Tag: Motherhood

the endearing faces

I stared blindly at the ceiling as I lay in bed and thought of the evening I’d just spent.  Sleep didn’t seem to come easily. Or soon.  I couldn’t stop thinking of them… their tender, lineless faces, bright smiles, dark hair and the playfulness of youth in their eyes.  And, I couldn’t help but — for a moment —  wish that I were once again in the place they were last night — once again a young mother with seemingly limitless opportunities before me — a young mother with a vast clean slate before me.

As I stood there sharing with them, glancing down at my notes and back up to their faces, every now and then I would catch a glimpse of a smile or a nod or an inquisitive look and I felt inadequate to convey what I knew must be conveyed to them.  O, how I prayed that, if nothing else, I’d at least give encouragement to press on — to not give up.  So I began by sharing some thoughts on the life of Elijah and how the Lord fed him — sustained him, spoke to him — even though he seemed to often face situations that were too great for him, but the Lord fed him and he carried on the strength of that meat…

I’ll write more about some gleanings from 1 Kings another time.

So, I was sharing things I’m glad we’ve done, decisions we’ve made as a family — as a homeschooling family — through the years.  I intended to share things I regretted doing or not doing, but as I was preparing my notes, I realized that having an old mom stand before them with a list of regrets was not going to help them very much — and it certainly wasn’t going to help me at all.  I already spend too much time at the regret counter as it is.  But, on the other hand, I had to share some of the shortcomings — and, as you know, there have been many through the years — so that they could see more of my heart, God’s mercy and His grace and where I was coming from when I was exhorting them to press on.  I referenced Philippians 3.14-15

All day as I’ve worked in our home, worked at the kitchen table on math and spelling, reading and writing, I’ve  been seeing the young mother’s tender faces before me and I’ve thought on how it was in the beginning for me… the beginning of homeschooling, the clean slate days, the: We can be/do/study anything! days.

It was so impressive that they were so eager to learn — the purposeful intent of their lives.  I so wish that I had been as they.  Many had very young children, some not even “school-age,” yet, there they were: already deeply committed to the task at hand,  gathering information, tools and inspiration for the road ahead.

Knowing this, I felt then — and I feel more so, now —  a very strong conviction to be careful with their thoughts, careful with their questions and respectful of their plans.  What an honour it was to share with them things — ideas, suggestions, helps —  that just might become part of the foundation of their homes.  I hope that some of our experiences might help them and that some of the  “things we’re glad we did” just might become some of their “things we’re glad we did.”   And, perhaps, someday one of those mothers will stand before a group of beautiful, bright, lineless faced, eager young mothers starting out on the path… and she’ll be able to encourage them to press on… because she did.

What’s Pulling on Your Apron Strings

That might sound like a strange title to a message I want to share with you today, but perhaps by the time you finish reading this letter, you’ll have an idea and perhaps realize some things you’ve been wanting to take care of for some time.

So, what’s pulling on your apron strings?  You know… the thing or things that nag at you or that seem to be pulling at you from one direction or many.  You may be attempting to work around your home and keep having interruptions or distractions that prevent you from accomplishing what’s really needful.  You may have plans or schedules, or wish you had plans or schedules, and yet every day something, or many things pull on your apron strings and prevent you from meaningful or notable accomplishment.

I know I have these same feelings or experiences from time to time –sort of as if nothing seems to go right or nothing measurable ever seems to get done. It’s as if at the end of each week I have relatively little to show for my efforts and certainly none for the fatigue I might be feeling.  Yet, my apron’s dirty and the strings are raveled at the end.

Over the years I had great ambition for great things.  I wanted to spend time individually with each of the children each day; I wanted to spend time reading aloud, fixing their hair, assisting them with schoolwork, chores and prayers.  I had lofty aspirations that we would do projects, tell and record stories: that I would pass on valuable stories, life-lessons and a rich heritage…

But then, many days –most days– I would come to my bedside and realize that, once again, yet another day where I’d failed to reach my glorious ambitions.  Instead, we had just spent another day –another hum-drum day.  Together.

