Inscribed on our wedding invitation and sung at our wedding were the words (from the Book of Ruth): “Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thess: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God, my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.”
Well… those are the thoughts behind my words: “Whatever you want to do… that’s what I want to do.” I’m saying them a lot these days – and I mean the words like never before.
Though I have probably said those words a thousand times, I’m wondering: have I really and truly always meant them? In times past, I said them, but I’m wondering if the: ‘whatever you want to do, I want to do’ was sort of a qualified, ‘whatever you want to do – I might want to do.’ I am wondering theses days if I actually, more accurately meant: you can tell me whatever you want to do and I will go along with that plan… but I will also work to adjust it around my previously arranged plans. So, it was more: Whatever you want to do, I’ll probably go along with it – unless I get sidetracked or unless I forget or unless it doesn’t really work out for me or whatever.
I have strongly intended to follow him wherever he leads, to follow his lead -seriously. Day by day, through our whole marriage, I have sought to honour him in word AND in deed. But as I’ve inferred a few times in the last several entries: there’s nothing like a wake up call to turn the world upside down or totally rearrange the pieces on the game board… maybe, in reality, to show that the game is further along than you thought — that, literally, you’ve lost some pieces or some points and now have to change your whole strategy and game plan. Or get one.
I’ve been mulling over lots of things. Lots of things that seemed to matter: don’t. Lots of things that seemed to need attention: don’t. Lots of things I wanted to say or do really don’t matter all that much. When it all comes down to it, there’s really not a whole lot that matters a whole lot.
When it all comes down to it, here’s what matters:
Are you right with Jesus?
Is there any unfinished business in your life?
Are there some things you need to do today? Words you need to say today? Forgiveness you need to seek today? Forgiveness you need to offer today. Really…
The possibility of walking through the rest of my days alone has really abruptly assaulted and altered my thinking. I know my husband loves me – cares about everything that concerns me and seeks my best interest. I wonder if I have, by my actions when I am reluctant to do this or that thing, or to go to this or that place, questioned his judgment – questioned his love? So I’ve been asking the LORD to work in me – through me – to say and mean the words I say to my husband. I want the literal words of my mouth, the meditation of my heart and the intent of my actions to be: whatever you want to do.. . that’s what I want to do.
My husband and I took a long drive yesterday and talked. And talked. We talked about things we’ve only brushed the surface on in years past. I don’t know when we would have started talking about life and health and death, but here we are… talking about it all now.
So, I’ve been reflecting on the passage in a whole new light. I want the “whither thou goest, I will go” to be: whither thou goest, I *want* to go and I will go. Hand in hand with the Proverbs passage, “She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” a sure foundation, or mandate for wives, can be seen. Doing him good… what can I do, what can I say, where can I go that will: do him good?