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Someday an Heirloom Marriage

Someday an Heirloom Marriage
by pamela spurling
written year-2000

I pray as we sit here at the kitchen table, that what I share with you today will be a blessing to you and a blessing in your home—I pray it will maybe even change the way you look at your marriage and perhaps it will never be the same again.

So… Your Marriage is an Heirloom. An heirloom that, depending on its value, will be passed down for generations… I think most times, women don’t have any idea the value of what they have in their hand and that it is quite possibly one day going to be an heirloom: a treasure passed on to someone else. Think of all the things you love that once belonged to someone else… things that at the time, probably had little monetary or sentimental value to the owner. Think of treasures from your grandmother or mother… things you highly value that they may have once considered of little worth. Think of the things you now own and use… things your children may one day treasure: things that you now give little thought to using each day…things that you, for the most part, take for granted. Marriage is sort of like this sometimes. Here we have what the LORD calls a mystery… the mystery of the two becoming one flesh… the mystery that is likened to Christ and the church. A man leaves his father and mother to be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. A mystery… a gift: two people: one flesh.

An heirloom.

Have you ever considered the treasure you have in your hand? O, you may not see it as a treasure today… in fact, you may think your marriage merits little attention and is really of little worth. That may be how it is…or that may be how you see it today. Consider for a moment how it would be if you were to see it and treat it as an heirloom. What if you were to treat it as a precious crocheted covering or an embroidered cloth… each thread carefully stitched in place, each knot tied with precision, the cloth itself handled with diligent care. You know, as people go through their lives, they often don’t consider the things they are collecting to be “heirlooms.” In fact some things we collect, we may not even consider valuable until someone remarks at the beauty or worth of the item. And then suddenly that old thing become like a priceless gem. Some things are only valuable because of their condition or age… not because of their original value or usefulness. Some items may not originally appraise at a very high value but given a few years the increase in valuation is remarkable.

Think of what folks are willing to pay for antique furniture that is overly worn, chipped, and marred. Notice how much people prize this type of furniture that they try to emulate depression era or old furniture by roughing up, “antiquing,” denting, sanding around the handles and knobs, gouging the tops and sides—doing things in *one* day on a counterfeit that took *decades* of wear and use on the heirloom piece.

But what if you treated your marriage as an heirloom… What if you handled it with care… what if you tended to it as a gardener attends to prized roses… what if you tended to it as a mother to her newborn or as a jeweler polishes the gems… what if you protected it as a crossing guard protects the little children in the walk… what if you watched over it as one watches over a sick child… or if you invested in it as some invest time in perfecting a skill… or invest money… or if you protected it as one who protects from harm…or what if you cherished it as one cherishes the wedding kiss… prized photographs… fine gold… flawless gems.

Your marriage is an heirloom… and its condition is dependent largely on how you care for, nurture, guard and protect it. I am mindful today that I am writing to some whose marriages are on shaky ground, whose foundations are cracked and whose walls have been compromised… it is with this in mind that I share from my heart that even a marriage of this condition can still become a treasured heirloom. Think back on that prized antique furniture… whose value increased by the stresses sustained in its lifetime. Even when a piece such as this is “restored,” some of the fractures and scars remain… much like stresses in marriages that God has healed and restored. It’s often the mended stresses that are the strongest and add the deepest meaning and value to the antique—likewise to a marriage. God is still on the Throne and He specializes in restorative work—nothing escapes His gaze and nothing is too difficult for Him.

Patching and mending…

We have a quilt… it’s not particularly beautiful or attractive. My husband has had this woolen hand-pieced quilt for many years. Early in our marriage, I knew he loved this quilt but I didn’t yet understand the depth of his love for both the quilt and the great grandmother who made it. I didn’t know his great grandmother and so with time, in hearing of her love for the LORD and her great faith, I have learned to value this quilt. Something I would like to note to wives is that we often don’t realize the hurt we cause and the damage we do to the heart of our husband when we reject their possessions or treat them carelessly. I am very sorry now for the many times I neglected or discounted the value of some of my husband’s treasures. A wise wife will never make disparaging comments about her husband’s cherished possessions. So, over the years the old quilt has needed mending… and sadly, I have neglected it until the need was obvious. Instead of patching and mending it right away, instead of being careful with and watchful over one of *his* favorite possessions, years would go by and the seams would ravel and some of the stuffing would come out… all because I didn’t value it and tend to it sooner.

