Month: January 2007

mo betah mothering

teacuppamela.pngSo, I’m still going through our home… regathering, resorting, redistributing, refusing and recycling. But the one thing I don’t want to spend anymore time on is rearranging the same stuff – trying to figure out how to keep the same stuff I still won’t need later.

It’s been good… I’m thinking that at the end of the week I will finally get down to some serious paring down. Now, paring down for me or for us would be like drowning in cluttered chaos for a few of our friends who are the epitome of order and define minimalist decor. But for us, who have most everything we ever bought or were given (except for the things that broke or were stolen) doing a de-cluttering of the home is major surgery. What needs to go on here is akin to an amputation or something. Actually… what I really think needs to happen is that the walls need to be pushed out about 12 feet on all sides of the house – but then, that would sound greedy and discontent and, really, I strive to be neither.
So, the re-righting continues. I’m missing Hannah as she’s still in Idaho staying with a family and helping at the home of a young mother after the birth of their fifth child. O, how grateful I am for the opportunity for Hannah. I am remembering when that young woman was in her teens and how incredibly industrious she was (and is, still) and what a blessing she was to her family and to ours—so to now be able to send a little help to her at this time is really quite endearing to me. I tell Hannah that she is much like Becca was at her age… so it’s sort of melancholy to me as I think of what the LORD may have ahead for Hannah.

With most of the olders gone, the youngers have to “step up to the plate,” so to speak, and both fill in the gaps and learn the diligence that makes the work and lives of their older brothers and sisters valuable to others. I like to see these “life lessons” in play as they always increase the importance or reason for learning what they’re studying – they see the application and how God uses lives dedicated to Him. As a mom, I’ve needed to see the imperative to press on and not be weary of the repetitive nature of motherhood. I’ve needed to reemploy the creative enthusiasm as I train and retrain and retrain so that the last will be as skilled and capable as the first—and that the last will receive the same (yet, hopefully more) fresh, wonder-filled, awestruck passion that it seems only new moms possess.

So then, both the rewriting and the re-righting continues. Hopefully mo betah as the days go by.

pamelasig2.jpg

Life’s a Rewrite

teacuppamela.pngI’m sitting here this morning thinking of ways we used to do things and ways we do them now. Sort of a rewrite.

I stayed up a little late (a little late for lately, not a little late for times past – that would’ve been *really* late) last night as I had totally forgotten the deadline for the next issue of Making It Home. So, just as I’ve been doing around our home in the last few days working around with our children, I decided to write about clutter and reworking things to work better for “where you’re at” today. Then I remembered that I had written something about that in a past Welcome Home message. So I got that out and rewrote it. Life’s a rewrite.

You know, much of our “rewriting” or re-righting these days is just simply a fine-tuning of ways we used to do things or it is a: setting things aright. Stuff happens and we stop or get sloppy about the way we do things in the home. We let things slide, we stop being so particular and we stop striving for excellence. O, at first, it’s probably for some fairly noble reason… we want to enjoy things more, we don’t want to be so rigid or… gasp: legalistic. So we make changes or changes happen that we didn’t intend. Sort of those unintended consequences of life that surprise us when we see where we are down the road.

So the “let’s just enjoy life” or “let’s just have fun” days are over. It’s time to declare war on the clutter and get the house back. The house had fallen into the hands of the enemy and it’s time to get it back. It’s a tough thing to be the General.

“For the commandment is a lamp;
and the law is light;
and reproofs of instruction are the way of life”

Proverbs 6.23

So we, following what Daddy likes to see in the daily schedule and schooling, make a better plan! Mama sets the law in motion around the house and both the daddy and the mama are happy… used to be said that when mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. But we know the deeper truth is: If daddy and mama ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy. O… but that’s a message for another day… a message on protecting, preserving and fortifying marriage. That’ll be a good message to write.

So… the plan? the reworking? the rewriting of “things we used to do?” Well, the rewriting isn’t so much bcz the things were wrong, it’s just necessary from time to time to rewrite or RE RIGHT things. To make them right for the stage of life and the players. You add a few children, you add a newly capable worker or you “lose” one to marriage or college or work and then you need a rewrite. Things that used to work can still work, but they do need a rewrite. And when things are set right, we make a new chart, a new daily plan with new assignments. Until the next rewrite. This is the necessary flexing of motherhood. The lax ways are no way for a family to function well… there may be a measure of flexibility, but laxity is a very dangerous ingredient to mix into the bowl of family life. Ask me how I know this. 😮

So, a rewrite; a re-right. So… every one dressed, breakfast, Bible study, etc., shoes on and hair combed. Beds made. It’s time for a RE RIGHT. You go around… assess the situation. Yep… it’s worse than you thought. BE CHEERFUL. You already have a headache? Take a coupla tylenol and drink a tall glass of water. You have to move on.

