my story – Page 9 – The Welcome Home

Internet Addiction

Just like an extra hot grandé mocha… the addiction starts a sip at a time. And you don’t even know it. You don’t even realize the cost — just like that steaming cup of coffee — it’s so smooth, so gradual – so available, so everywhere, so chíc. An isolated instance — not a big deal; not a great expense — not initially.

Sometimes when I hear the rumble of the caffé steamer I think of the early days of the internet connection tone — choooooooooooo, clang, clang, clang, clang – chooooooooooooooooo, click: Welcome, You’ve Got Mail!

Life’s going on – you think maybe everyone out there has a friend and you wish you had one, too. Everyone out there is doing something great and you wish you were, too. Everyone out there has people cheering them on, telling them the latest news, showing them the latest trends — everyone knows the latest stuff — everyone’s so awesome — well, everyone except: the lonely, living in a crowd, Mrs. All Alone.

O, sure, she had her husband, her Bible studies, her home — she had some friends, she had her family, she had a few hobbies, she had radio Bible programs and talkshows, she had cassettes and study books and Gentle Spirit magazine, but she still felt lonely — oftentimes pretty unimportant. She didn’t have a television or VCR – and almost never went to the theaters.

And then along came the computer — initially only used for business, she realized the great value and ease of using the computer for writing homeschool assignments or women’s retreat talks and keeping other “documents.”

And then… what’s this? What’s this new adventure? E-mail?!?!? Letters without paper, envelopes, stamps or days between writing and receiving mail!?!?! In the beginning, few of her friends indulged in the new method of communication. And if they did, in the early days e-mail notes were short – almost cryptic. Brevity was sort of the protocol. Rare and brief. Initially.

So, Mrs. All Alone began to explore the vast possibilities available to her at her fingertips! Voilà! She decided to look up “key words” that best described her life: She clicked Ask Jeeves. And instantly he answered with gusto! Here you go. Look at that: links to things she liked — though in those days there were relatively few websites for homemaking, Bible studies, Titus 2 & Proverbs 31 topics. Unbeknownst to Mrs. All Alone, she was embarking on a journey that would soon swallow her up. She didn’t even realize that, just like the one sip at a time Sbx addiction, one click at a time, she was sealing her fate.

Those were the days before Amazon or Wikipedia or Myspace or Facebook. Long before blogs (gasp!), Twitter and Skype — even before Gooooooooogle became a verb. Those were the days before Starbucks and espresso stands dotted every corner in Snohomish county. With the advent of internet bulletin boards, lists and groups, Mrs. All Alone could, with just a few clicks, instantly become: Mrs. You’ve got Friends! Friends all over the world. Just like that.

In a matter of minutes Mrs. All Alone has 10, 20, 650 girlfriends expressing the very things she’s been feeling, dealing with or experiencing as a stay-at-home mother of many – yet feeling unheard, unknown, unappreciated, unqualified, unremembered, unremarkable and sometimes unloved — all alone in the world.

She couldn’t wait to log into the computer! Each day, much to her amazed delight, her email (then: “e-mail”) inbox was flooded with letters from friends, sisters in the Lord — other mothers of many. Mrs. All Alone quickly became Mrs. Alone No-More. For now she had friends — understanding friends — likeminded friends. Hundreds of them — all over the world — women (and unfortunately men who posed as women – but that’s a story for another time) who shared common interests in faith, biblical studies, home and family, marriage and faith. Some actually became genuine friends.

Mrs. Alone No-More read all she could, wrote all she could, researched all she could — lost in time as she read and wrote articles and letters. She soon realized she might be able to help other women — by pointing them to a collection of many Good Things so they didn’t trip over the bad things on the Net. A new vocabulary: ” justa sec” and “justa minute” dotted her conversations in the kitchen. It was a great time of learning and application — but somewhere along the way it all got out of balance.

Many years passed. Though many good things were happening, just a few minutes here, just a few more minutes there, time was passing — seasons were passing. Going along, working alone… on studies, articles, news, letters, webpages, blogging etc. A new kind of alone… a distracted alone, a missing in action alone. Life was going on all around her, but so addicted to good things — so many good things — time was evaporating, years were passing — she didn’t even realize just how distracted she was.

And then came the day of reckoning.

(part two: The Day of Reckoning… later)

the choice valley

I have Lynda Randle’s beautiful little book, God on the Mountain, which has been to me a book of great comfort.. Though its size is quite small and the pages sparsely filled — replete with great inspiration and beauty. Wouldn’t you like that to be said of your life? Though the life might have seemed quite small – maybe even insignificant to many, it was fa life filled with great inspiration and beauty.

I’d like to share a portion of one of the first paragraphs from God on the Mountain: “Webster’s Dictionary defines a valley as “a long depression between ranges of hills or mountains.”

