The Home – The Welcome Home

the power of communication

newglasses1 Regardless the circumstance, the importance and power of good communication cannot be understated. The impact of either good or bad, clear or muddled, distinct or vague communication is powerful. Think of a time recently when something you said or did was misunderstood by another person; or consider the last time you misunderstood what was communicated to you. How’d that go for you? What were the consequences?

I’m sharing with you part of a talk I gave last night at our monthly TitusTwo meeting. As I go along through the years, I’m so grateful for these opportunities to share (and learn!!!) as the Lord gives me different messages stemming from quiet times, things I’m going through, or from passages I’m reading in the Scriptures.

Colossians 4 is loaded with messages and benefits — especially regarding the many facets of communication. It begins with the Apostle Paul communicating proper ways of treating others, matters concerning prayer, walking in wisdom, redeeming the time. Each verse contains a message, or two, I think. But what really caught my attention, in the section of verses I was reading, is verse 6: “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer every man.”

Effective communication is the lifeblood of relationships. And, conversely, poor communication is a destroyer of relationships. I think some things we really must keep in mind regardless the circumstance or conversation are these five points:

What’s directly said
What’s inferred
What’s meant
What’s heard
How what’s heard is interpreted by the hearer

With those basic points as the framework, imagine the benefit and the blessing of speech that’s always grounded in grace or focused on grace or hemmed in grace? And, to be sure, it’s not a matter of the old saying: “It’s not what you say but how you say it.” Don’t get caught in that trap — a manipulative statement or question said sweetly or cleverly is still a manipulative statement or question. And another old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” is a lie. Words can hurt. Words can destroy. That’s where that saying, “Loose lips sink ships,” holds a lot of water.

When we concentrate on having our speech be always with grace, we demonstrate we have high regard for our hearer in mind. What we’re saying, what we’re inferring and what we’re meaning is our side or our part of the communication — whatever grace there is in that depends on the importance we’ve placed on it. The other side of the communication depends on the other person: what’s heard and how what is heard is being interpreted by the other person–the hearer. This is why it’s such a useful practice or habit to seek feedback or to replay what you think you’ve just heard the other person say. Going a step further, it’s also useful to clarify the meaning behind what’s said. This is especially useful or important when discussing some serious matters or making serious decisions.

I shared last night with the ladies in the group how my husband had misunderstood a statement I’d made some weeks ago. After talking about the situation again at another time, I realized that I could’ve been clearer or elaborated on what I’d been thinking but was trying to communicate a point with some brevity that first time. I know, that’s hard for me. ~wink~ When my husband clarified what he thought I meant by what I said, I was able to tell him what I really meant. Isn’t it interesting how many misunderstandings would either never come to be in the first place or could be instantly clarified by simply restating back what we think the other person said or what we think the other person meant. We could save ourselves so much time and so much emotion if we’d just employ this simple process. It’s stilted at first, to be sure, when you begin to practice this communication clarification tool, but it’s a tool really worth learning to use and to personalize depending the situation.

Well, that verse in Colossians continues on with another critical aspect of our speech: that it be seasoned with salt that we may know how we ought to answer every man.

Think of delicious soup or any food, really, it’s usually the addition of salt that makes it so tasty! And, it’s what makes you want more! That, and it makes you thirsty! Now, think back on one of your recent conversations. Were your words seasoned with salt? Did you know how you ought to answer? Was your conversation satisfying? That’s some great food for thought, isn’t it?!

Salt’s an interesting thing when you think of all it does–not only is it savory, it’s a preservative. So, regarding conversation or communication, you might think: is it pure? is it clean? is it true? is it sincere? Think of some opposites — these might clarify for us a bit better if our communication is gracious and seasoned with salt or not: is it impure? is it unclean? is it empty (salt lost its savour, as in Mark 9.50)? is it corrupt? Ephesians 4.29 “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace to the hearers.”

This is sobering, isn’t it. Bcz it’s pretty easy to fall into poor or derogatory communication, maligning, or ungracious speech. All of these different thoughts have caused me to question or mentally review recent days’ conversations: Were they always with grace? Was my speech seasoned with salt? Did my words point to my Saviour or to the Word? Did I draw others to Christ or give them a taste of heavenly things?

Tip Time

♥ It’s Tip Time! ♥

These tips fall under the categories: I’m so glad I saved _____ ; and the category: Ooooo… saved myself a whole bunch of time and energy by planning for future needs! Yay!

