CSA: Risk Telling the Story

Telling stories of your yesterdays bores some people, encourages some people and inspires some people — embarrasses some people, too.  I know, many times through the years, I’ve witnessed the reactions women have when some woman opens her mouth to share her story.  I’ve seen it when I’ve shared my story.  They’ve heard it all before and they’re weary at the thought of having to hear it ah-gain.  People totally write other people off when they’re weary of hearing their stories.

Sadly, as some poor woman begins to utter the first sentence of her story (again), her audience, as if cued to do so,  glazes over.  They seem to go into auto-pilot as they remain in their chairs, appearing to be listening, but really they’re mentally rehearsing their to-do lists, mentally reorganizing their craft drawers, mapping out their gardens or surreptitiously inserting an earbud to listen to their latest iTune download.  And sadly, though it might not seem like it, she  probably sees all this, I’ve seen all this.

But she tells her story. Again.  I’ve told my story. Again.

This past week in our Sunday Meeting, a brother was sharing the culmination of seven year’s of prayer regarding a matter he’d been dealing with and how the Lord worked so mightily and so mercifully in his life and on his behalf.  And then he shared a most encouraging and instructive admonition.  And it was this:  when someone’s going through something, when someone’s dealing with something, listen to them — listen to their story — even if you’ve heard it all before — even if you’re tired of hearing it.  Listen to them… because even if it is tiring to hear the story again and again, the person telling the story is still going through the trial — still dealing with a struggle, a heartache, a sorrow — whatever.  You might want to just move on… but, truly, if they’re still in the midst of a trial… they’re not moving on yet.  And if you hang in there with them, then when the trial or the storm passes, you will be able to sincerely rejoice with them.

To ignore them or to apathetically check out as they’re talking is just as bad as saying: “Been there, Done that” when a person describes something they’re facing.  The been there, done that phrase is really so selfish and disrespectful — though meanness or disrespect is not intended, it feels that way to the one sharing the story.

And so it is with the woman who is telling her story – in this case, about CSA.  Especially if it’s just recently that she’s begun to risk revealing her story – her past – and her experiences because of it.  It’s a terribly risky thing to do – the telling of the story. Because, by now, she’s faced the truth, she’s risked not being believed, she’s risked being harmed (further), she’s probably told on the perpetrator, she’s come out of the shadow of silence and shame and now she’s daring to be vulnerable with her hearers.  Maybe even again.  And again.

In the telling of her story, she’s risking judgment – real or imagined.  She’s risking ridicule – real or imagined and, further, she’s risking her own feelings, her own suppressed memories, suppressed anger and fear coming to the surface all over again.  Those things feel real — not imagined and the risk is real — not imagined.

What she doesn’t know going into it is how the Lord is using the experiences in her life in the lives of others.  What she doesn’t know is that God is so big — so great — so merciful — that because He never wastes a thread, He can and will use what she’s gone through — what she’s going through and He will continue healing, working and reworking in her so that her life reflects His glory.

We rarely see that our sphere of influence is much greater than our sphere of acquaintance and the story we’ve told today, in a roomful of seemingly apathetic hearers, just might have fallen into the tender ears and heart of a sister who has a story she’s afraid to tell.  The telling of the story may be just the encouragement she needs to muster the courage to tell her story.

If just one sister is helped, then the risk was so totally worth it.
If just one woman is helped by these CSA blog entries, then it’s all been worth it to me.

CSA; I’ve never told anyone this before, but…

That’s how the stories usually begin… that’s how they usually come tumbling out of mouth of a woman sitting beside me.  The story is actually prefaced with: Can I talk to you?  And after I say, Of course, hot tears seem to well up in the eyes of  the one who desperately needs to tell someone — someone who will listen, someone who will understand, someone who will care.