Gather ALL the dirty laundry take it to the laundry room. This time we’re not hassling about whether or not the laundry is actually dirty or wrinkled dirty or lazy dirty. It all goes and gets a fresh start (unless it’s folded in a basket). Start a load. Then we gather all dishes, cups, glasses. Yes. The kitchen. Load and run the dishwasher. We don’t talk about the fact that we aren’t supposed to eat upstairs or yada, yada, yada. We already had that talk and we’ll have it again when the RE RIGHT is right. Get all the library books into the library bin. By the door. Get all the “borrowed’s” in a bin. By the door. Go switch the laundry loads… fold clean dry laundry into a bin. Leave it there ready for the next load.  (edit: I forgot to mention a few steps) Get all the loose toys or parts and put them in a bin or a few bins. Be thinking of the toys that need to go and bless other children whose mothers shop at the thrift store.  Yes… it’s time to pare down the toy cache.  Cache is good in computing, but a large cache of toys is not good… even if they are hidden.  Limit toys to a designated amount in a designated area or a couple of designated areas.  Toys can be the undoing of mother’s sanity.  And children’s manners.  Then get all the school books in a bin.  All the papers in a bin.  These both will be ordered and many most will be tossed.  Trust me, you won’t remember which child drew which picture unless the name and date are on them.  As with most things you think you’re sure you’ll remember… you won’t.

So… you’ve tackled most of the gathering stuff and setting in the right room.  If you still have time, start sorting and putting away.  If not, then start in again tomorrow and for how many days it takes to get the house back into a home.  But stay at it.  Like diets, you don’t see the dramatic results right at first… but given several days… well, the results show and generate comments!

So, you’re staying at it… [all the while you are praising for the good jobs being done]. Get all the ironing and hang ON hangers and put in one place ready for ironing day. It will come. This is part of the re-right. [mobilize ALL the troops] Then… we all go around putting things in their right room. Then… the ordering of each room begins. That’s where we are today. Gotta go.

pamelasig2.jpg

It takes about this long…

teacuppamela.pngYou know… I am finally getting why children take so long to grow up.  It’s mothers who need about this long to get the hang of the deal.  And then when we get the hang of the deal, we get calls or letters like this:

quotebegin.gifWell, we finally got here..  the car is actually looking quite well considering all it went through, i guess it wasn’t built to roll…

So praise the Lord I’m just kidding.  We made it here safely with no problems despite the Mount Hood pass being quite icy.

Thank you for all of your prayers!  –tim

So, we need about this much time to laugh at letters like that.

We also need about this long to happily take the grandchildren for a week or more. We get it.  We know that every mom needs a little time to regroup sometimes.  It’s not that the mom can’t handle the load or that she doesn’t desire motherhood or whatever else.  It’s that sometimes a mom just needs to gather her thoughts, to cut and eat her own food, to carry on an uninterrupted fifteen minute conversation, to go potty alone, to wear the same garment – unsoiled – for a whole day… to see sunsets and the sunrise in another place… to have a few minutes to write down some stuff she thinks today she’ll never forget.  But she will forget.  We all do.

It takes about this long to see that need and be very willing to meet it.

It takes about this long to not be so flustered when nothing at all works out right for a whole day.

It takes about this long to not be fearful of so many of the “what if __________ happens” in life. And not so overcome if the _____________’s don’t happen or don’t come along.

So… motherhood.  What an amazing gift.  I wish I’d known sooner what a gift it is and how quickly it goes.

pamelasig2.jpg

the way of parenting

teacuppamela.pngSo this morning I’m looking out at the blanket of fresh snow over the fields. I think of the beauty of it all and think how amazing it is that it covers all the flaws… the dirt and weeds, the uneven spots… And then I think of character… the character training in children. The pointing to Jesus… the Author and Finisher of our faith. The only One who can show the way on the path, the only One who can cover our dirt… our weeds… and wash us white as snow.

quotebegin.gifTrain up a child in the way he should go:
and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22.6

And what does this training do?

quotebegin.gif My son, keep thy father’s commandment,
and forsake not the law of thy mother:
Bind them continually upon thine heart,
and tie them about thy neck.
When thou goest, it shall lead thee;
when thou sleepest, it shall keep thee;
and when thou awakest, it shall talk with thee.
For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light;
and reproofs of instruction are the way of life:”
from 6.20-23

Reproof and instruction are the way of life… I mull that over and over as I recall how impressed I was last night regarding the training of children. The nurturing, protecting, raising, training, guiding, instructing, correcting, persuading, and praying for and over children. Then I mull over… pray over the children. Pray. Pray over. Pray over and over and over. And over again. nurture, protect, train, guide, instruct, correct, persuade and pray over and over and over. It seems a drudgery, doesn’t it? It seems wearying, doesn’t it? Or can it be seen as the greatest and most noble calling.

