Potpourri – Page 3 – The Welcome Home

blindsided

I was once in an accident that blindsided me. It happened in a startling flash! And though nearly four decades have passed, I haven’t forgotten sitting there in the car, shocked that while making a left turn in a blind hilltop intersection, I’d just been spun around and was facing an entirely different direction on the hill I’d intended to drive down to go home. Soon I would talk with an officer and would receive a citation and have to go to traffic court. It was a mercy that a very lenient judge determined that though the accident was my fault for failing to yield right of way, were I to successfully attend and pass the traffic school course, I could, once again, have a “clean” driving record. Completing the course may have changed the record, but I knew differently. Even though I now had no blot on my record (and no one was injured), I still knew the accident was my fault. I didn’t drive again for a long time.

Incidentally, where we lived in Seattle, I didn’t really need to drive anywhere. Even still, it wasn’t that I couldn’t drive anywhere but that I wouldn’t drive anywhere. That accident blindsided me and caused me to believe I ought never drive again. Fear. It caused me to believe I was a terrible driver. It caused me to question if I ever was a good driver. It caused me to think that were I to ever drive again I’d probably get in another accident, wreck the car, permanently mar my driving record, or worse, hurt someone. Everyone would know–they’d know I was a failure and that I should never have been driving again. Shame. It was disproportionate fear and shame.

Fear and shame are powerful things — they can paralyze us, cause us to do or not do things, and can cause us to doubt ourselves, or other people or things. Guilt only adds to the paralyzing results of blindsiding event. Disappointment is another angle that comes to light, and, incidentally, pride does this, too. Sometimes.

Things that’ve blindsided me in life have revealed one or any number of these things and I’m pretty sure these are what have caused me to seek God’s purposes for them– and much more so with each passing year. I’ve determined to ask, why is this thing making me ashamed or afraid, or is this thing hurting (thus revealing) my pride, or why did this thing bring such instant and great disappointment, or why do I feel so guilty or responsible for this problem, or was thing to add to or to strengthen my faith?

I’m resolved to really quickly assess what’s going on when I experience and react to a blindsiding event. I have to chuckle at this point; this is reading as though a blindsiding event occurs regularly. Even though it feels like it, it’s not true. I’m just learning along the way to seek to repent or correct my actions quickly, to be circumspect, to keep short accounts, to guard my blindsides: to determine to be real careful how I initially react when things seem to come out of nowhere.

I can sincerely attest that initial reactions, statements, or decisions can be dangerous, or damaging to myself, hurtful to others, or to relationships if the reactions are not harnessed and words not carefully chosen — especially when/if they’re of the flesh and not of faith.

I can also affirm that there’s never a second chance to say the right thing first. Lately a guiding principle has been: How would I wish someone would treat me were I to be in this same position? Most importantly, I sincerely know the things that happen in my life are for God’s glory and my good — this is where blind faith is continually established or cultivated. He’s already sifted all the events through His loving hands – and if this is true, and it is, then what’s happened may have blindsided me, but it didn’t blindside God.

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that you may contribute a verse

My husband sent me a link to a site — I clicked the link and read the words: What will your verse be? I read and reread the article — trying to comprehend the depth of the meaning of the words. I read the poem from which the thought was taken. I still mulled over the words. In an instant they’re easy to read and understand. What will your verse be? What will your verse be? What will your verse be? What will your verse be? Hmmmm… you mean today, right now? Does this mean tomorrow? Does this mean in the end? Does this mean in my obit?

Not remembering this poem specifically, but knowing that in my earlier years I’d read it in my American Lit class — still, I needed to go and look it up. Hmmmm, Leaves of Grass – Walt Whitman, O Me! O Life! I’d read him and liked his work. It was sometimes light, sometimes depressing, introspective — at once meaningless and meaningful to me.