Marriage is like this… unless we are attuned to protecting and tending to our marriages, they will become like this heirloom quilt… it shows its age, it shows its neglect, it shows it worn spots, it shows where it lost its stuffing, and it shows where its raveled. Matthew 6:21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also

You may not have the tangible heirloom quilt in your hand… but you have in your hand the quilt of your marriage… and like freshly sewn blocks in a quilt… things for you may have gone along neatly fitting together for years: piece by piece, square by square, block by block. Your stitches may have started out straight and even… possessing all the qualities of a remarkable heirloom quilt and then with time, the stitching may have become careless and uneven. You may now have in your hand that same quilt that you had so carefully begun stitching… and it now shows evidence of the tears and worn spots, places that needed mending, places where careless use or misuse caused holes and even rips, a spot or two where the stuffing was pulled out and nothing was added back in its place, or other places where the stuffing was put back in and the whole area was retied. You may look around at other quilts and compare the quality and be dissatisfied with the value or quality of your own. Oh how we need to refrain from doing this… this can be so damaging. Instead, we need to be about the business of attending to our own… an heirloom quilt is unique because of the special design of the Master and the love invested in its making.

You may have, in the heirloom quilt of your marriage, places where the patches are brighter and sturdier than the original fabric, the thread used in the mending— stronger and more vivid. These are the places of greatest value to you in the quilt… stronger than the original pieces. You may have places where the ties are stronger than the original ties, you may have a new backing…new binding. You may run your fingers over the quilt and feel the smooth and the rough patches… some of the ties tied into bows and some tight knots… some of the stitches: straight and smooth, others loose and jagged.

Whatever the case, were you to look at the quilt of your marriage as a priceless heirloom, would you do the patching and mending? Would you tend to it with attentive care? Part of my thinking is prompted by watching the blooming of Josh and Kimberly’s marriage… and of watching our son Daniel and his wife Tara’s marriage. I think of the many ways in which their marriages are like a vast canvas—clean and white, and with everyday a brush stroke adds colour and dimension to their “someday an heirloom marriage.” As I have walked through their homes I smile as I see them building their lives… adding things, experiences, joys and sorrows that are all becoming part of the quilt of their marriage. The trials and testings that come their way will either strengthen or weaken the fabric of their marriage. I’m blessed to watch the development of these priceless heirlooms. I get sort of weepy sometimes when I see them and others… the quilt blocks coming together so neatly and so sweetly… as I know there will surely be days ahead—those necessary experiences that will test the strength and construction of their quilt… that will add or detract from the value of their heirloom. Then, I look at our own marriage… I see the beautiful hues, the pinks and the blues, the bright spots and the deep black etchings… the patching, the mended tears and tight knots… all the events of our marriage that make it into an heirloom…an heirloom that I treasure today—an heirloom I desire to be treasured and remembered by our children long after we are gone.

I think of the times I have neglected the patching… much like Wes’s woolen quilt originally carefully made by his great grandmother. I think of the times when my carelessness and my haste made for injury and foolish rips in the fabric of the quilt of our marriage. I think of the times when I neglected to be sensitive and the seams raveled and the rebinding and mending was painful. I think of the times when the pressure was tremendous and both of us had to work diligently to reinforce the stressed spots. I recall times when I didn’t feel like adding the extra fabric to reinforce the blocks… even though I knew exactly what was needed and the LORD was supplying all the “material” and “thread” to mend the tear. Even sadder, I look back and see that I sometimes have rejected the pieces my husband was offering to patch up the tear… and I rejected them in pride: thinking I knew a better way. How foolish it is to not accept the love… to not forgive and move on.

