Porn. The Insidious, Pernicious Lie.

laptopguyblurryWe’ve got to face this:  Porn is an insidious, destructive, pernicious lie.  No one benefits from porn.  No one.  People may think they’re benefiting as they temporarily have sensual and emotional gratification, or relief from stress or loss.  Magazines and movies gave way to desktop and then laptop computers and now cellphones for everyone! Instant porn in a pocket.  Porn in pockets everywhere.  People may think the activity is harmless, private, inconsequential.  They may think they’re actually doing their spouse a favour by not *actually* being seduced by real women.  But that’s just one of the insidious lies; those are real women — women who’ve little more worth in that context than rubbish and men who use them advance and participate in this degradation of women and further perpetuate their soulless behaviour and destruction.

Creators of porn may think they’re benefiting from its production as they line their pockets and amass great wealth.  They may dupe themselves into believing they actually benefit the masses who purchase, rent or view their wares — because the masses keep buying, renting, viewing.

[cp_quote style=”quote_left_dark”]Porn kills intimacy & trust. [/cp_quote]Porn brings death.  Death to conscience, death to vows of loyalty, honour and purity. Death to truth.  Death to protection and respect of and for others.  It brings shame. It brings guilt.  It brings suspicion.

Porn creates a new secret world for its users.  Enticed by its ease and availability, by its anonymity, and by its seeming lack of investment, users and viewers are soon ensnared by the tangled net of internet porn–free sex–free satisfaction to natural desires.  It’s all so easy.  It’s all so free.  It initially seems so satisfying.   But then it’s not.  It never will be because it will never be enough.  That’s the nature of lies… they’re never enough.  That’s the nature of sin… it’s never enough.   The sickening thing about porn is that the insatiable addiction it so often leads to other painful, unspeakable behaviour and consequent immeasurable damage in other people’s lives — children, wives and others.

Porn changes people.  The people in it and the people viewing it and the people whose lives are affected by those who do.  Death happens to all of them on different levels.  People become secretive, deceptive, sneaky, defensive, and on and on. [cp_quote style=”quote_left_dark”]The devil’s playbook is very thin.[/cp_quote]From the beginning, the devil has had the same answer to problems, behaviour, disobedience.  His solutions have ever been: Hide it. Kill it. Destroy it. Deny it. A simple check of a computer’s history will shed light on user’s behaviour.  No history?  Why?  Huge gaps in history?  Why?

nopornPorn destroys the purity and sanctity of life — of marriage — of intimacy.  Secrecy and guilt change people and lead them to behave in ways they would never have thought they’d behave — to do things they could never imagined they’d do.  No one sets out to be unfaithful, but that’s exactly what happens when a spouse is involved in porn–though they may feel no real harm’s been done.  No longer is there sweet assurance of being wholly and singly devoted to the other (there’s the parenthetical online involvement that seems to not be actually, really in the home). No longer is appetite and desire a simple outpouring of the love relationship of a marriage.  It’s been supplanted by new images, activities, fantasies.

Porn’s inestimable effect is staggering.  No one sets out to molest, rape, or abuse children—but that’s exactly what happens in many instances.  Porn is evil.  It  destroys.  It’s not harmless…. we’ve got to get this straight and see it for the evil it is.

It’s interesting when Time Magazine will dedicate a cover story to an issue that may have earlier been an issue only in certain circles.  It seems to me that when “the world” is concerning itself with a “moral” matter and calls it an epidemic, the church really ought to take notice.

It’s late in the game.  But let’s not believe the devil that it’s too late.

Get the book and be: Present

I’ve had the great privilege of getting to know Keri and was honoured to be asked to read the draft of this book before it was published.  You’ll immediately see her heart in this writing and you’ll likely see yourself in the pages as her story unfolds; it may well describe or reveal a bit of your own story–your own struggle to be present amidst the stranglehold and demands of social media and the desire to be relevant clashing with the desire to be present wherever you are in life.

So, get the book, read it… and be: Present.