Pulling at my apron strings were all the wouldda, shouldda, couldda’s and few of the atta-girl’s, way-to-go’s and wahoo’s of life.  At the point I realized that all those marvelous and coveted accolades were simply unrealistic, I also realized I truly was getting all those atta-girl’s, way-to-go’s and wahoo’s of life.  I truly had them… I just wasn’t seeing them, that’s all.  I wasn’t seeing the “atta-girl” in my son’s: “Mom, will you fix this for me? I can’t do it.” Or, in my daughter’s: “Mama, you’ve got to write down these recipes for me or I will not ever be able to cook like you!”  Or, “O, my mom will do it for you, she’s right here!”  Or,  probably the sweetest gift of all I just received and it was contained in a letter, reading: “Mama… You are the best friend I’ve ever had.”

See, I missed the blessings by being concerned
about the unimportant things or on my failings
instead of what really was most important for that day.

Often, pulling on my apron strings are all the things I’ve done wrong as a mother, wife or friend.  Pulling on my apron strings are the things I don’t do well or the things I don’t have (as compared with my friends) or all the ways in which my children don’t *seem* to measure up (again, compared to others’ or compared with a high ideal or whatever).

Everyday, nagging thoughts creep in and occasionally pull me here and pull me there… and even get me all tied in knots sometimes over the silliest things – all tied up over things only the LORD can take care of or only the LORD knows about.  Sometimes all tied up over things I *imagine* to be so.  And then, I stop and think:  wait a minute… should these things be pulling at my apron strings, pulling me down in despair?  Should I be letting those thoughts come in and flood my mind, or should I take those thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ.

I know this to be a truth: I have never given to the LORD –any thought, desire, motive, whatever that was then rejected by Him.

He has never yet, will never, can never: fail me.  So then, I consider at thought or a pulling on my apron strings and I ask: is this of You, LORD? Or I say, I know this is not of You, LORD, and so I ask You to take this thought, desire, fear (or whatever), from me and I ask You to guide my thoughts, guard my heart and mind and help me to see only You.  Please hide me behind Your Cross, LORD.

O, sure, other women are going to have bigger, better, more than you or I; and sure, other families are going to have newer, brighter, more attractive homes, children, lives, accomplishments, etc., etc., than you or I.  But you know what?  They don’t get to be you—they don’t get to be me.  You’re uniquely you created by God, saved by Him unto faith and good works.  He loves you with an everlasting love and underneath you are His everlasting arms and in you is His eternal Spirit and surrounding you is His eternal joy of salvation in Christ Jesus.  Wow.  Now those are some pretty wonderful things.  Did you know you had all those treasures tucked in the pockets of your apron?

So, next time something starts pulling on your apron strings and you know it’s not simply one of the little blessings the LORD has given you, you just reach in your pocket and pull out one of the Truths of God’s Word and His love for you.

The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.
Jeremiah 31.3

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)  Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;  And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.”   2Corinthians 10.3-6

I pray the LORD will just bless you and bless you over and over and that you will be assured of His great love for you and that He will guide your steps and guard your thoughts.

always in His hands, love,  pamela

Stuff’s going to work out.

I know.  I’d probably grimace if one of my kids started an essay: “Stuff’s going to work out.”   But, it’s on my mind today: stuff — and how it works out.   But I want to begin by saying: stuff’s probably not going to work out how you thought it would — or even how you hoped it would — but, truly, in the end, stuff’s going to work out.

Last year, the year you’ve heard me describe as the most sorrowful year of my life,  I heard a song… it was one of two songs that so resonated with me that I played them over and over and over again.  Hymns and psalms and spiritual songs minister to my heart, they lift my thoughts heavenward and they seem to dispel the darkness of doubt and despair.

Over and over in my head I would hear the words, It’s going to be alright.  I knew this — because I knew that God only does all things well — but I also didn’t know this — do you know what I mean?  I didn’t know – know – know this because of what I was *seeing.*  What I was seeing looked to be anything but alright.  But in my wrestling, I knew the it was so big God must be in it.  In my wrestling I knew that none of it had escaped His gaze and that He would work it together for good.  He could not do anything other than that.  And I knew that.   But for ninety-seven days I struggled.  Struggle still.  Sometimes.