That’s what much of the early portion of this year seemed to me to be: a long depression between ranges of hills. Or mountains. And I knew it. I knew –unmistakeably– that I was in a choice valley — though some days it truly seemed to be a long depression. That choice valley was a time of — great sorrow — great joy — great dependence on the Lord and a time of great reflection and reordering my steps. Though I’m pretty sure I’d never have chosen it, it was the very best thing for me — it was the only thing for me! And I will always praise the LORD for this past year — the year greatest sorrow and the greatest joys I’ve ever known.

Lynda went on to say, “Even when we can’t always see it, it’s still true. Jesus is our Provider, our Rescuer, in every situation or need that arises! Certainly there are times when we all have doubts. Satan plants those seeds, and we wait in fear, wondering whether or not God is going to show up. But He always does, and we find ourselves at His feet, asking, ‘Please Lord, help my unbelief. Forgive me for doubting Your love and grace in this valley.’ Even when we’re plagued by fear and doubt, He never fails to come and assist us…”

internet junkie

There have been times when I imagined that one day I’d be sitting in a circle waiting for my turn to introduce myself and then when the person beside me finished their introduction and small talk, they’d glance at me, signaling my turn, and then I’d say: I don’t know why I’m here or how I got to this point, but here I am. So, hello, I’m pamela and I’m an internet junkie.

I used to say (and laugh about it) that one day there’s going to be a branch of medicine dedicated to the emotional problems, effects and disorders associated with computer abuse use and result of internet addiction. I used to think it was isolation that would be a great problem — but now, that’s not what I think to be the great problem. Now I think it’s distraction. Distraction from what’s really going on. Distraction from what’s being said, directions being given, loved being shared — but missed bcz the computer is an attention siphon. The computer (or, ahem, handheld whatever’s) and the internet are erasers of time. Erasers of special events and conversations. They’re what obscure those moments you don’t even know you’re missing. Until later. The internet took the place of some days, months or years you will never see again. I know this is true… grievous as it was to me to see and admit.

I must say that it’s been hard to think of resuming writing regularly bcz I fret I’ll fail or revert back to old habits of distraction and ‘internet addition’ that contributed to the darkness of the valley earlier this year. As I’ve told you before, I didn’t realize just how distracted I’d become or how wrapped up in my projects I was each day. So, I’ve had to be exceedingly careful not to slip back into old patterns.

If you’ve never been an internet junkie, then you have no idea what I’m talking about. But if you have, or are, you know exactly what I’m talking about and you have or had the same trouble I have had.

And if you are on the net all day or many hours a day and neglect important things to attend to lesser things and you don’t think you are addicted to the net, I’d say you’re in denial. I know, I was there once, too.

And if this computer didn’t have the system in place to automatically shut off after a designated time, I’d still be there. Just like that.

The Trash Bin…

Every Thursday morning, like clockwork, our trash-man rolls down the lane to gather this week’s investment in a local landfill from our trash bin.

Every two months a billing for this service shows up in our mailbox.

Each week, as I shop for our groceries, I realize there are going to be additional costs to these groceries beyond the initial purchase price. I’m going to have to pay to drive them home, pay to store them in the fridge, pay to store them in jars or whatever, pay to cook them, pay to wash the pots and pans, pay to wash the dishes on which the food is served, pay to store the leftovers, pay to reheat them, pay to rewash the pots, pay to rewash the dishes, pay to throw away the original packaging… so that the guy will have something to collect in the trash bin.

We have a trash bin in our kitchen… a double lined basket that we bought 27 years ago — a heavy reed basket my husband bought when he worked for World Concern. I marvel that it looks to be in the same condition it did the first day he brought it home. It’s served a very useful purpose — and it still looks good. It’s held a lot of trash — hundreds of bags of trash per year – every year – for the last 27 years. And it’s still strong.

As I considered this trash basket while I washed the lid, I thought of our lives being sort of like trash baskets… and the need for regular emptying, cleansing and relining. Still strong. Still serving. Still useful. Still dependable. Still called to be available for whatever comes…

I thought of Nehemiah and the building of the wall… the rubbish in the way and the seeming relentless pursuit of the enemy to destroy the building of the wall. But they built the wall because “the people had a mind to work.” The opposition came in like a flood — fear might have enveloped the people but for this one thing: the power of the Lord.

As believers, we have a lot of people trying to destroy the work of our hands: the work the Lord has given us to do. We must take seriously the commands of the LORD, to put on the whole armour of God, to stand, and having done all: to stand therefore… (Eph. 6).

In the face of opposition, faith in the Lord and in the power of His might enables us to carry on and do the work He’s called us to do.

God had brought their counsel to nought,
that we returned all of us to the wall,
every one unto his work.