“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.” Proverbs 14.1

And so… a “someday an heirloom marriage” requires that I be diligent to know the condition of the quilt… and I must be more than willing to make the first stitch in the needed repair… instead of waiting for my husband to make the first stitch. I need to be daily valuing each additional block… and carefully piecing what God is providing. I need to watch my actions and the things I allow… I need to guard from the damaging words and negligence that destroys the foundation of this heirloom. I need to preserve the treasure and not let carelessness destroy or compromise depreciate the value of this precious heirloom.

Someday an heirloom marriage.

When our children look back on the story of our marriage… I hope they’ll see the quilt of our marriage hemmed in prayer, the seams stitched with faith, the old pieces we both brought and offered to each other that were fitted together and formed each block of the quilt… that they’ll see a marriage built on the secure foundation of faith in the LORD stitched with some sorrow and tied with gladness… all the bright spots to highlight the joys and the dark spots for depth and clarity to punctuate the grief and to frame the forgiveness and the faith. I pray they’ll see it all and praise the LORD for His goodness and His merciful kindness… all the while knowing that without Jesus at the center… the quilt blocks would have separated all frayed and raveled, the pieces would have had no purpose or value… and there’d be no heirloom at all.

So, for today and all the days ahead I pray that you will add to the value of your “someday an heirloom marriage” trusting the LORD for all the pieces… stitched with faith in Him… and treasuring your husband as a gift from the LORD.

Blue & White

teacuppamela I love blue and white things. Blue is my favourite colour. It’s not my favourite mood, though I struggle with that one. Sometimes, a lot. Blue is my favourite for hydrangeas, dishes, gemstones, berries, skies and seas. And though I mostly prefer to wear pink and black now, navy clothing has long been pretty much the only colour I’ve worn.

So you can imagine, that when I went to my first Basic seminar (wearing my favourite colour and that favourite colour was the colour of my dress), I felt right at home that night. I hadn’t learned yet that how things feel and seem in a situation are both critically important to me—and bcz of this, I, early on, was taken in by all the new information, all the new approach to life. All the blue and white.

A few years later I would be sitting in a Mother’s Meeting in Tennessee and I would hear a phrase that would come to have incredible significance to me. One of the mothers commented to another: Well, you don’t have to be so blue and white about it! I let that sink down in my ears. Tucked it away for some future day… and when that day came, I understood. I totally understood.

I was not raised “in a christian home” and did not have the background or the foundation of faith that I have today. I was growing in the Lord and was eager to do the right thing to live right, to do the right works, to not make mistakes, to have bright and cheerful, obedient children, to not suffer shipwreck. And on and on. So… the blue and white! There was so much blue and white (remember, I’m not talking colour here)!

All the stuff I didn’t agree with or that didn’t set well with me or things I didn’t/couldn’t grasp, began to pile up—but instead (in the early days) of discarding or walking away from those things, I kept thinking I would/should/could try harder. The blue and white appeal was so alluring, so compelling—I felt I must strive to do/think/be better. I thought if I worked harder, I could get it… I could finally get to a successful, faithful Christian life. That was a lie. It would, in time, become clear to me.

The trouble with cleverly orchestrated, tightly controlled information, firmly established methods and the appearance of righteousness is that somewhere along the way, that original, sincere desire to know and serve the Lord God, to understand His Word and to observe it and to walk in His ways, to give Him honour and glory, to live in faith by the grace of God, to know and love the Lord Jesus and to obey Him… well, all that gets set aside or gets redefined by following all the rules instituted by a man instead of simply seeking to know and do the will of God by daily seeking Him in the Word and in prayer and following the Lord Jesus Christ in the light of the Holy Spirit.

As I’ve written in some previous posts, it’s been a long time since I(we) sat in one of those Basic or Advanced seminars. It’s been a long time since we’ve read anything the Institute publishes and a long time since we began to question and throw off the shackles of IBLP / ATI. But, like an onion… or any engrained erroneous teaching or any engrained bad habit or patterns of thinking, there are layers and layers and layers that need to be peeled away, cut back and removed in order for the truth to have preeminence.

With each passing year… I see yet another thought or principle that is incorrect or is a false teaching that I’ve believed and I’ve had to stop, see the error for what it is and repent of the practice of the teaching/idea/etc. Freedom comes from each exercise of faith, each revelation of Truth.