[ Because of something I might have shared there in a talk or because of the “safe-feeling” of the setting – maybe it’s after a Bible study, a Ladies’ Tea or at a Women’s Retreat –  I think women know they can talk to me; they know I will listen, they know I will understand and they know I will care.  What they might not know (or believe) is that not only will all those things be true, but I will also pray with and for them.   I’m so glad for these opportunities.  I marvel how the Lord’s continually brought to mind many women I’ve talked with over the years. And   though I might’ve forgotten their name – I still remember their stories, I still remember their faces and still care that they shared their stories with me.  And I pray for them.  These opportunities are some of the ways the Lord has shown me that what the devil intended for evil, God intended for good — for my good and His glory. ]

And so, their story usually begins something like this:  I’ve never told anyone this before, but when I was eleven (or what ever age) my step-father (or uncle or brother or neighbour or family friend, etc.) sexuallyabused me.  I didn’t know it was sexualabuse at the time, but he told me not to tell anyone… and I knew it was wrong,  but I was so scared and I knew there would be trouble if I told anyone… but I can’t live with this secret anymore.  This secret is killing me.  I just can’t keep this in anymore.

Even if she told one person initially,  she’ll usually remain pretty silent after that.  Maybe only ever just hinting at a problem. Because the fear remains.  And then shame moves in and brings along shame’s traveling companion: guilt.  She wonders how could that have happened?  And then she resolves, that will never happen again!  But she remains silent.  That silence lasts for years — creative coping mechanisms sort of carry her through; she learns to adapt to fear and insulates herself from further abuse… she becomes adept at stuffing her emotions, masking them or pretending they don’t exist.  Lots of denial, lots of shame, destructive habits and character issues.  Doubt and fear become second nature and, generally speaking, it will be a long time before a girl or woman will ever divulge what happened.

And for most of us, sooner or later, a breaking point washes over us and we  find trust in someone and can finally say: I’ve never told anyone this before but…

And there’s some strange comfort in the telling.  It’s not the same smug wielding of power that comes when a child says: I’m telling! to a sister or friend who took the last cookie or whatever.  It’s a different  — a freeing revelation — one that looks fear in the face and says: you cannot hurt me anymore. It’s one that takes that secret and blows it to pieces, saying:  It’s out… the secret’s out.  The secret isn’t secret anymore.

And after the telling… after the woman’s straightened herself in the chair, wiped her tears and has taken a deep breath, she looks up and, maybe for the first time, experiences a small bit of relief  — knowing that :  now someone else knows and now someone else cares — finally, someone understands.   I totally understand.  And, truth is, lots of “someone’s” understand.

At this point, I usually ask the woman (if she’s married) if she’s candidly talked with her husband about this.  And, actually, such is usually the case — women have usually at least told their husband.  But if not, I always suggest that’s the next person to talk with and I pray with her that by the grace of God, she will do that right away.   I always feel like I wish I could somehow convey to a husband, in advance, hey, your wife’s got a very, very heavy burden to reveal to you… you already know deep down that she has some deep seated hurts – some wounds and scars that need attention and healing.  And you’re going to need to be ready to bear this burden with her…but I don’t and so, with trust in the merciful Lord, I mentally give the matter to Him.

If the woman is not married, then the matter is wholly different — and prayer for wisdom and understanding is the first measure to take.  And then, very special attention to working out with her, talking her through the revealing, through the facing of the truth — to parents or whomever is ‘responsible’ for her care.

In the end, I sure pray she will carry through and will be believed when she says, I’ve never told anyone this before, but…

 

 

 

CSA Fallout

Still drinking from my saucer ’cause my cup’s overflowed.  And, in light of the horrific tragedy that’s befallen Japan, I want to say what I’ve written today is in no way meant to make light of that whole situation.  Just wanted to make those comments before I continue writing today’s blog entry.

I want to write some more chapters in my CSA mini-series.  I’ve dealt with the results, the  unintended consequences or the results of sexualabuse through the years and here and there a thought or reaction will come up.  It’s always unexpected, always surprising — but always there.  CSA is always so right-around-the-corner.  It’s always so right there.  This is one reality only CSA survivors really understand.  The reason I say this is the number of times I’ve heard (myself or from others) that was a long time ago, get over it.  Can’t you get over it?