On the night that my whole world seemed to come crashing down around me I didn’t see that it was going to be alright.  I didn’t see how it could be alright.  Through a series of events, that led to one of our children leaving home for ninety seven days, I learned to see, believe, trust and hope in God as I never have before — and what I didn’t know at the time was that God was, indeed, using that event as an instrument to both chasten and strengthen me — to both humble and lift me — to crush me and to fill me.  I needed all of that — I needed it much more than I needed to know that it was all going to be alright.  What I needed to know was something I thought I knew but didn’t.   It was something I taught I knew but didn’t.  Maybe that’s a bit harsh — I guess, in reality, I knew as much as I knew of that truth — but I didn’t know as much I know of that fact now.

That child was longing for love, attention, time, affirmation… and I was busy.  I was distracted.  I was doing good things but not best things.  And that child went away — to my great shame, regret and sorrow — but by the grace of God returned ninety-seven days later.  Returned home, broken, completely restored and strengthened in faith and was genuinely welcomed home — such a beautiful testimony of the mercy and grace of God.  I, on the other hand, very humbled, broken and filled with such regret and sorrow, was still trying to gather up the shards and pieces of my life.  I am only now beginning to understand all that the Lord had for me in that lesson.  And,  I so do not want to miss anything He had for me in that very expensive and painful lesson — and though I’m not speaking financially at all, it was, truly,  a very costly lesson — I cannot afford to miss what He had, or has, for me in it/through it.

I won’t elaborate on the details of those days — but I’d like to say that the lessons I learned in that valley were and are very, very precious and have given me great hope and great faith in the Lord’s dealings with me — with us all.  He showed me, in so many ways, how resourceful and creative He is.  He showed me that none can pluck one of His little ones out of His hand.  He showed me that He cares for my child — my children — more and better than I ever could and He showed me He loved that little one… and never shifted His gaze.  And He loved me, too.  No matter that I did not deserve His mercy and His love.  He showed me that He loved me too much to leave me where I was – going on the track I was going.  I needed that correction.  I needed it so much.

One thing kept ringing through — I knew for certain all through that dark valley was that I was going to to need what I received there – I was going to need that faith, that hope and that trust in God.  I didn’t know how, I didn’t know why and I didn’t know when — but I knew I was going to need it.  I said to myself over and over: you’re going to need this.  You’re going to need this one.

And I did need it — not only for the following, but for many things since:  Only a couple of months later…  it didn’t take long and it wasn’t at all difficult to figure it out  when our missionary son returned from Africa – and then the following week lay sick in the hospital — in a coma, very sick with cerebral malaria.  It was then that I knew that I knew… the Lord truly is all I have and all I need.

It’s a real risk sharing stuff sometimes — but I think it would be pretty selfish not to.  If you barely hanging on… if you feel like you’re sinking in too deep… if there’s some pain that’s tearing you apart, then, would you cast your cares upon the Lord Jesus — would you trust Him that it’s all going to be alright — that He truly is going to work everything together for good — for your good and His glory.  He who cannot lie — cannot fail.  And He, who loved you first… loves you still.  And stuff’s going to work out.  Really… you have His Word on it.  Maybe not like you thought and not like you hoped… but stuff’s going to work out.

The words to the Sara Groves song: It’s Going to be Alright

It’s going to be alright, It’s going to be alright

I can tell by your eyes that you’re not getting any sleep
And you try to rise above it, but feel you’re sinking in too deep
Oh, oh I believe, I believe that

It’s going to be alright, It’s going to be alright

I believe you’ll outlive this pain in you heart
And you’ll gain such a strength from what is tearing you apart
Oh, oh I believe I believe that

It’s going to be alright, It’s going to be alright

When some time has past us, and the story if retold
It will mirror the strength and the courage in your soul
Oh, oh, I believe I believe,

I believe, I believe

I did not come here to offer you cliche’s
I will not pretend to know of all your pain
Just when you cannot, then I will hold out faith, for you

It’s going to be alright, It’s going to be alright

It’s going to be alright
It’s going to be alright 

I can tell by your eyes that you’re not getting any sleep
And you try to rise above it, but feel you’re sinking in too deep
Oh, oh I believe, I believe that