What I thought was freedom was really a cage… what I thought was a solid foundation of truth was really a slippery slope and the new approach to life was really an intricate web of false teaching. You gotta understand, it all seemed so good… life seemed so much better when it was all blue and white… I thought we were doing all the right and best things for our home and family. We were so sincerely seeking to know and do the will of God and thought that the careful constructs of the Institute were the ones to follow.

A battle I’ve had to fight through the ensuing years has been the battle of what if’s. What if we hadn’t been in ATI? Or what if we’d never followed the principles of the Institute? What if we’d not been so legalistic or so rigid in our parenting? What if we hadn’t been so blue and white? Would we have been able to escape some of the problems we’ve experienced? Would we have been able to avoid some heartaches? I don’t know. I don’t know the answers to the what if’s. But I do know this: God is and has been faithful to us. And I trust His word. And what the devil intended for evil, God intends for good and so… the what if’s? Eternity will sort them out. I cannot.

So the last 16 or 17 years have been sort of a free-fall *into* the everlasting, strong Hands of the Lord. We’ve clearly seen God’s tender mercies and work in our lives: we’ve been weaker and we’ve been stronger… we’ve been more sure and more doubtful of different Christian beliefs/practices… we’ve made a bunch of blunders and have had a bunch of good things happen… but most of all, we’ve come to the place of looking to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith, by the mercy of God, seeking to live daily following Him and Him alone and by the grace of God we seek to finish well.

Discipline… THM

teacuppamela It seems to me that nothing spotlights the will or the flesh quite like discipline. I’ve found (yet again) that I surely relate well to the Biblical passage regarding the willing spirit and weak flesh. Though that passage doesn’t necessarily relate to undisciplined eating, it does relate to the flesh and its incredible weakness under temptation.

Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation:
the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
Matthew 26.41

As I sojourn on the THM path (Trim Healthy Mama), each day I find new things over which I seem to have no strength or no ability. And then a day or two passes and I see the Lord has made a way for me to accomplish specific goals or to embrace this discipline. And another Truth comes to mind – again, understood that the Lord may truly be pruning and/or addressing a different matter here. But I find great comfort in knowing He is with me, is for me, helps me, guides me, protects me, provides for me: as I look to Him – as I yield to Him. He is providing me with strength and resources to press on toward the goal of better health and other benefits.

There hath no temptation taken you but such as is
common to man: but God is faithful, who will not
suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able;
but will with the temptation also make a way to escape,
that ye may be able to bear it.”
1Corinthians 10.13

Each day as I read and reread this book and other THM related articles and blogs (Gwen’s), I find new things I either do or should implement. Interestingly, I discover that other women are struggling with the very similar things from time to time. It may seem trivial, but one such struggle is the struggle to space meals and snacks in three hour intervals. Now, I recognize that for many people, this is a snap – maybe even a natural way of life! But for others –me– this is not so. I, like most mamas, am in the kitchen for one reason or another most all day long – every day. And it’s like I’m a food magnet – unintentional as I’ve been about food and aimlessly snacking through the day… until now. Thus, the hidden blessing or hidden truth of the THM lifestyle: Intentional eating.

Maybe you’ve heard someone recite a vow and the wording includes: “…is it your intention to fulfill___?” Well, that’s the sort of what I consider when I think of the word intention and the THM eating plan. When beginning this plan, there’s got to be a determination to be intentional about it. It’s not a plan to be taken lightly or unadvisedly – by this I mean, it’s not going to be of any value if undertaken haphazardly. In fact, I’m fairly certain, new as I am to the journey, that there could be some real negative health repercussions should the plan not be understood and practiced or undertaken as outlined. I can see how one might experience exactly the opposite of health should the plan not be followed correctly or should it be carried out without discipline or intention.

Like many things in life, the THM plan is soooo easy! It is so easy. So easy. But that’s the peculiar dilemma to things, isn’t it? How could something so easy be so hard? I see that (for me) it’s sheer determination, sheer discipline — the discipline of doing what I know I ought to do – not doing what I want to do. For sometimes, my ought’s and my wants are my greatest enemies (sort of the Romans 7 conundrum). Through the years many times you’ve heard me say, Truly, good things are the enemy of best things. And while there may be many good things to eat in my kitchen, I’m determining to stop and think: is this the best thing for me right now? Do I really want to go backwards? Am I content to give up or pass by some good things in order that I might have (or look forward to) better things?