Even today I read depressing things from time to time and am assaulted by the resulting oppression. Sometimes I sink into the hopeless emptiness and have to really examine why in the world am I letting myself be entertained by the dead end nature of the writing? Thankfully, faith in Jesus is, or soon becomes for me, a springboard to as quickly refute the worthlessness of the baseless depression as quickly as I fell into it. I have to guard against allowing myself to wander into the abyss of worthlessness or regret or self-deprecation – the rehashing failures or regrets. And, man is easy to trip and fall into it. Maybe it is for you, too.

So that site and intriguing heading: What will your verse be? It’s worth reading the article – well, for me it’s worth reading articles of this sort from time to time that are written from a perspective that might differ from mine. It’s like I see things from a different angle and that angle so sharpens or contrasts my own that it makes me check and/or define what I think — makes me defend the Truth (or at the very least carefully affirm what is True). It’s in articulating the Truth that affirmation is cemented in the heart. Well, that, and daily Bible reading. And prayer.

This is the poem, Oh Me! Oh Life! by Walt Whitman

Oh me! Oh life! of the questions of these recurring,
Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the foolish,
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew’d,
Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,
Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?

Answer.
That you are here—that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.

All this has been particularly interesting to me today – a low day, a what in the world am I here for? sort of day. And then I recall my devotional… and the message at church this morning… and helping our daughter here in our home with her newborn baby… and so many other blessings… and God’s great mercy despite my failings… and the grace of God.

And I mull over the last few words of the poem: the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse. And I think: what will the verse be that I contribute? In this life — this powerful play, What verse may I contribute? This isn’t (for me) a who am I and what am I here for? sort of moment. Rather, it’s a pondering, it’s a question: In this powerful play, what verse might I contribute? Meaning, I’ve got a part to play – I’ve got a verse to contribute!! I mustn’t go another day just squandering the gifts of the Lord. What verse might I contribute today? What will be summed up in the end?? What will your verse be?

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Two Miraculous Births

[cp_quote style=”quote_left_dark”]Two births — the birth of a mother, the birth of a child.[/cp_quote]Every time I assist a birth I watch and watch and watch for not one, but two miraculous births — first the birth of a mother, that powerful time of dying to herself with a burst of unparalleled bravery and resolve to give every ounce of energy, hope, and strength to that little life in her pain racked body…and then, of course, the emergence of that little baby — that life that’s been at the center of all the hopes, all the tears, all the anticipation, and of all the pain.

Those two births — the birth of the mother, the birth of the child — were nine months of preparation and anticipation in the making. Nine months of mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual transformations.

For many women, this is a thrilling time — a time of transition from a life that might have been on an entirely opposite path than that of motherhood to a life that anticipates, researches, embraces, and finds new identity in motherhood. For other women, that time of transition is filled with anxiety, fear, doubt, pain, and isolation. And, for still others, this time of preparation is a strange mix of the two—the labour and birth—instantly defining their place in life, instantly birthing in them a love they could not even begin to fathom prior to that triumphal moment of birth. The fears and doubts seem to melt away as they draw their baby to their breast, look with wonder into their eyes and embrace the motherhood that’s just been placed in their arms.

I began writing this journal entry last summer while I was still working as a birth assistant — on call for local home and birth-center births — usually I was assisting perfect strangers — assisting them in their most vulnerable, desperate circumstance, instantly bonding with women of all walks of life.

As I complete this entry today, I’m “on-call” here at home as I await the labour and birth of our daughter’s baby — the birth of another mother ~smile~ and I guess, in a way, I’m awaiting the birth of a grandmother. again.

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What’s Hypocrisy Got To Do With Anything?

2t215cuppa Every day in the news: a new outrage and the unintended consequence, hypocrisy. Outrage (and hypocrisy) on both sides for or against the cause du jour. Facebook memes, articles, quotes — all over, we’re seeing the proliferation of outrage over the so-called discrimination against behaviour and gender identity. For all these, Christians are viewed as hatemongers, intolerant, religious bigots. All of these events are instructive, we need to be careful we’re not hypocritical in what we say and do.

