pamela – Page 36 – The Welcome Home

Internet Addiction

Just like an extra hot grandé mocha… the addiction starts a sip at a time. And you don’t even know it. You don’t even realize the cost — just like that steaming cup of coffee — it’s so smooth, so gradual – so available, so everywhere, so chíc. An isolated instance — not a big deal; not a great expense — not initially.

Sometimes when I hear the rumble of the caffé steamer I think of the early days of the internet connection tone — choooooooooooo, clang, clang, clang, clang – chooooooooooooooooo, click: Welcome, You’ve Got Mail!

Life’s going on – you think maybe everyone out there has a friend and you wish you had one, too. Everyone out there is doing something great and you wish you were, too. Everyone out there has people cheering them on, telling them the latest news, showing them the latest trends — everyone knows the latest stuff — everyone’s so awesome — well, everyone except: the lonely, living in a crowd, Mrs. All Alone.

O, sure, she had her husband, her Bible studies, her home — she had some friends, she had her family, she had a few hobbies, she had radio Bible programs and talkshows, she had cassettes and study books and Gentle Spirit magazine, but she still felt lonely — oftentimes pretty unimportant. She didn’t have a television or VCR – and almost never went to the theaters.

And then along came the computer — initially only used for business, she realized the great value and ease of using the computer for writing homeschool assignments or women’s retreat talks and keeping other “documents.”

And then… what’s this? What’s this new adventure? E-mail?!?!? Letters without paper, envelopes, stamps or days between writing and receiving mail!?!?! In the beginning, few of her friends indulged in the new method of communication. And if they did, in the early days e-mail notes were short – almost cryptic. Brevity was sort of the protocol. Rare and brief. Initially.

So, Mrs. All Alone began to explore the vast possibilities available to her at her fingertips! Voilà! She decided to look up “key words” that best described her life: She clicked Ask Jeeves. And instantly he answered with gusto! Here you go. Look at that: links to things she liked — though in those days there were relatively few websites for homemaking, Bible studies, Titus 2 & Proverbs 31 topics. Unbeknownst to Mrs. All Alone, she was embarking on a journey that would soon swallow her up. She didn’t even realize that, just like the one sip at a time Sbx addiction, one click at a time, she was sealing her fate.

Those were the days before Amazon or Wikipedia or Myspace or Facebook. Long before blogs (gasp!), Twitter and Skype — even before Gooooooooogle became a verb. Those were the days before Starbucks and espresso stands dotted every corner in Snohomish county. With the advent of internet bulletin boards, lists and groups, Mrs. All Alone could, with just a few clicks, instantly become: Mrs. You’ve got Friends! Friends all over the world. Just like that.

In a matter of minutes Mrs. All Alone has 10, 20, 650 girlfriends expressing the very things she’s been feeling, dealing with or experiencing as a stay-at-home mother of many – yet feeling unheard, unknown, unappreciated, unqualified, unremembered, unremarkable and sometimes unloved — all alone in the world.

She couldn’t wait to log into the computer! Each day, much to her amazed delight, her email (then: “e-mail”) inbox was flooded with letters from friends, sisters in the Lord — other mothers of many. Mrs. All Alone quickly became Mrs. Alone No-More. For now she had friends — understanding friends — likeminded friends. Hundreds of them — all over the world — women (and unfortunately men who posed as women – but that’s a story for another time) who shared common interests in faith, biblical studies, home and family, marriage and faith. Some actually became genuine friends.

Mrs. Alone No-More read all she could, wrote all she could, researched all she could — lost in time as she read and wrote articles and letters. She soon realized she might be able to help other women — by pointing them to a collection of many Good Things so they didn’t trip over the bad things on the Net. A new vocabulary: ” justa sec” and “justa minute” dotted her conversations in the kitchen. It was a great time of learning and application — but somewhere along the way it all got out of balance.

Many years passed. Though many good things were happening, just a few minutes here, just a few more minutes there, time was passing — seasons were passing. Going along, working alone… on studies, articles, news, letters, webpages, blogging etc. A new kind of alone… a distracted alone, a missing in action alone. Life was going on all around her, but so addicted to good things — so many good things — time was evaporating, years were passing — she didn’t even realize just how distracted she was.

And then came the day of reckoning.