The CSA survivor wants to say, yes; the CSA survivor  wants to think, yes; the CSA survivor wants to believe, yes.  She may even think she has gotten over it.  Then the fallout.  The fallout comes in many forms – thoughts, dreams, rage, fear, panic — default reactions to situations that come up.  Fallout.

World English Dictionary
fallout (ˈfɔːlˌaʊt)

— n
1. the descent of solid material in the atmosphere onto the earth, esp of radioactive material following a nuclear explosion
2. any solid particles that so descend
3. informal side-effects; secondary consequences

— vb
4. informal to quarrel or disagree
5. ( intr ) to happen or occur
6. military to leave a parade or disciplinary formation

Fallout.  The unintended consequences the perpetrator leaves in the life of the sexuallyabused child.  After the explosion of CSA, the particles have been blown so far and wide that the magnitude of the “fallout” may not be seen for a long, long time.   O, there’s enough initial fallout to change that life, but the deeper consequences might not be seen (or understood) for a long time – those secondary consequences.

If you’re a CSA survivor, you’ll get this — maybe you haven’t until now. But after you read some of these examples, maybe you’ll have  some ah-ha moments – maybe some pieces will finally “come together” and you’ll connect the dots between things that don’t ever seem to make sense. Maybe you struggle with reality.  Maybe you struggle with relationships.  Maybe truth.  Maybe trust.  Dot. dot. dot.

Maybe you’re saying: Wow, that’s me, I’m so all those things.  Maybe those are some of the dots in your life.  For me, I call these dots with no connections: Bridges to Nowhere.  I’ll be going along and suddenly there’s a bridge to nowhere in my thinking, reaction or emotion — a situation comes up, a relationship issue presents itself, a thought comes to mind and suddenly there’s nowhere to go.  No solutions, no trust, no natural or appropriate emotion.   Emotional disconnects.  Bridges to nowhere.  Fallout.  An emotional bridge to nowhere.  Fallout.

I know I began asking questions when different things didn’t ever seem to connect.  Why do I do this or why do I always think that?   Compulsive about some things, indifferent about others.  Disconnects.

There are lots of “disorders” or labels for these behaviours or reactions.   Such disorders as: Depersonalization disorder,  Attachment disorder,  post-traumatic stress syndrome — just to name a few.  I think when we finally muster the courage to tell our story, to tell the truth, to risk being vulnerable enough to tell what happened, we begin to travel on the road of healing.  Telling on our abuser might happen first and then down the road we  finally admit the need for help, and  then get determined  to ask for it, we can finally begin experiencing healing and understanding.

We come to a turning point when we can admit or acknowledge we have a problem or problems with our responses to things/people/situations.  It’s then that we can resolve to make changes — to let the LORD work His work in us — to heal us as we yield to His work and redemption.

Connecting bridges to nowhere.

Over the years I’ve been so blessed to have the husband I have.  I believe God sweetly and mercifully gave me the husband He did.  He’s the one who will help me when the bridges to nowhere seem so  true and the nowhere seems so real — the one who helps me connect the dots, so to speak.

Truth.  I think that’s the most important matter for adult survivors of CSA — to face truth.  Determine to think truth.  Determine to perceive truth.  Determine to believe truth.  Determine to live truth.  Determine to trust truth.  These are big.  These are big dots.  I’ve come to understand and believe these are sort of the  imperatives for “survival.”  Over and over again deceit will creep in — and deceit is a big creep!  Deceit will convince you to believe things you would, ordinarily, absolutely reject as false — but in that weak moment you give in and believe the lies.

Thus, rejecting lies becomes, or must become, one of the highest priorities for  me (or for  other women) to survive the fallout of CSA.  Is this true?  Is this what the Bible tells me?  Is this from the LORD?  Is this what the Lord says/thinks about me?  Is this God’s clear plan for me?   If the answer to any of those questions is ever, No, then I have to act on my resolve to answer/react with Truth.