[cp_quote style=”quote_left_dark”]^“And he shall speak great words against the most High, and shall wear out the saints of the most High, and think to change times and laws: and they shall be given into his hand until a time and times and the dividing of time.
Daniel 7.25[/cp_quote]By design, the defenders of these new “civil rights” don’t see their hypocrisy–they don’t see their own actions and views as intolerant. They don’t see their actions as violations of other people’s liberty. We need to be aware, we need to see that they are being used to slowly wear down the defenders of biblical morality and moral rights. Their fight isn’t necessarily against individuals, it’s against God (but they don’t really see it that way). It’s against God’s Word. We’ll be seeing this like never before. This isn’t a surprise—even though it comes as stunning surprise every time a new unthinkable societal turn is taken—it’s a sign of the times. I don’t shrug and say this lightly.

In an article in The Stream regarding the collective hypocrisy of Starbucks and Apple, Michael Brown writes of the double standards of both companies: where they will and will not do business, where they do and do not draw a line in regards to “gender identity,” specifically. He says, “But their selective outrage is sickening and their moral hypocrisy glaring. And so, when they pull their businesses from countries like China, with all its human rights violations, and Saudi Arabia, with its atrocities carried out in the name of Islam, we can take their indignation seriously. Until then, the louder they protest here in America, the louder they shout their hypocrisy.”

I’m writing to reveal, to remind and to warn (not just you, but myself, too). To reveal a few “real time” scenarios, to remind that it’s been foretold, and to warn about our collective knee-jerk reactions to what’s going on in the world around us here in the States. It’s easy to dismiss (or not be involved in) what’s going on in states other than our own, or in other places in the world that don’t have a lot of seeming literal connection to our own lives. It’s even easy to dismiss what’s going on in cities not too near our own as we reason that we can get along without traveling to or doing business in those cities.

We can have instant reaction against practices of local businesses when we read of a company decision that’s just been made public. Say, Target, for example, when it opens its ladies rooms to men. We may have already experienced this unthinkable reality. We might decide to boycott that store and/or any other store that follows suit. Until we hear “our______ store” or “our Target” isn’t like that. Or, until we forget why we were boycotting them. We’re going to have to decide how far we’ll take our stands, how far we’ll go in our quest to avoid all evil.

[cp_quote style=”quote_left_dark”]Hast thou faith? have it to thyself before God. Happy is he that condemneth not himself in that thing which he alloweth. And he that doubteth is damned if he eat, because he eateth not of faith: for whatsoever is not of faith is sin.”
Romans 14.22-23[/cp_quote]We might also take note a point in Michael Brown’s article. We may well decide to, in essence, do (outwardly) nothing. We may decide to silently protest, or to personally “boycott” the stores (or wherever we’re seeing these infringements). Or, we may decide to write letters, make phone-calls, establish ourselves as sincerely defending the rights of those whose rights are impinged by the store’s new stands. Or, we may decide to become very vocal, very visible in protest. In our protests, do we condemn ourselves by what we allow? Do we condemn ourselves with what we do in one place and don’t do in another? Aren’t we then just like Apple or Starbucks protesting loudly, and thereby loudly shouting our hypocrisy?

CSA… It Steals and Steels

freedomchildhoodpamelaspurling For days my mind’s been flooded with grief and all sorts of other CSA emotions I’ve been trying to stifle. (I wrote this a week ago; gripped with the reality that sexualabuse steals and steels. Today I wondered if I wrote it as another of many, many entries I would write and never publish. But I’ll publish this today with the prayer that grown up little girls might be helped, encouraged and comforted — not alone, not wrecked, not forever bad or without hope.)

[trigger warning] Hot tears flooded my eyes as I read a letter describing the discovery of sexualabuse that would lead to the destruction of a family, a home, and many individual lives. The truth is that already bits of little lives have been forever altered, forever raw, forever lost, forever attempting to get and/or understand a correct picture of what God designed and intended for each little life.

Child sexualabuse steals and steels. Decades later, I see this grim reality. Decades later, I’m still occasionally gripped with the sneak attacks of fear, horror, anger, deception, and disgust that stem from my childhood experiences. Instantly, brought to mind, is a childhood memory of being at the circus and watching the clowns spinning plates on slender poles, spinning and spinning until one or two of them teetered on the pole and then crashed to the ground. That’s what the memories of sexualabuse is like. Sudden gripping memories… like a bunch of plates crashing on the ground, glass flying everywhere. Or like steel reinforced concrete twisting and crumbling in an earthquake.