Just one added thing each day

dishwashercupsup

[cp_dropcaps]T[/cp_dropcaps]his morning as I sat at my dining room table, I thought, what if I did one new thing each day for the rest of this year, how many things would I be able to do?  How many additional things would be accomplished?  Two Hundred Sixty Six.  Imagine: 266 additional things.  Instantly, I’m reminded of the significance of the number 266 — an average pregnancy is 266 days.   Not anymore for this Sarah, but that’s a number I’ll never forget.

I considered:  Purposefully learning and purposefully accomplishing one additional thing every day.  Adding one more step, situp, pushup, crunch, squat—-one more whatever—-to my exercise routine.  That’s a whole bunch.  And that’s somewhere to begin!  That, and it would create a dramatic change in strength and stamina.

Just adding clarity or purpose to my daily routines helps me be clearer on the concept.  Otherwise, many of my efforts will not produce desired results.  If I just do things hastily or haphazardly or without being clear on the concept, I won’t have much to show for all these days I’ve been given and if I don’t strive to better use the time I’ve been given I’ll continue to look back and see a whole bunch of busyness and not a whole lot of accomplishment.  By way of illustration, the image I’ve chosen for today’s post is a picture of dirty cups loaded into the dishwasher. The child who did this chore, did what I asked.  And I was pleased with the effort—but it became a teachable moment as I described the purpose of the soap and sprayer beneath the rack and how it accomplished the cleaning of the inside as well as the outside of the cups.  [cp_quote style=”quote_left_dark”]It’s a clear picture of how ineffective some of our best efforts are when we’re not clear on the concept.[/cp_quote]

So I continued this morning, and throughout this afternoon, to consider the huge benefit I would realize in cleaning/doing/accomplishing one extra thing every day for 266 days (and beyond).  I’m already cleaning every day anyway — one more thing might take one more or five more or thirty-five more minutes.  What a blessing to my family–and to me: a clean and cozy home – on purpose just for them, just for me, not for or because of anyone else.   What if I made one new recipe each week like I used to do?  What if I did one extra load of laundry each day?  You get the idea.

Then my mind swirled with a great idea pertinent to where I am right now: What if I eliminated one thing every day?  Or a bag of things? Or a box of things?  Every day.  What if I organized a drawer one day, a cabinet another day, and a closet another day?  I already do this to some extent — so adding one thing to my daily regimen seems doable. 🙂 I just haven’t done this with purpose every day.  Then I imagined that I could pick an area to work on every day and if I sorted, in that one small area, items into boxes marked: keep/giveaway/throwaway.   Well, I’d surely be very, very organized by the end of the year or sooner!

What if I read an extra chapter, wrote an extra journal entry, wrote a letter, a blog post, a list of dreams, plans, ideas? I’m already reading and writing things every day… so the ideas is something added to my normal course of daily routines — just one added thing every day.

Join me in doing one added thing today.  Just one thing added.  Think about it, if we do one additional thing every day until the end of the year—we’ll have done 266 extra things.

Think of it… just ONE added thing.  Ready, steady, you Go, girl!

 

Beginning the THM Journey

teacuppamelaAs I’ve begun the THM (Trim Healthy Mama) journey, I’m surprised how easy it has been to change my eating *lifestyle* bcz, seriously, food is a lifestyle with me — and I know it is very much so for many other mamas.  Food speaks volumes for most mamas… it says, I love you… I care about you… I’m thinking of you… I’m celebrating with you… I am making memories memories with and for you… setting traditions you’ll carry on in your own homes some day.  Food says: welcome home.

Events of most days are food related.  Talk about food, think about food, make food, eat food, clean up food, snack on the cleanup foods, think about the next meal, share awesome recipes, talk about awesome dishes, plan awesome meals, look at pinteresting recipes and pinteresting photos of f.o.o.d.