All this to say that spacing meals and snacks, snacks and meals into three hour intervals is a discipline I’m willing to work to achieve… knowing I’m doing this for better things.

Beginning the THM Journey

teacuppamela As I’ve begun the THM (Trim Healthy Mama) journey, I’m surprised how easy it has been to change my eating *lifestyle* bcz, seriously, food is a lifestyle with me — and I know it is very much so for many other mamas. Food speaks volumes for most mamas… it says, I love you… I care about you… I’m thinking of you… I’m celebrating with you… I am making memories memories with and for you… setting traditions you’ll carry on in your own homes some day. Food says: welcome home.

Events of most days are food related. Talk about food, think about food, make food, eat food, clean up food, snack on the cleanup foods, think about the next meal, share awesome recipes, talk about awesome dishes, plan awesome meals, look at pinteresting recipes and pinteresting photos of f.o.o.d.

So now, the THM journey. Most THM’ers will understand this intro. And that’s bcz they, like me, finally got to a point where all this food talk/prep/thought/intake and more intake was causing a physical and mental train-wreck. I say, most THM’ers, bcz there seem to be other mamas reading and “doing” the Trim Healthy Mama plan who are seasoned veterans of diet and exercise. They’re the ones who’ve had the fortitude and resolve to stick with plans, stay disciplined and have come to see the THM plan can really work in a family setting with simple modifications for family members who need more calories, etc., etc. But, I dare say, it seems that most of the mamas who’ve embraced the THM plan were not previously so disciplined to stay with a healthful, appropriate calorie/nutrition intake, daily regimen — year after year.

I’m finding that the initial enthusiasm I had for the THM lifestyle fluctuates a bit and here’s why. While I had many of the food items in my fridge and pantry, there were/are many items I did not/do not have on hand. So I had to improvise and muddle along with a smaller variety of acceptable or ‘plan’ ingredients. Then, some of the sweeteners I did acquire tasted awful to me. Some of the reworked favy recipes were not S meals to me at all. “S” meals = satisfying. And they sure weren’t. But… what to do? what to do? I had to press on. I’d invested in the book, invested in the ingredients and had already predetermined to stick with this journey. So I have. And you know what I’ve come to experience? I’m learning to appreciate this new way of eating.

You know I love sugar. I love honey even more. And chocolate… chocolate almost as much as butter & sugar anything. But I’ve sort of gotten past that sugar-sugar-sugar addiction in the last two weeks. Example… I made frosting for birthday cupcakes yesterday. Ordinarily, I’d have tasted and adjusted–tasted and adjusted the Vanilla-Bean buttercream—and I mean a teaspoon size “taste” for adjusting the vanilla/sugar/butter/salt/cream ratio. Yesterday I was able to tell if the ratio was correct with less than a 1/8 teaspoon t.a.s.t.e. And I didn’t have any inclination to taste more. This morning I’m amazed at that. And the chocolate ganache-mousse frosting for the chocolate chip/chocolate cupcakes? Same thing… and no inclination to dip a tablesp0on into the Kitchenaid mixing bowl. If nothing else, this is amazing.

So the journey has surely begun… and I’ll tell you more about it.

Trim Healthy Mama

teacuppamela I’ve recently been on a new journey to *health!* And, you know what the hardest part has been? Deciding to take the first step WITH the intent to take each next step on the same journey. So, if you’re not feeling well, if weight-gain or extra weight has plagued you—–and more importantly, if you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired, maybe a new plan is in order for you, too. It was/is for me and so I’ve begun this journey to health and healthy weight. It’s incredibly easy…

So why am I including the following song? Bcz food’s a sentimental thing for me. Food’s my deal. Food’s a draw to me… and a trap, too. Food’s a comfort and a cage———-so I’m seeking to be free with food. Free to make it, free to eat it and free to enjoy it. But the greatest freedom I’m seeking is to have food be what it is: food. Fuel. Delicious fuel. Delicious balanced, nutritious, sensible fuel. And, for me, the book and method and lifestyle that is Trim Healthy Mama has been an incredible blessing.