I have so much to share with you all… I pray for the grace, courage, discipline and wisdom to resume and continue blogging. Like clock work. The trash bin has been emptied. Knowing opposition waits at the door.

Timothy’s Miracle

teacuppamela I have written up the story of our son Timothy’s miracle and would like to share it with you. We continue to thank and praise the LORD for this marvelous gift. You can read the story here on our website.

And as an update: I’ll begin writing this blog again very soon ~ I’ve missed writing here and would like to return to sharing encouragement, ideas and what the LORD is doing in our lives. I’m continuing to reorganize and reprioritize my life and home. In order to live what I write and write what I live, I’ve had to carefully examine and continually refine these priorities. To God be the glory.

There’s a whole bunch to say…

And I’m trying to consider how I’ll succinctly say each day what I’d like to share with you. I began blogging some seven years ago and I like to write – I like to encourage and offer hope and inspiration to mothers at home. I love talking about marriage, motherhood, homemaking, homekeeping and walking with the Lord. I love to share slices of life and views of the day. I tend to get wordy at times. I tend to have strong opinions, etc., etc. If you’re offended by all this, please find other great blogs to read — there are too many great blogs out there for you waste your time here reading things that might perturb you.

So anyway, much time was spent writing and reviewing sites, gathering and posting articles, recommending sites and products. Good things… so many good things. But somewhere along the way I lost my way – I lost my personal vision and huge responsibility first as the mother of many children and I began to coast — but I didn’t even realize it. I didn’t realize I’d wandered a bit from my first calling: my husband, our home, my walk, leading our children by allowing my time and attention to be gobbled up by computer, website and internet time… trivial pursuits by comparison to the very real responsibilities of my life. You know what I mean perhaps – for perhaps you’ve had your own!!

Pursuing good things is truly the enemy of pursuing best things.

Good things are not always the best things.

Doing good does not necessarily mean you’re doing well.
Or right.

We had a great family sorrow — a sudden and sad crisis, if you will, which led to deep introspection, endless conversations and much personal evaluation (and reevaluation), personal examination (and reexamination). In the end, one of the things I knew I had to do was to hand over my computer to my husband for a time so that I could get my priorities straight — so that I could reorganize my life, my priorities and revisit / rekindle the purposes for which the Lord created me.

So, here I am today… so wishing I could tell you all I’ve come to understand in the last several months, the culmination of all the sweet hours in the Word, in writing and in fellowship with the LORD — the things I’ve learned, the things I regret, the sorrow, the joy, the pain, the rejoicing. And for one thing, more than ever, I realize why, 11 years ago, we chose a web name: welcome home.

If you’re just joining me and know nothing of what I’m talking about or even if you’ve been a reader for some time, I pray to be an encouragement to you, to not waste your time, but to point you to the Saviour. In the course of my writing, I hope you’ll see Jesus in spite of this cracked pot. I hope you’ll see glimpses of His hand in daily living. Whether or not you’re a new reader of my blog or A Christian Home website, I just want to say: welcome home.

what the devil intends for evil, God uses for good…

Truly, the devil does only seek destruction.
God is only good. All the time.

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy:
I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.
John 10:10

O will sing of the mercies of the LORD forever… He has once again – in a remarkable, amazing, loving and merciful way – that He alone is Lord and He alone (Romans 8.28-29) works all things together for good to them that love Him and are the called according to His purpose. (29) For whom He did foreknow, He also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of His Son.

Though sometimes painful and seemingly hopeless, things the LORD allows us to experience are for our good and His great Glory. We do praise Him and Him alone for the great love wherewith He has loved us and for His watchcare over our little lamb. We can only take that sweet cup of salvation and say: Thank You.

When a prodigal returns, walking back down the lane, sees the lights of Home and is welcomed into the arms of her father & mother, sisters & brothers, there is much joy and rejoicing — the kind known only following much travail, heartache, pain and sorrow. Sorrow endures for a night, but truly, truly, Joy does come in the morning! Praise only the Lord.

more later.

What a difference a day makes…

I thought I’d write a bit tonight — perhaps an update of sorts or maybe just an “I’m checking in” sort of post. Whatever it might end up being, suffice it to say, I’ve missed blogging, I’ve missed this sort of portal to the world and I’ve missed looking for things that might encourage, inspire or give some help or hope to someone else.

I could not have known as I wrote my last blog entry that that night my life or, rather, life for our family would take such a dramatic turn or that we would face something for which we were absolutely and completely unprepared. Not lost on me is the irony of the timing of the content and, thus, the subject of my last post – “Rejoice with me.” As a matter of fact, I’m in awe of the marvelous presence of the Lord.