So now, the THM journey.  Most THM’ers will understand this intro.  And that’s bcz they, like me, finally got to a point where all this food talk/prep/thought/intake and more intake was causing a physical and mental train-wreck.  I say, most THM’ers, bcz there seem to be other mamas reading and “doing” the Trim Healthy Mama plan who are seasoned veterans of diet and exercise.  They’re the ones who’ve had the fortitude and resolve to stick with plans, stay disciplined and have come to see the THM plan can really work in a family setting with simple modifications for family members who need more calories, etc., etc.  But, I dare say, it seems that most of the mamas who’ve embraced the THM plan were not previously so disciplined to stay with a healthful, appropriate calorie/nutrition intake, daily regimen — year after year. 

I’m finding that the initial enthusiasm I had for the THM lifestyle fluctuates a bit and here’s why.  While I had many of the food items in my fridge and pantry, there were/are many items I did not/do not have on hand.  So I had to improvise and muddle along with a smaller variety of acceptable or ‘plan’ ingredients.  Then, some of the sweeteners I did acquire tasted awful to me.  Some of the reworked favy recipes were not S meals to me at all.  “S” meals = satisfying.  And they sure weren’t.  But… what to do? what to do?  I had to press on.  I’d invested in the book, invested in the ingredients and had already predetermined to stick with this journey.  So I have.  And you know what I’ve come to experience?  I’m learning to appreciate this new way of eating. 

You know I love sugar.  I love honey even more.  And chocolate… chocolate almost as much as butter & sugar anything.  But I’ve sort of gotten past that sugar-sugar-sugar addiction in the last two weeks.  Example… I made frosting for birthday cupcakes yesterday.  Ordinarily, I’d have tasted and adjusted–tasted and adjusted the Vanilla-Bean buttercream—and I mean a teaspoon size “taste” for adjusting the vanilla/sugar/butter/salt/cream ratio.  Yesterday I was able to tell if the ratio was correct with less than a 1/8 teaspoon t.a.s.t.e.  And I didn’t have any inclination to taste more.  This morning I’m amazed at that.  And the chocolate ganache-mousse frosting for the chocolate chip/chocolate cupcakes?  Same thing… and no inclination to dip a tablesp0on into the Kitchenaid mixing bowl.   If nothing else, this is amazing.

So the journey has surely begun… and I’ll tell you more about it.

 

 

Compare-a-titus

If you’ve been a mom for any length of time and you’ve spent time in and about homeschooling circles, Bible studies, workshops, conventions, courtship talks, retreats, blogs in the last 3 years or so… etc., etc., you’ve no doubt heard, or been part of, conversations that left you with a case of comparatitus.  All those Titus2 groups… you may lament and despair.   Comparatitus happens — no matter your age, no matter your income, no matter your experience and, really, no matter your skills and abilities.  Comparatitus happens.

Some time back, a group of sisters were gathered and there was some back and forth lamenting the various skills and abilities one or another lacked.   The conversations meandered into areas of homemaking… babies… schooling… child-training.  I noticed one of the women not saying all that much — but her eyes conveyed a tender message and her tears, despair.  I observed that day and understood from that moment something I’ve never forgotten and that is when a group of sisters is sharing, there is (among *many* +/- things) a great potential comparing —  potential for discontent and for envy.  Comparatitus.  O, how we must face this and determine to nip it in the bud.

When we stand next to and compare ourselves with anyone we’ll likely fall into one of two categories and, perhaps, a third will follow.  We’ll either feel inept, inferior and sorely lacking whatever it is we think she has (self-pity), or we’ll feel superior, better-than, or self-confident (pride).  A third category we might fall into might take on many forms — but will stem from what I’m calling Compartitus.   We compare ourselves to a Titus woman = comparatitus.  We might say, O, I don’t do thus and such, I never accomplish this or that, I’m not able to do thus, I don’t have these or those, I don’t have x number of children, I have x number of children, since I don’t have x number of children I must not be_____, since she has x number of children, she must be________.

The conversations (mental or actual) may continue on… I wish I could have_____, then I’d be able to______, but since my______ doesn’t or won’t______, I can never be______or have______.  Like you.

