Family – Page 13 – The Welcome Home

family reunions

I never really quite understood ‘family reunions’ and actually never really knew people had them (whatever they were) when I was growing up. I think that’s another of the many casualties of divorce. Broken families don’t have family reunions. I’m not so sure I have grasped the deep seated value of family reunions until this year. O, sure I valued getting together with the family and I’m exceedingly grateful to and for my mother-in-law’s foresight to initiate our annual family reunions — but I’m not sure I have grasped the significance or importance until now. Trouble is… family reunions are by nature one-sided. And in a family with many children, in years to come, our family will be multifaceted and likely very diverse.

So what’s the significance or what’s the great value in family reunions? Well, the significance is identification and remembrance. You gather with people you may or may not have been friends with outside of family and you share a particular history – a commonality that you don’t share with others. Now, I’ve heard it said (and have said so myself) that there’s a closeness with, say, church family that one doesn’t have with family, but there’s something with family that we only have with family. When it all comes down to the basics, it’s family that we all take responsibility for. Family reunions remind us of that. They remind us, too, of where we’ve been — the events that we’ve shared and seasons we’ve passed through (whether together or not). And if you’ve got “picture-takers” or scrapbookers in your family, you’ll have ample opportunity to see where you’ve been. You’ll have opportunity to reminisce (or cringe) over days gone by and you’ll have a thread that you can follow through the years.

Each year, my husband’s side of our family gathers (usually at the Oregon Coast) and we have a bunch of “traditional” things we do. Some traditions I think would be better served if they were left to old memories, but some really love the annual egg toss and water-balloon ~~fight~~ toss. I’m also thinking that if we’re going to get in the van and drive a long distance… I’d sure rather drive a little longer and reach the sunshine! I can have rain most any day and cloudy most every day… the Coast is beautiful… but I’m of a mind that heat would be a delightful ingredient to the beach atmosphere! Over the years our ‘responsibilities’ have ‘evolved’ as family size and abilities change. But, generally, each of the brothers or sisters families take a day for meals and family devotions/singing/activities. Because we’ve increased in number, we now rent two homes on the beach instead of one and so we go back and forth between the homes. There’s lots of visiting, laughter and picture sharing… lots of great food and lots of sandy laundry and as each family grows, more memories are made as more events are shared and recorded. There’s a downside, too, and that is that from year to year the ‘make-up’ of the group has changed… and as we think ahead, there will necessarily be more loss and sorrow. We’ve shared those griefs together and have seen the Hand of the LORD in our midst… we pour over the photos, retell the stories, weep for what was and isn’t – laugh over what was and will be. But that’s also what families do… they sorrow together and share losses — not just the additions and achievements. Sorrow is a necessary part of life… it’s a mix of joy and pain and families face all of these… they’re what make up the photo albums and strengthen the fabric of the family.

It seems that with every reunion, there’s a change… an addition, a loss, a significant milestone, and more. Each family member has welcomed the ~~outcasts~~ “outsiders” and children born into each of the sibling’s families and the family tree grows stronger and, I think, more beautiful with each addition. I think it has taken time for this to be evident, but it’s interesting how each addition rounds out the family and increases the value of each member. I hope this tradition continues long after we’re gone so that our children’s children will have something to carry on — something to build on. Pictures and their own memories will have paved the way.

I’ll be looking at the moon…

I have sort of thing going with my children… when they’re away, I tell them that when they go outside and see the moon… I’ll be looking at the moon and I’ll be seeing the same thing they’re seeing. There’s something strangely comforting in all that… something connecting. I guess, in a way, that if I’m able to see the moon at the same time they’re seeing it… well… then they must not be all that far away.

Now, when Kathryn was in Uganda, however, my comfort was simply in knowing that the same God who sees me, loves me, pardons me, protects and provides for me – well, He’s the same God doing all that for her. So, though I couldn’t see the moon at the same time she was seeing it… somehow I had great comfort at the reminder that she did see it… just earlier.

