my fiftieth year – Page 2 – The Welcome Home

30 Favourite Things #12

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord
and in the power of His might.
Put on the whole armour of God

that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood,
but against principalities, against powers,
against the rulers of the darkness of this world,
against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God,
that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day,
and having done all, to stand.
Stand therefore,
having your loins girt about with truth,
and having on the breastplate of righteousness;
And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
Above all, taking the shield of faith,
wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
And take the helmet of salvation,
and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:
Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit,
and watching thereunto
with all perseverance and supplication
for all saints;
Ephesians 6.10-17

These verses have been a blessing to me in this past year as our son, Timothy – a missionary in Ghana, has been facing many oppositions from the enemy. Learning to trust God in adversity has been a blessing throughout my adult life and certainly I have come to see that had it not been the Lord who was *on my side* I would have been swallowed up in discouragement, fear and doubt. But God. But God has been merciful and of great comfort and strength for the day.

I know I can trust the Lord for whatever comes and that assurance is fortified each time we face a trial or a testing or sickness or loss or whatever. God is only good, only faithful. Learning more and more to trust the Lord with anything that concerns me has been such a blessing and has carried me through. So, that’s why I add — testings of faith — to the list of thirty things I am thankful for in my fiftieth year. (And I will write about some specific testings of faith in a bit)

Because of the faithful, merciful and perfect will of the Lord, I can truly and honestly say that I would rather have my boy in the Hand of the Lord anywhere in the world — than nearby wandering or outside the will of the Lord.

Safety is in the Hand of the Lord.

Today is Timothy’s Birthday – Blessed be the Name of the Lord.

30 Favourite Things #11

When I was a child, one of my most favourite activities was swimming. In Southern California – where I was born – the weather sort of necessitated some form of relief and for me, it was swimming. I recall numerous times where, as a grade-schooler, I would walk home for lunch and I’d either eat my lunch in the pool or I would at least sit in the pool for a few minutes before returning to school. We moved to another city and there I would walk to and from school each day and invariably walk straight into the pool after school. The weather from late spring through the fall was very, very hot.

Now, we don’t have today the sort of pool my parents had for the different homes in which we lived when I was a child, but we do have a swimming pool and our children have sure enjoyed it very much. As I was gardening last summer the thought came to me: am I never going to spend a summer afternoon swimming again? Am I never going to jump into that pool or swim or float in an inner-tube or wear a mask and fins and swim around snorkling? So, I decided that day to go swimming — much to the shock of my children (and my husband, too — though he knows I love swimming!), I just jumped in. Ahhhh… it was wonderful and such great fun and refreshment.

Sure, I was nervous and sure, I was sort of embarrassed and self conscious. But I reckoned that I was here at home in the privacy of our yard and had my dress right there by the pool and the swimming suit was passable for me — not the very best, but certainly not at all the worst. And so I went swimming. A number of times. I asked myself why I hadn’t done it sooner — especially when the younger children were so delighted and begged me to stay and play in the pool with them! It certainly made the day more fun (for them and me!) and the work more enjoyable with the reward of that cool water at the end! I couldn’t think of a reason not to!

This past year has held a lot of questions and activities like that, for there have been many times where I wondered why I ever stopped doing some things and never started doing others. I looked out at the yard today — the sun was shining brightly but it was very, very crisp and cold outside. I looked over the seeds in the beautiful seed packets and I began to consider where and how I’d plant the different seeds. I see the roses and other bushes and trees need the partially completed pruning to be finished.

I can almost feel the warmth of the sunshine as I sit near the woodstove’s blazing heat… and I can almost hear the children laughing and playing out there… and I can almost smell the Coppertone and the pool water.

So, if you haven’t done something you ~~used to~~ love to do and there’s even a remote possibility of doing it… don’t wait till you’re fifty!! Go do it!