Comparatitus can then get pretty heavy and… watch out now…

O, she thinks she’s so______, I mean, just look at what she_____. She always ____. I’ll never be as____ or ____.  I mean, because she____ and I’ve never  had the_____ and I cannot____ like she does.  And, besides, I only have____  ____, so I________, unlike her, because she has_______ and she always_____  and________. So, I can’t ever be _______ like her.

Comparatitus.

Comparing ourselves to an ideal… to another sister who seems to have it all together, who seems to always get the right stuff, say the right things, have the right friends, yada, yada, yada.  It’s such a dangerous spiral to get caught up in that thinking and in that talk.

Truth is, we’re not to compare ourselves to others — God didn’t create us to be someone else — He created us to be ourselves growing in grace to be like Jesus — for His glory.  When we compare and despair, we are rejecting God’s marvelous design *and* His provision for us.  When we compare and despair, we invite the enemy in to mock God (and our thoughts and actions determine how long he’ll stay and how much ground we’ll give the enemy).  We gasp and think, O, I didn’t mean to do that!  Really, none of us want to be found in that camp — surely.  That’s why we must not covet — we must be content with such things as we have. (Hebrews 13.5)

Comparatitus is dangerous… and unless we determine daily to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ, we’ll succumb to it.  Maybe in a big way.

Titus 2 tells us boldly and plainly what we are (as Christian sisters) to do or to learn to do.  But, above all, we must be about the business of daily yielding our hearts to God, daily following Him and trusting in the promises of His Word — not comparing ourselves to others — but simply living in obedience to Him and His calling on our lives.  And He has individually called us — each one!  This is good news!  This is marvelous!

The cure for comparatitus is faith and trust: seeking to know and please the Lord.  We read in 2Timothy 2.15  “Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.”

Be done with that lesser thing!  Be done with comparatitus. (And, have a cheerful day)

May you always be blessed.

 

It’s the week before Christmas and…

It’s the week before Christmas and all through the house, mother is ____________ and the family feels ___________.

I posted this @ Welcome Home on Facebook… but it’s so important that I thought I’d share it here.  I’ve been posting brief year-end countdown thoughts on Facebook @ Welcome Home.  In the new year I hope to post daily home notes and verses for encouragement.

More housekeeping and sorting today. Don’t be afraid to box up stuff you really don’t use — as you’re cleaning and preparing for festive dinners and/or visits from family & friends. Whatever you box up today, just set it aside and after the first of the year, you can decide if you really wanted to part with it or not. As you work in the kitchen, do some cleaning as you go. If you get seldom used items out, wipe the cabinet before putting things away.”
If you haven’t ironed your table linens, do it today, hang the ironed cloths in your closet — first hand a thick a towel over the hanger and put your cloth on the hanger — less creasing this way. If you still need tea-lights or candles — be sure to add them to your shopping list.  

Minimize your steps and trips… you’ll get more done in less time with careful planning and —-minimizing — without apology!— at this point.

And… really… do yourself a favour: If you haven’t gotten things done by now, you probably won’t get “big” things done — forget it…. really. Cross those things *off* your list. Concentrate instead on doing nice things with your family — it’s not worth it to you — or to them — to stress about not getting all those big things done. Believe me… a couple of nice, fun things are *much* better than a bunch of regrets and apologies for not getting all the big things and plans done – or done poorly.

As I have written for years: Mamas, be sweet to your family. They need you — and I will say again and again… they may not remember all the stuff you did, but they’ll remember how it felt at home and how you loved them.

Trust me… a fretful mother, a distracted mother, an always sorry mother is tough to be around — if you’ve talked candidly with your children and have sought to be ‘right’ with them, they’ll tell you these things. You’ll be surprised how loving, forgiving, supportive they’ll be with you as they experience your daily desire/effort to be a godly woman and joyfilled mother.