Getting sex right — getting the whole concept, the whole plan, purpose, and benefit straight is probably one of the hardest realities for little girls in women’s bodies. The strange and complex reality is that for little girls, the pattern of the beautiful design, being forever mangled or stolen, becomes an elusive quest to recapture, rebuild, and relearn to relate with clean and pure physical and emotional reactions in a manner God intended. How merciful God has been to give me the husband He has and to work in my heart and mind to trust and love as He has — this causes me to ever more fervently pray for women and little girls to be cared for, listened to, protected and encouraged.

Because…………………..

Every now and then, the steel reinforced concrete emotional protective constructs crumble. They crumble with real, raw love, they crumble with seemingly out of nowhere sights, smells, sounds… and they crumble with current stories of little girls experiencing these or similar destructioCSAns — causing old fears to resurface and feel raw and crumble all over again. And because of the stealing of true, natural, physical love… the coping mechanism of re-steeling emotions is triggered.

Two of the most powerful natural emotions, true love and raw fear have such an incredible impact. I think the reality of this is what prevents grown up little girls to allow or give place to either one.

For a little girl who’s been abused, the natural reactions are so twisted with fear and shame, that it’s hard to differentiate between what’s beautiful and what’s totally scary. Breathtakingly beautiful. Creepy scary. Love gets redefined in the mind of an abused little girl. Instead of sex being a physical demonstration of loving acceptance, joyful pleasure, and romantic connection, in the mind of a sexually abused girl, it’s often a necessary act of obedience in a box of secrecy and heart pounding fear. That totally twisted view becomes as much a part of that little girl as all her other abilities and expressions. Everything’s tainted to one degree or another by that destructive abuse — ever reinforcing a wrong physical and emotional response to expressions of true love and true adoration from men. Problem is, coping mechanisms mask the real hearts and minds of broken little girls — little girls with skewed emotional understanding, inaccurate pictures of love and what pure love and behaviour really is learn to steel their emotions and to develop coping skills to deal with what’s now reality to them. Real love almost hurts too much because it is so beautiful, so sweet, so wonderful.

That’s what I’ve come to understand as I survey my emotional responses through the years and that’s why I can, by experience, say that CSA steals and steels.

[cp_quote style=”quote_left_dark”]The good little girl obediently fulfills her daddy’s requests, and she keeps it all quiet so that no one gets hurt, and to make sure everyone is happy.” [/cp_quote]Limited by age related emotional language, a little girl wants everyone to be happy. In her egocentric understanding of herself and the family, her behaviour has an adverse (or positive) effect on everyone. And if that activity (sexualabuse) might make someone unhappy or hurt, then the little girl is groomed to behave as though it didn’t happen. Especially when the perpetrator says, remember, this didn’t happen.

But it did.

And because of this, I lean into the Lord, I trust Him for His perfect will and thank Him for loving me so much that He would allow me to go through trials that I would be able to empathize with and point others to Him; that I would love others who go through trials of many sorts and I would be enabled to say, He does all things well. I have experienced His mercy and know with certainty that His lovingkindness is real and that He alone is worthy of praise. He will lift up the brokenhearted and He will be their peace and in Him is the victory. Jesus said, come unto Me all you who are heavy laden and I will give you rest. And isn’t that just what we long for? Rest? Jesus paid the price for sin and death–separation from God; He died and rose again that we might be set free — that we might rest in Him. He died that we could live—because He lives—we can live.

Surveying The Year

Surveying the Year — (a reprint of a message from 12-31-2001)

Happy day to you as you work in your home. I trust the LORD has been working in your heart and home creating in you the woman He designed you to be. As we come to the close of another year, it sure is interesting to look back over the months to review and rehearse the ways of the LORD in the year(s) past. Are you pleased with the ways the LORD has been preparing for you? Are you thankful for the paths on which He’s taken you? Did this year go the way you thought it would go? Surveying the year… that’s what I want to share with you today.