Emotional bridges to nowhere need to become connected by, and to, truth.

I’ve made it my personal “mission” or pursuit to pick a Truth to stand on and, when faced with deceit, look for another Truth to connect to.  Eliminating the concepts “never” and “can’t” are imperative.   I must not say: I never do this right. I must not say: I can’t ever get past this. In faith, I can — through Christ alone who strengthens me: I can.  I can love, I can trust, I can hope, I can rest, I can commit to this or that thing or person.

CSA causes an explosion and that explosion that’s hugely impacting and produces great fallout.  Sometimes, years down the road, that fallout triggers seemingly unexplainable reactions — can an adult survivor of CSA overcome the fallout?   In faith, I trust so.  In Jesus, I believe so.

 

A special birthday

When Timothy was born, there was a brief hush over the delivery room — enough time for me to realize there must be a problem.  Fearing the worst, I asked my husband if the baby had died.  No, he said, he’s going to be fine.

As Timothy was born, the doctor could see that the cord was wrapped around his next and as he  loosened it, it was obvious that there was also a complete knot in his umbilical cord the hush was their surprise that he was just quiet and still — completely fine.  The team of attendants appeared to be amazed.  The doctor inserted an instrument into the knot, shaking it loose, and then continued to gently massage his little body.  He told me that that knot had been there for many months as that “little guy” must’ve turned himself around and swum through the loop of the cord.

The next morning, as the doctor was making his rounds, he came in to check on me and baby Timothy.  You are so lucky, he said.  And I told him, no… no, I’m really very blessed.  God has been so good to me.  I knew that then.  I know that now.  Out the window that morning I could see a lone daffodil in a planter… the ‘tea-cup’ flower had just opened.  It was a bright encouragement to me — and the site of blooming daffodils continues to bless me over the years – for that  and so many other event’s meanings.

And so, today, twenty three years later I’m still in awe at what the Lord has done in the life of that baby – now young man.  There have been many instances through the years where the Lord clearly marked his life — times of sickness, times of great spiritual growth, times of God’s clear hand of guidance, direction and protection.  From a very young age, this young man had a clear and present awareness of the Lord’s call on his life – a matter that Timothy continually shared with others.

And he has answered that call and for many years has walked by faith in the ministry of the Gospel.

I have no greater joy than
to hear that my children
walk in truth.
3 John 1.4

It is with great joy that we celebrate this son’s birthday today — and, happily, we’ll even celebrate it with him this year as it’s been many years since he’s been home on his birthday!    He flies in late tonight!

We’re thankful the Lord has used him so sweetly in our family… that He’s used him in Ghana and now in Mexico.  Today we’re reminiscing as we recall the many blessings of the Lord through the years, the many ways God’s worked on his behalf, many ways God has uniquely gifted and provided.  We thank the Lord for the many times He’s healed Timothy from various sicknesses, from many bouts of malaria and the many adventures God’s brought him through.  We also recall, with tears of joy and humble thanksgiving, the great miracle of healing the Lord gave Timothy last summer.

Timothy is a joy to me… to us all.  For all of this — for the gift of his life, for him, for all these miracles — we are so grateful to the Lord.

 

The Love of the Truth

Can you believe we’re living in these days?  That in the history of the world — His-story — we’re alive in these days!  Remarkable!  Truly remarkable!  These thoughts and more came to me while reading in 2 Thessalonians 2 and elsewhere today.

All over the world there are great surges of sensational events  — and they truly are worldwide; the world is in chaos.  And the catastrophes  are piling up!  The multifaceted cataclysmic tragedy in Japan seems to me to be a great picture of these days — especially within the church.

And a subtle, but similar rumbling is afoot in the church today —  the  resulting conclusion will be the same: mass decimation.  Great spiritual death is occurring as the church succumbs more and more to great delusions (this example is but one).  People are seeking answers  for the  troubling questions they face and all too often are grasping and believing the most detrimental teachings to come along in the church.

