I thought I’d just start this post off with a bang: vasectomies. Writing the rest of it will be easier now, comparatively speaking. Well, with the exception of replies to comments – but that’s probaby the good thing about not receiving lots of daily comments here.
I don’t know of an elective surgery that is more emotionally charged than vasectomies – with the exception of tubal ligations. Every week I receive letters from women — men and women — couples — who ask for prayer for conception and pregnancy – most requests are posted on our site. In addition to those, we receive letters inquiring about birth control and vasectomy or tubal ligation reversal. So many aches. So many questions. So much regret and disappointment. So many broken hearts and marriages. Week after week, couples plead for prayer on their behalf that God would be merciful and grant them conception… that God would provide a way for a vasectomy reversal… that God would forgive a bad or foolish decision.
If you’ve visited our site or have known me any length of time you will readily know my strong opposition to the big fix. It’s a lie… the big fix is no fix at all – for breaking things that work just fine isn’t a solution or a fix-all. Very, very rarely do I ever talk with a person for whom pregnancy is or would be fatal or detrimental health wise. Very rarely do I ever read of situations where a woman should not — must not — get pregnant. And most of the time, my estimation of birth-control is this: it is for people who should not get pregnant. And who should not? People who are not married. to. each. other. Sincere or Medical cases of necessary abstinence are rare – much rarer than are cited.
Responsibility is a marvelous gift to men and to women. Responsibility requires necessary restraint and composure, resolve and commitment. Vasectomies remove a substantial restraining factor in men’s lives and behaviour. That’s something that’s probably not mentioned when men seek a vasectomy. It’s not like the doc sits there and says, now, brother, you do realize that you now have total secsual freedom, don’t you? Are you sure you can handle this?
Of course not.
Instead, docs ignorantly praise a man for the decision he’s making (the great financial bene, notwithstanding) and how now he’ll be free to enjoy secs completely and his wife will never have to be burdened again, blah, blah, blah. Based on the number of women who’ve written to us, and we’re nobody!, and I will tell you, women cry over the foolish decision and men ache with shame and regret for making a decision based on convenience. and doubt. and fear.
Page two, Local Section of this morning’s Seattle Times has an article about a doc in Oregon who is offering “premium vasectomy appointments” to men who want to time their vasectomy just right to enable them to watch March Madness college basketball… “It’s snip city.” the ad in the article proclaims.
Another sad consequence: older men acting on impulse; younger men instructed. Older men paving the way for younger men to neglect God.
The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork. Day unto day uttereth speech, and night unto night sheweth knowledge. There is no speech nor language, where their voice is not heard. Their line is gone out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world. In them hath he set a tabernacle for the sun, Which is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, and rejoiceth as a strong man to run a race. His going forth is from the end of the heaven, and his circuit unto the ends of it: and there is nothing hid from the heat thereof.
The law of the LORD is perfect, converting the soul: the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple. The statutes of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart: the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes. The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring for ever: the judgments of the LORD are true and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold: sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb. Moreover by them is thy servant warned: and in keeping of them there is great reward. Who can understand his errors? cleanse thou me from secret faults. Keep back thy servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me: then shall I be upright, and I shall be innocent from the great transgression. Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer. — Psalm 19
Problems? Headaches? Tired of being tied down? Kids interrupting your game or game-plan? Make an appointment to cut them off today. You’re in charge of your life – why be bogged down with children and family, why bother?
So light and so cavalier is the view of the great gift of life. Pragmatism makes many foolish decisions. For which man could know what God has in store for him? Who can know the great mind of God on matters of life, offspring and posterity – except that He says children are a blessing and a great heritage to the man who has them. Decisions with eternal implications made in a moment of frustration or despair… based on a most convenient scenario.
I wonder how many will be grieved five minutes or six months later when the gravity of the decision is realized. It is a grievous thing to cut off the possibility of children – the heritage of the Lord. The big fix is a lie.
We know many who have sought forgiveness for the hasty or illadvised action and have joined in prayer and have sought reversal: “Who can understand his errors? cleanse thou me from secret faults. Keep back thy servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me…”
God help us.
I have to close the comments on this blog entry. I’ve received hundreds of spams on this one… trying to sell a myriad of aids, products, etc., etc. It’s not the constructive dialogue I seek to end… just the barrage of garbage mail.