30 Favourite Things #10

When I was a little girl I had a friend I played with nearly every day. Even when others thought they were too old to play with her – I still did. I was so loyal to her — rarely going anywhere without thinking of her and if I ought to bring her along. She was beautiful — so beautiful, in fact, that I found myself dreaming that one day I might look like her — charming as she was. She had fabulous clothes and shoes – beautiful hair and a perpetual smile. I sometimes wonder if all that time with her long ago sort of instilled in me different thought patterns I was oblivious to in those days. I wonder if I got part of my lack of confidence from her — part of my never being good enough or pretty enough — from her. Though we lived in a very nice home, I recall dreaming that I’d love to live in a house like hers and maybe even one day have a car like hers. Yes… she had a car — even though she’s only two weeks older than me, she had a car. O, the places we went — it was like a dream vacation when we’d take the car zooming around.

As I got older I began to see the downside of her life. I began to weigh things more carefully… choices became important and I realized that actions have consequences — ideas have consequences. As much as her appearance and lifestyle had early on appealed to me, I realized her lifestyle was so not one that I would want to emulate and I also realized her appearance and apparent behaviour was also not what I ever wanted for my life or for our daughters for that matter. And it was my family, my daughters and message of faith in the Lord that made me take a long look at the message that old friend was giving and instilling. I wanted more for them — even though she seemed to have everything — why, she had more than most people ever even dreamed of owning — come to think of it, she even had a dream house. Though in and of themselves those things aren’t wrong or evil, those things – those ways – aren’t what I wish for our daughters. I so want so much better for our daughters .

Well, my old treasured friend, Barbara Millicent Roberts went on to become very famous – the envy of million$. Actually, I’ve had opportunities to have her here in our home but long ago decided against it, knowing full well that it would be counterproductive. She’s just too much — on so many levels — she sets a standard and subtly engrains a mindset I’m not wanting for our daughters — an inappropriate message for a woman who’s seeking to live in accordance with the Word of God. It’s not that I am so archaic or so ideological or so anti-feminist (okay, I guess I pretty much am the latter).

When I see her I never think: wow, what purity, what beauty, what gentleness, what modesty — what virtue, what faith, what humility, what a virtuous woman or what an honourable mother she exemplifies and portrays! Her lifestyle, independence, careers, appearance, obsession with clothes, makeup, hair, jewelry, accessories and possessions is, again on so my levels, opposite what I’m seeking to instill in our daughters (and sons, too, by the way). Things we have in our home give a message– instill a mindset — form an ideology. An, my-o-my, what a responsibility we have as mothers of daughters!!

So… probably unpopular with some and with agreement from others, I’ve just not brought her home. But when March rolls around, I still think of her sometimes. I think of the many, many hours I spent with her and all her stuff. Come to think of it, maybe she spent time with you, too.

O, I know when you see her today you won’t believe Barbie’s 50! I know — Hard to believe we’re the same age… I thought that when we turned 20… and 30… and 40… and now?

So, is she a favourite thing from my 50th year? No. The reason she’s #10 on my list of some of the “life changing” or “significantly impacting things” from my 50th year is a realization or an affirmation, really. I realize that she (along with other things) symbolizes a lot of self-centeredness, foolishness, selfishness, emptiness — sort of the superfluity of naughtiness referred to in Romans 6 in my life. And so, at this half-century mark, I ask seriously, what fruit had I then in those things whereof I am now ashamed? I sorrowfully say: she symbolizes the life(s) I thought I wanted. I do not have what I thought I wanted. I have more than everything I ever longed for. Truly I am a princess.

More than ever before in my life I’m sort of taking inventory of what’s been good, what’s been foolish, what’s worth doing and what’s worth “thinking on.” If I live another day or another 50 years I don’t want to live with regrets over what I did, what I thought, what I wanted, where I went, what I spent my time doing. I never want to live a plastic life.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Philippians 4.8

I am so humbled, so thankful, so in awe that the Lord saved me and is daily conforming me into His image. I am so grateful He loves me so much that He couldn’t leave me where I was or where I was going. I sing His praises more today than ever for giving me life and for life eternal by faith and salvation in Jesus my Lord and Saviour. I pray you have this wonderful assurance, too. He is the only thing that’s real.

