Category: Potpourri

Love is not Irritable.
This chapter begins with a verse from Proverbs 16.32
And then continues, “Love is hard to offend and quick to forgive.”

To be irritable means ‘to be near the point of a knife.’ Not far from being poked.  People who are irritable are locked, loaded, and ready to overreact.”

I know I get irritable when there’s a deadline and I’ve not adequately prepared for it… when I don’t feel well and don’t have a quick solution… when I don’t have a meal prepared on time or when I’ve not planned well enough for an event or when I think things will never change in this or that person’s life — in all this — even knowing that there’s nothing whatsoever I can do about the situation, I still fret and become irritable sometimes — but I determine not to be irritable with my husband.   I have continually striven to stop and recount the ways of the LORD and His dealings and have sought to live in accordance with His Word — bcz it is there that I know I will find hope and peace for certian.

A little further on in the chapter we read,

A loving husband will remain calm and patient showing mercy and restraining his temper.  Rage and violence are out of the question.  A loving wife is not overly sensitive or cranky but exercises emotional control.  She chooses to be a flower among the thorns and respond pleasantly during prickly situations.”

The book suggests that there are at least two key reasons for irritability — stress and selfishness.   Of selfishness we read:

When you are irritable, the heart of the problem is primarily a problem of the heart.”  (Matthew 12.34)

I smiled as I read differences between people and the characteristics of fruits — peaches and lemons.  So, when things get stressful and the squeeze is on… remember lemons and peaches — be a peach, the result is sweet.

Being easily angered is an indicator that a hidden area of selfishness or insecurity is present where love is supposed to rule.  But selfishness also wears many other masks:  Lust… Bitterness… Greed… Pride…  These motivations can never be satisfied. But when love enters…”

I liked the analogies and comparisons.  I like ‘two things’ type lists — catchy phrases, and the exhortation in this chapter to “respond… with patience and encouragement rather than anger and exasperation.”

Today’s Dare

Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation.  Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule.  The list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life [I would write:  list any wrong motivations you need to repent of, confess as sin and seek forgiveness for].
_____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.”

To the questions, I am mulling over my responses — I know I need to work on priorities and to stay ahead of my work — for I am learning more and more that I will neglect important things or drop important things — schedule-wise — instead of saying or volunteering in advance that I cannot do something by a specific date/time.  I recognize that these failures lead to irritability — the very last thing I want to be / respond.

Where do you need to add margin to your life?  When have you recently overreacted?  What was your real motivation behind it?  What decisions have you made today?

I’m mulling this over — especially in light of some recent health problems in which I have had to realize I am not handling things as well as I had thought and that I need to not fret about things — I need to just rest in what I can do today and not get caught up in what others are doing or what I think they might be thinking if I don’t have this or that thing done.  My husband’s been very, very helpful to me in seeing these things.  O, for grace to trust the LORD with things I grieve over — things I cannot do anything about.

Today’s “Dare” begins:  Love is not rude.

Once again, I find it difficult to carry out the dare of the day.  I say this because I genuinely feel as though I am never rude to my husband.   In fact, from the beginning of our marriage, courtesy and manners have been something we’ve continually practiced.  But I am determined to go through this book and so I read the chapter and considered the definitions, thoughts and suggestions.  And then I had thought on them for a number of days.

Nothing irritates others as quickly as being rude.  Rudeness is unnecessarily saying or doing things that are unpleasant for another person to be around.  To be rude is to act unbecoming, embarrassing, or irritating.”

I’ve considered several scenarios and I’ve realized that I will occasionally make a comment that interrupts or even contradicts something my husband has said.  In times past I have thought I do this bcz I know him so well that I know what he meant to say and so I occasionally interject what he meant to say.  And you know… I got to thinking about this and realize that I need to keep this in check — O, I’m not saying I wouldn’t tell him something — but rather, the way it’s done is what I need to determine to redouble my efforts to consider.

 The chapter continues with suggestions as to what rudeness looks or sounds like and some Scriptures — concerning how rude behaviour affects a husband (Proverbs 25.24) and the importance of discretion and graciousness. (Proverbs 112.5)  The sugesstions were followed by some questions — one being:

Would your husband or wife say that you are a blessing, or that you’re condescening and embarrassing?”

Then tree suggestions (with comments):
1. Guard the Golden Rule…
2. No double standards…
3. Honour requests…

Just yesterday I heard a request — I complied… but I didn’t complete the task — and actually didn’t realize I hadn’t completed the task.  Do you know why?  I hadn’t listened carefully to the information I was given.  I hadn’t paid close attention to the details.  Now, in that situation there was no harm done whatsoever — except — that I hadn’t paid close attention to specifics.  So from that I now know two things — the next time I am to complete that specific task, my husband will remind me of what I missed this time and *I* will pay very close attention to look in the place he told me I would find the product he had purchased. :o)

Do you think I wanted to ask the questions in this chapter’s exercise?  Really… I don’t mind — even though, as with any test, confrontation or question I get nervous that I won’t measure up.  I know one thing’s for sure — when my husband tells me something I need to do or something he’d like to have done I kow he is *for* me and wants the very best for me.  Time and experience has proven this over and over.  I am assured of his love and respect.  Here’s this chapter’s dare:

 Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you.  You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behaviour.  This is from their perspective only.”

______ check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.

There’s space in the book to record what your spouse pointed out; space to record how you handled it; and space to record what you plan to do to improve these areas.   Tomorrow, Day 6:  Love is Not Irritable.