 

The church — not separated from the world, believes worldly answers — easy answers given by the smooth teachers (especially when these teachers are well known and “popular” in bookstores and other Christian circles.

For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?”
Matthew 16.26

Thus, mainstream preachers teach lies to appease the masses by teaching easy stuff, entertaining the flocks, tickling ears with provocative messages.   Then, selling millions of books, deceiving great multitudes… giving in to the great lies of pride and humanistic thought they lead millions to believe great deceptions.

And with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved.”
2 Thessalonians 2.10

The church is but one example, though,  because, in reality,  it’s seeming as though the whole world’s going completely mad.  Consider the great moral decline, the lack of sanctity of marriage, motherhood and human life.   Add to all that, the duping of America by those elected to lawfully govern — the empty promises, the great fallacy of budgeting by redistributing ill-gotten  funds, the preposterous demands, the assumption of entitlement and the fighting over non-existent  funds. Upside-down…

And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;” Romans 1.28

Relationships are out of balance —  if you’ve not experienced tension, misunderstandings, disappointment in relationships lately, don’t be surprised if/when you do so.   That cataclysmic tragedy in Japan yesterday is on a greater scale what’s happening in marriages, families, friendships and churches.

More 2 Thessalonians 2.1-5

Now we beseech you, brethren, by the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, and by our gathering together unto him,  2  That ye be not soon shaken in mind, or be troubled, neither by spirit, nor by word, nor by letter as from us, as that the day of Christ is at hand. 3   Let no man deceive you by any means: for that day shall not come, except there come a falling away first, and that man of sin be revealed, the son of perdition; 4  Who opposeth and exalteth himself above all that is called God, or that is worshipped; so that he as God sitteth in the temple of God, shewing himself that he is God. 5  Remember ye not, that, when I was yet with you, I told you these things?

You can continue reading your own Bible…  as you look at things from a spiritual perspective, you’ll believe you’re reading the front page of the daily newspaper.

And there shall be signs in the sun, and in the moon, and in the stars; and upon the earth distress of nations, with perplexity; the sea and the waves roaring; Men’s hearts failing them for fear, and for looking after those things which are coming on the earth: for the powers of heaven shall be shaken.”
Luke 21. 25-26

And now, one of my favourite words in the Bible — beside the word “but” —  is the word, “therefore.”

Therefore, brethren, stand fast, and hold the traditions which ye have been taught, whether by word, or our epistle.  Now our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God, even our Father, which hath loved us, and hath given us everlasting consolation and good hope through grace,  Comfort your hearts, and stablish you in every good word and work.”   2 Thess 2.15-17

I pray as I write this that I would be — that we would be — recommitted to “retaining the truth” and that we would increase, cultivate and reaffirm our “love for the Truth” and that the Lord God would be merciful with us all as we rededicate ourselves to the  great calling on our lives, to seek to serve Him more faithfully, to love the brethren and to proclaim His salvation to those who are perishing.

Then help me learn…

So many times — so many times over the years I’ve asked the Lord to help me learn… Lord, help me learn from this expensive lesson.  Lord, I know the situation I’m in is from You… help me learn.  Lord, if You have handed me this experience… then help me learn.  Lord, even if I say to You, I cannot do this, please do not leave me to myself… please help me learn.

These have been the pleas of my heart many, many times through the years.

There have been many “monuments of trust” or markers of faith in my life  prior to, and since, a  significant, pivotal point of trusting in the Lord.  It  actually came  through a series of events,  taking me quite by surprise, some fourteen years ago when my husband experienced a terrible injury to his hand.  With a newborn babe in my arms,  I entered the emergency room that morning and upon seeing my husband’s condition, I immediately said: All God’s ways are good. That phrase would intensify in meaning for me over the days, weeks and months ahead. I would say it over and over again; I would pray it and I would write it on our windows.

