Marriage – Page 2 – The Welcome Home

that book

In the arena of hot topics in Christian circles since the first of the year, that book is getting a lot of press. It’s been common to hear, have you read the book yet? Or, what do you think about the Driscoll’s new book? Ironically, it’s as if it’s the first time such a book’s been offered in Christian circles — though it certainly is not. I remember similar discussions in the late ’70’s regarding a book with marriage revving suggestions totally for women. But this new book is so now, and it’s so cool to be so now. Pretty much everything else is so last century. Except Facebook.

Believe me, I have no doubt that much of what the Driscoll’s discuss in the book will be helpful. In days gone by, I’d probably have more to say than I will presently about the book — but I think I’d purposely avoid discussing online the most referenced chapter — the one that’s undoubtedly giving the book the most press. I wouldn’t avoid it for reasons that might first come to mind. I’m not afraid to tackle sensitive subjects — I mean, my previous blog entry deals with the most sensitive subject I know. But somehow it seems to me that to belabour the obvious would be just that. The continual references to Chapters 6 and 10, in particular, both online and in conversations confirm to me the curiosity and sometimes insatiable appetite for the salacious. However, as believers, propriety must take precedence over curiosity and indulging in questionable communication must be guarded. Much wisdom is needed for drawing the line. We’re exhorted in Scripture to be careful with our speech and behaviour — I’m referencing different verses in Ephesians 5. I think we often focus on and spend time contemplating the latter portion of that chapter and not as much time in the early verses of chapter 5 — we’d be wise to spend some more time here.

For now, I’d just like to link to Tim Challies and his discussion of the book and the talk it’s generating… he’s doing a fine job addressing the matter and the comments — additionally, I’m sure glad he’s including Doug Wilson’s wise counsel. Both thoughtfully address issues while retaining sensibilities and decorum.

The Vacant Chair

I’ve entitled this blog entry The Vacant Chair — a title that’s not original with me, but the title of a poem I’ll add to this post in a moment. The poem was written by a dear saint, the husband of a precious friend who passed into heaven earlier this year.

It’s interesting that the poem should come in the mail today… as I have been thinking of several different ones who have ‘vacant chairs’ at their tables again this year. I think of the mothers and fathers who stand at the glass watching for the wayward son or daughter, hoping he or she will be home to occupy his or her chair at the table this year. I think of the families who won’t have a baby to hold, a parent to care for, a friend to visit at Christmastime… more empty chairs. I think of friends who have a vacant womb — bruised heart this Christmastime.

I think of families who will visit and look into the vacant, dim eyes of loved ones with vacant minds — long ago leaving vacant chairs. I think of couples with vacant chairs of children they never bore or only hold in their hearts. I think of those whose choices keep them afar off — who’ll not be home again this year — vacant chairs. I think of those whose husbands are off fighting in a war they never wanted to fight — the family tables with a vacant chair again this year. I think of friends or family who’ve moved away and they’ll miss sitting in the chairs around a familiar table this year. I think of mothers and dads who’ve married off a son or daughter this past year — a sweet sadness may wash over them — as they set tables with fewer chairs. And there are innumerable other scenarios… innumerable empty chairs. Vacant chairs will tell many stories… some, only in the heart.

The Vacant Chair was written by a loving, faithful husband whose eyes are growing dim, but whose memory is sweet and keen: for a wife who lived such a remarkable, long, full life — occupying the chair beside him for some sixty-seven years.

VACANT CHAIR

I love you dear with all my heart,
True love was ours to share,
God has called you to His Home,
I’m left with a vacant chair.

I think of things I’ve done today,
My toil and my care;
I praise the Lord you’re free from pain,
But I’m left with a vacant chair.

The day will come, I’ll join you there,
In Heaven, bright and fair,
We’ll praise the Lord, with all our heart,
And there’ll be no vacant chair!