30 Favourite Things #9

I love, love, love catering weddings and making wedding cakes and making things special for people I love. I sort of discovered that I’m an adrenaline junkie. I love the thrill of planning, purchasing, preparing and presenting food — any kind of food — for parties and weddings. I love hearing what people want to have served at their wedding. I love getting a glimpse of what they’re picturing for the day. I love picturing it myself — grasping it — and mentally preparing it and then I love telling them: Okay… we’ll do it!

It’s sort of like getting a kite, assembling it, going out on the perfect day and running and running like crazy and then looking back watching the beautiful kite take flight high in the sky… and once it’s up and steadily flying — I love just standing there a bit longer to take it all in. That’s what events are like to me. Run, run, run. Hurry, hurry, hurry. Go, go, go… and then — all of a sudden: It’s…….. showtime!!

We had the great honour of catering a wedding last June. It was both elaborate and complex in that we had to be absolutely certain to not miss a beat, not forget a morsel and not overlook a single detail. The wedding was not local — it was in another state, the location would be exceedingly remote and there were no conveniences nearby. So everything had to be carefully planned to the minutest detail. The van had to carry the food, the pans, the prep materials and *US!!* [note: Wes did go back to the nearest town the next day for the perishable foods — which was also part of the plan]

For example, the six – 5 gallon buckets of icecream had to be purchased at the last stop out of town. I had to be sure that three of them were iced and allow the other three to remain as cold as possible but also “thaw” a tiny bit over the hour+ drive to the site. The reason for that was that I would begin assembling the “Dairy-Queen” style Ice Cream Cakes as soon as we got there. That also meant that the six pans, the parchment, the filling and the plastic wrap also had to be very easily accessible. Because I had planned every hour of the two and half days before “showtime!” I knew just what we needed to do. I had gone over and over in my mind what we’d need to do from the time we arrived until the day we drove away. See what I mean about being an adrenaline junkie?

So… why is THIS event on the list of my 30 favourite things from my fiftieth year? Well… the people were exceedingly important to me — thus, their wedding had to be perfect. Because I love that family, I was so honoured to serve them. They had specific dreams and wishes and it was important to me to do whatever possible to make sure those dreams and wishes materialized. All the way down to that IceCream cake. The groom is nuts about Dairy Queen cakes — so, to duplicate them was my highest priority – in both taste and appearance– but, actually, I had to do it better. You know. A girl has her principles. And, on principle, I had to do better than a ‘fast food‘ place. ;o)

Now, lest you think *I* did all this — I assure you *I* did not. My whole family was in on the action. Jobs for everyone — great and small. I did see to it that the youngers had lots of time to run and play while we worked and the setting couldn’t have been more perfect.

I will never forget that event… and space & time does not allow for more details. I’ll let the menu and photos finish the story.

Chicken Picatta – Ribs – Garlic Mashed Potatoes – Cut Corn – Caesar Salad – Spinach Salad with Strawberries, Feta and Candied Walnuts Fresh Fruit Skewers – Rolls & Butter; Coffee – Tea – Sweet Tea – Punch… for 400. Additionally, we had a large table prepared for young children — corndogs, veggies & dip, chips and fruit and cookies. And… the six large Ice Cream Cakes — each were Chocolate and Vanilla layer cake with Oreo/Chocolate fudge filling and whipped cream frosting and chopped KitKats/Snickers/Nestle’s Crunch Candy topping.