All God’s Ways are Good

Financially speaking, that event came at the lowest point in our “work year” in the swimming pool business — February.  In the Pacific Northwest, the swimming pool business-year is relatively brief and by  February, nearly every year, most every dollar’s been spent, most all the supplies have dwindled and doubts about how things will be taken care of begin to creep in.  Well, for that year, in particular, such was the case.

But God.  But God who is rich in mercy, and the love wherewith He loves us, saw us through.  My husband’s  hand, after much reconstructive surgery and minus an index finger,  took months to heal.  Even if jobs had come to him, he couldn’t have completed them at that time — but there was never a day that we did not know the clear presence and provision of the LORD — His mercies were new to us every morning and His grace saw us through.

It was then that I learned to see what some of you hear me say from time to time:  This is so big, God must be in it. For it was, to us, at the time… so big.  It was then, also, that I began to pray for the Lord to help me learn from this (and numerous other experiences), saying, Lord, this lesson is so expensive:  Lord, please help me learn what You have for me to learn in this.

And so it’s been through the years… lesson after lesson, experience after experience, that I have sought *in the trial* or *in the testing of faith* to ask the Lord:  I know You’ve given this to me, I know You’ve handed this to me,  Lord, help me learn…

One Monday afternoon, a number of weeks after his accident, a couple of friends stopped in for a visit. And as they were leaving and saying goodbye’s, they handed Wes an envelope — which, after they left, he handed to me, saying: This is for you! You see, just the day before, my husband had put a sum of money in the offering plate at church — many different people had given us financial gifts totaling more than we needed that week and so Wes offered it in thanksgiving to the Lord.  I had said, what if we need it next week?  He said, God will provide.

Well, you can see where this is going.  I went to the window that stormy afternoon, and while standing there, I looked out and much to my astonishment, there were daffodils ringing the huge old willow tree in our yard.  I’d not even noticed them before that moment. Further, since that was the first winter for us here in our home, I didn’t even know there were bulbs planted around the willow tree.  Looking back, it was as if the Lord had kept them covered until that day.  Surely, the Lord was  ministering to my heart that day. Seeing those daffodils just beginning to bloom was like seeing the promise of Springtime to come.  In tears of gratefulness, I opened the envelope — it contained the exact same amount of money Wes had  placed in the offering just the day before.  The men who had brought it had no way of knowing about the offering made the day prior.  God had clearly provided.  O Lord, help me to learn…

Help me to learn to trust in You.
Help me to learn to wait on You.
Help me to learn to hope in You.
Help me to learn to keep my eyes fixed on You.

Help me to learn  what You would have me to learn in each experience You hand me.  And help me to learn to accept Your will and way for my life.  With joy.  Whatever comes: Lord, help me to learn.

 

You’re going to need this

A mother hands a child a coat as he prepares to head out the door.  You’re going to need this, she says, it’s cold outside.  Another time, she hands the child an umbrella.  You’re going to need this, she says, it’s raining out and you’ll get wet if you don’t open it as you step off the porch.

The child might dutifully accept the coat or the umbrella; he might also be trusting  her judgment; in addition, he might be reflecting and acting on past experience.

Whatever the case — obedience or experience — in the coat or umbrella scenarios above, the external conditions are present and so it’s really quite simple to accept the coat for the present cold or to accept the umbrella for the present rain as these two situations can be either presently felt or presently seen.

Sometimes we don’t understand why we’re being handed something.

We receive unanticipated work and, thus, more income than we would normally have.  Accustomed to less, we might wonder, Why we have so much more?  We delight in our “windfall” and dream of the different things we want to get.  And then… an appliance breaks or a vehicle needs a new transmission or a tooth cracks and needs a root canal and crown. We feel surprised that we have just the right amount of money needed to cover the repairs!  We then remember we were handed something we were going to need.

Other times, we’re handed an experience or many experiences and we might ask or cry or even complain, Why is this happening?