So, Hanny… I’ll be looking at the moon, and I’ll be seeing you.

A Glad Representation

It was sort of surreal sitting there last night at the local Burger King… since our family size had been dramatically reduced for the evening and since it was Andrew’s actual birthday, I decided to do some very, very different things for the day and evening. So, there I was, with the four children, sitting in the play structure area. I was sipping on a DP (btw – I’m not sure that’s on the T-Tapper’s allowed beverage list), and as the sun was beginning to set, there was a glow that sort of obscured the reality of where I was and transported me back to days gone by — days long ago when our four oldest children played on similar climbing toys at a local park. I sat cheering all the: Mama, watch me’s and all the: Mama, can you see me’s?

A man at a nearby table asked if those were all my children. I smiled and said, yes, but not all — and went on to share that we have eleven children and those are the four youngest. He exclaimed some surprised expression — and was even more surprised when I said we have three grandbabies. Sharing the table with him was his mother-in-law and a few other family members. She asked if I was with another local family… a family with a bunch of children. (I smiled – inside thinking how funny it is that large families are sort of birds of a feather… and of course would be acquainted) I confirmed that we did, indeed, know them and fellowship with them and she was quite pleased to hear that. We continued to have a delightful conversation and, all the while, our children continued to play together… Joey helping the youngest of theirs get up and around in the tubes. Up and down, round and round they played.

As we took a play-break to eat dinner, the conversation continued. And I was keenly aware, once again, of the fact that we all represent one another to others. We represent the LORD to others. We represent our families and our friends everywhere we go. When I’m diving along in my 15 passenger sports car I’m representing other mama’s who drive similar vehicles. When I’m at the grocery store, I’m representing other mothers…. I’m continually aware of this through the years.

What started this thought, along subsequent decisions and convictions, was an event that happened quite a number of years ago while I was shopping at Costco. As I was placing item after item on the counter, the cashier commented to me that she always noticed that I was always dressed a particular way and that I always had such a clean, wholesome look about me. I thanked her and shared with her that her comments were humbling – that whatever good she saw was all the LORD’s doing. I made it a point to greet her and ask about her each time I shopped there. It was the LORD’s doing then and whatever good’s going on today is the LORD’s doing now. I sort of tucked that conversation away and it was added to the (so far as depends on me) “I will always _______ ” list. It’s not an actual list, but personal stands, or guidelines, that govern my life.

As a believer, everywhere I go… whatever I do… whatever I say… whatever I wear… is a representation of something. That something is the Living LORD — that something is my husband — that something is our family — that something is my sisters in Christ — that something is those in our fellowship, along with believers around the world — that something is my husband’s business and etc., etc. When I keep behaviour, presence, appearance, etc., etc., as a high priority, our children see and understand, for they can see and know that I represent them, too.

So, as we sat there last night I suddenly remembered that I was sort of “representing” those who were not there — and you know what? I was sort of melancholy and glad all at the same time. I rarely ever stop to analyze situations like that — but I did last night. I was glad that my love and respect for the different ones had been obvious. I was glad that were my husband to walk in, he would have been well represented. Had our friends walked in, they, too, would have been well represented. When we got up to leave, I told them it was nice to meet them… and they said we sure had a nice family and thanked us for the smiles.

As we all hopped in the ~~van~~ sports car I was still smiling. I was recalling parts of the conversation… their comments about our friends and the great work they had done on their house and what a nice family they had. I was glad that we hadn’t “represented” them in anything but a favourable light. I was glad to have been there with our children having such a delightful time. Whenever I look back on last night (or when those people look back on last night) I imagine it will be with gladness. Most of all, I was glad the LORD was honoured in our midst.

I think of the verses in Ephesians 5.1-4:

Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour. But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.”

For better or worse, everywhere we go, we are a representation… O, to be a glad representation.

