Way more than a cuppa

teacuppamela.pngA few years ago I was speaking at a retreat and was sharing some basic marriage “imperatives” and what it takes to be: married for keeps. Yes… that’s a title of a book I’m writing in my mind. It’ll probably end up being published there too. And be a best seller. Well, if nothing more, that book, or the writing of that book, will keep my marriage sweet and lasting. And my husband happy.

During one of the retreat sessions I was sharing the need for wives to study their husbands — to be very, very attentive to their husbands — attentive to their needs, attentive to their words and attentive to their desires. It’s not so much that wives just be aware of those things but that they be attentive and actively anticipating and seeking to meet, supply and validate those needs and desires. I shared with the women how there are (out there in the world) women who are seeking out men—women who are looking for men… women who know what men want and are ready to meet those needs/desires. Just look around—what sells? What’s available? What gets attention? As I’ve said many times: Don’t be deceived, don’t be foolish; someone wants your husband and will do whatever it takes to get him. The women know what men want. And they dress, talk, act or respond in whatever way that might be—they know what sells and they advertise.

During a mealtime at another retreat this whole topic was talked over in more detail. I shared with the women how many espresso stands (or, rather, the women who work in them) are geared up to fuel fantasies and tantalize the male customers. A few of the women denied this could be true but another woman validated my observations as she shared how her husband regularly stopped at a local espresso stand to get a cuppa (there is no intention to indicate that her husband was frequenting one of the steamy stands – the example here is regarding the very attentive and know-what-they-want nature of a lot of the baristas).

I listened intently as she described a time when she accompanied her husband on some errands and told of his getting gas and how she was seeing the girl at the espresso stand waving to her husband… and when he finished filling the car and paying his bill, he pulled over to the coffee stand where the barista had his coffee waiting for him. The wife was sort of flabbergasted at that whole series of events and the husband matter-of-factly said that the girl knew what he liked and always had it ready for him. Not so surprisingly, since then, I have heard other similar stories to the illustration I just shared and they’ve been a springboard for many talks.

Many latté stands that dot the landscape around here are selling a lot more than coffee – that’s for sure. It’s not rocket science to come to that conclusion when you see “Babes in Bikini’s” on the reader board and the names given to coffee blends aren’t just a simple description of the contents in the paper cup. So, each time I pass by one of the espresso stands, I mentally gather a little more material –a little more affirmation to keep talking to wives about safeguarding marriage and being attentive to the needs of their own husbands.

So, the front page story of the Seattle Times this morning, aside from being risqué and tasteless, further confirms my point. And, ‘bet that man’s either loving or regretting his front page claim to fame. The whole thing makes me sad –sad for the women, who, in a sense, prostitute themselves and sad for the men who pay them for the morning thrill. It’s all a sad cycle of slavery to the counterfeit of true love. It’s all sad. And… probably sad for respectable women (and men) who attempt to run a clean, honourable business just selling coffee and muffins. Glad Howard Schultz isn’t on the path to make Starbucks the hooters of coffee houses. I like Sbucks even more now.

Rather than kindling for tomorrow morning’s woodstove, I think I’ll keep this copy of the Seattle Times paper just on the off chance there’s a woman naïve enough to believe this doesn’t really go on.


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