A few decades

More or less. That’s what we have on this earth: a few decades, more or less.

And I’m beginning to see that the more or less depends not so much on length of time or number of decades as the use of the days and time in each decade. My friend sent me a song… “A Life Profound” by Mica Lee Williams. I listened. I listened again.  Because we’re not really familiar with her music,  I’m not sure I, or my friend, would likely recommend all of her music or style or spiritual position… I just don’t know. But there’s something about the song…  And I decided to listen to it/read it in light of the LORD – in light of Scripture.

A Life Profound

There is a reason for believing in the seasons
To know that spring will always come around
It’s to begin again though there seems no means to this end
Before one lays a body down
But things that die and wither soon will find new roots and tether
To gather strength beneath the ground
I think that
Far too many soon forget the sound of their own laughter
Far too quickly we move swiftly towards the ever after
But I will stake my claim and I will find the rapture
Of a life profound
I cannot manage to estimate the damage
Of holding deep regret that seeks to pull us down
I see my life as a vessel traveling swift and light
I seek my wrongs to right where I run aground
And the wind that fills these sails speaks metaphors and fairytales
That never fail to set me safely down
I think that
Far too often we forget exactly what we’re after
And far too soon we skip the book to read the final chapter
But I will savor in each moment I can capture
Of a life profound
When fortune wheels spin around it’s good to stay in the middle of it
Cuz yes luck she is a tricky one, but there is joy in the riddle of it
And all that can be lost in another way can be won
And there in lies the meaning.”

I listened again and mull over the message… ” all too soon we forget exactly what we’re after… far too soon we skip the book and read the final chapter… but I will savour in each moment I can capture… of a life profound.”

I quit listening… but the message continues to play in my head. Am I missing the here and now for what was and what I fear lies ahead? Am I skipping the now and am I forgetting what I’m to be after? Is there any deep regret that’s pulling me down? I know… lately (for for a long lately) I’ve been pretty involved with this post-childbearing season. I’ve been pretty preoccupied with the loss… the passage of time. I mean I should’ve seen all this coming… I mean, I did read Gail Sheehy’s Passages in the 70’s and I should’ve seen these seasons coming. But I didn’t. I didn’t see a lot of stuff coming. Not really.

I’ve often asked the LORD to use my life to make a difference. I don’t want to be ordinary and I don’t want to pass silently through life never making foot prints in the sand or heart prints on people’s lives. I don’t want to have had the great gift of life and then wasted it. A I surely don’t want to have wasted the greatest blessing of all: motherhood. I want to have had a life profound.

I don’t want the ‘p’ of my first name to simply be an initial that stands for my given name.  No… I want it to be more than that. I want to have been patient. present. pleasant. practical. passionate. private. provocative. peaceful. prolific. poised. prompt. proved. polite. productive. plentiful. prayerful. pardoning. prudent. pondering. playful. persistent. philosophical. pure. and profound. and phunny.

But most of all… I want my life to matter to and for Jesus… for these few decades I have on this earth.

(thank you, Kelli, for the song – I do love you)