Slices of Life ~ August 9

Today’s my sweet boy Andrew’s 9th birthday. I’ll write about this boy a little later on. What a delight he is and has been for our family. I’m marveling today: what would I do without this boy?

mamaandrewparty

Too bizzy for bloggin’ today — but wanted to share an interesting thing – a YouTube clip…. I put it on our site. Staggering statistics…

And… I sent out a “Letters to my Sisters” today… hopefully it will be of encouragement to a mama who’s wondering if anything she’s doing is amounting to anything. This one’s called The Significance of Stones.

Comparativitis

There’s a strange phenomena that happens when people talk about families, or rather, family size. Many times through the years women have commented to me that they “only” have ______ children; or that they have a small family or whatever. I am quick to diffuse the comments or quick to turn the conversation to matters at hand. We might’ve been talking about laundry or mealtime or whatever, and the conversation turns to amount of laundry or size of pots and pans, etc., etc. I quick attempt to thwart quantifying the value or size of the job based on number of children bcz, so often, women with fewer (than?) children discount their work when they’re talking with a mother with (___?) more children. I hate for women to feel less or think less of themselves bcz they have fewer children than I do.

I think God, for whatever reason, may give “more” children to one family than He does another, or He exaggerates some families or some situations for His purposes. Believe me, for the life of me I do not know why — but I know He does. Just like He exaggerates health or wealth or knowledge or whatever in some families/individuals more than others. And just like there will always be someone in your life that has more money, brains, athletic ability, talent, possessions, square-footage (house size) and/or education, friends, or beauty than you, there will always be someone with more children than you (or me). But we must guard against “comparativitis.” Comparativitis is such a dangerous thing… it’s close kin to covetousness and closer kin to discontent — two biggies that will destroy you (and me).

So this morning I got to thinking about this… yep, spurred on be the browsing the news and seeing the latest addition to the Dugger family. Instantly, comparativitis washed over me. I thought (for a moment) that I had a lot of laundry to do and the dishwasher still needed to be unloaded and the floor’s a mess and there are a few stacks of stuff on the stairs to be carried up and I was giving some heart to heart directions to a few boys who needed to be sure and carry down their laundry *every* day so that I won’t have such an ~~odiferous~~ ~~intoxicating~~ aromatic experience at the laundry area. As I read the latest news, I thought… what in the world have I got to fret about. I do not have s-e-v-e-n-t-e-e-n children under n-i-n-e-t-e-e-n years old. It’s always sensational to read their stories, to see the beautiful family and consider how it all works out. Around here, we’re wowed by 4 under 4 or 6 under 7 or whatever. And then we compare. We might be tempted to compare our situation with Michelle Dugger’s… we might instantly think: well, if I had that house, or if my husband made X number of dollars a month or if I physically could, I would have that many children too! I’ve heard women compare themselves to her — only, in this way: O, I probably would’ve had X number of children, too, but I breastfed all mine for X number of years; or, I wonder why she had them all so close or whatever. See? comparativitis is such a damaging thing. It brings such condemnation — either to ourselves or to the one to whom we’re comparing ourselves. Isn’t the better part of valor, certainly of wisdom, to just say or think: God bless her. God bless all the mama’s. God bless all those who never had an opportunity to carry a child… in arm, to term or even conception.

If we’re going to spend any time today comparing… let’s not compare from a critical or even from a defeatist attitude… If we’re going to compare, let’s compare notes… let’s see what’s going on and see what we can do to improve our situation, our home, our outlook or whatever else is concerning us. Let’s be glad… glad for wherever we are, whatever God’s allowed us this day. Let’s consider what we might learn from one another. Let’s consider Jesus: who for the joy that was set before Him…

my bookends…

Here are the bookends to my own motherhood… our oldest and our youngest… their birthday’s are twenty two years and a day apart. God’s been so good, so faithful and so true… every day of these 28 years of motherhood… He has never failed. Never.

danielamelia

So it is with great joy and great gratitude and humble amazement that I celebrate the births of my oldest and youngest babies — and I do celebrate them — for so many reasons, so many sweet memories, so many blessings. God is only good. All the time.