(part two: The Day of Reckoning… later)

Stones

Significant to me are the milestones in my life that were either turning points or celebrations or decisions. Some of the turning points were simply changes in direction of thought or action; simple things like: from this day forward, I will________. I have marked many of the “I will’s” in my Bible or on stones in our garden or in journals I’ve kept over the years. Sometimes I didn’t realize that specific decisions would have such strong or lasting implications—nor, did I realize that God would use decisions as springboards for others. But I do now. Only looking back do I see how some of the actions or decisions were used; decisions that were really insignificant at the time were used as the basis for some great changes or great work.

I recall the day I decided to always —everyday— without fail: make my bed the very first thing in the morning. Insignificant, maybe, but the LORD used a woman (when our first two babies were very small) to help me through a difficult time. It was that help that would lead to countless other personal disciplines and/or decisions. I felt overwhelmed. Yeah—I know—only two children at the time! Phew! But in my state at that time, I was overwhelmed and under-inspired. There were very few “hands-on” helpers in my life at that time bcz of where we lived and the work that it required and bcz of my mindset, I suppose. But then the LORD began to show me that there *were* helpers, there *were* encouragers, and He was walking with me — I just needed to open my eyes to those facts and I needed take what was being offered to me — and to stop looking for or wishing for something else — whether it be advice, actual physical help or simply to watch what they were doing and *emulate* that in my own life. It was a tremendous period of time — it was a turning point in my life — a major turning point.

Another turning point was when I realized that God had a marvelous plan for my life and that He was and had already been working everything together for good (Romans 8.28) and that no matter what things looked like or how they seemed, He was in control and all those things mattered to Him and would be for my good. I couldn’t always see it. I didn’t have faith to believe it—but then I began to pray for faith—faith to believe what I couldn’t see and faith to trust what I couldn’t understand. It was in those days that God would begin to show me a glimpse of His purpose for my life as a wife and mother. I knew at that time that He was truly LORD of my life, LORD of my marriage, LORD of my home and LORD of my womb. Even if I wavered in faith, God never changed—He was and has been utterly faithful. (Romans 3.3 “For what if some did not believe? shall their unbelief make the faith of God without effect?”)

Then, another stone was set in place… the stone of faith. There was another turning point time when I knew that the LORD has His hand on me—on my life—on our family. I don’t mean that in a particular sense of a mark or a calling or whatever. I simply mean that it was a definite time: a demonstration of His “ownership,” if you will, of all that we were or would ever be. He called us to faith.

Hebrews 11.6 “But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.”

It became apparent that He would continue to work in many similar ways through the years. He would bring about circumstances that would both challenge and inspire our faith — circumstances that would set us in awe of His magnificent glory as He demonstrated His “watch-care” or provision in our lives. “Last-minute” provisions became or are so “normal” or frequent, that I feel like I practically stand at the window watching for His provision. I know my help/our help only is of His Hand. All the weights of the bag are His work—He alone is the balance. He is utterly faithful and the pile of stones marking His faithfulness is becoming as a mountain at the gate of my heart.

He taught us to walk and work in a manner as to totally yield our hearts to Him—trusting for every day, every provision, every child, every need, every dollar, every sunrise, every sunset. In our marriage, He’s brought to our remembrance our commitment of trust—trust in God and trust in each other. The stones in my rings are as stones of a monument of trust—no matter how things look, seem or feel at the time. God has worked and reworked our hearts to be to each other what God has designed. It is in faith that we demonstrate this toward one another: love followed, emotion followed, romance followed and faith is strengthened by years. Reading through the Word and coming to the book of the Song of Solomon, I was reminded over and over again that married love is timeless; the wonder of it being old is that it can yet feel fresh and new as Spring and yet as solid and secure as an old oak. The diamond in my ring reminds me of the strength of God and the gold: His refining power. The eleven different stones in another ring I wear are constant reminders of the great blessing each of our children are — and the enduring faithfulness of the LORD to us and to each of them.

I have stones — rocks — in different gardens around our home. There are dates or sayings or notes on the different rocks. Now, rarely does a child come to me and say: what mean ye by these stones, mama? But every once in awhile one of the children asks the significance of a particular quote or the meaning of a few words printed on stones or rocks in the garden. The children love seeing their names and birthdates on stones. They love seeing dates on stones — anniversaries of significant dates and events. I do this so that they won’t forget. I do this so *I* won’t forget.