Paul R Turnidge

From Paul’s Christmas letter, I’ll leave you with this very encouraging thought:

God has shown Himself wonderful to me. Every day I am amazed how He directs my path. Sometimes I look through my windshield of life and wonder where I’m going, then I look in the rear view mirror and see how far I have gone, and amazingly exclaim, “Surely the Lord has led me.””

Springtime came…

I smile as I look back and recall a blog entry I wrote on the 22nd of March called Springtime… seasons. At the end of that post I wrote: “… And I can truly say that God has had the sweetest surprises in store for me following some of the seemingly most barren seasons. Praise the Lord. He only does all things well. May I never take this for granted.”

Additionally, in that post I included the lyrics of a song Spring Time’s Comin’ that’s surely become even more meaningful to me since that post was written — because just two weeks later I opened the door to receive a package someone had sent to us. I could not have known on that day that the Lord, indeed, had a marvelous surprise right around the corner.

Remember the lyrics to that Spring time song? “…Right before your eyes, God has the sweetest surprise, all the new things He has planned to colour your world… Spring time’s comin’.”

As I looked at that package, I wondered what could this be?!? I even called my husband to tell him a package had come – mostly bcz he is the one who receives packages more often than anyone else here in our home. I thought it surely must be a business related package. But, oddly, it was sent by UPS from UPS. Strange. And so, the phone tucked between my ear and shoulder, I opened the box… dug through the zillions of packing chips to find another box. Open it, open it, he exclaimed! And as I opened the box I saw a letter… three pages… and I began to read… Wes, still listening…

Again, remember the lyrics to that Spring time song? “…Right before your eyes, God has the sweetest surprise, all the new things He has planned to colour your world… Spring time’s comin’.” Well, right before my eyes God did have the sweetest surprise… After reading the first page, I turned to the second…. what?!?!? Itinerary?!?! *Our* names?!?! What?!?! Then, a book: Hawai’i!?!?! What!?!?! Then turning to the third page… what!?!?! We’re staying here…?!?!? Omygoodness, this must be a joke… how can this be?!?! Who could have done this wonderful thing?!?!?! How can this be?!?!?

“…Right before your eyes, God has the sweetest surprise, all the new things He has planned to colour your world… Spring time’s comin’.”

Now that dream — that wonderful dream — is part of the beautiful collage of memories we have. And it is, undoubtedly, one of the more beautiful memories of our whole life – truly being the best and longest time we’ve ever spent alone together. It was a dream – but better – a dream come true.

Later we would have confirmation that all that was contained in the package was indeed true and was for real. Emails from Aloha For Reals gave more confirmation (and more questions… more what in the world?!?!? more how can this be!?!?!). It was then that we began to dream… and that’s when I wrote that post A new start and an old dream.

Weary of the winter, grieved over disappointments and misunderstandings, lost in wonder how to put life in proper perspective and move on from trials and failings… Springtime came and with it the hope of a brighter tomorrow.

As I wrote, while we were in Hawai’i, we asked the Lord many times: why are we here? why have You so blessed us in this incredibly lavish way? Well, initially, we saw the great blessing of just being there – the beauty, the brightness, the warmth, the aloha!, the joy of being alone and in love, the peace and quiet, the rest… but then I began to see God’s great message written everywhere we went: God is not without witness! God preserves a witness – He preserves a hope and a future. Beautiful, fragrant flowers growing in tens of thousands of acres of lava fields gave witness to this great and precious truth: God is not without witness anywhere! And… thus: in my life, springtime came. I’ll share tomorrow some more things the Lord showed me there and when we returned home. More significant to me, with each passing day, is the fact that God was demonstrating all winter long, all through the early Springtime, He did have a marvelous plan for us… and it wasn’t just that wonderful trip – it was that, and more.

More of that song again:

It’s been a long hard winter, Spring’s long overdue…
Icy wind, cruel and bitter has chilled hope out of you,
you want to look ahead, but your heart’s so full of dread,
you can’t see the subtle changes in the air…
Spring time’s coming…

On the heels of a Winter wind, balmy breezes
will blow across your garden again,
the seeds of hope you’ve planted,
are alive beneath the snow, the blooms are yet to show…
this season will end.