He maketh the barren woman to keep house,
and to be a joyful mother of children.
Praise ye the LORD.
Psalm 113.9

The Long Goodbye to the Last Baby

…and it has been a bittersweet farewell. It seems we knew this was the last baby for a long time. Each month that’s passed confirms it and each day the we spend with her reminds us of the long goodbye. It’s not that the last baby is the favourite or that the last baby is more special than all the rest or that the last baby has been more important or that the last baby is somehow more significant than all the rest… but, in truth, there is something about the last baby. Something I cannot understand and certainly cannot articulate and have not be able to do so throughout these last six years. For, many times in the last six years I have attempted to write what I think about a family’s “last baby” and yet I cannot. I suppose I cannot for my eyes fill with hot tears and waves mixed with gladness and sadness wash over me and flood my mind.

Those of you who’ve followed the “dolly stories” in the last six years have a bit of a glimpse of this last baby. She’s no more remarkable than all the rest, no more significant and certainly not more important than all the rest. But… as difficult as this is to understand, she is, in fact, a bit of all those things… for she is: the last baby. She is my last infanticipation, my last pregnancy, the last labour and delivery, the last little nursling, the last one in the rocking chair and the last one walking the floor, the last one to share our bed and the last one to carry — the last skin to skin – cheek to cheek – kissy-face baby. Simplistic and yet volumes of memories pass by in the theater of my mind.

Dolly is six today. When she came down the stairs, she was all dressed and ready to go out to “birthday-breakfast” with papa. All dressed, a slip, top and skirt, sweater and tights and shoes. Hair neatly in a band, purse in hand. I asked if Hannah had fixed her hair… no. Sort of like an assault to my senses… I see it… it’s part of the long goodbye to the last baby. When she left with papa she somehow looked older… the baby had gone and now the next chapter had begun. It was as if it had all happened while I wasn’t looking — but I was looking, I was looking every day and somehow it still had escaped my notice or somehow it didn’t seem to last long enough.

Sometimes I’ve likened this long goodbye to standing on the beach at sunset, slowly the horizon is swallowing the blazing sphere. Your day’s been spent jumping the waves that wash up on the shore… over and over you jump the waves and the water washes over you or splashes your face — the sweet coppertone breeze blows through your hair, the sand runs through your fingers — everything’s warm and bright and then you notice the sun is becoming a sliver and your day of kicking up the waves and playing at the beach is slowly coming to an end. So you stand there attempting to catch a wave and hang on to it as it comes up on to the shore… swirling and crashing around your ankles, covering feet feet and then as quickly as it came in, it goes back out again… and no matter how hard you might try, you could never catch it, never hang on to it or lengthen the time it stays. It goes out and all you can do is stand on the shore and watch it roll away, delighting in the sweetness of the day, the invigorating sea — the ever changing, ever the same — rolling sea. And just about the time you think you might stand there longer, the sun slips beneath the horizon and you stand quietly… sort of basking in the glow of the day remembering how sweet it was to frolic in the waves… how the sun was warm on your face. Your face almost hurts from smiling so much and then you realize the day is over… O, there’s another day at the beach tomorrow… but you recognize that this day at the beach was one you wished would never end.

That’s how it’s been with ‘melia.

—with love, the baby’s mama

Birth-Control vs Lordship of the Womb

…and there is really so much to say on this matter.