I have often wondered why sterilizations are almost forced on patients. I remember during labor, delivery, and postpartem being asked repeatedly to sign papers for a tubal ligation. It seems to me that the doctors would make more money if I continued to have babies……
and I’ve been working ever since, making it so a man can’t support his family. :rolls eyes:
Oh and I didn’t go to college I started working at about 15 years old assumasaurus.
When did I say my way is the right way? My way is the right way for me. I don’t fault you for being in a Christian cult. Go ahead. I pity you. I pity you for all the assumptions you make about what is in people’s hearts because they believe differently than you. I pity you for the fear you have of “the world”. I pity you all the wonderful people you will never know because you’ve been programmed to fear them. Doesn’t it make more sense that God wants us to live THIS life in THIS world. Not the world of decades, centuries or millenniums ago. There is a reason you are alive NOW. With the world the way it is NOW. But since the men you are with are threatened by strong women and their own homosexual thoughts, they have created a cult and you are a victim of it.
Oh and if it’s biblical to respect your elders you failed. If you went to college at 18 15 years ago, I am at least 10 years older than you. So there you didn’t glorify you God again. I’m going to tell your husband on you!! Bet you’ll get a spanking.
Karen,
While you said that we have this sickening cult that we are in, you at the same time believe that your way is the right way. Shame on you. You do not practice what you preach. If your beliefs in Christianity is about openness (being deprogrammed) then why bash someone for believing different than yourself? Your comments don’t hold. Each of your comments has revealed that you do not think logically or in sequence. If you did then you would not take umbrage with this post.
Ah yes, you are correct. I did write Your instead of You’re. Yes I do make that mistake a lot. I would hope in the future that someone as yourself who started off this topic with such stupidity would not point out grammar mistakes. I’m sure one day you will write “hear” instead of “here”. It happens often enough when people are corresponding. It does not mean that one is ignorant but rather one is not slowing down enough to process their thoughts and write correctly.
I take it that you must be a college freshman who recently started English 101. Your superior attitude with grammar reveals this. During my 15 years since college I have learned that college is not where real education takes place. While you are spending thousands on a education to prove how smart and superior you are, I can go to the local library and get a better education for free. I would say “the same education” but I doubt I would indoctrinate myself with Liberal and Marxest beliefs as was done in my public school/college education period. It has taken years to unlearn what public eduction supposedly taught me.
I take fault with myself for even responding to you. Your original comment was foolish, childish and with anger. “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness. The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.” Proverbs 15 1-3
God knows our hearts. I leave this conversation because I realize that my heart is not in the right place. I took personal offense to what you said and really should not have. I should have left foolishness alone. My only goal is to please God and I was not doing that in our conversation.
“But as we were allowed of God to be put in trust with the gospel, even so we speak; not as pleasing men, but God, which trieth our hearts.” 1 Thess 2:4
And with that I take leave.
Ouida Gabriel
I think it’s funny that you used the word “your” instead of “you’re” when you said “your not deal with morons”. You make that particular mistake a lot.
I will pray that one day God actually does touch you and helps you all find your way out of this sickening cult you’ve created in His name. Raise YOURSELF up sister, get deprogrammed.
You may as well be Jehovah’s Witnesses or Mormons with all the bible twisting you people do.
Karen,
What is Christianity? Jesus offers himself for our lives. He substitutes His life for ours. By our accepting His wonderful gift we become apart Him. We are “adopted”. He becomes our Father. Just as when parents see a child and know that it is theirs, so we become children of Christ. To deny that this is the foundation of Christianity is wrong. God has more “going on” but without Jesus dying, adopting us and then His children, us, serving Him then Christianity is empty.
In reply to your clarification – if a couple believes that they are to do something because the Word of God tells them to then it does not matter how many children are available for adoption. God has a plan for each of those children. You don’t have any clue as to who you are speaking too so to try to explain why I believe that all things work out for good would be fruitless.
Personally I think that having children is between God and each parents. As long as you are not murdering your children (pill, abortion, etc) then the couple does what is right for them. That includes putting your nose into a couples business about whether they will raise a biological child of their own or be willing to adopt a child into their lives. As popular culture likes to say “It is a choice.”
