There have been times when I imagined that one day I’d be sitting in a circle waiting for my turn to introduce myself and then when the person beside me finished their introduction and small talk, they’d glance at me, signaling my turn, and then I’d say: I don’t know why I’m here or how I got to this point, but here I am. So, hello, I’m pamela and I’m an internet junkie.
I used to say (and laugh about it) that one day there’s going to be a branch of medicine dedicated to the emotional problems, effects and disorders associated with computer abuse use and result of internet addiction. I used to think it was isolation that would be a great problem — but now, that’s not what I think to be the great problem. Now I think it’s distraction. Distraction from what’s really going on. Distraction from what’s being said, directions being given, loved being shared — but missed bcz the computer is an attention siphon. The computer (or, ahem, handheld whatever’s) and the internet are erasers of time. Erasers of special events and conversations. They’re what obscure those moments you don’t even know you’re missing. Until later. The internet took the place of some days, months or years you will never see again. I know this is true… grievous as it was to me to see and admit.
I must say that it’s been hard to think of resuming writing regularly bcz I fret I’ll fail or revert back to old habits of distraction and ‘internet addition’ that contributed to the darkness of the valley earlier this year. As I’ve told you before, I didn’t realize just how distracted I’d become or how wrapped up in my projects I was each day. So, I’ve had to be exceedingly careful not to slip back into old patterns.
If you’ve never been an internet junkie, then you have no idea what I’m talking about. But if you have, or are, you know exactly what I’m talking about and you have or had the same trouble I have had.
And if you are on the net all day or many hours a day and neglect important things to attend to lesser things and you don’t think you are addicted to the net, I’d say you’re in denial. I know, I was there once, too.
And if this computer didn’t have the system in place to automatically shut off after a designated time, I’d still be there. Just like that.