So… my sentimental journey is learning how to remake favourite foods — redesign or adjust them to be healthful. And if they can never be made to be healthful, then I want to have the grace to just leave off with thinking of them or thinking I’m somehow missing out on good things. As I frequently say, good things are often the enemy of best things. And for a Foodie… this is a huge step. I’ll be posting about this from time to time……. Here’s to healthy living. I know, right?!?!?!
Did she just say that?!??!

Being conformed…

teacuppamela

Earlier today I was reflecting on some of the unlikely ways God conforms us to the image of His dear Son — and some of the unlikely tools He chooses to use to work that conformation in us (and maybe even through us from time to time). I asked my dear mother in law if she’d send me the quotes she was sharing with me as we talked about God’s work in our lives — I’ll share them with you when she sends them.

I’ve been sincerely amazed at the ways God works His will and His purposes in my life / in our lives. It seems the most impossible, difficult and maybe even painful situations are the ones that bring the richest, choicest fruit in our lives. But they are, indeed, the situations or incidents we’d most likely attempt to avoid (or choose differently) or reject. But God doesn’t choose differently, when He works a work or plans to work a work, He has very precise purposes for the things He allows to happen in our lives — even, and not surprisingly, our most foolish or careless decisions can be used to bear rich fruit for our good and His glory.

It’s a good thing we don’t choose the tools of our training or the methods of our sanctification — well, I’m thinking if we did/could/do attempt to choose them, our attempts would/do fail to accomplish His purposes. First, we’d reject the tools and then we’d reject the method — thinking and reasoning that our method and our tools would be ~~easier better~~ wiser. Our ways always seem at the time: mo bettah. A fool is wise in his own eyes…

Today I was thinking of the ways the Lord has taught me to love my children in the way He loves them. For it was easy to love them in the way I could love them. But along the way, He’s allowed situations to occur to teach me to love them in His way. He’s allowed situations to occur or come to pass that would mold me or are molding me into the woman He’s created me to be. The Lord has sought to use tools I wouldn’t have chosen — actually can’t choose to use. And yet, in His mercy and in His kindness He is working that I might be conformed to His image. He’s also lavished grace on me (and them!) that I continually can be used in their lives, that I can continually grow and adapt as the mother they need me to be — doing what HE would have rather than what I might choose or neglect to choose to do. And by His grace, He enables me to press on in faith that He who has begun a good work in me will complete it…

He seeks to conform us to love, to be forbearing, to be kind, to be patient, to be peaceful/peaceable, to be gentle, to be temperate and so on. All of these qualities are the fruit of the Spirit – and we all desire to have these characterize our lives -but they’re not the fruit of self, they’re the fruit of the Spirit and they’re not planted, cultivated or increased by the flesh — again, they’re of and by the Spirit of God.

So as I was seeking answers/fruit in some different areas, it seemed to hit me today like a ton of bricks… the answers I’m seeking — the fruit I’m desiring — is not [going to be] my doing! It’s God’s doing! It’s God’s work: in His timing, by His will in His way. And so as I was seeing the dawning of His work in some specific areas, I began to see this truth: God chooses the fruit and He chooses the tools He uses to bring it about. I want to be so yielded to Him that I will not resist the methods of His choosing and the tools He uses as He works His marvelous will in my life.

The First Seat on the Right Side of the Center Aisle

I wrote the following a few years after our firstborn son was married in 1998. Thinking back on that day, reflecting on all that’s transpired and all that’s happening currently, I decided to get this out and reread it. The same mama, similar feelings, better understanding… as plans are underway for another son who’ll marry next week. I’m so thankful I’ve had a little more time and a few more experiences so this time is not so overwhelming (and, I don’t have a 2+ week old newborn this time). But the emotions? They’re very much the same. And here you have another glimpse of my life — and maybe yours, too. Continue reading “The First Seat on the Right Side of the Center Aisle”

