You’re going to need this

A mother hands a child a coat as he prepares to head out the door.  You’re going to need this, she says, it’s cold outside.  Another time, she hands the child an umbrella.  You’re going to need this, she says, it’s raining out and you’ll get wet if you don’t open it as you step off the porch.

The child might dutifully accept the coat or the umbrella; he might also be trusting  her judgment; in addition, he might be reflecting and acting on past experience.

Whatever the case — obedience or experience — in the coat or umbrella scenarios above, the external conditions are present and so it’s really quite simple to accept the coat for the present cold or to accept the umbrella for the present rain as these two situations can be either presently felt or presently seen.

Sometimes we don’t understand why we’re being handed something.

We receive unanticipated work and, thus, more income than we would normally have.  Accustomed to less, we might wonder, Why we have so much more?  We delight in our “windfall” and dream of the different things we want to get.  And then… an appliance breaks or a vehicle needs a new transmission or a tooth cracks and needs a root canal and crown. We feel surprised that we have just the right amount of money needed to cover the repairs!  We then remember we were handed something we were going to need.

Other times, we’re handed an experience or many experiences and we might ask or cry or even complain, Why is this happening?

The first days of running or dieting or learning a new skill sometimes seem so arduous — so impossible!  Most of us give up or what to quit in the face of such difficulties.  Then, someone comes along — say an experienced runner — and he says, don’t quit; keep going… you’re going to need this for the steeper parts of the road.

Sometimes we’re handed illness or tragedy or sorrow and we think, O, can’t do this, I cannot handle this — I just can’t do this — this is too hard for me.  We want to turn away from the problem — we want to run from it because looking at what we think we’re able to do, we can’t see our way through.  And then, by the grace of God, we see a little beyond what we see.

God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Psalm 46.1

 

As we continue to walk with the Lord, as we continue to trust in His Word, we grow… we grow in grace, we grow in wisdom and strength and we grow in trust that He *is* with us — He *is* for us and He really does do all things well.  Not that He will answer or provide or guide in the very same manner He has in the past, but simply: He will answer.

Each situation we face, each heartache that comes, each sorrow that washes over us, each disappointment, each failure, each loss — each thing can be a blessed experience that reminds us of God’s dealings with us in the past — as if He handed us something and said, You’re going to need this.  We may not understand why at the time, but down the road a bit, we’ll see…

We’re so tempted to measure a situation by what we can see — not by what God’s got planned or by what He’s doing.  He is our refuge — we can trust in Him.  He is our strength — we can lean on Him.  He is our very present help in trouble — we can accept what He hands us.  Even when — especially when — we can’t see the storm ahead, we can take the coat of His salvation and the umbrella of His Holy Spirit that He hands us, saying, You’re going to need this.

From John Piper

In 1979 Bob Dylan recorded the song “Gotta Serve Somebody.” For those who listen with biblically informed ears the refrain echoes Paul and Jesus:

Paul: “You are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness” (Romans 6:16).

Jesus: “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other” (Matthew 6:24).

Dylan’s refrain:

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody, yes indeed,
You’re gonna have to serve somebody.
Well, it may be the devil or it may be the Lord,
But you’re gonna have to serve somebody.

This is one of the truest songs Dylan has written. John Lennon was so angry with it that he wrote an obscene counter-song, “Serve Yourself,” which was so bad, Yoko Ono published an apologetic explanation of it in 1998.

To celebrate Dylan’s getting this truth so right, I have written new lyrics, not because they are better, but because they are updated for my religious world.

If you’d like to read it, and you don’t know the song, it might help to have the tune in your head as you read the new lyrics. You can listen to it here:

“Gotta Serve Somebody (Remix)” by John Piper

You may like Bob Dylan or you may think he’s trash,
You may not remember when he had a mustache,
You may think the man is stoned, his throat is full of tacks,
You may wish his blood had been poured out on the tracks.

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody, yes indeed,
You’re gonna have to serve somebody.
Well, it may be the devil or it may be the Lord,
But you’re gonna have to serve somebody.

You may be a modern Jew, and think your Bobby’s great,
You may be from Hibbing, by a simple twist of fate,
You may think religion is a crock and a sham,
You may shut your ears at the blood of the Lamb.

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody . . . .

You may have a ponytail and know how to preach,
You may have been baptized on the Malibu beach,
You may love the album, “Saved,” and hope that it is true,
Or you may think that Bobby’s brain was tangled up in blue.

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody . . . .

You may be a racist and wish times had never changed,
You may hate the sixties when it all got rearranged,
Or you may be a Democrat on Capitol Hill,
You may sing the story of the death of Emmett Till.

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody . . . .

You may think the globe is getting hotter every day,
You may follow Albert Gore and be a protégé.
Or you may drive an SUV and never be chagrinned,
You may give the answer: Ice, is blowin’ in the wind.

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody . . . .

You may swear by Kindle, or you may swear by Nook,
You may love your iPad screen, or you may love your book,
You may have a radio and let the jockey choose,
Or you may love Pandora ’cause it follows all your cues.

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody . . . .

You may be emergent now and worship on a rug,
You may think that doctrine is a bourgeois drug,
You may call yourself Reformed, with a torn pair of jeans,
You may specialize in church for cool libertines.

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody . . . .

You may love philosophy and you may love Descartes,
You may love Beethoven’s flair, and you may love Mozart,
You may love Bob Kauflin and the sounds of Sovereign Grace,
Or you may wish the world was full of a thousand Lecraes.

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody . . . .

You might use a manly gel to make your hair a mess,
Or you may wear a coat and tie the way the bankers dress,
You may preach like Francis Chan and think that hot is cool,
Or you may be as nonchalant as Keller on a stool.

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody, yes indeed, . . . .

You may swear by Narnia or you may swear by Grit,
You may think an actor is a trained hypocrite,
You may love the culture, and you may love the world,
Or you may see her sensual, with a finger curled.

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody . . . .

You may think that Dylan was a shelter in the storm,
Or you may think his single rule was disobey the norm,
You may think it’s too late: he’s a victim of renown,
Or you may hope he’ll turn again when the deal goes down.

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody . . . .

You may see him tryin’ to get to heaven on his own,
You may think he’s lost his way like a rollin’ stone,
But you can see one thing is clear, it’s shining in the night,
You may like it, you may not, but Dylan got this right:

You’re gonna have to serve somebody, yes indeed,
You’re gonna have to serve somebody.
Well, it may be the devil or it may be the Lord,
But you’re gonna have to serve somebody.

So, why does stuff happen?

Do you find yourself asking the “why did that happen?” question?

Why in the world did that happen? Or, why did this happen to me?  Or, how could this have happened?

We all ask some such question from time to time.  Even when we don’t mean to bring up our doubtful questioning in conversation, our comments betray us when we say something like, I don’t know how that could have happened, or some similar statement.

I think we all seem as though we’re surprised when things happen — as if we’d missed something in our vigilant attempts to prevent all problems.  Truth is, we cannot prevent things from happening any more than we can make things happen.

When we’re going through hard times, it’s especially common for us to question why the thing is happening — not because we can’t believe it, but because we can’t believe it’s happening to us!

The Word tell us in 1Peter 4.12-13

Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:   But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.”

In recent years when hard things have happened, I’ve been quicker to consider that the trial or the hard thing has been allowed of the Lord for my good.   This is just one of the great blessings of a long walk with the Lord and it’s one of the great blessings of age and experience.  The longer we live and the longer we walk with the LORD,  the more we tap into the reservoir of His ways in our lives — it doesn’t mean that God is going to answer us the same way twice — for we know that God is not obligated to repeat Himself — but that we have a bounty of ways He did answer and it bolsters our faith that He *will* answer.

God allows “stuff to happen” in our lives so that we will depend on Him, so that we will yield to Him and so that we will have something to give to others who find themselves in situations similar to what we’ve experienced.

You know how that goes… someone’s going through a trial and they confide in you because they know you know what they’re going through.  They wouldn’t be able to lean on you, confide in you or glean from you if you hadn’t first gone through the trial or experience or “all that stuff.”

Many times in recent years, when facing difficulties — or hard stuff, I’ve consciously thought:  Omy, this is so hard, God must be in it… I’m going to need this!

I’ve been keenly aware that He only allows things for my good and His glory — and so He’s taught me that when I’m going through hard stuff, He’s at work.  Sometimes for my strengthening.  Sometimes for my chastening.  Sometimes for my lack.  Sometimes for wisdom.  Sometimes for identifying with Christ.  Sometimes for pride.  Sometimes for my worship… but always for my good and His glory.