As we talked with parents of a younger family last night, we were encouraged and inspired by their zeal and enthusiasm to walk and stay the course. I thought of how I was once in their place not too long ago. I thought of how things were before some trials of life wearied my way. I thought of how things looked before some of the more recent bends in the road. I thought of how things used to be. And then I thought of how they must remain.

It’s taken some real effort to press on and stay the course sometimes. Effort bcz I’ve given in or fought against the lethargy of the enemy, the weariness in well-doing, and the daily-doubters. And then I read the Psalms…

I think the practice of regularly reading the Psalms is one of the greatest blessings of our homelife. I often wonder where we’d be if we didn’t stay the course and continually seek to apply the truths of God’s Word-namely (but not exclusively) the Psalms.

We talked last night about the particular influences on our parenting – those things which inspired and those things which hindered. We talked about vigilance and determination to stay the course. We also talked pretty candidly about those points of failure or wrong turns in the road. This family is currently at the same point on the path we were 10 or 15 years ago. I see them avoiding the snares on that part of the road and am so encouraged to take stock or “know the state of the flock” and seek to avoid those clear and present dangers on the path. The LORD continually reminds me over the years to stay the course… that though a few are older and no longer home, there are many lives yet to shape and guide… that I cannot afford to waste time or to think for a moment that then end of the course is near. It’s today… it’s just begun!
Every once in awhile I think that we’d all do well to now and then reassess our situations and do a little housekeeping in our families – in our parenting… remove clutter, repair the floors or walls, go through the reading materials, check the daily schedules to see where the holes are. You know, the little holes in the day where great siphons creep in and drain the life and resolve right out of a home.
I think it’s a marvelous thing to take a good long look in the mirror… a good honest look and ask: am I where I meant to be and am I where God wants me to be today? Am I on the right path or have I wandered from the way and actually have no real idea where I’m heading?

I am so grateful for the fellowship with brothers and sisters in the LORD – for the iron sharpening iron. How blessed we are and how often we miss this tremendous gift of the LORD bcz we’re looking for something else.

quotebegin.gifLet us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering;
(for he is faithful that promised;)
And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:
Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

Hebrews 10.23 – 25

pamelasig2.jpg

quotebegin.gifNow the Spirit speaketh expressly,
that in the latter times some shall
depart from the faith,
giving heed to seducing spirits,
and doctrines of devils;
Speaking lies in hypocrisy;
having their conscience seared
with a hot iron;”


1Timothy 4.1-2

motherhood means dying to self

I’m often surprised at the events or changes each season brings.  Sort of like knowing that snow’s coming but not realizing how cold it will feel or how distracting it will be.

Bcz this isn’t the first time or the second or the third… I knew it would be hard to say another goodbye-for-now to Timothy this morning.  I knew the children would be sad and we’d all go through the litany of wouldda-shouldda-couldda dones.  And, I knew I’d run the gamut of emotions as I helped with last minute stuff and stood on the porch waving i-love-you’s and goodbyes. But I didn’t really know.  I didn’t know this part of the road—I didn’t know this part of this season.  And I didn’t know how this would ache in a different kind of way than other times…
So, more and more I’m seeing that motherhood is a series of goodbyes.  And with each goodbye we learn.  With each goodbye we learn to make a choice to live a little more or to die a little more.  Sort of a prompting to experience more joy and die to self.  That dying to self is the hard part sometimes.  It’s hard bcz we spend a lot of our early motherhood in the it’s-all-about-me phase.  My pregnancy, my birth, my nursing, my schedule, my baby… my next pregnancy, my baby shower, my greatest-child-ever-born, my baby’s first_________, my midwife, my rocking chair, my quiet-time, my baby quilt, my dishes, my appliances, my memories…

And then, suddenly it hits:  Owow.  Wait-a-second… what? It’s not all about me.  O, it’s not about me, it’s all about whoever it’s about at the time.  And usually when you come to this realization, you discover it’s all about them.  Their plans, their schedule, their clothes, their discoveries, their meals, their tickets, their books, their mail, their studies, their calling in life, their stuff, their coming’s and going’s.  And it’s all necessary… it’s part of their season.  It is all about them.

And mother stands on the porch and waves goodbye.

And it’s all good.  It’s all right.  It’s the way it oughtta be.

Save

Save

Save