As I was sharing yesterday and the day before on some pretty sensitive matters, I recognize that the matter of marriage, family size, the sovereignty of God and Lordship of the womb is probably one of the most volatile topics concerning marriage and family… and, sadly, is not embraced and promoted by the mainstream Christian writers/teachers/preachers in the church today and is seldom embraced by Christians in general — what a pitiful indictment against the church. Actually, I think that birth control and immodest and/or gender-neutral clothing are a couple of the most blatant. Both pit believers against God’s design. What a sad commentary – what a pitiful contradiction of the Word.
So I’ve continued to mull over the consequences of birth-control or the determined limiting of family size or the selfish, purposeful prevention of conception all together. The consequences are both huge and lasting and I believe the enormity of longterm effects in and through the church cannot be measured. Intentional barrenness is a strong delusion and judgment. Consider, simply, the contradiction to God’s Word those tiny little pills on a wheel present. Consider God’s eternal purpose and the design those little pills violate.Consider… the apple.

And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food,
and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired
to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat,
and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.
Genesis 3.6

Just like that pretty red apple was, I think Birth-control is that expedient or pragmatic approach to most all many relationships marriages. But, in reality, we as Christians are not called to pragmatic living or to expedient living—we are called to faith. We are called to trust. I suppose that’s why I respond so ardently in opposition to things I know to be in violation of God’s design. The Bible isn’t antiquated, blessings aren’t antiquated and prayer is not passé. So, why then do most Christians deny the LORD in this area or reject His design for women, for marriage, for family and for the home? Now, it might not be an obvious or intentional rejection, but, in reality, Christians reject God’s design.

God’s so “pro-life!” just look at the intentional design of men and women… think of the millions of opportunities He has designed to meet *one* egg! Over and over and over… month after month. Now, that’s PRO-life! He surely didn’t have latex in mind back in the garden! And I don’t think it’s in His design today. He didn’t hand Eve her little leaf-purse size wheel of pills to take for three weeks of every month… especially when those little pills not only manipulate her cycle but also do not prevent conception… pregnancies are ended but conceptions aren’t prevented. What a sad sad thing… the church stands in line to swallow. If you’ve got a prescription for ten or twenty more years of blessing control, then I would respectfully ask you to pray about the next pill you intend to swallow. You may never have thought to question the methods you follow or the seemingly normal course of your life. You’d be innocently following what most people in the Church are teaching today (whether in the pulpits or by their lives). But—-when you are faced with the reality of the truth—when you truly hear the Truth of the Word… then… then, at that moment, at that point: you are responsible for your actions/decisions/behaviour. O, your actions may not instantly follow – but I’d say that like in all other areas of spiritual conviction, obedience is key. Prayer is key.
I had a comment that referenced the concept of “full quiver” thinking and I thought on that quite a bit—and respect what the writer was saying. Actually, I’ve thought on the matter quite a bit for many years and have many times attempted to personally steer clear of that label “full quiver” simply bcz I think it tends to do what birth-control does—only, in reverse. I think just as using birth control to limit family size is manipulative, so also (as many attempt to do) attempting to “have as many as possible” is sort of man-centered. And then… what often follows is another sad commentary bcz when man suddenly feels over loaded or “can’t handle anymore” then many (I’ve known) suddenly say: enough’s enough and the quiver is “full.”In the strictest sense or the intended sense of the term “quiverful” I suppose is, if a couple genuinely determines to be full-quiver or quiverful minded, then they just determine to leave the “quiver” open and the Lord fills it with arrows as He chooses… and in that, I would fully understand and agree with.But I think the problem with saying outloud that one is “quiverful minded” is that it tends to ostracize those with few or none and elevate those with “many.” I’ve known quite a number of women who have completely given the matter of conception and pregnancy to the LORD and yet have one, none or few children. There are many explanations for the none, one or few children… diabetes, pcos, cancer, endometriosis, hormone imbalances, age and on and on – just to name a few. These women are just as QF as the ones who’ve carried many children. So, that’s why I tend to avoid that label and attempt to strictly concentrate on the Lordship issue or position. For, when one is simply submitted to the LORD and to whatever He leads, directs, provides, etc., then whatever the outcome: none, few, many: will have been of faith. Period.