More stones have been added this year than in any of the previous years… so that we won’t forget… the faithfulness of God.

encouragement for prayer

As I was reading my Bible, I began to pray specifically for one of my boys. This often happens as I am reading along and am inspired by the text to stop and pray or to make personal application to a particular situation or for a particular individual or family.

Well, the other day as I was reading and praying, I was greatly comforted by God’s gracious love toward us and how, though occasionally quite painful or difficult, the Lord works all things for our good and His glory. Each trial or difficulty seems (perhaps not till long after the fact) to be specifically arranged and ordered that maximum benefit and growth can be realized — and a deepening life message is continually written.

I often pray Colossians 1.11 for my husband and children, praying: “[O Lord, that they might be] Strengthened with all might, according to [Your] his glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness;” And then I might continue praying more specifically for a particular situation or need. I write these things down in my journal so that when rereading them later, I might be able to make a note how the Lord answered that particular prayer or need. I’m amazed through the years all the different things the Lord has brought to pass in such marvelous ways — ways I’d never have asked or imagined. He only does well… His ways are only good… all the time.

So I was praying for that boy…

Philippians 1.9-11 “… And this I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and in all judgment; 10 That ye may approve things that are excellent; that ye may be sincere and without offence till the day of Christ; 11 Being filled with the fruits of righteousness, which are by Jesus Christ, unto the glory and praise of God.” And my prayer continued from there…

You know, as mothers, we often don’t know how to pray or what to pray about a particular situation or need and I think it’s in such times that we really do gain deeper love for the LORD and a greater appreciation for His Word — as in it we find loving consolation and Truth. I’ve found through the years that when my mind wanders in prayer I lose site of the reality of the presence of God — and the instant remedy is to return to His Word — no sooner do I begin reading than He meets me right at my point of need. Delightfully, my need is not what I initially thought it was.

In this weary, sin-sick world, we’re in such need of Truth — there are so many deceptions, so many subtle lies and distractions — O, that we would have the mind of Christ and the desire to see Him and the will to obey Him.

Wherever you are, whatever you do… He’ll be there.

Introducing

My blog journal… the journey to bake the perfect cake.

I’ve been working on this other blog off and on — more off than on, obviously, for quite some time. My husband had secured the biz-name for me a couple of years ago. And then the site — but I couldn’t figure out how to make the site work and I couldn’t figure out what to share and what not to share and I hadn’t taken enough photos along the way and my phone camera isn’t the greatest and on and on.

I originally thought the site would be a ‘wedding cake‘ site… but then I kept trying different types of cake recipes and so I decided that I would blog about the different ones I had tried. But, alas, I didn’t write things down along the way and have forgotten pertinent things about different recipes I’d tried from The Cake Bible (Rose Beranbaum) and I didn’t take pictures of the cakes. And then there was that season… you know, the long down-time all spring and summer – and, so, you get the picture.

I now know why it was that I didn’t get things going — besides getting my life back in order — I had to find a reason to write — a reason to share. So, it came to me — just like this blog is a blog of things I’m passionate about, so the A Bella Cake blog must be and must contain what I’m passionate about! I thought, Yes! That’s it: I will blog my journey to bake the perfect cake!

And so… though still wishing I had photographed and written notes about different cakes, I’ve just decided just to get going: right where I am today — with what I’ve got in my hand today — and I’ll just keep pressing on from here.

It did help that my husband set up my page for me and got me going recently. And it helped totally motivate me even more when he sent me a package from Amazon to encourage me — and encourage me it did!! I was so delighted when I opened up my very beautiful new book: Rose’s Heavenly Cakes.

So every now and then I will write a bit in the cake journey blog ♥ which I hope you enjoy as much as I’m enjoying adding to it. ♥

pamelacakesig

the choice valley

I have Lynda Randle’s beautiful little book, God on the Mountain, which has been to me a book of great comfort.. Though its size is quite small and the pages sparsely filled — replete with great inspiration and beauty. Wouldn’t you like that to be said of your life? Though the life might have seemed quite small – maybe even insignificant to many, it was fa life filled with great inspiration and beauty.

I’d like to share a portion of one of the first paragraphs from God on the Mountain: “Webster’s Dictionary defines a valley as “a long depression between ranges of hills or mountains.”