At the last moment before the ceremony… a tremendous downpour necessitated making a major-major change in venue and we had to set up all the service indoors… for the food service, we had to utilize steam tables (that we had only been using as a holding place) and abandon the beautiful outdoor displays and serving tables. We also assisted in making a major last minute change of decorations and seating while all the guests attended the ceremony. And you know — it was the hand of God in that we were able to transform (what was to be an outdoor reception) the lodge into a beautiful reception hall as if it were planned that way. Astonishingly, Everything was ready when the guests returned from the site of the wedding ceremony. Whew! It was *incredible!!* And thanks be to the Lord God. Thanks to my family and great thanks to my precious husband…. he’s more than everything to me.

bb buffet wedding meal

777weddingfruitskewers ice cream cake
In haste, we didn’t get too many photos… and these aren’t all that great!! But it’s sort of a taste. For the eyes.

serving cake
It was a crazy – busy – fun – long – three days… but…

wedding clean up

it was a wonderful – wonderful time. And a total adrenaline rush!! ;o)

30 Favourite Things #8

This is a copy of a post I wrote in May ’08. I am re-posting it as part of my 30 Favourite Things of my Fiftieth Year because that event was an exceedingly significant event whereby the LORD demonstrated His watchcare and His love. And I know all the more now — actually, to a much greater degree than I did all those months ago: that no matter what: God loves me with an everlasting love and should HE decide to take my husband home — I know that I know He will provide for me. His love is that great — His care is that perfect and His will is that trustworthy. Having just celebrated our 31st wedding anniversary, more than ever I am sure I never want to live a day without my husband… but more than ever I am sure that if it is God’s will that I do so, I will trust in Him.

This, from May ’08:

“You know, I’m so thankful for the difficult times – for it’s not in the seemingly ‘easy’ times we see (or seek) God so readily or clearly as in the darker, more uncertain, times. The sweet thing about learning this is that when suddenly faced with calamity or trials it’s easier to see a testing of faith. I guess testings of faith are things we tend to want to avoid, but they’re the very things we will later see as sweet blessings — times we’ll later recall as ‘the best thing that ever happened to me’ sort of experiences. Blessings in disguise — that’s what most trials are.

Last Friday morning we had planned to head to the Oregon Coast for the annual Shield of Faith family conference at Twin Rocks. Thanks to our Hannah, plans were well underway; the van washed and vacuumed, filled with fuel and other necessary items for the eagerly anticipated long drive early the next morning. Our house was ship shape, top to bottom — everything neatly in place, the van completely packed and ready to go. Some sleeping in their ‘trip clothes,’ the children tucked all snug in their beds while visions of good friends, good food, singing, Bible teaching and beach play danced in their heads. We all snuggled into bed…

As we sat in the emergency room last Thursday night, I was consciously aware that the LORD had allowed the current ‘trail of my faith.’ It was one of those: ‘I’ve been this way before’ sort of moments and in those, ‘I’ve been this way before’ moments, because I saw the Hand of the LORD in the past, it’s easier to see His Hand in the present. I think if we miss seeing the Hand of the LORD in trials — or don’t acknowledge His presence, then it’s likely we’ll miss seeing or acknowledging Him in whatever trials we face — past or present.

Wes had been experiencing pain in his shoulder and chest and so we went to the ER and once there, we learned that ER visits by patients with cardiac history are treated very seriously (Only now do I fully understand that phrase: “serious as a heart attack.” My daddy used to say that when someone would ask him: …are you serious? and he’d reply: “serious as a heart attack.” ). Once in ER, Wes was quickly set up in a room, hooked up to monitors and the first of many tests were performed. It was apparent to both of us that he hadn’t had another heart attack — but still, the source of the pain was not known. Probably not quite as concerned as those administering the prompt and thorough medical attention, we were still concerned enough to have gone there. The tests that would be performed through the night and the next afternoon were tests that would give answers to questions we have had for several months: how do we know if the stents are functioning properly? how do we know if the meds are ‘working’ and how do we know the actual condition of his heart?

In addition to an ECG, blood tests and constant monitoring, the Cardiologist ordered a myocardial perfusion scan that gave very clear pictures of the condition of his heart — both at rest and maximum stress. This test, because of the lengthy imaging process, took a couple of hours — but it was in that time period that the LORD demonstrated His lovingkindess so sweetly to me. I was sitting in a waiting area and Wes’s ♥ Cardiologist walked by and exclaimed to me, “Well, yours is an unexpected face for me to see here today! How is Wes?” I told her he was down in nuclear medicine getting having that test done and she told me she’d be right back. Interestingly, providentially, coincidentally ( the Lord meeting us where we’re at = the vertical meeting the horizontal +_ ) she was there making rounds for her current patients and said she wouldn’t ordinarily have been there at that time. When she returned, she assured me that everything looked good — there were some final tests to do and then he’d be free to go home.