Last year, the most sorrowful year of my whole life, I was keenly aware, time after time, that God was allowing all these things for my good and His great glory.  They were hard things.  Very hard things.  Why did they happen?  They happened so that I would *know* that I can trust God in *all* things.  He is only good.  All the time.

Don’t send opportunity away

What do you have in your hand?   Are you wanting to send opportunity away?

Most of the time, that’s the basis for our willingness to obey the Lord… our willingness to obey or our willingness to serve is based on what we’ve got in our hand or what we think we can do.  Our response to the prompting of the LORD generally goes through a process of reasoning. We think, well, it looks like this situation is doable; or, yes, I think I can do this because I have enough time, money, experience, etc., etc.

The real testing of faith comes when what the Lord prompts us to do seems “impossible” or, more often, when we reject the prompting due to our apparent lack.

Matthew 14.14-16
14  And Jesus went forth, and saw a great multitude, and was moved with compassion toward them, and he healed their sick.  15  And when it was evening, his disciples came to him, saying, This is a desert place, and the time is now past; send the multitude away, that they may go into the villages, and buy themselves victuals. 16  But Jesus said unto them, They need not depart; give ye them to eat.”

This morning as my husband was closing our time of Bible study he was saying, How many times do we send opportunities away?

We were considering how the Lord has plans for whatever comes our way and yet our response is based on what we see — sort of the “what do we have in our hand?” or what are we able to do here?  We don’t often stop and think: Hmmm, this situation looks impossible… I’m sure the Lord wants me to stay and do something here.  More often we stop and think:   Hmmm,  this situation is hopeless, I’m out of here (or , at least that ‘s what we feel like saying/doing).

How often do we send opportunity away because it seems impossible to us?  Or, because it seems impossible, how many times do we miss opportunities to see God work?

The disciples wanted to send the people away because of the “obvious” lack of provision.  But later they would see and experience that with God, nothing’s impossible.

Do you have an impossible situation in front of you today?  Don’t look at the obvious…  don’t send opportunity away seeing or thinking that you lack resources.  For, in fact *you* surely may apparently lack resources.  But watch what God will do with what you have in your hand or what He will bring.  For with God, nothing’s impossible.

A Co-Incident

It just dawned on me that there are a bunch of co-incidents going on right now.  But it’s not surprising to me when I’m dealing with something and then I notice several other similar something’s come up around the same time.  You probably notice this is true in your life… when you’re going through something you hear about or see similar things all around.

I’ve been writing about CSA (childsexualabuse) for the last week or so.  I feel like I might owe readers an apology — not for writing what I’ve written, but for not giving a clear ‘warning’ regarding the sensitive topic.  ‘Guess there’s really no sweet way to warn about topic matters or the gravity of a topic or even the graphic nature of a matter.  So, if’ these postings have been offensive, please accept my heartfelt apology for offending some sensibilities.   CSA’s an offensive topic to read about.  It’s offensive to experience.

And what about a “Co-incident”?    I use this term to describe those incidents where the Vertical meets the horizontal — or, where the horizontal meets the Vertical. It’s when the Lord meets us where we’re at: A Co-incident.

A few months ago I received a letter “out of the blue” from a man who had stumbled upon my letter to my adoptive father.  In that letter,you understand if you’ve read it,  I candidly recounted some of the details of my experiences and the CSA with my ‘father.’  I had originally sent that letter (after many years and other letters/attempts to contact) in 2006 — and when it was returned refused, I decided to post the letter in its entirety online and send him a post-card with the imtellingonyou.org link and a note printed on the back… to let him know that I was telling…

Well it turns out that the man who contacted me had had some very unfavourable business dealings and experiences with LM,  my “father,” and minced no words, derogatorily describing his past dealings.  I was not at all surprised to read the descriptions of ruthless treatment — though, I was surprised to receive his letter – initially.  As we exchanged a few letters, it soon became apparent to me that this man had his own battles to face against LM and his vendetta against him was quite different than mine and that my experience was simply an opportunity to perhaps see him leveled.  Seeing my father get leveled was not/is not my intent.  I’m grateful this man wrote to me – if nothing else, if confirmed to me that “people know” what kind of man he is/was.  I’ve always wondered how an influential man or a man of his level of life couldn’t/didn’t have a slew of enemies and seems to carry on in relative ease.  Well, as with most things in life, things aren’t always as they appear.