Spring time’s coming, after the winter wind.

I know it’s hard to imagine that Spring’s on the way…
With the trees brown and barren and the skies so gray —

Right before your eyes God has the sweetest surprise
All the new things He’s prepared to colour your world…
Spring time’s coming.

As long as heaven and earth remain
God promises the seasons will change
Spring time’s coming.

33.25

Thirty three and a quarter years ago today, Wes and I were married in SanFrancisco. The glow we had that 4th day of February truly was the glow of love, but it was also the glow of a high fever — a fever that led us to go to the doctor for meds and a fever that led to us to cancel our honeymoon plans to go to Hawaii — to Maui.

We’ve often commented over the years that we knew the Lord was in control of those plans — those cancellations — and had a better plan for us for that time. We just dreamed we’d take that honeymoon trip someday.

As I type this message, I’m seated outside on a lovely lanai, beside Wes at a beautiful teak dining table — terracotta tiles under our bare feet. Many times in the last couple of days I’ve been crying at the grace and mercy of the Lord as I reflect on the provision of the Lord, the experiences of the last year and a half and the exceeding merciful kindness He’s shown me – us. Tears of joy, tears of sorrow, tears of thankfulness, tears of regret, tears of hope. This morning, I’m so humbled and cry more tears…

We’re having morning coffee together, rested from a day of travel and a wonderfully romantic night and first morning in a villa of indescribable beauty. From this lanai, we hear the sweetest music as the birds sing from tree to tree. As we look out, we have the most incredible view of palm trees, breathtaking plants and flowers, the glittering ocean — the only sounds are our voices, the chirping of the birds and the swaying of the palms in the warm breeze. And sunshine – glorious sunshine.

Someday has come and we’re on our honeymoon… thirty three years later.

But that’s not why we’re here — though it is truly a romantic, honeymoon-feeling trip, we know there’s a far greater purpose, a far more important reason we’re here… for we didn’t plan this trip — we couldn’t have; we didn’t choose this magnificent spot, we wouldn’t have been able to do so. And the unbelievable accommodations and amenities… we’re almost unable to comprehend or absorb. We’re simply here by the grace and mercy of the Lord — through the generosity of someone who arranged this whole occasion for us. We’re waiting on the Lord for His work to be done in and through us. We’re waiting on Him to show us more of the why we’re here – and we pray for His complete restoration, rejuvenation, refreshment and ministry to be done in and through us. Together and individually.

And so… to the Lord and to our generous benefactor we can only very humbly say: Thank You and Thank you.

I’ll share more later. But I want to conclude with a note about our prayer and Bible reading this morning – which I will also explain in more detail later. I’m reading in Joshua 14-15… Wes is, in the natural course of his daily reading through the Word, reading about the Lord’s direction to Elijah in 1 Kings 17 & 18. This is of such extreme importance to us – for it is sort of a stunning & miraculous confirmation to us regarding the message our generous benefactor gave us in this gift. It could not be coincidence that he would be reading there on this day. A Co-incident, but not a coincidence. Praise only the Lord.

And, by the way, the unbelievably deep blue of the water contrasted against the lighter blue sky and billowy white clouds… well, it’s just… unbelievable. More tears.

Could this be the year for you?

Could This Be *The* Year For You?

“If ye love Me, keep My commandments.”
—John 14.15

O, sisters in the LORD—could this be *the* year for you?

This is when the real change will occur… when we finally seek to know and to live the truths of God’s Word…when we lay our lives at His feet, when we give Him everything we’ve held on to: hands down… when we accept and apply the teaching of the Lord Jesus—demonstrating our love for Him by our obedience to Him… When we finally reckon with: If you love Me you will obey Me.