I’d just implore praying the LORD would provide the table… that the husband and wife could dine together and then as they thank the LORD for His mercy, His grace and His precious gift of salvation — for one another, for the meal they share and for His provision, that they would just humbly ask if He’d provide more chairs. And, if He sees fit to do so, then… praise. If not, then… praise. He is the LORD.It’s never too late to surrender one’s life, home, marriage, womb, children… to the LORD. O, the enemy will make it seem that way, but it is *never* too late this side of heaven. It’s never too late to repent of failings, of fear, of lack of faith, of surgical or chemical decisions/actions and it’s never too late to turn from following the ways of the lost and yield to the Living Lord. Never… it’s never too late this side of Heaven. You may never have another child. You may never bear a child in your womb. Lordship of the womb is not about numbers of children conceived there… it’s simply about faith regarding whatever does or does not happen there.

Choose you this day whom you will serve… And if anything but skin has come between you and your husband… pray. The LORD hears prayer. And He answers.

Lord of the Womb… another non-optional.

I’m steeped in thought about this matter this morning – not just bcz of celebrating another birthday in our home and not just bcz I wrote about some non-optionals yesterday… but bcz another day passes that reminds me that the season of childbearing has passed on by and I’m beginning to walk through the leaves and am no longer sitting under the shade trees of summer.

So, I think further on non-optionals – and today: the non-option of the lordship of the womb. The womb belongs chiefly and solely to the LORD, our Creator. We were created by Him for His glory. He is our Creator and He *is* creative in and through us! Wow. It’s both humbling and exhilarating to even catch a glimpse of the power of this thought-this Truth. He is the Creator-He is Lord. He is Lord of our lives, Lord of our homes, Lord of our marriage, and Lord of all that concerns us. And that… that should naturally be followed by the acknowledgment that He is also Lord of the womb. One would think that above all people on the earth, Christians would stand in awe of this Truth (and live it out!). But, no, Christians— (should be) followers of Jesus Christ— seem, on the whole, to be least likely to embrace this Truth.

I think this is part of the fallout from the teaching and preaching that says, man is created with a god-shaped whole in his heart that only God can fill and that man needs to embrace God for a life of lasting happiness, yada, yada, yada. No… man is born in sin and eternally separated from God and cannot escape death and eternal judgment apart from a life redeemed in salvation by faith and trust in and through Jesus Christ. So teachers/preachers do an incredible disservice (and actually preach a different little “g” gospel) to their hearers when they teach health, wealth, prosperity and lasting happiness – instead of teaching/preaching the Truth of the Supreme Righteousness of God and life and salvation through faith in Him alone. It is then that believers walk in Truth that God is sovereign, that He *is* Lord and He *is* to be feared and He *is* to be trusted and He *is* to have the preeminence in our lives and we *are* to honour, obey, seek, serve and worship *Him!*

Instead… today we have a misinterpretation —a social gospel— that man decides what’s best for man, man decides what *he* thinks seems right and what feels good for wherever he’s at at the time through his version or fluid interpretation of what he wants God’s Word to say and mean. Dangerous. Relativism is probably the most destructive element in the church today… but, interestingly, it really doesn’t matter what man thinks, does or says… bcz God *is* still on the throne and He *is* still Lord of all – whether *all* or few or none think so or not. God is the LORD.

Now why is all that important to the topic of Lordship of the womb? Bcz and incorrect or an erroneous view of God leads to an erroneous view of the Christian walk and, more specifically, a flawed foundation for marriage.