Join me in working at attending to the best things… and being a loving/loveable mother… a mother worthy of all the cards. ♥ ”

The Vacant Chair

I’ve entitled this blog entry The Vacant Chair — a title that’s not original with me, but the title of a poem I’ll add to this post in a moment.  The poem was written by a dear saint, the husband of a precious friend who passed into heaven earlier this year.

It’s interesting that the poem should come in the  mail today… as I have been thinking of several different ones who have ‘vacant chairs’ at their tables again this year.  I think of the mothers and fathers who stand at the glass watching for the wayward son or daughter, hoping he or she will be home to occupy his or her chair at the table this year.  I think of the families who won’t have a baby to hold, a parent to care for, a friend to visit at Christmastime… more empty chairs.  I think of friends who have a vacant womb — bruised heart this Christmastime.

I think of families who will visit and look into the vacant, dim eyes of loved ones with vacant minds — long ago leaving vacant chairs.  I think of couples with vacant chairs of children they never bore or only hold in their hearts. I think of those whose choices keep them afar off — who’ll not be home again this year — vacant chairs.  I think of those whose husbands are off fighting in a war they never wanted to fight — the family tables with a vacant chair again this year.  I think of friends or family who’ve moved away and they’ll miss sitting in the chairs around a familiar table this year.  I think of mothers and dads who’ve married off a son or daughter this past year — a sweet sadness may wash over them — as they set tables with fewer chairs.  And there are innumerable other scenarios… innumerable empty chairs.  Vacant chairs will tell many stories… some, only in the heart.

The Vacant Chair was written by a loving, faithful husband whose eyes are growing dim, but whose memory is sweet and keen: for a wife who lived such a remarkable, long, full life — occupying the chair beside him for some sixty-seven years.

VACANT CHAIR

I love you dear with all my heart,
True love was ours to share,
God has called you to His Home,
I’m left with a vacant chair.

I think of things I’ve done today,
My toil and my care;
I praise the Lord you’re free from pain,
But I’m left with a vacant chair.

The day will come, I’ll join you there,
In Heaven, bright and fair,
We’ll praise the Lord, with all our heart,
And there’ll be no vacant chair!

Paul R Turnidge

From Paul’s Christmas letter, I’ll leave you with this very encouraging thought:

God has shown Himself wonderful to me. Every day I am amazed how He directs my path. Sometimes I look through my windshield of life and wonder where I’m going, then I look in the rear view mirror and see how far I have gone,  and amazingly exclaim, “Surely the Lord has led me.””

Vision

A dear friend recently wrote a letter regarding losing vision and had several thoughts regarding the danger of lacking vision, and the importance of having vision or purpose.  I’ve mulled that over.  And over.  I empathized and I actually sort of felt sick at the thought, the tragic thought of losing vision.

And then it struck me (but it wasn’t the first time) that I’ve lost vision.  If you’ve never “lost vision” before, then it’s probably hard to understand how someone could go along, have a great track to run on and then suddenly lose vision.  But it happens.  And if it’s happened to you, you understand. You totally understand.

I started losing vision a long time ago.  For some things — not for everything, for some things.
I got off track — or was rolling down what I see now was a sort of parallel track — thought I was going along fine.  But a parallel track that’s off by 1 degree soon is off by a gaping distance.  In the beginning it’s not so noticeable.  And, maybe for quite a while it’s not so noticeable… but down the way a bit — it’s very noticeable.  Usually to everyone except the one who’s in the car on the now-not-so-parallel track.

I’ve been very tempted to stop writing.  You know… listening to enemy’s voice: why do you write, you don’t have anything to say, you’re worthless, you don’t have any wise words and on and on.  I was tempted to stop accepting invitations to share with women in different venues.  And I did — I did stop altogether.  For a time.  And then I thought: wait a minute — everything I believed I still believe. Everything that was previously important is still important. I may have made a mess out of a lot of things.  I should have done so many things differently.  But I didn’t — and time went by. I’m thankful for the Lord’s great blessing of encouragement and re-creation!  By His grace, many — if not most — of the trials that I thought I’d never pass through have been redeemed and used for my good and His glory.  I wait on Him for finish the work He’s begun — for I know that I know He will complete the work.