So, then a few weeks laters I received that newspaper clipping with the article from the Orange County Register regarding the mother/daughter effort to encourage people to Tell! — to commit to reporting abuse or CSA.


And then, this week, I received the latest No Greater Joy magazine with information regarding the release of Debi Pearl’s book,
Sara Sue Learns to Yell and Tell
.


I’m honestly so thankful for all the Co-incidents — it’s no coincidence!!  I know there are times when the Lord opens doors for us to “share our story” with others.  We never know whose lives the Lord might touch and encourage with the sharing of our experiences.

Through the years,  the Lord’s given me many opportunities to listen to hearts of women as they tearfully share their CSA (or any other) experience.  I’m eternally grateful the Lord has chosen to use this very feeble vessel to carry His great good news and to encourage others in the way.  I’ve got so much to learn, but He’s shown me so much mercy and given me so much grace as He works in and through this, and many other, life experience.

These are no coincidence… they are Co-incidents.

Let’s Pretend…

Let’s Pretend is a children’s game.  And children are good at playing it.  Adults like to play this game, too — only it’s not always for entertainment or proper development.

Nearly thirty years ago my husband encouraged me to talk to someone about CSA — or, my story.  It was invaluable to me — but for reasons much different than the counselor’s intent.

I was so nervous.  ‘More nervous than I am to go to the dentist to have a root canal.  ‘More nervous than anticipating labour and childbirth.  I can’t, I said.  I just can’t do that.  Well… what I didn’t know at the time was that if I really felt as though I could *not* go through with it, he would *not* have taken me there that day.  But he did and I did go into that Christian counseling office in Seattle.

She was very gracious to me — grandmotherly, warm and kind.  I felt at ease with her as I answered her guiding questions — willingly, as I so longed to be free from the feelings that plagued me.  Though my actions and demeanor might have betrayed this, I’m sure she knew that’s why I was there.  I’d very rarely ever even mentioned that there was trouble in my life to anyone.

I knew the game, Let’s Pretend, very well.   I’d played Let’s Pretend for many years by this time.

After she listened to my recollections — asking me to picture past scenes.  She then asked me to picture the same scenes again — only this time she asked me to picture them how they should have been.  I found it nearly impossible to do this — but, being a good girl, I agreed that I could picture the situations the way they should have been.  She told me this was the way Jesus would have had those situations occur.  I agreed with her — probably like glazed eyed people giving perfunctory nods of agreement to enthusiastic salesmen when the salesmen promise the moon with the use of their product.

I tried very hard to keep the “better picture” in my mind.  But I couldn’t.  I knew, though she was trying to help me, that sort of help wouldn’t change what happened.  It was the “positive mental attitude” sort of counsel.  And while it is great to keep a positive attitude — looking on the bright side of things, pretending something happened differently than it did doesn’t change what happened.  What happened happened.  Imagining it differently wouldn’t change that.

I left the office that day with a follow-up appointment card in hand.  And I did return for that appointment, as well.  This time our conversation centered around my family relationships and current activities.   At the time, I’d just given birth to our second child, we were in transition after a business venture failure and the loss of all our financial assets.  And as I look back on those appointments now, I see that they were some of the most instructive and divine appointments of my life.

Through my sharing of our financial situation, she directed me to a place ( at that time: Natural Foods Warehouse in Mountlake Terrace)  where I could buy grains for my family, giving me the address for the store and suggestions for what to purchase once I got there.  I didn’t know it at the time, but that one suggestion for making nutritious breads would be used of the Lord significantly and would pave the way for me to learn to make breads of all kinds, use different grains and cereals for our meals and to buy foods in bulk.  Actually, I learned MANY invaluable things from those two sessions:

  1. Picturing the past the way it should have been is just another chapter in the “our little secret” book of tricks.  Memory Replacement therapy was not only not helpful, it furthered my anguish that I’d never move past the fear, guilt and shame of CSA.  It was a game of Let’s Pretend… Let’s pretend this did not happen.  Which, by the way, was exactly what was said to me by my ‘father’ when I would tell him I was afraid… he would say, this did not happen.  Memory replacement therapy is a game of Let’s Pretend: Let’s pretend it happened another way. It’s another lie.  I pray no girl — no woman ever succumbs to that form of “counseling.”  It’s a lie and it steals from the great goodness and purposes of the Lord when He has allowed hard things to have occurred.