Today, and I am speaking of Christian marriage here, we see a great deal of the infiltration of worldly thought. Consider: young couples marry. Brides, for the most part, look *just like* the world, not sacred and covered, are prepped for their life ahead by the standards of the world, thus, marriages begin on a foundation set by the standards of world. Both work outside the home -roles are blended or are interchangeable. The marriage bed is defiled. The plan is not for God to bless the home and the womb – but rather the couple sets out to make the plan–seeking “their own way” for their marriage. The first step taken before marriage (even if they physically-relationally stay “pure”) is to be sure and get some barrier for the marriage bed. There seems to be no thought for the biblical standards or design of marriage – though they are clear. From the beginning, the standard of, or the design for, marriage is very clear. But, since we have an enemy of our souls, the enemy of God, it surely stands to reason that marriage will be the clearest target—especially when we know that God says that marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. Whew! That’s big–that’s tremendous! So the distortion of marriage, of the home, and centrally: the destruction of godly seed, is the chief aim of the enemy of our souls–the enemy of God. But remember, satan is a defeated foe (else the death, resurrection and life of Jesus was for naught) and death has no more dominion over the believer in Jesus. That is the record.

I share all that bcz I see more and more that when the foundation is incorrect or flawed, then the whole building is out of kilter. And this is seen nowhere more clearly than in the way and working of the Christian home. The enemy will use all sorts of tactics to destroy the home… if he can’t do it through simply breaking down the marriage through by lust, pornography, etc., etc., then he’ll go through the wife by fear, covetousness, discontent, etc., etc., and the place of greatest attack will be in the womb.

Many years ago we sat in a forum where people were discussing the greatest threat to the Church. People threw out ideas as to what those threats might be. After a couple of hours and much debate, I sheepishly contended that birth-control is one of the greatest threats to the church today. That was close to twenty years ago – and I thought I felt pretty strongly about it then – but today… this many years later, I couldn’t be more resolute in that stand. I actually liken it to the abortion holocaust in America (and around the world); it (along with its close cousin: pornography) is the holocaust of the Christian marriage.

I know that’s a bold statement. I know it’s a strong position to take—that birth-control has no place in the Christian marriage. It’s a strong and loaded statement to say that birth-control is for people who shouldn’t be getting pregnant. And who shouldn’t be getting pregnant? People who are not married. So who shouldn’t be in that position? Anyone who is not married… and on and on. Birth-control is license to sin. Yeah. Just like pornography is license to commit adultery. Yeah. It’s all man-centered… it’s the infiltration of secular humanism… man does what man thinks is best and it’s according to man’s interpretation of what is.
So… no birth-control. Then should Christians try and have as many babies as possible? No. Should Christians work their situation to make fertility favourable? No… not really. For that is as man-centered manipulation – not faith. We are called to walk by faith, not by sight. I never think that couples should try and have as many babies as *they* can. That’s (to me) a roundabout form of birth-control. I think and say that Christian couples should *not* fear what God will do in and through them and should *wait* on Him for *His* provision —whatever that is. And… amazingly, that might be many, it might be none, it might be few, it might be one: child/ren. What is true is that it’s God’s creation. His and His alone. If we believe He is God (and He is) and we say we trust Him, then we trust Him. Period. We trust Him.

His ways are not our ways, His ways are higher than our ways. We cannot see. Period. We cannot see… the great and marvelous things He has planned for us, the ways He has for us to bring Him glory and honour. Some will have many, some will have few, some will have none… BUT! we should all be glad for His blessings… whatever they are. And children are a blessing… God says they are. We should live in, or seek to live in, agreement with what *He* says is true. I’ll write more about this tomorrow… for the topic is great and it’s importance cannot really be measured.
I have this on one of my pages on our website:
So again I say, sisters: pray… study, pray, research and trust God for His direction, plans and purposes in your life and trust Him for the outcome! Do this: Pray! Prove all things, hold fast that which is good!! I do not believe that there is a drug, an herb, a method or a formula or any other performance that can be prescribed and followed in order to bring about or “make” conception happen outside living according to God’s marvelous design for marriage. It is and will only be: God. It is God who opens and God who closes the womb. It’s all God. I simply believe He gives us understanding, nutrients, etc., to be prepared for His ways should He choose to so move and bring about pregnancy.”