How gracious of the LORD to have her there that day, to have her recognize me as she was passing by. The Cardiologist that was treating him all day was happy to defer to Dr. Chung. What an amazing Doctor she is… I have such great respect and love for her and thank the LORD for her professional skill – for her care and concern. The reports continued to come back and the results brought more delight to me us! No heart damage. Low BP. Low cholesterol… make that: Low, low cholesterol. His heart looks great, blood flow is great and stamina is great. The doc said to Wes, “Keep doing whatever you’re doing… this is good news.” I knew it was only bcz of The Good News.

It was getting late in the day and I knew all the children were anxious as anything to get going to the coast, but their concern and patience was so endearing as they repeatedly told me not to worry about a thing. It was now 12 hours past the time we had planned to leave. Wes was moved to another room where he continued to receive excellent care and monitoring. The time was ticking away. I thanked the LORD for the ‘inconvenience’ and for His great provision. When does anyone have time to go to the hospital, anyway? ;o)

Finally home again that evening, the faces that greeted us at the car never looked sweeter, and to Wes, I’m sure the shower never felt better… I know I never loved him more. Soon we were on our way. Skipping a few beats, the song was playing on. Everyone glad for papa’s health, glad to be going no matter what the hour, glad for the day…

One thing about driving through Seattle and then on through Tacoma and Olympia to Kelso and then over to the coast at night: traffic? what traffic? I could count on one hand the cars I saw in an hour. I thanked the LORD for His provision His protection and blessings… driving on very little sleep, I was singing all the way as everyone was sleeping… I had too much to sing about and it was, after all, the long anticipated trip! Every little while I would glance over to my precious husband… resting and looking so great. ♥ It had been a great day.

Blessings… many blessings in disguise.

30 Favourite Things #7

pamelapilchuck08 It seems I’m continually working on talks and I started thinking back on the last year or so and I can only marvel at the work of the LORD. It is bay the grace of God that I can do the meetings or give the talks at Titus 2 meetings or retreats or whatever. It is because God never wastes a thread that I am able to piece together some significant and insignificant events and fit them with Truths of God’s Word and other events in life and convey messages that, hopefully and prayerfully, help other women.

For some time now I have had the honour of teaching at a monthly Titus2 meeting of women. I say “God never wastes a thread…” quite often. Though, quite often, I don’t see the threads the LORD is using in a particular situation. But over the last year I saw a thread in the preparation of different talks and the ‘co-incident’ of my cousin writing me to ask if I might help her find another cousin – her half-brother.

A co-incident, to me over the years, is one of those times where the horizontal meets the Vertical. An incident where God meets us where we’re at in order that His purposes will be revealed and accomplished. In talks, I use a lot of hand gesturing and when I refer to co-incidents I don’t say coincidence, I say: Co-incidents and I gesture with my arms out flat and then move them to form a vertical motion.

Well, truly God never wastes a thread… here I have been thinking, studying, talking about and writing about reconciliation — that greatest Co-incident in all of life – that Co-incident of the Cross — the horizontal meeting the Vertical – the greatest event a person will ever experience on this side of heaven is meeting Jesus at the foot of the Cross and receiving the gift of reconciliation to God in salvation by grace through faith in Jesus Christ. And then I had all those opportunities to teach and then that phone call which led to a series of letters and phone calls.

The thread I never really saw until recently was that God had allowed many experiences that I talked over with both of those cousins in different conversations and I realized that the very things that have caused me greatest pain, fear, weakness and doubt have been carefully allowed, mended and woven together by God and have been part of the foundation of faith and have given me both empathy and compassion for others and have deepened my message. Had God not been guiding me and reforming me I would be so lost today.