Continually in the mindset of thinking efficiently, make a conscious effort to consider the needs of others–your husband, family, etc., etc. ♦ A kitchen log and/or a journal will help you put it down and out of your mind = eliminate worry. Pray the Lord will guide you as you plan, pray He will give you insight for what you need or what you will need.

♦ Planning for daily meals = eliminate mealtime shortfalls and stress; ♦ planning for events = more smoothly transitioning from whatever point a to be, etc.; ♦ planning for future needs/seasonal needs = not fearing for the snow for your household; and rainy days. Sorry, rainy days will come and you’ll necessarily face those with the Lord, on your knees and waiting on Him — maybe in tears, but as you set your days in His hands, you will find solace there.

So… tip time:

♦ Jar lids—-if a store-bought item has a flip lid and fits on a mason jar, save that lid! Consider, some plastic containers for parmesan cheese have flip-top lids that fit regular mason jars — Truvia jars, too… some salad dressings and some tomato/pasta sauce jars, too, just to name a few.

♦ Pumps for soaps/lotions/shampoo — some of these fit other bottles that you might want a pump for. Now, this is just friend to friend advice, as I’m sure there are purists who wouldn’t think of reusing a soap or conditioner pump for any food item–all the leeching etc., etc. = anathema! So, cover your ears and don’t listen to this. I use pumps or reuse pumps all the time———makes so many things easier! From the kitchen sink to the pantry to the bath! As an example, I use the pump from a (costco size) bottle of Pantene conditioner—thoroughly-thoroughly-thoroughly washed, soaked, rinsed, washed and rinsed again—for some bottles of oils I use in cooking. They fit perfectly and not a drop is wasted. I reuse pumps on bottles of shampoo, etc., and put them on bottles that didn’t originally come with a pump. Saves money from going down the drain in the family’s shower. Sometimes I use the pumps I’ve purchased for coffee syrups—I use them on the syrup bottle, but when the syrup’s gone, sometimes I use the bottle fitted with a pump for sauces, salad dressings, etc., etc. This has been simple for me since I was able to purchase a quantity of pumps for a low price. So, all this to say, if you purchase pumps or whatever other time/food-saver you purchase, be sure you save those items to reuse in the future.

♦ Flip lids to toothpaste or lotion or whatever—these are another saver! Flip lids from spice jars—some come without a flip lid/shaker and so I always save assorted jar lids that have a shaker/ flip top so I can replace the lid with the better/more effecient lid. Saving these sorts of lids, helps so much bcz there are so many uses for them. I save assorted sized bread ties and bags, too — along with other things that ♦ make food storage easier. Saving unique jars and bottles with lids is also a great way to plan for food storage — gallon jars with lids make organizing and storing foods in the pantry so much easier. You can also save bottles with lids for juice, syrups, gravy, salad dressings, etc., etc. In this way, you’ll be glad you planned ahead for future needs!! Instead of giant hodge-podge ~~mess~~ bin of “tupperware” or whatever-ware, you can reuse items your food came in in the first place and reuse them for other foods or left overs or whatever until the containers wear out. Or get lost. Or become a hodge-podge mess. Don’t be afraid to recycle. As in, throw away.

The big deal is that you continually learn (and re-tune/refine) to plan ahead and know when to be, and be determined to be, ♦ content with the amount of stash you have—too much and you’ll have oodles of chaos instead of contentment and all your planning will backfire as an unintended consequence. Too little planning and/or stash and you’ll have discontent and waste time and money over last-minute spending instead enjoying the contentment you originally longed for. ♦ Balance. That’s the big deal. Balance.

Love what you do.

teacuppamela You’ve likely heard the phrase: “Do what you love, love what you do.” Well… I got to thinking about that phrase sometime back and thought: one can’t always do that. And then I thought, maybe I feel like I can’t always do what I love [to do], but I can learn to love what I do (and change my whole outlook in the process). And so there was a turning point in my journey. One of many turning points. :o)

Lemme give you an example. Just this morning, I came into the kitchen planning to unload/reload my dishwasher (and to check out the horrific noise it makes when it’s running) and, upon opening the door, immediately coming to mind was the thought that this dishwasher smells bad. Smells awful, really. So I emptied the dishwasher and took out the racks. There was gummy-dirt in the crevices – what?!?!? This is a dishwasher — a stainless-steel interior that has multiple sprayers in it. How could the rack’s crevices be dirty? I took the racks out and put them in the bathtub and sprayed them down with cleaner. I proceeded back to the offending dishwasher and began to dismantle the sprayer and the spinner deal. I sprayed them with cleaner, too. I scrubbed the gasket… gunk was in the gasket of the hinged part of the door. Well, bleck. And then I thought…. and thought…. and it dawned on me that I could love to do just about any job — because it struck me, I’m not necessarily doing these things because I love to do them specifically — I do them because I love who I do them for — I love to have things be taken care of — not just for myself, but for my family, I love for my family to have their things properly cared for and I want my husband’s home to be a blessing to him. So, essentially, I do what I love and I love what I do.