That’s what much of the early portion of this year seemed to me to be: a long depression between ranges of hills. Or mountains. And I knew it. I knew –unmistakeably– that I was in a choice valley — though some days it truly seemed to be a long depression. That choice valley was a time of — great sorrow — great joy — great dependence on the Lord and a time of great reflection and reordering my steps. Though I’m pretty sure I’d never have chosen it, it was the very best thing for me — it was the only thing for me! And I will always praise the LORD for this past year — the year greatest sorrow and the greatest joys I’ve ever known.

Lynda went on to say, “Even when we can’t always see it, it’s still true. Jesus is our Provider, our Rescuer, in every situation or need that arises! Certainly there are times when we all have doubts. Satan plants those seeds, and we wait in fear, wondering whether or not God is going to show up. But He always does, and we find ourselves at His feet, asking, ‘Please Lord, help my unbelief. Forgive me for doubting Your love and grace in this valley.’ Even when we’re plagued by fear and doubt, He never fails to come and assist us…”

internet junkie

There have been times when I imagined that one day I’d be sitting in a circle waiting for my turn to introduce myself and then when the person beside me finished their introduction and small talk, they’d glance at me, signaling my turn, and then I’d say: I don’t know why I’m here or how I got to this point, but here I am. So, hello, I’m pamela and I’m an internet junkie.

I used to say (and laugh about it) that one day there’s going to be a branch of medicine dedicated to the emotional problems, effects and disorders associated with computer abuse use and result of internet addiction. I used to think it was isolation that would be a great problem — but now, that’s not what I think to be the great problem. Now I think it’s distraction. Distraction from what’s really going on. Distraction from what’s being said, directions being given, loved being shared — but missed bcz the computer is an attention siphon. The computer (or, ahem, handheld whatever’s) and the internet are erasers of time. Erasers of special events and conversations. They’re what obscure those moments you don’t even know you’re missing. Until later. The internet took the place of some days, months or years you will never see again. I know this is true… grievous as it was to me to see and admit.

I must say that it’s been hard to think of resuming writing regularly bcz I fret I’ll fail or revert back to old habits of distraction and ‘internet addition’ that contributed to the darkness of the valley earlier this year. As I’ve told you before, I didn’t realize just how distracted I’d become or how wrapped up in my projects I was each day. So, I’ve had to be exceedingly careful not to slip back into old patterns.

If you’ve never been an internet junkie, then you have no idea what I’m talking about. But if you have, or are, you know exactly what I’m talking about and you have or had the same trouble I have had.

And if you are on the net all day or many hours a day and neglect important things to attend to lesser things and you don’t think you are addicted to the net, I’d say you’re in denial. I know, I was there once, too.

And if this computer didn’t have the system in place to automatically shut off after a designated time, I’d still be there. Just like that.

The Trash Bin…

Every Thursday morning, like clockwork, our trash-man rolls down the lane to gather this week’s investment in a local landfill from our trash bin.

Every two months a billing for this service shows up in our mailbox.

Each week, as I shop for our groceries, I realize there are going to be additional costs to these groceries beyond the initial purchase price. I’m going to have to pay to drive them home, pay to store them in the fridge, pay to store them in jars or whatever, pay to cook them, pay to wash the pots and pans, pay to wash the dishes on which the food is served, pay to store the leftovers, pay to reheat them, pay to rewash the pots, pay to rewash the dishes, pay to throw away the original packaging… so that the guy will have something to collect in the trash bin.

We have a trash bin in our kitchen… a double lined basket that we bought 27 years ago — a heavy reed basket my husband bought when he worked for World Concern. I marvel that it looks to be in the same condition it did the first day he brought it home. It’s served a very useful purpose — and it still looks good. It’s held a lot of trash — hundreds of bags of trash per year – every year – for the last 27 years. And it’s still strong.

As I considered this trash basket while I washed the lid, I thought of our lives being sort of like trash baskets… and the need for regular emptying, cleansing and relining. Still strong. Still serving. Still useful. Still dependable. Still called to be available for whatever comes…

I thought of Nehemiah and the building of the wall… the rubbish in the way and the seeming relentless pursuit of the enemy to destroy the building of the wall. But they built the wall because “the people had a mind to work.” The opposition came in like a flood — fear might have enveloped the people but for this one thing: the power of the Lord.

As believers, we have a lot of people trying to destroy the work of our hands: the work the Lord has given us to do. We must take seriously the commands of the LORD, to put on the whole armour of God, to stand, and having done all: to stand therefore… (Eph. 6).

In the face of opposition, faith in the Lord and in the power of His might enables us to carry on and do the work He’s called us to do.