I had been reading emails from readers, thinking of events in the past and current trials friends were experiencing. I could not have known a storm was brewing and about to break over our home. As I was reading emails, I decided to look into Luke 15 — which was, incidentally, near to where I was reading in my personal study [in a series of events I now marvel were quite obviously of the Lord].

So, these have been 94 of the most arduous and sorrowful days I have ever faced or experienced in my whole life. Perhaps I’ll write about them sometime, but for now, I just wanted to communicate that we’re experiencing joy in the Lord like we’ve never known and, at the same time, a sorrow we cannot fully articulate and some days feel we cannot bear. It is in those times we know the Love of the Saviour afresh and His loving kindness and presence is our All in all.

I pray my next post will not be a quote from the Scripture, though it would be, but an enthusiastic request: rejoice with me. In the meantime, I would ask that if it comes to your mind, I’d appreciate prayer for a precious lost little lamb.

God bless you all.

“It will be worth it all when we see Jesus… life’s trials will seem so small, when we see Christ – one glimpse of His dear face, all sorrow will erase, so bravely run the race, till we see Christ.”

—pamela

hey, so, it’s me…

No, I didn’t move to another country and, no, I didn’t lapse into a coma or drug abuse or anything like that… I just haven’t been blogging. And I probably won’t start back at it just yet, either.

It’s a long story.
But not interesting enough to blog about.

Suffice it to say that I’ve just had a sorta difficult autumn time and it’s been pretty much an uphill climb to stay on track… you know, the kind of track your thoughts travel on. Something I’ve never been really very good at is handling discouragement — or hiding it, either — yeah, I know… I tend to be pretty good at encouraging others in trials…

But, somehow that doesn’t always translate into a personal reality. I mean, I can really see great good in others. I can really see beautiful qualities, abilities and potentialities in others. And, generally speaking, I can empathize with others and am quick to see and offer Scriptural solutions or spiritual encouragement when others face trials, disappointments, discouragement or depression.

I hope I’ll see the brightness of the new season as sort of a signal to turn the corner and embrace the new year. I’ve been praying to this end… and I’ve been praying to have a new and keen sense of purpose and worth in and for the Lord.

To this end, today I began to do the things I know lead to more right things — more bright things. Tis, after all, the season to be jolly, isn’t it? And I have just returned from a very brief, but very wonderful few days away with my husband… so one would think there’s no reason whatsoever for continuing to feel a little blue. I know this sort of thing happens before a great change or a new adventure is embarked upon. And I do know that the Lord is prompting me and prodding me in several areas.

Still, the twinge of uncertainty and mild anxiousness continues. Maybe you’ve experienced seasons like this — I know I have in the past (and perhaps that’s why I’m not all the alarmed at the depth and length of this one) and am always amazed at the gracious Hand of the Lord in these times. His tender mercies are new every morning and, surely, Great is His faithfulness.

And so, coming to the longest or shortest (depending on how you look at it) day of the year, there’s great inspiration and anticipation for brighter days ahead.

My First Pie

My first pie was probably the best pie I’ve ever made — though my mama tells me that a fresh blackberry pie I made something like eight years after that first pie was the best pie I ever made. I don’t know if either one was really the best — but in my fond memories, or the events that have made the greatest impression on me are those events that were ‘first’s’ — those attempts at achieving perfection with no experience — it was the best pie.

Perfection doesn’t necessarily come from doing something hundreds of times — but is something done well hundreds of times — that’s what makes for “perfection.” I’m finally beginning to see that the adage “practice makes perfect” isn’t necessarily correct. For something done wrong — especially done wrong hundreds of times — is still wrong. But something done right over and over and over becomes something done perfectly well.

I’m learning is that nothing is ever perfect. But you know what else? Close is really good enough. In cooking, that is.

My first pie…

Just south of where we were married in San Francisco, my husband and I rented our first home — a small apartment with a very small galley type kitchen. I was attempting to create and make a home for the two of us and Wes’s two cats. Nothing seemed to speak home to me more than pie. I removed the packaging and opened my beautiful new Better Homes & Gardens Cookbook… and saw the photograph of Apple Pie… recipe on page…

I carefully wrote down all I’d need to make that pie (along with Fried Chicken – but that’s another First story for another day). I went to our local market and bought all I needed for that dinner. I recall spending $176. Yes. One-hundred-seventy-six dollars. Two people. Yes, that, too, is another First story for another day.

I carefully put away in the little cabinets and in the little fridge all the different groceries. I opened my cookbook, got out all my new baking stuff… my huge(!) mixing bowl set ;o) and measuring cups and spoons. I got out all the necessary ingredients. I read the recipe again. Hmmm.

I called my husband at work and asked him: When the recipe says to pare and core the apples, does that mean take off the skin and stuff and cut it up? He told me he thought that sounded about right. ;o)

It was the best apple pie I’ve ever made.