game of marbles, a circle was drawn in the dirt and the question was posed: “Are we playing for keeps, or are we just playing?”

You see, in marriage, it’s a lot like that and from the beginning, the ground rules or the foundation must be firmly in place and clearly defined.  In observing couples over the years, I’ve often noticed that some seem as though they’re just playing while others are clearly playing for keeps.  Some seem careless about the marbles in their bags… as if to disregard their value — while others cherish them knowing their worth is greater than all the finest jewels in the world.

As analogies often do, this analogy of marbles, games, and playing for keeps or just playing will break down quickly and perhaps lose the depth of meaning I’m intending to convey, but I ask you… are you married for keeps or are you just playing?  If your answer isn’t an affirmative: playing for keeps(!), then may I ask you again for a moment more of your time… another visit over a cup of tea and a prayer for resolve to do whatever it takes to get to the heart of your commitment and to see any fault lines or cracks in your foundation and for you to take a sincere look at what else you’ve got in the bag that you’re treasuring.  What might be competing or what might be distracting you?

As with most things, what you’ve got in your bag demonstrates what you treasure and what you’ve been willing to part with or what you’ve lost.  You’ve likely had some of both, but will hopefully come to see, value and cherish your treasures more as the years go by.

he Treasures… There’re numerous treasures—valuable marbles in the bag of one who’s “married for keeps.”   And for one who’s married for keeps, quickly discarding the worthless marbles or those things that will damage the treasures is paramount to the guarding of the treasures.  In addition to faith in the Lord Jesus, marbles worth keeping and guarding are trust, intimacy, hope and love. Others are: forgiveness, repentance, forgetfulness of wrongs, laughter, tenderness, respect, more intimacy and loyalty.  You see, all of these, if treasured and cherished, if guarded and kept polished, provide such strength and an unshakeable resolve to “play for keeps!”  If these aren’t kept carefully, then the marriage will be open to all sorts of assaults and distractions resulting in damage or loss of any or all of the foundational stones or “marbles.”

Perhaps you’ve noticed the interaction in different marriages.  Some, you’ve readily seen are played out sweetly with great precision as if every move is made with love and skillful intention; you might feel warmed by the loving respect you see displayed, the tender kindness you see demonstrated in even small, but thoughtful, things.  You might be inspired by the kindnesses and courtesies given.  You might be encouraged by the storms they’ve endured, the trials they’ve faced and suffered and the blessings they rehearse.  But then in others, you see right away the negligence and disregard; careless words that make you wince, disrespectful attitudes that make you cringe, lack of respect, etc.   The un-cherished treasure, the unloved gift—the bag of marbles spilling out — the pink cleary lost in the battle.  I ache when I see this—but I’m instructed to take a look at my current reality–where am I at the moment?

Because I’m keenly intent on the matter,  it’s an area of occasional spiritual attack and I’m so ashamed when I discover that I’ve not been gracious and loving to my husband, or that I’ve not cherished the treasure of the gift that he is.  I grieve when I hear a man belittle, shame or mock his wife or a woman’s careless disrespect for her husband’s abilities, opinions or plans.  It’s as if edification is for *others* but we allow a certain measure of leeway for our flaws or flexibility if we don’t feel like “playing by the rules” in our personal life or marriage that we might demand in others.

I shared with you last time that when I was a little girl playing marbles, I tried to play with intense skill and the determination of a professional as I’d guard that pretty “pink cleary” and I tried to never let it out of my site. Everyone knew it was my favourite as I rarely took it out of my little bag and played it only when I felt absolutely certain I’d not lose it.  So it ought to be with each of us and the husband the LORD’s given us:  each with our prized treasure: his hopes, his reputation, his home, his goals, his thoughts, his needs, his vulnerabilities, and his emotions—we ought to be so careful with these that we would do nothing to lose or damage them.

”  All the days of her life.  Not when convenient, not just when others are observing, not when comfortable, but all the days of her life.  Doing good is *active* and intentional… laziness takes little effort, but doing good means taking initiative, being intentional and requires being resourceful.  Why?  Because sometimes we’ve got such a long way to go or feel there’s no good place to start that every move seems heavy and hopeless.  But with God, all things are possible and nothing is hopeless—with God.  That’s the key to being married for keeps: with God, all things are possible.

Today, a circle is drawn in the dirt… the take a look at the “bag” of the treasures of your life.  Is the bag intact?  What’s in your bag?  Have you cherished the treasures in your bag? Is the circle in the dirt very clear and visible? Have you sought to be diligent in caring for the things the LORD’s called you to care for?  Have you been careless with your treasures?  Have you neglected or mishandled the treasures of your marriage? 

Today—while it is still today, do the next right thing.  What have you neglected?  Respecting him?  Loving him?  Meeting his needs? Honouring him?  Building him up to your children?  Have you laughed *with* him or *at* him?   You see, the answers to these questions will give you a bit of a hint as to what next right thing is that you ought to do.   On your knees your answers will come — this is what I have found to be true: on my knees, the answers have come.