A year ago, I prepared a message for the New Year and in it I shared with you thoughts for the year ahead… ideas for plans, suggestions for schedules, and prayers that the Hand of the LORD would be with you. I shared how the new year was laid out before us as a clean slate, an unpainted canvas stretched out as it were, for miles and miles. Well, much has transpired between then and now—much indeed! There are likely very few who would say that the year went as planned or that few events of the year were memorable—on the contrary, most would say that at least in our lifetime, 2001 would be a year to remember, pivotal in our personal, not just national, history. It will likely be a year never forgotten—especially as images of the events of September 11^th are quickly brought to mind. The images are indelibly imprinted on our hearts… images of shear terror, images of grief and loss, images of despair, images of pride, images of joy and images of unspeakable sorrow. But the year 2001 will also hold images of laughter and success, of tears and defeat as we each one recall the different events that occurred in our personal lives and in the lives of family and friends. We will look back and recall that there were births and deaths, weddings and funerals, financial advances and financial adversities. There were long days and tearful nights. There were joys and sorrows of varying degrees. We will look back—and through all the days, if we look through the lens of Spiritual things, seeking Him, we will find that the LORD was there…every step of the way—the loving LORD—the Author and Finisher of our faith.

This will be a year for which I will always be grateful—grateful for the God who goes before us, the God who sees, the God who is present with us: Jehovah-shammah. O, had I not known this, I don’t know what I’d have done in the times of despair, frustration, grief, disappointment. How grateful I am that He *has* gone before me—gone before you, too, and that in His Hands we are secure. Do you *know* that? Are you secure in that fact?

You know, as I wrote to you a few weeks ago, God does go before us, He does prepare our way. He is not mean; our light and momentary troubles are for our good. We read in the Word “For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen for the things with are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” [2Cor.4.17-18]

God, who is ever present with us knows our frame, knows we are but dust… isn’t it incredible that it is of this dust that He created us and *uses* us!?!? Why? Even in our low estate, the God of the Universe fairly swoops down to scoop us up, to cradle us in His loving Hand and with the testings and trials of life, fashions us into vessels: “…earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God and not of us [!]” This is astounding, this is awe-inspiring—incredible that the God of all creation, the God, who was and is and is to come, thinks on us. He loves us as no other. It matters to Him who we are, what we’re doing and where we’re going—it matters so much, in fact, that He will not leave us as we are, but rather, He continually works in us, fashioning us into the women He has created and designed us to be.

I hope you will not look back on this year with regrets. I hope that you will not resent the workings and dealings of the LORD in your life. I hope that you will rejoice in God your Savior and that you will thank Him for loving you so much that He allowed difficulties in your life this past year and then I hope you will praise Him for His marvelous works—even if you don’t know or understand the purposes for which you underwent various trials.

If there are things you regret not doing, things you meant to do but didn’t, things you planned but never accomplished, then I pray that you will —*today*— get before the LORD, share those burdens with Him and seek His provision to do those things that are necessary and important and then I pray that you will leave off with things that are not important—frets that are trivial, disappointments that are petty, thoughts that are insignificant—you don’t need to carry those weights and afflictions into the clean new year. I pray that you will record them in your journal and that you will, with open hands give them over to the Lord Jesus. You know He loves you, and you know He will walk beside you—your gentle Shepherd.

The new year is before us… stretched out for miles… an unpainted canvas waiting for the brush strokes of the Master… I pray that you will allow Him to paint you a beautiful picture and that you will rejoice when He etches and shades and highlights the landscape of your life. God bless you.