It’s going to be alright
It’s going to be alright

I believe you’ll outlive this pain in you heart
And you’ll gain such a strength from what is tearing you apart
Oh, oh I believe I believe that

It’s going to be alright
It’s going to be alright

When some time has past us, and the story if retold
It will mirror the strength and the courage in your soul
Oh, oh, I believe I believe,

I believe
I believe

I did not come here to offer you clichÈ’s
I will not pretend to know of all your pain
Just when you cannot, then I will hold out faith, for you

It’s going to be alright
It’s going to be alright

Mother’s Happy Day 2011

To my precious children… how strange it is to be apart from you this day.  How interesting that the Lord would, in His wisdom, goodness and mercy, have us to be a million miles apart on this day.  But as I have held you in my heart from the day you were born, so also, I hold you in my heart this day.  And I am missing you terribly.

But I also know that the Lord is in the details, having orchestrated this whole trip, this is His doing and it is marvelous in our eyes.  I genuinely rest in complete joy and assurance that you are in the mighty hand of the Lord: that He has blessed, redeemed, equipped and filled you, each one with His Holy Spirit and that none can pluck you out of His hand.  I am comforted that you are competent beyond my comprehension and blessed beyond my greatest  hope and vision for your lives.  I am, above all women, most blessed.

I pray that I might be to you even a particle of the great joy and blessing you are to me.  I pray to be even a glimmer of the hope you are in my life and I pray to be even a shadow of the good things the Lord has done, and will do, in and through you.

So, this mother’s happy day 2011, I ache missing you — often picturing each of your beautiful faces.  And I once again thank you for the great privilege it is and has been to bear you, to care for you, to pray for you, to know you and to look forward to the days ahead for each one of you.

Thank you all for your patience with me, for your forgiveness for my many failings and shortcomings – for my shortsightedness and distractions.   I sincerely thank you for your forgiveness.  Thank you for the encouragement you have been both for me and to me.  Thank you for bearing with me in the recent past as choppy waters have flooded my life/our lives, actions and thoughts.  I’m grateful to you, each one, for standing with me all these years… but most of all for the honour it is and has been to be your mama.

I praise the Lord for the opportunities of your lives… and for the undeserved, immeasurable and inestimable blessings in mine.

And… yes, you can go open your gifts.  God bless you more and more. Happy mother’s happy day to each one of you.

with love and thanks,
mama

And ye know in all your hearts and in all your souls,
that not one thing hath failed of all the good things
which the LORD your God spake concerning you;
all are come to pass unto you,
and not one thing hath failed thereof.

the blessing

An excerpt of my reading today, finishing the book of Joshua… in light of Mother’s Day tomorrow and in my absence, praying for my children.