All of this was made a bit clearer to me in talking with my cousin — and I only have a few! — whom I’ve never seen or talked to for over 40 years. It was unbelievably easy to talk with him. In talking to him about the suicide death of his father, I realized that one of his greatest trials in life and one of my greatest trials in life happened at the same time. I realized God was revealing a thread. I told him that as we were talking… I shared that during that month in August of 1970 we both entered an intersection of life and both experienced a collision — actually, totally unrelated collisions – but both happened that month. We talked long and the conversation was flowed with ease. I was amazed. I think he was, too. A lot more became clear and was reconciled — not just family but lots of questions, too.

I don’t often actually talk about those collisions — his or mine. I think he said he rarely talks about his. But here’s another twist of that thread… ironic as it is: he’s a therapist and works at a hospital with patients dealing with mental disorders and suicide. Isn’t that interesting?

And mine? Over the years, bcz I’ve had opportunity to teach studies and speak at retreats, I’ve occasionally shared this part of my life story… it’s given me opportunity to give hope and encouragement to women who are hurting. I’ve talked and prayed with many women who were/are dealing with post trauma of childhoodsexual abuse — women who experienced the death of innocence and security as little girls. The know I understand and are looking for someone to trust — someone to listen.

So, why is this on my list of 30 favourite things from my fiftieth year? Simple. God mercifully showed me a glimpse of a thread He’s faithfully holding.

30 Favourite Things #6

Of all the things I’ve done in the last year, I think climbing Mt. Pilchuck was probably my favourite personal accomplishment — or, at least it’s something I’m most glad I did. Through all the years of pregnancies and nursing babies, tending the home, homeschooling the children and church related commitments, I didn’t even consider a lot of outside activities — well, at least not outside of my small realm, anyway. And I certainly never even considered hiking. Probably not even once. Really.

I would have said that I am just not the “outdoorsy” type and that the only reason to walk somewhere would be to get something or put something away. Walking for the sake of walking or hiking just to hike would never have been in the realm of possibility for me. I never considered hiking to be… well, wait… I just never considered hiking.

But year after year I would see that mountain in the distance… its jagged peaks covered in snow and on winter afternoons, the sun shining on it at sunset made it sort of glow. I knew different people who climbed Mt. Pilchuck and raved about how beautiful it was there. I remember some time after we moved to this house I would say: I’m going to climb that mountain when I am 40. Okay… so that never happened. Then a couple of years ago I recalled that I had said that. I’d occasionally heard people talking about hikes and favourite destinations — one being Heather Lake and another, Mt. Pilchuck. Some of our children had even hiked there.

My husband, wise man that he is, set a time for us to hike to Heather Lake… and as we were hiking, I thought to myself… why would people do this over and over? Then we rounded a point on the trail that brought Heather Lake into view and I realized for the first time in my life that there are just some things for which there is no reason but for the beauty of a scene or the experience of seeing — simply seeing — God’s marvelous creation. And that hike was one such experience.

After that, I knew I just must get to the top of Mt. Pilchuck — and that nothing would deter me. ;o) And so I set the date in my mind and our whole family made the hike on my half-birthday. I knew they could do it… but I never thought I could — mostly bcz I hadn’t ever tested myself to see what I had in me, if you know what I mean. I love to work – and I love to work hard – but I don’t hike… ride bikes… skate… play sports or anything like that. But I thought… am I never going to do tough things again in my life? Am I never going to do ‘athletic’ things? Wow… that was shocking – bcz I adamantly determined that that wasn’t going to be the case — I was going to do things — lots of things! And climbing that mountain was one of them!! It’s sort of like I realized that until I die I am going to live – and do so intentionally!