Non-optionals

Time’s a strange thing… it has a wonderful and peculiar way of sort of settling things. Sort of like a river finds that level ground or a lake is formed with the pooling of water… people’s ideas or methods seem to me to tend to be like that. I think of the people who used to think like me and no longer do and people who never thought like me and do so now. People who, through a series of circumstances and events have changed their once staunchly held views and those who once held views in strict opposition to ones I’ve held for many years are now visiting with me about what I consider to be “non-optionals” for Christian women.

When I was pregnant with Kathryn, a book came out on the market and was thought by many in the Christian community to be a rather far out book, narrow in scope and position. A friend gave me a copy bcz she thought the woman sounded just like me. Now, at that time I had come to the living decision that God was indeed the supreme authority of the family and blessed controller of all things and surely the Lord of the womb. This was sort of an uncommon thought even in Christian circles – and, sadly, it’s remained so, for the most part. But these thoughts were becoming increasingly important to me… thoughts concerning the life and ways of the Proverbs 31 woman, the 1 Peter 3 wife and the Ephesians 5 marriage… Soon, it was no longer just head knowledge from Bible studies and other reading, but it had become heart knowledge as I watched Him guide our marriage and provide for our family.

So I read Mary Pride’s TheWayHome and of course it resonated with me and I was sort of armed for service, if you will, as I spoke to other sisters about my ardent beliefs. I was actually quite alone – I came to discover. I was especially mindful of this when I would see the women sort of glaze over at the thoughts I was sharing. Well… that really didn’t deter me in the slightest. Actually it all sort of fanned the flame and fueled the fire as I read more and more of the Bible from the perspective of full and total surrender. I think in time I met a couple of friends who saw things the way I did and what a delight it was to talk with them. And then, in time, I would meet a few others who shared my same passion for the Word, for family, for keeping at home, for childbearing and, eventually, homeschooling. But it was a long and rather lonely path at first.

Only now do I have great “come backs” for the arrogant and rude comments I received when I was “popping out children one after another.” To those who said things like: We know what you’ve been doing… I would now wish I had not been so sheepish and apologetic. I wish I had had the fortitude to say: And you don’t? To those who said, Don’t you know what causes that? I would like to have said, Yes, but I sure am sorry you and your husband can’t seem to figure it out. To those who said, We want to take good care of the ones we’ve got or we just want to be responsible… I wish I’d have had the temerity to say, I just want what God wants and I just want to be faithful to Him.

Instead… each time (early on) I would smile and sheepishly reply some inane apology or something. But then one or two more children would be born and my conviction was strengthened and bolstered to the point that I began to reply with comments that reflected my resolve to trust and obey the LORD and to give Him the glory due His name. For by then, surely, I had seen His glory and His provision in ways too numerous to count. I began to develop and solidify the non-optionals that have been mainstays for many years.
In the early days, it was very rare to meet women with strong convictions about marriage and family. It was so rare to meet women who had totally given their family size and order to the LORD. It was also very rare to meet women with strong conviction to follow the biblical mandates for wives and so, it was really a blessing to have been in those “right places at the right times” for the LORD to work in our home.
When we lived on an island in the San Juan’s, there was much time for reading and memorizing Scriptures. There was much time for gardening, washing, canning, sewing and caring for the children. I was steeped in His Word and I am more convinced than ever that if a woman would just spend time in the Word —reading and reading and reading… she’d come to the very same conclusions. God is so merciful and His Word is so living.

As this day comes to a close, I am mindful of the glory and precious mercy of the LORD. We celebrated the twelfth birthday of our eighth son. O, how I love that boy. What a precious gift he is. How much we’d have missed if we hadn’t been led of the LORD… and obeyed His call.

I think I’ll write some more about non optionals for Christian women. I know I’ll probably be writing into space… but that’s okay… I’ve done that a lot over the years.