Joshua 23.6-24.15

6  Be ye therefore very courageous to keep and to do all that is written in the book of the law of Moses, that ye turn not aside therefrom to the right hand or to the left;
7  That ye come not among these nations, these that remain among you; neither make mention of the name of their gods, nor cause to swear by them, neither serve them, nor bow yourselves unto them:
8  But cleave unto the LORD your God, as ye have done unto this day.
9  For the LORD hath driven out from before you great nations and strong: but as for you, no man hath been able to stand before you unto this day.
10  One man of you shall chase a thousand: for the LORD your God, he it is that fighteth for you, as he hath promised you.
11 ¶  Take good heed therefore unto yourselves, that ye love the LORD your God.
12  Else if ye do in any wise go back, and cleave unto the remnant of these nations, even these that remain among you, and shall make marriages with them, and go in unto them, and they to you:
13  Know for a certainty that the LORD your God will no more drive out any of these nations from before you; but they shall be snares and traps unto you, and scourges in your sides, and thorns in your eyes, until ye perish from off this good land which the LORD your God hath given you.
14  And, behold, this day I am going the way of all the earth: and ye know in all your hearts and in all your souls, that not one thing hath failed of all the good things which the LORD your God spake concerning you; all are come to pass unto you, and not one thing hath failed thereof.
15  Therefore it shall come to pass, that as all good things are come upon you, which the LORD your God promised you; so shall the LORD bring upon you all evil things, until he have destroyed you from off this good land which the LORD your God hath given you.
16  When ye have transgressed the covenant of the LORD your God, which he commanded you, and have gone and served other gods, and bowed yourselves to them; then shall the anger of the LORD be kindled against you, and ye shall perish quickly from off the good land which he hath given unto you.
1 ¶  And Joshua gathered all the tribes of Israel to Shechem, and called for the elders of Israel, and for their heads, and for their judges, and for their officers; and they presented themselves before God.
2  And Joshua said unto all the people, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Your fathers dwelt on the other side of the flood in old time, even Terah, the father of Abraham, and the father of Nachor: and they served other gods.
3  And I took your father Abraham from the other side of the flood, and led him throughout all the land of Canaan, and multiplied his seed, and gave him Isaac.
4  And I gave unto Isaac Jacob and Esau: and I gave unto Esau mount Seir, to possess it; but Jacob and his children went down into Egypt.
5  I sent Moses also and Aaron, and I plagued Egypt, according to that which I did among them: and afterward I brought you out.
6  And I brought your fathers out of Egypt: and ye came unto the sea; and the Egyptians pursued after your fathers with chariots and horsemen unto the Red sea.
7  And when they cried unto the LORD, he put darkness between you and the Egyptians, and brought the sea upon them, and covered them; and your eyes have seen what I have done in Egypt: and ye dwelt in the wilderness a long season.
8  And I brought you into the land of the Amorites, which dwelt on the other side Jordan; and they fought with you: and I gave them into your hand, that ye might possess their land; and I destroyed them from before you.
9  Then Balak the son of Zippor, king of Moab, arose and warred against Israel, and sent and called Balaam the son of Beor to curse you:
10  But I would not hearken unto Balaam; therefore he blessed you still: so I delivered you out of his hand.
11  And ye went over Jordan, and came unto Jericho: and the men of Jericho fought against you, the Amorites, and the Perizzites, and the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Girgashites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites; and I delivered them into your hand.
12  And I sent the hornet before you, which drave them out from before you, even the two kings of the Amorites; but not with thy sword, nor with thy bow.
13  And I have given you a land for which ye did not labour, and cities which ye built not, and ye dwell in them; of the vineyards and oliveyards which ye planted not do ye eat.
14  Now therefore fear the LORD, and serve him in sincerity and in truth: and put away the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the flood, and in Egypt; and serve ye the LORD.
15 ¶  And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.

Living Long

Living long.  I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently.  I’ve been wondering to my self: what would I be doing today if I had been living long for the last thirty-some-odd years?  What would I have accomplished or done differently had I been living long all these years of marriage and motherhood?

This train of thought is the sort of along the same track of thinking as the question:  How would God have used me (or my life) had my whole life been yielded to Him?  Where would I be today if my whole life had been yielded to Him?

So, living LONG —  I don’t necessarily mean focusing on living a long life, or working at attaining a long life, but rather, living in such a manner as to daily consider the ramifications of decisions, consequences of choosing to do or not do something because of long term effects or results.

Thinking long means weighing decisions more carefully – choosing plans, activities, actions wisely and with forethought instead of simply thinking now – living in the moment – carried away in carefree living.  O, there’s a place for spontaneity and light-hearted fun — but living spontaneously often has significant drawbacks and consequences.

Thinking long, changes the way we live – changes our daily living.  Thinking long changes what we purchase, things we acquire, how we spend our time – and who we spend it with.  Thinking long might mean that we choose to invest in something today — missing out on things we’d “rather” do or buy  — because experience has taught us the consequences of neglect or inaction.

So you can see why I am mulling this over – a lot – these days.  A couple more birthdays have passed in our family — milestones have been reached — time is passing so swiftly and my list of was going to do’s is much greater than my list of have done’s.

I could very easily talk my way out of these reflections – excuse my way out of the consequences or realities. I could (and with a measure of solid justification) explain away the lack of accomplishment, the lack of discipline or skill or whatever.  But the truth is, much of the time throughout my motherhood years I’ve not had long thinking — I’ve not intended to live long — I’ve not keep an eternal perspective as a garland over my days or as a path for my feet.