—many blessings, pamela

may the LORD bless your day & your home with His love

Don’t give up, Climb higher

higherground
I press toward the mark
for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
philippians 3.14

Strengthen The Things That Remain

And unto the angel of the church in Sardis write; These things saith he that hath the seven Spirits of God, and the seven stars; I know thy works, that thou hast a name that thou livest, and art dead. 2 Be watchful, and strengthen the things which remain, that are ready to die: for I have not found thy works perfect before God. 3 Remember therefore how thou hast received and heard, and hold fast, and repent. If therefore thou shalt not watch, I will come on thee as a thief, and thou shalt not know what hour I will come upon thee. 4 Thou hast a few names even in Sardis which have not defiled their garments; and they shall walk with me in white: for they are worthy. 5 He that overcometh, the same shall be clothed in white raiment; and I will not blot out his name out of the book of life, but I will confess his name before my Father, and before his angels. 6 He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches.” Revelation 3.1-6

“He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches.”
swirl

When I read this, I think, Lord I believe; help Thou my unbelief. And then I pray, Lord, will You strengthen the things that remain? Will You clear away whatever isn’t pleasing to You? Will You make my responses, my works perfect before You? I know Your strength is made perfect in my weakness. Will You clean my garments, make them white and make them worthy?

I can say with confidence, with surety and with great joy that the Lord, indeed, strengthens the things that remain. He does, indeed, redeem the time, and He restores the years the locusts have eaten. And He does, indeed, turn a heart of stone into a heart of flesh. [cp_quote style=”quote_left_dark”]He does, indeed, demonstrate His love toward us and, yes, He does, indeed, give sight to the blind, rest to the weary, faith to the feeble, and strength to the weak.[/cp_quote]

I can say this because of who He is, what I have seen and what He has done. I have prayed these prayers and have set all these sorts of things at His feet and I have confessed over again the failings that have brought me low, the regrets that have leveled me. I’ve walked the roads I share with you–my writings are pictures of my days, slices of my life and I share them with you as a way of connecting and hopefully, prayerfully, and sincerely I write so that you will be encouraged in your own walk—strengthened in your own life as you journey with the Lord.

As I’ve stood still in the Hand of the Potter — surely not saying, why hast Thou made me thus? — but saying, make me Thine, Lord, make me Thine! Take my life and let it be consecrated Lord to Thee! I have seen there are — things that remain — yes, there are many things the Lord has done in and through me that remain and so, I ask again: Lord, will You strengthen the things that remain and skim off the dross that I might be fit for the Master’s use? I pray it will be the same with you today… that He will strengthen the things that remain and fit you for the Master’s use.

Big Trees Small Seeds

Every seed grows.

In the midst of everyday life, seeds are planted. A lot of the time — perhaps most of the time — we don’t even notice the seeds that are planted. Ideas. Pictures. Envy. Desires. Regrets. Pride. Shame. Hope. Doubt. All sorts of seeds drop, drop, drop into the soil of our lives. Good seeds, bad seeds… whatever they are, they grow. The more we feed them, the more they grow.

Interestingly, we might believe the only things we plant are things we intend to grow — you know, like seeds that are purposely planted in gardens or containers. We may start seeds in a greenhouse; using small pots, we cultivate the soil, plant and water the seeds, we shelter and watch them grow — not disturbing them until they’re well rooted and strong. All this, intentionally done to ensure vigorous growth and rich produce.

Using this picture to draw an analogy, this is sort of what happens in our lives when we consciously plant seeds for God’s glory and our good — seeds that pertain to life and godliness through knowledge of the Lord. Seeds of faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, wisdom, godliness, kindness and love. Good seeds.

But other sorts of seeds grow, too. Bad seeds…. little seeds we overlook. And though we wouldn’t want to admit we seem to intentionally do things that plant, feed and water bad seeds, the produce and unintended consequences are unmistakable. If we sow seeds of envy or jealousy or greed or lust, we’re going to reap a tangled harvest of regret, shame, bitterness, discontent and death. We don’t set out to be bitter or discontent or angry — in fact, we may say we despise those sinful behaviours. But unless we guard against “little seeds” of envy, jealousy, lust, a critical spirit or hate taking root in our lives, we’re going to be discontent, bitter, mean and destructive. All of these will spill over into all areas of our lives and damage everyone around us.

