A dear friend recently wrote a letter regarding losing vision and had several thoughts regarding the danger of lacking vision, and the importance of having vision or purpose. I’ve mulled that over. And over. I empathized and I actually sort of felt sick at the thought, the tragic thought of losing vision.
And then it struck me (but it wasn’t the first time) that I’ve lost vision. If you’ve never “lost vision” before, then it’s probably hard to understand how someone could go along, have a great track to run on and then suddenly lose vision. But it happens. And if it’s happened to you, you understand. You totally understand.
I started losing vision a long time ago. For some things — not for everything, for some things.
I got off track — or was rolling down what I see now was a sort of parallel track — thought I was going along fine. But a parallel track that’s off by 1 degree soon is off by a gaping distance. In the beginning it’s not so noticeable. And, maybe for quite a while it’s not so noticeable… but down the way a bit — it’s very noticeable. Usually to everyone except the one who’s in the car on the now-not-so-parallel track.
I’ve been very tempted to stop writing. You know… listening to enemy’s voice: why do you write, you don’t have anything to say, you’re worthless, you don’t have any wise words and on and on. I was tempted to stop accepting invitations to share with women in different venues. And I did — I did stop altogether. For a time. And then I thought: wait a minute — everything I believed I still believe. Everything that was previously important is still important. I may have made a mess out of a lot of things. I should have done so many things differently. But I didn’t — and time went by. I’m thankful for the Lord’s great blessing of encouragement and re-creation! By His grace, many — if not most — of the trials that I thought I’d never pass through have been redeemed and used for my good and His glory. I wait on Him for finish the work He’s begun — for I know that I know He will complete the work.
Some of my experiences may seem like failures, or circumstances may have changed, but the Truths I stand on, the Truths that guide and inspire me have not changed. I was tempted — have been tempted many, many times to drop commitments, drop the website, drop this blog, drop other writing projects and move on. The website’s antiquated. This blog’s out of date. The many writing projects are unfinished. The vision for all these things seemed lost.
The best thing about space and time is that perspective is gained in the passage of time and vision is gained from distance to an object. For both, clarity is a great blessing. My indecision has turned out to be a blessing — I don’t really want to dump the website — it took twelve years to build — it can be redone, it can be redeemed. And I don’t want to quit writing — I love to write. I’ve been redeemed. The Lord has given me a great opportunity. And I really don’t want to miss opportunities to share messages with sisters in the Lord — because He has given me so much. He has turned my messes into messages.
Some of the messages have become messes.
Some of the messes have become messages.
And thinking on this has given me a new vision. The messages that have become messes? I’ve decided not to just dismiss them entirely for they are part of who I am and where I’ve been, but I hope to turn them, by the grace of God, back in the messages.
My new vision is to clean up some of the messes, give them new meaning. Share some of the messages that have come from the messes and, again, by the grace of God, be a vessel He can use. I might add, I’m sure thankful for the husband the Lord gave me — why the Lord blessed me so, I will never know but I’ll be forever grateful! His insight, his perspective is a gift. I know, we women tend to see things as all or nothing sometimes — and it takes a wise husband to point out the anchor is still holding… that the ship may be tossing or listing to one side or the other — but the Anchor holds. The Anchor holds.