Caught up in the dailies — and you know the dailies are *so* daily —  in many areas, I’ve thought short.  In many ways, I’ve lived short.  In many instances, I’ve planned short.  Instead of thinking LONG — I’ve thought TODAY.  Instead of investing LONG — I’ve covered TODAY.

Now, at the risk of seeming to back-peddle, I do want to say that by the mercy of God, there are and have been many things — many times — many decisions that were made for the sole purpose of future benefit, future reaping, future provision.  The consequences of not doing things one way or doing them one way have been strong motivators in mothering and training the children.  Governed by “she will do him good and not evil *all* the days of her life” has been an extremely powerful and important “force” in my life.

I’ve sought to determine to live according to God’s Word — it’s governed my thoughts, decisions and actions… much of my life — but what about the times when that determination has waned or wavered?  And what about all those times I thought short instead of long?  What if, by faith, I had lived long?  What if I, by faith, had not wavered when I chose temporal things instead of eternal things?

What if, by faith, I daily had a long or future perspective when making purchases, spending time, loving my husband, teaching our children, keeping our home, planting and gardening, reading books, watching movies, talking with family or friends, making plans…

By the grace of God, I’m determining to live long while He gives me life.

The Birthday Card

I received such a beautiful card yesterday.  It was a birthday card — but yesterday was not my birthday — well, not technically, anyway.

But in a way, it was my birth-day, for twenty-five years ago yesterday I gave birth to our first daughter — third child, first daughter.  As I look back, nothing and everything prepared me for that day.  O, it wasn’t the gap between her birth and the birth of the son five years previous — though it was.    It wasn’t that I knew I was to have a daughter — I didn’t know that;  it wasn’t that I was surprised to be having a baby — though I was, initially — for I had prayed for years to have another baby — but years went by; no baby.  I guess, in reality, what I was unprepared for was the absolute, astounding, overwhelming joy I experienced that day. The stunning joy and practical disbelief that washed over me at the hearing: it’s a girl… it’s a girl. Crying, I repeated the refrain, it’s a girl, it’s a girl.  It’s a girl!

The Lord gave me a gift that day — a gift for which I was and am so undeserving.  The inestimable value of the gift of that child remains to this day a mystery to me.  The child I prayed for was not the child I received.  You see, I didn’t then, and do not now, have the capacity to pray for such a gift.  And so my request was insignificant compared to the answer I received.

A few weeks or so before her birth, I began to write down names…. O, the oft rehearsed list of favourite names came easily to me.  But then one Sunday morning, during the singing of a hymn in church, a word in the chorus seemed to ring out so boldly to me: Grace… grace… God’s grace… Grace that will pardon and cleanse within… Grace… grace… God’s grace… Grace that is greater than all our sin.  My hand resting on my round tummy — the baby moving within… I heard & sang the words: Marvelous, matchless, wondrous… infinite grace… freely bestowed on all who believe…

Grace… I stood there… praying:  Lord, I prayed, if this is a baby girl, then one of her names will be Grace… and I will tell her about You.

So, you see, nothing and everything prepared me for the gift of the baby girl that day, twenty-five years ago.  Space and time do not allow for the recounting of the ways the Lord has blessed me through the years in the gift of this ‘baby-girl.’  As I told her again yesterday, were it not for her, I’d never have made it through the years.  I meant it:  I don’t  know how I’d have made it were it not for her.  What she has given me, what she taught me, what she has been to me, I can never repay. Her gracious, tender, generous ways — her eagerness, thoughtfulness, industriousness and a host of other gifts all wrapped up in merciful loving-kindness carried me through motherhood.

Perhaps only another mother of many could understand the significance of what I’m saying here.  I had this daughter’s loving support and help… year after year.   Perhaps only a mother who tried to do to many things and had many things slip through the cracks will understand what I’m saying here.  I had this daughter’s tireless encouragement.  I had this daughter’s enthusiastic help.  And then, perhaps only a mother who failed to stay focused, failed to keep priorities straight, failed to daily live in tender devotion to her children, will understand the gift of a daughter who remained loyal and merciful.