I apologize for not seeing that you were sarcastic. When I see people who attack others, use impolite words and write in a way that makes them look stupid, I don’t see the sarcasm. I see ignorance, stupidity or both. Maybe if you would have spoken in a intelligent manner then we could have had a decent conversation. Instead you presented yourself as something that you claim your not. Instead of basic English you could take a class in Basic Manners of Civilized Society 101. Raise yourself up sister, your not dealing with morons here.
Ouida Gabriel
Oudia.
Is adoption the very foundation of God really adoption? Really? He’s got nothing else going on? Just the adoption right? Hmm, I think it’s you who needs to learn more about the word of God. I was being facetious and a bit sarcastic. Perhaps you should take another ESL class so that you can understand the subtle nuances of the English language. I do know what I’m talking about.
To clarify (in even simpler terms) I find it disgusting to hear people whine about not being able to “have” children when there are millions, yes MILLIONS, TENS of millions of children, out there begging and crying to have a home. Instead they will most likely die of hunger, become criminals, prostitutes, or worse.
Thank you.
Dear Anonymous –
I would just encourage you to love your husband, to trust in the Lord and to pray that the Lord would direct your thoughts *and* your husband’s thoughts. I also would suggest that you just prayerfully consider this matter — that you would with a meek and quiet spirit wait on the Lord. He knows the thoughts and intents of your heart. He knows your deepest longings and He knows the same of your husband.
Many men make decisions for vasectomy for reasons women can’t understand. But sometimes men make a decision for a vasectomy bcz they fear or they doubt or they take their eyes off the Lord and look down at their situation and can only see their own solution for how to meet the needs of any given life-situation. The Lord seeks us to be fully yielded to Him — fully trusting in Him.
There has not been much teaching in the “modern” church for families — families yielding to and trusting in God for the provision, protection and timing of children. The modern church does not view children as a blessing as the Word of God teaches. And so, quite naturally, men (and women) just follow along with whatever ‘everyone else is doing’ instead of fully yielding the whole matter of “birth control” to the Lord.
Sometimes men hear the agony of the wife or the complaining or see the stressful homelife and feel as though “there has to be a better way!” and so they decide: well, one thing’s for sure, another baby won’t help matters! And so, they turn to the quick — seemingly ‘smartest’ decision: vasectomy. So… that’s why I so heartily promote, encourage, stress that women must be in the Word… must be walking with the Lord, fully yielded and trusting Him and seeking His Will and Way. It’s when we yield to His Will and Way that we set our lives and homes in order.
I know there will be arguments about this simplistic manner of answering this most difficult area… but I have trusted and have witnessed first hand the incredible blessing, guidance and provision of the Lord through nearly 32 years.
I also know many couples who regret their decision to destroy a path of blessing — and have repented of that decision and have set things right (so far as it physically depended on them) and they began to fully trust in the Lord for *whatever!* His Will was. Now, in many cases there were no more children conceived and in many cases there were more children conceived. The matter was not whether or not they had the vasectomy but whether they would simply trust the LORD and wait on Him — with thanksgiving.
I have seen… known many situations where it seemed as though the husband would never change his mind or never have a ‘reversal’ surgery. I have had the great joy of knowing children born to these couples after a reversal.
I think in all of this we can surely see…. God is only good all the time and He *is* merciful to us all. He is forgiving, patient, gracious and longsuffering. O that men would praise the LORD and yield their hearts to Him! O that couples would see children as the blessing they are and trust God for the future.
Thank you for writing. I pray the LORD will be your strength, your comfort, your guide and your wisdom.
sincerely, pamela
Karen,
The very foundation of Christianity is adoption. If you knew the word of God then you would know that. Instead you choose to insult people and show how vile your thinking is. Also, if you really listened you would hear the rallying cry for adoption. Steven Curtis Chapman is a great example. So is Geoffe Moore. If your going to insult someones beliefs then at least do some research and educate yourself so you actually have a clue as to what you are saying.
Ouida Gabriel
I allowed this comment to be posted though it borders on coarseness I attempt to avoid having here.
I write to encourage families to trust God with and for the children He chooses for them — that means not killing those He gives or intends (abortions, surgical prevention, abortafacients: birth-control pills, iud’s, etc.). And… we do talk about adoption – we do promote adoption and do provide resources for locating sources or locations… there are many reasons that a family does or will choose adoption — when a couple does not/cannot have children and the Lord prompts them to have a family through adoption or when the Lord provides an opportunity to adopt a child(ren) to add to an existing family or when a family need arises and children must be taken in to the care of a family. There are many circumstances along with ones similar to these that we’ve addressed over the years.