Maybe a couple of you remember when I needed an attitude adjustment regarding laundry a few years ago (yes, it’s been that long). My husband asked me to just do it as a service to our family, not murmuring, not reminding them they were told to put the laundry in the hamper, not counting the numerous items — just cheerfully do the laundry. And from that moment, I have sought to do it that way. And I marvel at how a simple decision completely changes one’s outlook (and thinking!). You see, I decided that’s exactly what I’d do. And I did… and do. And I type this to the hum and the click, click, clicking of rivets and snaps whirling around in the dryer. I do a lot of laundry every day, so I get a lot of time to consider the decisions I make.

On any given day, I fetch things for others, pray and sing songs, I mend things, wash and iron, pray and carry sorrows, plant and dig up, listen and advise, fill cracks, pick up shatters, pray and dream dreams, clean up messes, make bigger ones and clean them all up again. I’m home. I do what I love and love what I do.

A few minutes ago, I looked up on the “white-board” to see a freshly written note: “We love our mom…. WLOM” And I thought: this is why I do what I love. This is why I love what I do.

Graciously interrupted

I consider things for which I want to be remembered in life. Obviously, as a believer, I want to be remembered as a godly woman, I want to be remembered as a faithful wife and a loving mother. I most want this to be observed by my husband and family — from my bathrobe behaviour to my apron work behaviour to my garden clothes behaviour to my dress and jacket behaviour. Regardless my outward adornment, my activity or accomplishment or present company, I desire to be in behaviour that from the heart becomes godliness.

That’s my prayer, my aim, my path.

A natural result or expression of godliness is graciousness. I want to be remembered as gracious — Proverbs 11.16 says, “A gracious woman retains honour…”

Though graciousness is demonstrated in many ways, one of the ways I want most to develop and improve graciousness is in my response to interruptions. I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit as it’s an area I’ve needed to continually revisit, revise and improve through the years. I’ve come to conclude that if there’s one thing a mother needs to learn, it is the skill of being gracious while being interrupted — retaining honour in the midst of an interruption.

Not until I was a mother did I realize how selfish I am/could be — it wasn’t until tasks were interrupted or put off, sleep was interrupted or until health or strength waned did I realize I was so self-centered. It was, ironically, a wake up call for me. Then came all the other changes and experiences that life brings. Along the way I would come to understand biblical submission, more of motherhood and serving others. Interruptions. Interruptions. Interruptions.

Through a series of events, I would come to understand the importance of flexibility, of scheduling, of forbearance, of service and, ultimately, graciousness. Training came in unlikely forms for me: the late nights, accidents, sickness, soccer practice, piano lessons and reminders to practice, lost jackets and torn seams. These would serve to prepare me for unexpected car troubles, financial strains, hospital emergencies, deaths and other life experiences and inevitable surprises. I’ve come to see that everyone goes through most or all of these same “interruptions” — difference is, do they go through them graciously? Do I?

Interestingly, I’ve found that emergencies don’t feel like interruptions — at. the. time. — because they are, after all, emergencies. Sort of like getting hit broadside in an intersection. A heart attack. A call from the hospital: “hurry and meet me here.” You don’t plan for it or anticipate it — so it doesn’t really interrupt you. At the time. In those sorts of scenarios, you don’t stop and think: this sure is an interruption — and many of those sorts of things, we never look back and call them an interruption.

It’s most often little things… that’s what I’m referring to: the little, insignificant interruptions to your day, schedule or plans.

You make dinner and either everyone’s late or no one comes home or everyone’s home and a few bring friends… you planned for a few and now you have many. You’re planning a day of housekeeping and mending — suddenly someone needs something you consider to be insignificant — but it’s not insignificant to them — your plans are thwarted. A wonderful book, a Bible, a study, an article beckons to be read, a squabble upstairs interrupts your thoughts. You sweep, mop and wax the floor… muddy shoes mar the shine. Small things. You have time to react… time to think. You finish all the laundry… only to discover a few loads’ worth in various and sundry places. Empty milk jug in the fridge. One more blog to read. Empty tissue roll on the dispenser. One more dish to wash. You’re exhausted, your teen needs to talk. You’re on your way to the Sunday meeting, the car won’t start. You’ve just bathed, towels on the floor, none clean on the shelf.