So when I opened that card yesterday… I cried.  I cried with joy. I cried with sorrow.   I cried with regret.  I cried with thankfulness that God, in His mercy, has redeemed me, has restored the years the locusts have eaten, has given me new hope, new zeal, new passion, new eyes for motherhood… though I so often didn’t even see my lack, didn’t even grasp my blindness to so many things.  I don’t know how the days will go… I don’t know how some sorrows will be corrected in life, I don’t know how some losses will be redeemed, I don’t know how some bitternesses will be sweetened, I don’t know how some brokenness will be mended — but I do know this — back when “my world” came crashing down around me and I wondered if I would ever have joy again; I wondered if we would ever smile again; a few things happened:  the first, and most important was that God gave me a new heart.  Sincerely, that was most significant.

But one of the other things that happened in those days, was that this daughter, this gift from the Lord, this  grace in my life, stood by me.  Stands by me still.  Her encouragement… I can never repay. O, how I recall crying to her in those days — sorrowful that I had been insensitive to her, sorrowful that I so often didn’t see her — just saw what needed to be done. I sort of became such a perfunctory mother.  This daughter helped me to see all this so clearly, so tenderly.  I owe her a debt of gratitude I can never repay.

And so yesterday morning — undeserving, I opened the card — the birthday card — and I read the beautiful sentiment of gratitude, a gift from this daughter; this precious daughter, the wind beneath my wings… this gift of grace from the Lord.  Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace.

I smile tonight… thankful to the Lord for the long journey.  Regretful for some of the days behind me…  but Hopeful for the days ahead.  Rejoicing at what He has done.  To God be the glory.

Happy Birthday ♥ sweet girl.

 

 

Be clear on the concept

I snapped this photo one day when  one of our little boys was doing dishes for me and when I came in to check his progress, I noticed the dishes weren’t loaded properly — an error that was glaringly obvious  to me.  Funny thing was, it wasn’t obvious to him.  He was actually very proud of how neatly he had put the cups and glasses into the dishwasher rack.  I showed him that, while they were neat, they weren’t going to get clean inside because they would only fill with water, they would not be washed out by the sprayer beneath.

As I thought on those cups, I began to draw parallels to motherhood.  And, thus, I decided to post this photo and attach a  label to it.  Because, really, it truly does help to be clear on the concept! And so it is, unless and until we’re clear on the concept, we’re going to experience failure after failure.  And, we’ll likely want to give up.  And we may even do so!

We need to get a hold of a vision… a fruitful plan and purpose for motherhood — for our motherhood – for our mothering!  We need to seize the moment, as it were.  Because, I tell you the truth — the moments are fleeting and the time will be past before you know it!  We need to grab hold of a decision to love our families as they ought to be loved!

I genuinely believe it’s when we truly discern and determine to love and serve our families, when we begin to strive for excellence, when  we begin to grab hold of the great and precious promises of the Lord and when we seek to live in joyful compliance to His Word and His marvelous plan for our life, we will have His great blessing and encouragement and we will be joyful mothers, joyful keepers at home. But it takes a real want to!  And it takes a turning away from unfruitful things, distractions and time wasters.

Over the years, I’ve worked and reworked many plans, many routines for homekeeping… and I keep working and reworking them out as my family grows and daily activities change.  And so, it is with confidence that I share with you that there are MANY tricks you can learn and implement —and if you will— you will find you truly enjoy keeping your home! The better part of that is that your children will grow up SEEING a glad mother who ENJOYED  *BEING* a mother to her family.  I can also tell you, to my shame, that when I have NOT  diligently sought to serve and love my family, when I’ve not striven for excellence or dedication, I have failed and my family  suffered for it.  And thus, by the grace of God, I humbled myself, rededicated myself to the task and sought the Lord’s blessing — and true to His Word, He helped me, He restored my path.

As one of my daughters reminded me recently: Mama… remember how you said, your children may not remember all you did here, but they’ll remember how it felt here.  Yes, I remember saying that.  Many times.  And that’s one of the little admonitions that fuels my work and strengthens my resolve each day.

So, I just want to say to you, dear mother, you’ll do fine… just be sure you’re clear on the concept.

A special birthday

When Timothy was born, there was a brief hush over the delivery room — enough time for me to realize there must be a problem.  Fearing the worst, I asked my husband if the baby had died.  No, he said, he’s going to be fine.