[cp_quote style=”quote_left_dark”]I’m reminded over and over again from the pictures the Lord gives us in nature, and drawing from experiences in my own life, that seeds grow — some rapidly, some slowly, some intentionally and some unintentionally planted, but they all grow — they all produce something.[/cp_quote] One type of tree or another will grow and symbolize our lives: fruitful and healthful or bitter and poisonous. One will be life giving and comforting and the other will be oppressive and bring death. Big trees start from very small seeds.

I look out the window and see all sorts of strong, beautiful, vigorous plants in well watered gardens. But I also see the glaring consequences of not regularly tending the gardens this year: weeds. I obviously didn’t but should’ve been pulling them along the way since I’m so familiar with their deep roots, the damage they cause and how difficult they are to eliminate once they’re this mature.

It’s humbling to see that every seed grows… good and bad, and it’s painful to recognize weeds and bad seeds that have taken root in my heart. So all these observations today have served to be instructive and a powerful reminder — I’m instructed to examine what I’m taking in each day, what I’m allowing to be planted in the “garden of my mind,” to see if there be any root of bitterness in me, to see if I’m harbouring jealousy or pride or envy, to see if I am critical or rude or boasting, and also to see if there are springs of joy and gladness, to see if the fruit of gratitude is flowing from a thankful heart, to see if faith is flourishing, to see if love is being cultivated. Painful as it seems sometimes, I must allow the Master Gardener to continue pruning and working His perfect will in my life. This I know: the fruit of His work is sweet.

Pressing on in truth

teacup

I thought of the Scripture today where Paul is talking about pressing on and is saying, “… I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” And I found myself saying, but I just can’t seem to do that. You know, the forgetting what’s behind and pressing on.

O, it’s easy to realize I haven’t attained to something or haven’t apprehended something—that’s easy to see. But it’s not so easy to see the ability to reckon myself to be resolved to forget what’s behind and press on—press toward the mark. And then I realized something I don’t think I’ve noticed (or at least I cannot currently recall noticing) that I have, and have had, a wrong focus. I’ve been focusing on the thing I’m trying to leave behind and I’ve been focusing on what’s ahead in light of what’s behind instead of simply focusing on the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

So what is that high calling? Is it the ability to forget or move on from the mistakes I’ve made, or the wrongs I’ve done, or the sins I’ve committed, or my motherhood failings? Is it to continually recall the failures of my yesterdays and yet recite the script? It’d be so easy to just say: not that I totally get this faith walk, but I am going to move past my failures and press on. And it would be all about me.

And then I marvel at the love of the Lord. I marvel that He is the focus. His life is the pursuit. It’s not so that I can move on and not ache with regret over yesterday that Jesus redeemed my life. Jesus redeemed my life because He loves me and wants me to walk with Him, yield my life to Him, give my hopes and dreams to Him. He redeemed my life that I could bring Him glory and honour… and inexplicably, so that He could show me the marvelous plan and purpose He has for me in this glory-giving, honour-giving life! He died for me that I might know Him, that I might have the fullness of joy, that I might have life – and that, everlasting! And so, why do I press on? That I may know Him.

Wherever you are today, you can know Him… your life is precious and He loves you. If you die tonight, you will either be in heaven or hell for eternity. That’s the truth. Sin separates us from God – do you know that? But there is a remedy — an eternal remedy and it is life, atoning death and life giving resurrection of the Lord Jesus. That’s the truth. We’ve all been separated from God but those who put their trust in Him and call on the name of the Lord Jesus will be saved. That’s the truth. It’s not by works, it by grace through faith in Him. That’s the truth.

You may have, to this point, not repented, not turned from sin and yielded your life to Christ… But today you have this choice before you… you may have failed in the past, but not today… you may have felt unworthy… but God…
Read this from Ephesians chapter 2:
4 But God, who is rich in mercy, for His great love wherewith He loved us,
5 Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;)
6 And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus:
7 That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus.
8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:
9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.

I pray you’ll go get your Bible… and read more of His great love for you… what He’s done for you… and the life eternal that’s yours in Christ Jesus. This is the truth.