Lies Women Believe

I’ve been working through a workbook to a book I read a number of years ago — Nancy Leigh DeMoss’s Lies Women Believe and now, the corresponding workbook. I’ll be writing more on this. So, I’ve been rereading some things I read years ago and marveled that I’m still dealing with several of the same struggles. Interestingly, it’s part of what’s gotten me to work on habits, thought patterns and more. I’d been wanting to work through/eliminate the struggles, but it’s always too daunting to revisit painful areas of life or, realizing how little progress I’ve made and the why’s behind the what’s happening now in some of my thoughts and reactions to things makes resolutions difficult. But one thing I’m continually reminded of is the great fact that when things aren’t going right or my thoughts and reactions aren’t right, they can usually be traced back to a lie I’ve believed or something I’ve not recognized as a lie — but a lie nonetheless: something contrary to what God says. Thus, when struggles come, there’s a decision that must be made at that juncture: Am I going to fall into the lie? Am I going to entertain the lie (about myself or about my situation or about someone else)? Or, am I going to ask: What does God say about this — what has God done about this — What is true here? Again, troubles and temptations we face can usually be traced back to a lie we’ve believed. And our next actions need to be based on Truth — or we’ll repeat the same sin spiral.

I viewed some of Nancy’s clips and then came across this one with Jennifer Rothschild and thought it might be helpful to someone today — now, some of this breaks down and there could be some argument as to some aspects of the points, so I encourage grace here so that the Truths can be understood and some freedom realized. I took notes and posted them below the clip for you:

Here’s a mini recap:
Lie #1: Who I am and what I struggle with is the same thing.
I am my weakness. My struggle identifies me – my weakness defines me. Your struggle is not what defines you, it’s what God can use to refine you. We are not the culmination of what we’ve failed at… who we are is a reflection of God’s strength in our weakness. Who you are is not what you struggle with. Who you are is who God says you are.

Lie #2: Who I am and What I do is the same thing.
You are not a human doing – you are a human being. Our identity is not what we do, it’s who He says we are. It’s a lie to base our identity upon what we do — we must base our identity on what God says; His Word never changes.

Lie #3: Who I am is not good enough.
When we live with a Performance driven mentality, rather than a Provision driven mentality, we’ll inevitably feel like what we do is not good enough, because we don’t always perform perfectly and we make the mistake of associating our performance with what makes us acceptable. And that’s not true. But when we live with a Provision driven mentality, we recognize that what God has performed on our behalf or what He’s provided is always acceptable.

So, here’s Jennifer’s advice, are you believing lies? check out your behaviour…. it reveals what you believe. Look in the New Testament — seek all the I AM statements about Jesus. See who He is. Make the connection: How does His life, His identity impact your life, impact your identity and how does that impact your belief system and therefore, your behaviour.

Habits

It’s sure hard to change habits, isn’t it?!?! Habits are so engrained in us that sometimes probably often times we think we’re never ever going to change — our flesh is selfish!! We often think maybe we just need more will power or more self control. Have you thought this, too? I sure have… I’ve thought that after all this time, I sure ought to be____________, or I sure ought to have done__________; but I’m not and/or I haven’t. I know I have desire, I have ability, I have resources… and then I think on “will-power” – you know, the depletable resource we try to keep going, trying to refuel until we realize we’ve run out of fuel? This may happen over an hour, a day or a week or longer. The thing that’s so hard is that shear “will-power” is short lived – it’s so easily depleted. It often seems that will-power is vapor… but for sure, it’s depletable.

de·plete/diˈplēt/

Use up the supply of; exhaust the abundance of.

Diminish in number or quantity.

Synonyms: exhaust – drain – empty – use up – evacuate

I’ve come to see that it’s actually a very good thing that “will-power” is short lived and so easily depleted. I sure see that it’s why I so often see my need of the Lord so significantly — if I could do all this stuff on my own, I would think I didn’t need Him. And because I’ve seen I cannot do all this stuff on my own: I *do* need Him. I shake my head wondering why I continually live like I don’t need Him… Like, I’ve got this, Lord, I’ll call on You if things get tough. Fact is, I don’t always call on Him *when* things get tough. And it’s never, ever a question of whether things will get tough or not — for, sure things will get tough.