Could this be the year that you really get down on your knees and confess before the only Holy and Righteous LORD, who loves you endlessly, that you’ve been trying to “go it on your own” and that you are indeed willing that He would use you in whatever way He would choose and that, the Holy Spirit being your guide, you would willingly submit to His will and His ways? Could this be the year that you allow the Holy Spirit free reign in your life? Could this be the year that you would seriously begin to regularly rise early to drink from the rich well of God’s Word? Could this be the year that you would resolve to live in obedience to your husband—not because of what you will gain, but because of the LORD’s command that you do so? Could this be the year that you would cherish the blessings of the LORD: your children?

Could this be the year that you would redeem the time, that you would study the Word for yourself—that you would become a woman of the Word, rightly dividing the Word of Truth. Could this be the year that you would wisely choose the activities in which you would become involved, making sure that they are in line with your husband’s aims for your family, that they are Christ centered and Christ honouring?

Could this be the year that you would weigh very carefully the books you read, the places you might go and the decisions you might make? Could this be the year that you begin consulting your husband before you begin new projects, from attending a Bible study to following the leader of a weight control program, ordering from a catalog, accepting an invitation to another home-party, or taking on another women’s ministry?

Could this be the year that you come home—I mean really come home—to serve your husband? Could this be the year that you daily anticipate and prepare for the return of your husband each day? Could this be the year that you take up those tender things and tender ways you used to do and be for your husband? Could this be the year that you “fall in love all over again” with the man the LORD created
and “fitted” you to help? Could this be the year that your husband will never forget? Could this be the year that you look forward to meeting his needs? Could this be a year of fresh loving romance for you two? Could this be the year that you anticipate meeting his needs by getting enough rest, ordering the evenings, eating properly and exercising so that you are refreshed for him? (“Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.” -Proverbs 5.18-19)

O, if your love for your husband has decreased, if your desire for him has gone… pray the LORD will help you delight in him once again, pray He will love your husband through you and that you will once again desire him. God is a God of miracles, nothing is too hard for the LORD. (Jeremiah 32.27 “Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh: is there any thing too hard for me?”)

Could this be the year that you would determine to be a contented wife, I mean really contented—content with him, his salary, your home, your automobile, your possessions? (Hebrews 13.5) I have heard many many times, there is nothing that pleases a man more than a contented wife… he can deal with a little clutter from time to time, he can deal with a little overweight, he can deal with delayed dinner, a forgotten appointment—but a discontented wife closes off the spirit of the man and drives him away.

Could this be the year that you come home—I mean really come home—as a servant to your family? Could this be the year that they know without doubt that you love them and *desire* to serve them, teach them, help them, prepare a home for them, are not inconvenienced by them, are not tired of them, are not waiting for them to hurry up and grow up so that you can get on with your life? If you’re a mama… this *is* your life. Could this be the year that you will *enjoy* what God has designed for you? (“He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.”—Psalms 113.9) O, if your gladness or desire has waned, pray the LORD will restore your love for the children… pray that He will help you see them as He sees them—as blessings. He loves children… and He will help you love them… (Genesis 18.14 “Is any thing too hard for the LORD?…”) You can trust Him to help you love them the way He wants you to love them and care for them as He would have you to care for them. He can restore your love for them — for motherhood and for your home.

You know, my sweet sisters in the LORD… this could be *the year* for each one of us. This could be the year that we all come home… and *do* those things we know that the LORD has directed in His Holy Word.

2Timothy 3.14-17
“But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned and hast been assured of, knowing of whom thou hast learned them; And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works.”

Could this be the year of obedience—regardless of what others say or think or do?

Once again the Lord Jesus said: “If ye love me, keep my commandments.” —John 14.15

As we embark on another year, I pray that you would join me in seeking all the above — that you would join me in truly seeking to be an obedient woman, keeping the commandments of the Lord Jesus, following Him, delighting also in Him: earnestly seeking Him.

With love to you, In Jesus—pamela spurling

Reprint… originally written in 2000, revised 2006 Letters to my Sisters