Some of my experiences may seem like failures, or circumstances may have changed, but the Truths I stand on, the Truths that guide and inspire me have not changed.   I was tempted — have been tempted many, many times to drop commitments, drop the website, drop this blog, drop other writing projects and move on.  The website’s antiquated.  This blog’s out of date.  The many writing projects are unfinished.  The vision for all these things seemed lost.

The best thing about space and time is that perspective is gained in the passage of time and vision is gained from distance to an object.  For both, clarity is a great blessing.  My indecision has turned out to be a blessing  — I don’t really want to dump the website — it took twelve years to build — it can be redone, it can be redeemed.  And I don’t want to quit writing — I love to write.  I’ve been redeemed.  The Lord has given me a great opportunity. And I really don’t want to miss opportunities to share messages with sisters in the Lord — because He has given me so much.  He has turned my messes into messages.

So, now…
Some of the messages have become messes.
Some of the messes have become messages.

And thinking on this has given me a new vision.  The messages that have become messes?  I’ve decided not to just dismiss them entirely for they are part of who I am and where I’ve been, but I hope to turn them, by the grace of God, back in the messages.

So, now…
My new vision is to clean up some of the messes, give them new meaning.  Share some of the messages that have come from the messes and, again, by the grace of God, be a vessel He can use.  I might add, I’m sure thankful for the husband the Lord gave me — why the Lord blessed me so, I will never know but I’ll be forever grateful!  His insight, his perspective is a gift.  I know, we women tend to see things as all or nothing sometimes — and it takes a wise husband to point out the anchor is still holding… that the ship may be tossing or listing to one side or the other — but the Anchor holds.  The Anchor holds.

Only God can:
turn a MESS into a MESSAGE;
a TEST into a TESTIMONY;
a TRIAL into a TRIUMPH;
a VICTIM into a VICTORY.

In the life of a blog…

It seems that at some point in the life of every blog there’s a post about blogs in general, about bloggers and why they blog or, specifically, a post about that blog and its purpose.

I don’t know why we do it, but every now and then we do it – we feel the need to amplify our purpose or we feel compelled to justify or defend our writing.

I love words. I love writing. I write all the time.  I occasionally post a few of the things I’ve written.  I have journals full of notes.  I have folders full of messages.  I have a bunch of books in my head that will never be published.  More often than not, I don’t write about the stuff that’s really going on — because too many things include — I mean, most things include — other people. Duh.

If I’ve learned nothing else in the last eighteen months or so it is this:  other people’s lives are other people’s lives.  My interaction, my involvement, my thoughts or reactions or actions or feelings must stringently take into account: other people.   This seems pretty elementary, pretty obvious and pretty shallow at first blush.  But, I assure you: it is not.

We go along thinking things are one way or some way and we find out later that they’re not as we assumed at all.  This is where the “other people” part comes into play.  This is where the experience of other people, the thoughts of other people, the impressions of other people, the reactions of other people completely change whatever it is you thought or felt about a situation.  You hear about, read about what someone else said, thought or felt about a situation or thought or felt about you and suddenly a new reality dawns on you.   Sometimes that new reality is sweet and refreshing and feels good.  Other times it’s not.

And you can never write about it.  Even though you desperately want to.

I say this (this being an entry on blogs, blogging &  bloggers – writers in general) because, face it, those of us who have an insatiable need desire to write usually have a bunch of thoughts on pretty much anything and everything.  Most bloggers have so much to talk about.  And occasionally talk too much.  I probably could’ve or should’ve simply left out the ‘occasionally’ in that last sentence.

But we often don’t talk about stuff, we don’t write about stuff that we’d really like to talk about or write about because lots of things involve other people and it’s more important to guard their hearts (or identity), preserve their reputation or feelings than it is to share our own commentary on the matter.  Most of us have to learn to draw a line regarding public and private information — that, and in some situations, our opinion is not all that important.   Some people have a harder time discerning between the two and too often walk too close to the line.  Or over it.  Problem is, it’s really very hard to know where that line is sometimes.