You have time to react… time to think.

One after another, interruptions seem to flow through the river of your life… is your response gracious? Is the Lord apparently at the helm? Is the day bathed in promises and covered in prayer?

It’s in the little things… it’s in the big things… it’s in the emergencies… it’s in the mundane: I want to be found to be graciously interrupted.

It’s a Time to Rejoice

Through the years we’ve celebrated “Christmastime” many different ways — some years a little, some years more. A family tradition here and a family tradition there, but no set (read: unchangeable) tradition. I think this comes from a mixed reaction to cultural influence/cultural traditions. It also comes from an ongoing inner debate: should believers celebrate Christmas? We’d immediately say: Yes, we should celebrate the birth of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, but that’s not really the question when people ask: should Christians celebrate “Christmas.” They’re asking: should Christians celebrate the twisted mix of truth and tradition, pagan and sacred. The question opens a quagmire of debate. What’s pagan, what’s tradition, what’s the socioeconomic influence, what’s the reason, what’s reality, what’s Scriptural, what’s not… whatsamattah whiddit anyway?

We met friends who ignored the year end “holiday” and stay completely out of stores, etc., much like I totally ignore the event at the end of October. And stay out of stores, etc.

We just did what we’d always done… our home looked like a lot of homes that were ♪♫ beginning to look ♫ a lot ♪♫ like Christmas…

And then we had a baby girl born on Christmas Day…
And then we met more friends who love the wonder of the Christmas and the glorious celebration, music, prayers and rejoicing over the Greatest Gift ever Given.

We’ve continued growing older. So have our children. So has our baby girl, born on Christmas Day.
And then we met more friends who didn’t simply ignore the whole year end events, but hotly debated the atrocity of participation in anything remotely associated with the pagan rituals.
And then we met more friends who celebrated a little.
And then we met more friends who celebrated a lot.
And then we met more friends who shuddered at the thought.

So… one year we exchanged only homemade gifts. Another year, none. Another year, we played the “present game” where a pile of assorted gifts was placed in the center of the room encircled by seats where we sat passing around a gift until the time was called and each could keep or trade away their little gift. Another year, none.

Through all the years we’ve made cookies and treats and our annual most-special family dinner. And celebrate the baby girl’s birthday.

Then, last year, our daughter-in-law suggested we “draw names” for gift giving (according to the agreed upon theme). We’d never done this before. I think some [of us] balked at the idea – some wondered what papa thought(!!). But then as we, each one, thought about and planned and shopped for the person whose name we’d drawn, the thrill of finding just the right present seemed to add to the joy of the celebration of the birth of our Lord.

As we come to this “Christmastime” season… we do rejoice at the wonder of the Greatest Gift ever Given. We read and reread every Christmas letter we receive. We hang up every photograph we receive. We have plans for baking special treats and cut-out cookies to decorate… plans for Christmas candies to make and for cutting out snowflakes and gathering greens for the ledges where the red and white pillar candles will be placed. We have printed music for singing around the piano. We have nuts for cracking and a most-special dinner to plan and prepare.

We have another birthday to celebrate… for the little baby born to us on Christmas Day.

But… most of all, we rejoice over the birth of the Greatest Gift ever Given.

The Family Meal Table

One of our greatest treasures and lasting blessings is our meal table. It’s a real challenge to maintain mealtimes when the family begins to grow and scatter in different directions each day. But we endeavor to have at least one meal, if not all of them, together each day. It’s difficult to persevere with this one sometimes — especially when it’s easier to just “grab ‘n go” when schedules are hectic or when schedules are so different for older family members. Still, I desire to hold fast to this treasure — this family tradition — this mainstay: the family meal table.

One of my favourite encouragers is Nancy Campbell. Her seeming tireless work on behalf of mothers and families is such a blessing to me. I love to listen to her, to learn from her, to be inspired, encouraged and uplifted as she shares valuable truths and lessons on motherhood. I so wish I had had her manuals when I began motherhood thirty years ago. I so needed encouragement as I was sort of “pioneering” my way through early motherhood.

Here’s a glimpse of Nancy Campbell. Through the years, I’ve included articles and links to articles on our site. You can also read more at the Above Rubies site.