The first days of running or dieting or learning a new skill sometimes seem so arduous — so impossible!  Most of us give up or what to quit in the face of such difficulties.  Then, someone comes along — say an experienced runner — and he says, don’t quit; keep going… you’re going to need this for the steeper parts of the road.

Sometimes we’re handed illness or tragedy or sorrow and we think, O, can’t do this, I cannot handle this — I just can’t do this — this is too hard for me.  We want to turn away from the problem — we want to run from it because looking at what we think we’re able to do, we can’t see our way through.  And then, by the grace of God, we see a little beyond what we see.

God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Psalm 46.1

 

As we continue to walk with the Lord, as we continue to trust in His Word, we grow… we grow in grace, we grow in wisdom and strength and we grow in trust that He *is* with us — He *is* for us and He really does do all things well.  Not that He will answer or provide or guide in the very same manner He has in the past, but simply: He will answer.

Each situation we face, each heartache that comes, each sorrow that washes over us, each disappointment, each failure, each loss — each thing can be a blessed experience that reminds us of God’s dealings with us in the past — as if He handed us something and said, You’re going to need this.  We may not understand why at the time, but down the road a bit, we’ll see…

We’re so tempted to measure a situation by what we can see — not by what God’s got planned or by what He’s doing.  He is our refuge — we can trust in Him.  He is our strength — we can lean on Him.  He is our very present help in trouble — we can accept what He hands us.  Even when — especially when — we can’t see the storm ahead, we can take the coat of His salvation and the umbrella of His Holy Spirit that He hands us, saying, You’re going to need this.

From John Piper

In 1979 Bob Dylan recorded the song “Gotta Serve Somebody.” For those who listen with biblically informed ears the refrain echoes Paul and Jesus:

Paul: “You are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness” (Romans 6:16).

Jesus: “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other” (Matthew 6:24).

Dylan’s refrain:

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody, yes indeed,
You’re gonna have to serve somebody.
Well, it may be the devil or it may be the Lord,
But you’re gonna have to serve somebody.

This is one of the truest songs Dylan has written. John Lennon was so angry with it that he wrote an obscene counter-song, “Serve Yourself,” which was so bad, Yoko Ono published an apologetic explanation of it in 1998.

To celebrate Dylan’s getting this truth so right, I have written new lyrics, not because they are better, but because they are updated for my religious world.

If you’d like to read it, and you don’t know the song, it might help to have the tune in your head as you read the new lyrics. You can listen to it here:

“Gotta Serve Somebody (Remix)” by John Piper

You may like Bob Dylan or you may think he’s trash,
You may not remember when he had a mustache,
You may think the man is stoned, his throat is full of tacks,
You may wish his blood had been poured out on the tracks.

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody, yes indeed,
You’re gonna have to serve somebody.
Well, it may be the devil or it may be the Lord,
But you’re gonna have to serve somebody.

You may be a modern Jew, and think your Bobby’s great,
You may be from Hibbing, by a simple twist of fate,
You may think religion is a crock and a sham,
You may shut your ears at the blood of the Lamb.

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody . . . .

You may have a ponytail and know how to preach,
You may have been baptized on the Malibu beach,
You may love the album, “Saved,” and hope that it is true,
Or you may think that Bobby’s brain was tangled up in blue.

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody . . . .

You may be a racist and wish times had never changed,
You may hate the sixties when it all got rearranged,
Or you may be a Democrat on Capitol Hill,
You may sing the story of the death of Emmett Till.

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody . . . .

You may think the globe is getting hotter every day,
You may follow Albert Gore and be a protégé.
Or you may drive an SUV and never be chagrinned,
You may give the answer: Ice, is blowin’ in the wind.

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody . . . .

You may swear by Kindle, or you may swear by Nook,
You may love your iPad screen, or you may love your book,
You may have a radio and let the jockey choose,
Or you may love Pandora ’cause it follows all your cues.