Foodies have weight problems sometimes.  Wordies make weighty problems sometimes.

In trying to be careful what I share about personal matters, family, sensitive issues and experiences,  I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s been both a blessing and a curse to be the kind of woman who shares stories, draws word pictures, communicates in analogies, etc., etc.  But I’d seriously rather run the risk of being authentically candid and transparent than to be so vague or guarded that my life or writing is misconstrued or deceptive.  There’s so much to say, encouragement to give from lessons learned, praises to share from blessings received.

So… I blog. And this has been one of those confessions-of-a-blogger posts.  Sort of .   I try to be relevant so that your time’s not wasted, I try to be helpful so your time’s well spent.  I confess, though, I must occasionally skirt issues, dance around the pink elephant in the room or try desperately to convey a thought without divulging a confidence.  And I hope I get it right.  I hope more often than not that I communicate effectively.  When in doubt, I don’t write.  Or I delete.  The empty gaps on the blog calendar are not empty gaps in my life.  I write much more than you read.

But when you read The Welcome Home blog I guess I’d like you to know that I hope you feel like I’m just talking stuff over with you here in my kitchen.  In the end I hope this blog’s an encouragement to you – I hope my getting through stuff helps you get through stuff – I hope my hardships become your strengths and I hope my discoveries  add to your life.  More, I hope that you know you have a friend who is praying for you, prays you’ll be inspired to live for Jesus, wants the best for you and really is glad you’ve come by.  God bless you, and thanks for reading.

 

 

Consider this…

You’re never as right as you think you are — and — you’re never as wrong as you think you are.  Deep down, I know this — and you probably know this, too.  But we, too often, get stuck dwelling on our dilemmas or grieving over our losses.  We get stuck, too, in maintaining our ‘rightness’ and fail to stop and consider our ‘wrong-ness’ about a matter.

And then someone comes along and after hearing part of the story,  illuminates the darkened or obscured side of the matter.  And then we see, much to our regret, that maybe, just maybe, we’ve been wrong about that matter after all.  Wise counsel is invaluable.  Impartial counsel, even more so.

If you remember this next week and you’ll be miles ahead of the pack.

But the pack just might still believe they’re more right than you.  Maybe they’ll even think that your wrongs are worse than their wrongs.  Worse yet, maybe they’ll convince you to believe that your wrongs are the worst wrongs. That last one’s usually the devil, by the way.  Most of us a pretty good at defending our right to be right.

Truth is, the answer is usually somewhere in the middle — but we’re usually too right or too wrong to see that.

When these different scenarios happen to me — or happen in my life — I don’t usually want to do the necessary.  The necessary is to look at the situation from their perspective.  And then to ask the question:  is there any truth in this? Usually I’ll find that, yes, there is a smidge of truth — just a smidge.  If that’s my finding, then I’ve learned that sometimes I’m being too prideful to objectively consider the problem.  I then need to ask a next question and it is this:  if they were me and I were them, what would I think? Hmmm?  Hmmm.  Perhaps I am wrong.  Okay, yes, I am wrong.

When I come to this revelation, then I know I’ve got to do whatever I can to make that situation right.   Regardless the outcome, I need to, so far as it depends on me, do whatever it takes to make the situation right.  I need to get myself in such a state as that I am not seeking to defend my rights or to point out their wrongs.  And, that’s so NOT easy sometimes — especially when we perceive we have a legitimate reason for our behaviour or that that person has some of their information wrong.

There’s always more to the story.  More to a situation than meets the eye.  And usually,  we’d both come to the same conclusions had we all the facts in the beginning.

In a houseful of various personalities, you’ll have lots of opportunities to practice these experiences — lots of occasions to instruct others about them, too.  I have found it’s so much easier to teach this to others than to experience this personally.   But I can relate these lessons to others, though, because I know them experientially.

Just remember:  You’re never as right as you think you are — and — you’re never as wrong as you think you are.