As Timothy was born, the doctor could see that the cord was wrapped around his next and as he  loosened it, it was obvious that there was also a complete knot in his umbilical cord the hush was their surprise that he was just quiet and still — completely fine.  The team of attendants appeared to be amazed.  The doctor inserted an instrument into the knot, shaking it loose, and then continued to gently massage his little body.  He told me that that knot had been there for many months as that “little guy” must’ve turned himself around and swum through the loop of the cord.

The next morning, as the doctor was making his rounds, he came in to check on me and baby Timothy.  You are so lucky, he said.  And I told him, no… no, I’m really very blessed.  God has been so good to me.  I knew that then.  I know that now.  Out the window that morning I could see a lone daffodil in a planter… the ‘tea-cup’ flower had just opened.  It was a bright encouragement to me — and the site of blooming daffodils continues to bless me over the years – for that  and so many other event’s meanings.

And so, today, twenty three years later I’m still in awe at what the Lord has done in the life of that baby – now young man.  There have been many instances through the years where the Lord clearly marked his life — times of sickness, times of great spiritual growth, times of God’s clear hand of guidance, direction and protection.  From a very young age, this young man had a clear and present awareness of the Lord’s call on his life – a matter that Timothy continually shared with others.

And he has answered that call and for many years has walked by faith in the ministry of the Gospel.

I have no greater joy than
to hear that my children
walk in truth.
3 John 1.4

It is with great joy that we celebrate this son’s birthday today — and, happily, we’ll even celebrate it with him this year as it’s been many years since he’s been home on his birthday!    He flies in late tonight!

We’re thankful the Lord has used him so sweetly in our family… that He’s used him in Ghana and now in Mexico.  Today we’re reminiscing as we recall the many blessings of the Lord through the years, the many ways God’s worked on his behalf, many ways God has uniquely gifted and provided.  We thank the Lord for the many times He’s healed Timothy from various sicknesses, from many bouts of malaria and the many adventures God’s brought him through.  We also recall, with tears of joy and humble thanksgiving, the great miracle of healing the Lord gave Timothy last summer.

Timothy is a joy to me… to us all.  For all of this — for the gift of his life, for him, for all these miracles — we are so grateful to the Lord.

 

retracing pages of days gone by

Maybe you do this from time to time: see a photo of yourself and wonder how could that have been you?  Or read something you’ve written and say: I recognize the writing… but how could I have forgotten that!?!

Recently, while putting away fresh laundry, I stopped and looked up at photographs I see — but don’t really see  — every day.  And so there I stood a long time — gazing at the framed photographs that hang on the wall above my husband’s dresser.  I was sort of transported back in time and was so longing for those days.  And then I sort of mentally calculated just how much time had passed from those days to these and just had to marvel at all that’s transpired.   I thought, I know the girl in the photograph is, or was, me.  I know the babies are, or were, mine — my husband seems so much the same  — but I can’t believe that face of that girl in the photograph is the same face this old girl sees in the mirror each morning.

I continued on my cleaning and sorting of papers and books, journals and photographs… marveling all the while… still thinking about the swift passage of time.

And then I came across a thin notebook I used during the time we lived on Orcas Island… now it seems at once such a long and such a short time ago.   The children in the photographs were one and three years old.  As I read the notes from sermons, prayer groups and Bible studies, it was as if I was reliving those days and as if no time had passed from then till now.  I could almost feel the the wood of the pews in the old church building and could almost smell the scent of the foods served in the different homes where meetings and gatherings took place.

I tearfully rejoiced that I believed then what I still believe today — so thankful I relied upon and trusted God then and yet more so today.  But then I tearfully regretted that I haven’t live out that reliance and trust fully each day from those days till these.

I’m so glad I took so many notes — a practice I’ve kept through the years.  But reading through the pages, I noticed a lack.  I’m now painfully aware and so regret that I haven’t kept my own advice to others: regularly writing down the things my children have said and done.  O, how I wish I had recorded the things I was so absolutely certain I’d never forget.

How could I possibly forget that great thing, that wonderful achievement, that dear request or that cutest ever comment?