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody . . . .

You may be emergent now and worship on a rug,
You may think that doctrine is a bourgeois drug,
You may call yourself Reformed, with a torn pair of jeans,
You may specialize in church for cool libertines.

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody . . . .

You may love philosophy and you may love Descartes,
You may love Beethoven’s flair, and you may love Mozart,
You may love Bob Kauflin and the sounds of Sovereign Grace,
Or you may wish the world was full of a thousand Lecraes.

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody . . . .

You might use a manly gel to make your hair a mess,
Or you may wear a coat and tie the way the bankers dress,
You may preach like Francis Chan and think that hot is cool,
Or you may be as nonchalant as Keller on a stool.

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody, yes indeed, . . . .

You may swear by Narnia or you may swear by Grit,
You may think an actor is a trained hypocrite,
You may love the culture, and you may love the world,
Or you may see her sensual, with a finger curled.

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody . . . .

You may think that Dylan was a shelter in the storm,
Or you may think his single rule was disobey the norm,
You may think it’s too late: he’s a victim of renown,
Or you may hope he’ll turn again when the deal goes down.

But you’re gonna have to serve somebody . . . .

You may see him tryin’ to get to heaven on his own,
You may think he’s lost his way like a rollin’ stone,
But you can see one thing is clear, it’s shining in the night,
You may like it, you may not, but Dylan got this right:

You’re gonna have to serve somebody, yes indeed,
You’re gonna have to serve somebody.
Well, it may be the devil or it may be the Lord,
But you’re gonna have to serve somebody.

So, why does stuff happen?

Do you find yourself asking the “why did that happen?” question?

Why in the world did that happen? Or, why did this happen to me?  Or, how could this have happened?

We all ask some such question from time to time.  Even when we don’t mean to bring up our doubtful questioning in conversation, our comments betray us when we say something like, I don’t know how that could have happened, or some similar statement.

I think we all seem as though we’re surprised when things happen — as if we’d missed something in our vigilant attempts to prevent all problems.  Truth is, we cannot prevent things from happening any more than we can make things happen.

When we’re going through hard times, it’s especially common for us to question why the thing is happening — not because we can’t believe it, but because we can’t believe it’s happening to us!

The Word tell us in 1Peter 4.12-13

Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:   But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.”

In recent years when hard things have happened, I’ve been quicker to consider that the trial or the hard thing has been allowed of the Lord for my good.   This is just one of the great blessings of a long walk with the Lord and it’s one of the great blessings of age and experience.  The longer we live and the longer we walk with the LORD,  the more we tap into the reservoir of His ways in our lives — it doesn’t mean that God is going to answer us the same way twice — for we know that God is not obligated to repeat Himself — but that we have a bounty of ways He did answer and it bolsters our faith that He *will* answer.

God allows “stuff to happen” in our lives so that we will depend on Him, so that we will yield to Him and so that we will have something to give to others who find themselves in situations similar to what we’ve experienced.

You know how that goes… someone’s going through a trial and they confide in you because they know you know what they’re going through.  They wouldn’t be able to lean on you, confide in you or glean from you if you hadn’t first gone through the trial or experience or “all that stuff.”

Many times in recent years, when facing difficulties — or hard stuff, I’ve consciously thought:  Omy, this is so hard, God must be in it… I’m going to need this!

I’ve been keenly aware that He only allows things for my good and His glory — and so He’s taught me that when I’m going through hard stuff, He’s at work.  Sometimes for my strengthening.  Sometimes for my chastening.  Sometimes for my lack.  Sometimes for wisdom.  Sometimes for identifying with Christ.  Sometimes for pride.  Sometimes for my worship… but always for my good and His glory.

Last year, the most sorrowful year of my whole life, I was keenly aware, time after time, that God was allowing all these things for my good and His great glory.  They were hard things.  Very hard things.  Why did they happen?  They happened so that I would *know* that I can trust God in *all* things.  He is only good.  All the time.