I don’t “blog” about adoption much bcz we haven’t adopted any children — but you will see on our ( achristianhome.org ) website that I have a section specifically dedicated to adoption – to organizations that can help with adoption, etc, in addition to the many other pages dedicated to ministering to and caring for not only the lost, unsaved, but to orphans as well. I don’t know the “you people” you’re talking about — and so don’t know what you’re specifically saying/asking.
And so I won’t ramble on any longer today… for it will only appear that I am grovelling or apologizing for the stands I take.
A ministry we spotlight and support is the ministry of Wordsower (in addition to the others you will see on our site). http://www.wordsower.org/
sincerely, pamela
Where does God stand on adoption? Perhaps you could adopt if you can’t squirt out yer own youngun’s cuza the devil told you to cut yer donger. For all the rallying against abortion and birth control that I hear out of you people I sure don’t hear the corresponding pro adoption rallying I should.
What do you do if your husband has had a vasectomy and thinks he is being responsible. But I know it is against God’s will. What do I do? Thanks for your help.
http://www.reversal.net.au
See website for microsurgeon- for Vasectomy Reversal-
My husband had a vasectomy nearly 5 years ago- I DEEPLY regret it. The thought that I may never be able to bare children again fills me with dread.
May God forgive me and bless us with more children… I have begged my husband to have a reversal- He is booked in with a good Microsurgeon, Dr R Woolcott- in Sydney on Thursday 28-5-09. May God guide his hand to restore his perect work- that we destroyed in our stupidity.
LEARN from our mistake- DO NOT GET STERILISED!
Children are a gift and blessing from he Lord-
The world has forgotten that truth…in its selfishness and sinfulness…
God bless you all- Kel.
Some people who go for vasectomy may again want to have kids. Vasectomy reversal is definitely a great relief for them. There may be doubts about its success but I have seen many, who had children after vasectomy reversal.
-Martin
Could I just take a moment and share my personal experience? I had a tubal ligation when my third child was four years old. I was at a stage of life and we were at a stage of our ministry when “things” were very difficult. This is not to say that God was not on the throne, because of course He was and is, but I had lost sight of that. I was young and selfish and insecure and my personal relationship with Jesus was shallow. My husband was complacent about the decision and was in agreement if I opted for the surgery. So I did. The morning of the appointment as we were driving to the hospital I suddenly felt very strongly that we need to call it off. I wrote that off as fear of the anaesthetic, of the recovery, whatever. Up until the moment I slipped into the unconsciousness of the anaesthetic I kept feeling like I should just get up and leave the hospital and forget the whole thing. Unfortunately, I didn’t listen to that still small voice (for now I know it was the still small voice of God). I had the surgery and then put the whole thing out of my mind for about five years. When my son was about nine or ten I began to long for another child. My heart was broken because I knew I had disobeyed the Lord and although I knew His forgiveness, I also knew I would not have another child. My husband encouraged me to look into a reversal, but we were preparing to move from one mission field in Europe to another and I was not able to pursue all that would have been involved in obtaining my medical records, and etc. To this day, twelve years after the surgery, I wish I’d never done it! I wish I had paid the price of the inconvenience of the reversal even during a time of ministerial upheaval. I wish I’d listened to that still small voice in the first place! I feel that I have not only ripped off myself, but I have ripped off my husband the joy he could have had of more children. That said, I do not live under condemnation. I know the forgiveness of Jesus, and I am daily thankful for that. I hear of women my age becoming pregnant and I truly rejoice for them. Yes, the risk level is higher for complications during pregnancy as a woman ages, but God’s will and purpose is higher still, and He is more than able to carry out His plan and destiny. If I can say one thing to my daughters and to other women, It would be, “Don’t do it. Don’t do it! Don’t do it!” God is able to provide every need, and having children is of the Lord! Thank you for this post, and allowing me to contribute. (By the way, if you remember me…I was in England years ago when I “found” you, moved to Spain, and now we’ve come to San Francisco to assume the pastorate of a small church here. God is truly amazing in His workings!)