As I look out today — those beautiful snow-capped peaks gleaming in the sun — I have an anxious feeling: I gotta get back to the top of that mountain. I can’t wait.

mt pilchuck

I was crying when I reached the summit and climbed that ladder to the look-out tower. I had made it! My sweet family was with me! The next thing to do was to go inside to document the event in the guestbook. Next time I go I’m going to bring back a rock from the top — I forgot to do that last time!

mt pilchuck

Actually, my bigger goal was to walk out and stand on the rock… it was totally worth the whole hike! In the photo below, because of the extreme wind, I had stepped down to the lower rock of the ridge… it was quite a thrill. I loved seeing for miles and miles and looking out at all the cities below… I loved the totally out in the open feeling and the blessing of standing on the mountaintop as a living picture of lessons I’ve learned in life walking with the LORD through valleys and mountaintops.

All the way up the mountain I had been singing over and over again the chorus: “When the morning comes on the farthest hill, I will sing His Name, I will praise Him still; When dark trials come and my heart is filled with the weight of doubt I will praise Him still…. For the Lord our God He is strong to save, from the arms of death to the deepest grave, and He gave us life in His perfect will and by His good grace I will praise Him still…”

Standing on that mountaintop… I remembered I had determined to live! before I die.

Praise, praise the Lord.

summit

As I look out at the peak today… I smile thinking: I’ve been there! I can’t wait to go again!!

30 Favourite Things #5

So it happened. A letter came in the mail today. From the AARP. No, it was not addressed to: Resident. It was addressed to me. My name – not Mrs. not Ms. Just my name. I know. I still occasionally think that I will receive a letter addressed to: Miss. I even ~~dream~~ think there’s still a possibility of being “carded” at the checkstand buying cooking wine. O, stop laughing. Stranger things have happened.

I think it must be part of that princess deal. I don’t know.

So, why is receiving that ARRP subscription on my 30 Favourite Things list? Well, first, I never thought I’d be this age. Seriously. I never thought I’d live this long. And to think my husband’s grandma lived nearly twice this long! Another thing, I think, is that I never thought I’d be privileged to see this much history or have this many experiences – most certainly not this much family. And so, now that I am the age that I am, I marvel that I got here and I’m practically boasting about it now. Almost obnoxious. Almost.

Well, in case you’re wondering what you get with your AARP membership, I will let you in on what was outlined in today’s AARP letter. The letter informed me that AARP is “fighting for your [that would be *my*] American Dream.” That I would receive the magazine — “Most interesting and most helpful for everyone over 50.” The AAPR Bulletin and “email newsletters reporting on money, work, travel, family, health and more.” Discounts on travel and other services. Access to health related benefits. Access to financial programs… “…mobile home and motorcycle insurance.” (I couldn’t make that up. Motorcycle insurance. Hmmmm.) Community programs and services.

And to think I had to wait 50 years for all this. I’m thinking: had I known that 50 would bring all this, I might have been more inclined to want to get here faster. As it was, though, I certainly feel like I got here pretty fast. Well, actually, a lot faster than I had ever imagined.

Well, no time for blogging. I gotta go fill out my AARP form – to get my new Membership Kit. I mean, if I’m going to be 50, then I’m thinking I’m going to want to be a card carrying member. You know… ‘case I get carded.

30 Favourite Things #4

Settled. That’s really how I want to remember my fiftieth year. Actually, I sure wish I had been — or felt — settled a lot earlier in my life — but I wasn’t — not really. So, I want to affirm that this has sort of been the year of settling things. I’ve never really felt all that ‘self-assured’ or confident. Too often I’ve been swayed or even derailed by what others might think or what others might say about this or that decision or action I might have made or taken . Therefore, I’ve tended to doubt. A lot.

The years have brought so many changes that one thing I knew I could anticipate for sure was change. Over the years, as the babies continued to come along, I would wonder if I could be a good (enough) mother to them all. I’d wonder if they’d remember me loving them when the days were long and the weeks would fly by. So many changes. O — from early on I was very settled that the LORD is Lord of the womb — I was very, very settled in my heart that the LORD was the only determinant — for both family size and timing — I just wondered when the next baby would come; that’s what I mean about things not feeling settled. And then, in the later years, I kept wondering if there’d be one more — and finding myself praying over and over: just one more.But things still didn’t feel settled.