  2. Natural Foods Warehouse became one of my favourite stores and would open doors of food purchasing and preparation that I would find invaluable from that time to this.  I  don’t often shop there anymore after discovering Azure Standard many years ago.  But, from there, a whole new world opened up to this once city-girl from SanFrancisco and Southern California.

  3. It’s proven to me over and over and over that all God’s ways are good.  That what the devil intended for evil, God meant for good — for my good and His great glory.  And, I do give God glory in all this.  For I know that I know that I know: He was there… He saw it all… He allowed it all.  Praise His Name.

  4. God used those events of my life, in part,  to shape me into who I am today — and IS using them to work His perfect work in me to conform me to the image of Him who saved me.   And though I and others do not/cannot see His finished work yet — or even a lot of progress sometimes, God is still using the tool of those experiences to work His beautiful work in me.

  5. I press on toward the mark…


No more secrets

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.

I so longed for freedom – freedom from shame, freedom from fear, freedom from having to do things for him in that way.  I so wanted to be free from all that — I wanted it to all go away.  No more secrets. But I didn’t want to make any problems for anyone.  And I think that’s probably the case with most women who endured child sexualabuse and remained afraid to tell – the fear of retribution is just gripping.

It’s interesting how twisted things become for love.
I so wanted to be loved… my mother wanted to be loved and in a really creepy way, my legal father wanted to be loved.  Creepy, but I can see that now.

Looking back, when my mother married this man,  I remember being  so happy that we were now going to be a real family — that we would get to call this man, daddy.   And for a time that did happen.  On the surface, things seemed okay — to me and probably to most everyone else — I didn’t know about some problems going on — the reality that his life was fraught with deception.

An underlying issue was that I was slowly losing contact with my own father.   Why didn’t we see him very much anymore?  Things didn’t make sense sometimes.  When we moved to a new city, my name was changed and I felt sort of worried that someone would tell my ‘real’ father about it.   I was told to keep it a secret, not to tell anyone.  I can understand now that it was really for my protection or comfort as he was planning on filing for adoption and a move to a new city made that transition easy.   I see that now.  In the next year or so, there would be many legal dealings, letters, court dates.  In time, I would be adopted and my name legally changed – and voilà, I was now his daughter.   Even my birth-certificate was changed.  Just like that: no more secrets.  Everybody’s happy. Right?

Well, a couple of years passed and my little world — our little family — would be forever changed by what would become known as “our little secret.”

I still longed to be loved — even in the midst of, or in spite of, all that was going on.  But now, love was all weird.  It was all mixed up.  I just had to be happy! I so desperately wanted to be a family like all our friends.  They all had great families.  I didn’t know then that they really didn’t all have great families.  But, Junior High’s a pretty tough age and everything seems better somewhere else to most Junior Higher’s.   The desire/need/compulsion to fit in is terrific.  But I couldn’t have both — a genuinely close, warm, loving, true relationship and one that was frightening, overpowering and deceptive.

I now know that part of what I longed for could only be fulfilled by my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.  For I was separated by sin from the only One who could set me free from the law of sin and death and the grip of fear.    That’s the part I longed for:  to be free from fear and free from shame.

It would be several years before I would come to faith in the Lord – before I would come to a place of rest in faith in Him.  I am still coming to grips with what it means to be NOT entangled again with the yoke of bondage (I know I am exercising great liberty here with the context of the verse).  I am still working to grasp the vastness of the Love of God and the great mercy wherewith He loves us!!  His marvelous ways are past finding out — but He has made a way that we can know Him and His great gift of salvation in Jesus.  This is love.

Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.” Galatians 5.1

Probably the greatest blessing for me the day I finally mustered the courage to tell my mother,  was that she believed me.  The lie: “no one will believe you” had haunted me.  But she did believe me and there was great peace in that.  I’m sure things would have been very different had she not believed me.  As I type this I’m flooded with emotion at the goodness of the Lord in my life.

No more secrets.  She told me, among other things: No more secrets.  All  I remember thinking at that time was: no more.  No more.