God had brought their counsel to nought,
that we returned all of us to the wall,
every one unto his work.

I have so much to share with you all… I pray for the grace, courage, discipline and wisdom to resume and continue blogging. Like clock work. The trash bin has been emptied. Knowing opposition waits at the door.

Timothy’s Miracle

teacuppamela I have written up the story of our son Timothy’s miracle and would like to share it with you. We continue to thank and praise the LORD for this marvelous gift. You can read the story here on our website.

And as an update: I’ll begin writing this blog again very soon ~ I’ve missed writing here and would like to return to sharing encouragement, ideas and what the LORD is doing in our lives. I’m continuing to reorganize and reprioritize my life and home. In order to live what I write and write what I live, I’ve had to carefully examine and continually refine these priorities. To God be the glory.

heard at our house today (HAOHT #62310)

♥ ‘melia told me she loved the beautiful ‘drangeas’ in the front. I said, O, ‘melia, it’s hydrangeas — further enunciating: HY-drangeas. She said, O — no mama, not the high ones — the low ones — the drangeas.

♥ This morning ‘melia told Hannah that it would be 73 grees today. I think she thinks the de in degrees is sort of an article of speech and not particular to the word degree.

♥ Reminds me of when she used to say, that’s a good dea, when commenting on a thought or idea someone else had — as if to think that *i*dea is only used when expressing an original thought or a personal opinion – thus, the *I*dea.

♥ I so wish I’d taken my own advice and had written down all the cute “ism’s” of each child. Some “______-ism’s” have remained or have become part of our family vocabulary, but many most have been forgotten in the sea of experiences once lived. I know I thought at the time that I’d never possibly forget each cute word or comment different youngers said. But I didn’t write everything down and I haven’t remembered all the things I thought I’d never forget and I didn’t take enough photographs of things, days, events that would have been perfect moments to capture.

♥ So, today’s welcome home is:

write stuff down.
take a photograph of today.
record a child’s voice or play.
record a prayer request, lay it before the Lord – just watch and see, it will not be unredeemed.
smile. you look so much prettier that way.

There’s a whole bunch to say…

And I’m trying to consider how I’ll succinctly say each day what I’d like to share with you. I began blogging some seven years ago and I like to write – I like to encourage and offer hope and inspiration to mothers at home. I love talking about marriage, motherhood, homemaking, homekeeping and walking with the Lord. I love to share slices of life and views of the day. I tend to get wordy at times. I tend to have strong opinions, etc., etc. If you’re offended by all this, please find other great blogs to read — there are too many great blogs out there for you waste your time here reading things that might perturb you.

So anyway, much time was spent writing and reviewing sites, gathering and posting articles, recommending sites and products. Good things… so many good things. But somewhere along the way I lost my way – I lost my personal vision and huge responsibility first as the mother of many children and I began to coast — but I didn’t even realize it. I didn’t realize I’d wandered a bit from my first calling: my husband, our home, my walk, leading our children by allowing my time and attention to be gobbled up by computer, website and internet time… trivial pursuits by comparison to the very real responsibilities of my life. You know what I mean perhaps – for perhaps you’ve had your own!!

Pursuing good things is truly the enemy of pursuing best things.

Good things are not always the best things.

Doing good does not necessarily mean you’re doing well.
Or right.

We had a great family sorrow — a sudden and sad crisis, if you will, which led to deep introspection, endless conversations and much personal evaluation (and reevaluation), personal examination (and reexamination). In the end, one of the things I knew I had to do was to hand over my computer to my husband for a time so that I could get my priorities straight — so that I could reorganize my life, my priorities and revisit / rekindle the purposes for which the Lord created me.

So, here I am today… so wishing I could tell you all I’ve come to understand in the last several months, the culmination of all the sweet hours in the Word, in writing and in fellowship with the LORD — the things I’ve learned, the things I regret, the sorrow, the joy, the pain, the rejoicing. And for one thing, more than ever, I realize why, 11 years ago, we chose a web name: welcome home.

If you’re just joining me and know nothing of what I’m talking about or even if you’ve been a reader for some time, I pray to be an encouragement to you, to not waste your time, but to point you to the Saviour. In the course of my writing, I hope you’ll see Jesus in spite of this cracked pot. I hope you’ll see glimpses of His hand in daily living. Whether or not you’re a new reader of my blog or A Christian Home website, I just want to say: welcome home.