All that wondering led me to, or through, what I have affectionately called my “mid-wife crisis.” A ‘mom of many’ tends to think that the many will always be there — that pregnancy is the default condition, that nursing’s a way of life and that every year and a half or so a new baby would join the fold and the family would continue to grow and grow — that nothing’s ever settled for very long — from the number of plates on the table, to the number of shoes at the back door to the number of carseats in the van. And so… that question that every ‘mom of many’ gets: Are you done yet? Are you going to have any more? A ‘mom of many’ tends to answer: I don’t know – only the Lord knows – the answer is never settled though the resolve is. And I’m pretty sure most of us thinks the season will go on for a long time.

It doesn’t.

So… this has been the year I have finally reconciled myself to the fact that there won’t be any more — that that season has passed — and I’ll never travel that way again. Broaching a subject I’ve not addressed here, it’s one of the most significant things a woman faces. Sounds odd to put menopause on my list of “30 Favourite Things” doesn’t it?! There have been *many* things I haven’t liked about menopause — but reckoning with this and settling a season has been important — saying goodbye to the bearing season has been so hard – it’s one of the biggest things I’ve ever faced. So, the reason I put this near the top of the list is that I have really wrestled with — even fought against this one for many years — our baby will be eight years old in a few months. It’s been a marvelous, wonderful journey — the childbearing season of motherhood. I’ve been blessed beyond measure and surely through no great or mighty thing that I have done — but that He saved me and then gave me a loving husband and eleven precious children. I’m in awe. Ever in awe.

30 Favourite Things #3

On the first day of my fiftieth year… my husband’s family began arriving for the funeral and memorial service for his grandmother. It was a bittersweet day as many gathered to honour her — to pay their respects, laugh, cry, look at photographs, reminisce, sift through treasures and memories and to lay to rest a woman who’d spent her whole life toiling for the Lord and for those He brought across her path.

At nearly one-hundred years old — twice my age — she had lived a very full, very rich life. However, by many standards, “rich” might not have been the first word one would utter when taking a look at her life. But it was rich. It was, in fact, very much so. The faces, the tears, the smiles, the recollections all formed a collage of chapters and stories of a woman whose life had had a tremendous impact on many, many others. Her life was a gift and she allowed it to be used of and poured out by the Lord. It reminded me: tell people what you think while they’re living — say ‘I love you’ while you can. Live well as long as you have life!!

I thought then (and have done so many, many times in this past year): so many people came through the door of her home… many left there: changed – many were saved for the Kingdom of God. Many came in to help — but left: helped. Many came to give her gifts — but left with more than they could carry — in their hands or in their hearts. That’s just the kind of woman she was. I love that I knew her and I love that I had the opportunity to spend time with her. I love that I had before me a living testimony of the faithfulness of God. I love that I saw an example of tenacity and strength – even in weakness – even in sickness.

I love that I saw my husband’s loving interest and care for his grandmother and that he has the same twinkle in his eye she had in hers. I love that she was a woman of faith and a woman of prayer and that many, many had come to her ‘family alter’ for prayer and stayed there until a matter was prayed through. The same has been said of my husband’s mother’s mother and mother’s grandmother as well. It was a very bittersweet grief when his other grandmother died 17 years ago… I had that same sinking sadness when this grandma died… knowing that one less person would pray for me by name every day. What a comfort that is to know someone’s praying for you by name day after day.

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And so… O, what a legacy of faith my husband brings and now passes to his grandchildren. And I am so thankful to have begun my fiftieth year in that place… in that way. It was as if to show me: this is the way, walk ye in it.

I often think of the prayers of mothers and grandmothers… still ascending to the Throne of Grace — it is a charge to keep. What a blessing to have witnessed the testimony of faith and to have that path so clearly and beautifully demonstrated before me.

“And the smoke of the incense,
which came with the prayers of the saints,
ascended up before God
out of the angel’s hand.”
Revelation 8.4