…feelings in the spin cycle

Do you ever feel like your feelings or your emotions are in a spin cycle — as if life’s experiences or circumstances are spinning out all your feelings or emotions?  Sometimes my washer spins so long I wonder how in the world there’s any moisture at all left in the clothing or the towels or whatever.  That’s how some days feel to me emotionally.  Sometimes.  Emotions completely spun out.

I remember feeling like that when I had babies and children to care for each day — only it wasn’t emotions, necessarily, it was energy — that, or collapsing into bed feeling incapable of doing or hearing or saying one more thing.

What got me thinking this this afternoon is that I’ve been reviewing the experiences (and feelings) of the last couple of days.  No, nothing happened particularly — there’s no big story or anything here.  It’s just a combination of things and I writing this in hopes that if one other person is helped — if one other mother is encouraged — the thoughts and emotions of this day will have been worth it.

As I was reading my Bible this morning, I was struck by the grace of God in Jesus to be so patient with the throngs of people who were following Him, the Disciples who clamoured for His attention and parable’s explanations and meanings.  Too often lately I feel like the Disciples who (just after the feeding of the four thousand – Luke) climbed in the boat and had brought no provisions for the journey.   The compassionate Lord Jesus reminded them what had just transpired… I’m like them, too, sometimes… seeming to not understand I’m His–I’m in His hands.

I’ve been reliving mental images, conversations and family photos shared while my cousin and his family visited this past weekend. Family, as with old friends, have history that bonds the relationship and  continually adds to and stirs up history and emotion.  My uncle — my cousin’s father — committed suicide forty-five years ago.  We don’t talk much about it but we never get away from it either.   Co-Incidentally, last night I received a message by John Piper and listened to it… sweet of the Lord and His timing.  More feelings… emotions…

This morning, my friend came and shared a concern she was having about the effects of suicide in a family… I was immediately empathetic to her impassioned plea for prayer and strength for the day. I shared my compassion for her plight.
My husband reminded me of a Billy Graham film clip — I watched it… and I marveled that I had just last night affirmed with a promise that I will not go there — I will not play that card — the suicide card.  It’s a card I’ve kept in my deck all these years — actually a little longer than the forty-five years, for my grandfather had committed suicide just three and a half years prior to that.  It’s been a ‘go-to’ thought when my emotions are spinning out… it’s a ‘go-to’ thought when I rehearse my failures in life… it’s a ‘go-to’ thought when I know I’ve let someone down or when I’ve caused a problem in life… it’s a ‘go to’ thought when I feel inadequate or attacked.

But God.
“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” –Romans 5.8

The Truth shall make you free.  Truly, the Truth shall make you free.

“Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.  And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;  And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.” –Romans 5.1-5

So when I was shopping and noticed an old friend in the store, I felt a sudden wave of some unfounded inadequacy washed over me, I immediately rehearsed my failures in that relationship — but had to just as quickly remember that they were dealt with and I determined to “be of one mind and so far as it depended on me to live at peace…” (my paraphrase of verses in Romans 12).  It was a sweet, brief meeting.  I’m glad to have been there.

Maybe you have been dealing with a bunch of emotions, feelings, inadequacies, regrets or plaguing responses to life’s circumstances… I just want to encourage you to rest, to refresh your mind with the Truths of God’s Word and rejoice in His finished work on your behalf.  If your feelings are in the spin cycle, Remember what He’s done for you…

“Having eyes, see ye not? and having ears, hear ye not? and do ye not remember? When I brake the five loaves among five thousand, how many baskets full of fragments took ye up? They say unto Him, Twelve. And when the seven among four thousand, how many baskets full of fragments took ye up? And they said, Seven.  And He said unto them, How is it that ye do not understand?” –Mark 8.18-21

I pray the Lord will bless you with His great grace for this day…