So… I’m reading different things about repatterning behaviour – or, as one author says, overwriting a bad habit with new behaviour. The premise is that bad habits cannot be eliminated entirely but that they can be overwritten. By overwriting a bad habit, that bad habit is turned into a good pattern or a good routine. As an example, when a bad habit has overtaken a life, it isn’t generally something that will be easily changed/eliminated — so if there’s a desire to change that bad habit, it’s necessary to line up solutions or new patterns along with some sort of reward for sticking to the new pattern.

I’ve found it so hard to lose weight… or, actually, to lose weight and keep it off. It’s not a matter of will power when I’ve been able to accomplish the goal of weightloss, it’s a matter of fueling that depletable resource or setting up solutions for pitfalls. Continuing on with the consideration of weightloss as an example, I remove the trappings or pitfalls and I fill those spaces with healthful alternatives and activities. For example, I might have cut vegetables on the counter for snacking, cold fresh fruit in the fridge, cold lemon water in a pitcher. I have found that if I let myself compromise, the next compromises will come sooner and heavier than each before. A little phrase I’ve brought to mind over and over: Make no provision for the flesh… make right provision for the flesh. I take away or don’t go where my fleshly desires tend to wander and because I know where my flesh tends to wander, I make provision for such times.

This principle works on so many levels. From ways I’m spending my time, to computer use, to thought patterns, to responses, to scheduling… I need to continue repatterning… repatterning… repatterning. I need to do this over and over and over again until I overwrite bad habits (or when beginning new ones). Amazingly this repetition sincerely does become habit — part of the fabric of my life. As an aside, to be very candid, I feel so weary when I’ve recognized that I’ve wandered from the path that had become such a good pattern. When I fall… and fall back into that bad habit, thought pattern, etc., etc., I’ve learned that I must continually resort to the Lord, to the patterns He set before me. I recognize sooner, repent sooner and more quickly request and renew my strength in Him.

The most important thing for me to remember is that I must patiently hope in the Lord and not be discouraged when I don’t see overnight change in my life. I must see that day by day, in faith, He is changing me.

It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD.
Lamentations 3.26
But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.
Romans 8.25

It’s in the valleys we find joy

You know that… you know it’s a new day and whether you’ve faced it with dread or with joy, the truth is that today’s a new day.
Dear sister, dear friend, dear mama… today’s a new day and if you’re in the valley today, it’s been my prayer as I’ve prepared to write this note, that *you* will rest in the Lord today.

No matter how the devil hounds us, especially in the valleys, we must determine today to quit looking for a way out of the valley or a way we could have, should have, would have done something different… we must determine to stop thinking we can change our yesterdays.

I sit by the window and see the beauty of the day and determine to seek only that which is good. Today.

You have today. That’s all you’ve got: today. Maybe it’s someone you love, someone you ache over that has you in a valley today. Maybe your life’s filled with regrets over what you couldda, shouldda, wouldda done. You can’t see it today, maybe, but you will have joy through this storm. If you’ve got a prodigal today, do something today… pray, call, pray, seek to communicate, pray, quit doing the stupid in your life and live the rest of your days — by the grace of God — according to all that He has commanded you.

If you’ve botched friendships, schedules, plans, relationships — whatever — you cannot do a thing about the yesterdays — in terms of thinking they could be or could have been different — but, by God’s grace and His work in and through you — there can be a change in you today. Sure, things could have been different, but they weren’t. So… today. You have today.

May the Lord bless it and give you peace.

Two years ago today our dear son Timothy woke from a coma… I could not have known that day how many “new days” I would experience, how many disappointments I would face, how many misunderstandings, regrets, stupid things, problems, joys and sorrows, delights and losses I would face. But, one thing I have held in my heart and in the forefront of my thoughts is that God is only good all the time and whatever happens, it’s not in the troublefree, carefree, effortless times we grow… it’s in the valleys we grow. It’s in the valleys we learn to walk hand in Hand with the Saviour. It’s in the valleys we cement our faith in Him. It’s in the valleys that trust is imprinted on our hearts. It’s in the valleys we grow in grace.

It’s in the valleys we find joy.