Internet Addiction

Captivated

You know I’ve written about internet addition… e-mail… group list mail addiction… AOL… Geocities… One-List… eGroups… screen addiction… information addiction… whatever could be looked up… early on: Ask Jeeves. Bling. Ask him… ask him anything. Then Yahoo, then Google… click, click, click… Bling. You’ve got mail… Bling! Click, click, click… Blogs! Bling! Facebook. Bling! Pinterest. Bling!

I write what I’m learning… I share what I see, what I experience, what God is teaching me. You know; through a series of trials, disappointments and losses I was presented face to face with the reality that I was/am an internet addict. By the grace of God and through the love of my husband, I had to face this reality and, after some time had passed, learn to make changes — and when it was obvious I could not be self governing, I had to have boundaries — literal restrictions — placed on my computer. Like a drug addict, I am powerless over media. And… like a drug addict, I didn’t realize what was going on around me, nor did I realize I was causing others to resent me — the time I was spending online and the time I was not spending with them. And guess what the fruit of this was/is? Yes… in many ways, family and friends addicted to media. That is not sweet fruit.

So… I implore you today. Get fences. Get restrictions on your media. Get pruned. Get staked. Learn to live within the boundaries so that you will be more fruitful, more fragrant, more productive… You’ll see. And you’ll be amazed.

Two years ago, when I handed my computer to my husband, I knew I had to come to grips with internet addiction/family hurts and my walk with the LORD. Then, months later, when I had worked through and walked through where I was, what I’d done and what I needed to do: my one hour’s use per day almost seemed like a worse prison than no computer use per day… but that time was actually a school of prayer and more repentance, more revelation of what had happened (and why it happened) and what needed to happen. What I thought was a punishment was a blessing. What I thought was too hard was actually a marvelous mercy. What I thought was too restrictive has become my greatest freedom.

Now, as in this little window of allocated/measured time, I have freedom — permission — blessing — to use this computer and I can choose to use the time to browse, listen to sermons, to research, to read/write devotionals, blogs, connect with my children and friends… bcz I’m in step with the plan for my days. It’s freeing. This humbling limitation has given me so much assurance and freedom.

It’s joked about sometimes around here — this restriction — and it reminds me of people’s comments to me early on when we only had one vehicle for many years and my husband was gone all day. I could walk to the store for my groceries — returning with what could be carried or hung on the stroller. It was freeing to me to not “run around” in the car — to plan my days and outings, to live within those boundaries. I didn’t always know it and probably couldn’t appreciate it. But I know and appreciate it now. These things affirm to me that God never wastes a thread.

The Thing About Blogs

You know how you read that “lead in” sometimes? The thing about _______ is_______. Well, I’m seeing disclaimers or comments about bloggers and/or blogging more and more frequently.

So, I thought I’d write today a bit about blogging — or if I may be so bold, bloggers. It seems that every blogger, now and then, writes a post about why they blog or why they’re not blogging — apologizing for not doing so and explaining how life’s gotten in the way.

So, here’s mine. I blogged for a number of years — pretty much every day or so, early on. I, too, thought life got in the way of blogging when I wasn’t able to blog. I apologized for it from time to time. But last year, right about this time, a very sobering reality hit me over the head like a ton of rocks.

The reality was that blogging had gotten in the way of life — not the other way around. Blogging, reading, researching — reading, reading, reading — looking, looking, looking at stuff everywhere online got in the way of living. It got in the way of real learning and it got in the way of real loving. And so, today I can genuinely say: The thing about blogging is that it’s filled with unintended consequences.

From the beginning, I wanted to be a good blogger. I wanted to both inform and entertain, encourage and inspire. I still want those things. But I want them to be products of inspiration not compulsion. And so, when I blog, you’ll know it’s inspiration and not compulsion. Though I just might occasionally feel compelled to write something. ~wink~

Bloggers often feel a measure of guilt for not living up to a preconceived notion that blog writers have an obligation to produce something witty and informative every morning. There’s this unspoken expectation that bloggers be at once fascinating and creative while writing blogs that appeal to the masses. Every blogger soon discovers that one cannot possibly do that — at least not for more than a week.

Better blogs have enough personal anecdotes to fulfill readers’ desire for authenticity and personal identification — but enough generalization to assure anonymity of the blog subjects. People want to identify with or see themselves in blogs — so long as no one else does.

Then there’s the great skill of mixing reality and humility, a bit of sorrow, a bit of humour — with a bit of cheeky cynicism thrown in to add spice. In the end, all these are integral to a really good blog. Trouble is, most of us are too busy living to spend enough time blogging to be that good.

for the woman in the mirror

Facing the woman in the mirror… and getting her to do what she ought: O, what a challenge, sometimes!! I know this. I know this painfully well.

And so… I want to share with you some things you might do to help the woman in the mirror. Don’t “muddle” through life… there is help and there is hope.Your tomorrows do not have to be like your yesterdays.

I’ve sometimes thought, with dread, that things will never change. I’ve sometimes thought, again with dread, that I will never change… that I will never get a handle on this or that struggle.Every now and then, when things seem to be going swell — it seems that all of a sudden, like a strong gust of wind or a wave: personal failures flow over me — accusations level me, fear grips me, other people’s opinions blast me. In such times, I’m once again faced with the strong, overwhelming thought: I will never get past this. You know, God is not the author of such a thought – the devil is the author of such a thought!! Experience has taught me that in such times, I need to face the trial, attack, guilt, fear, etc., etc., and ask what part do I have in it? What does the LORD want me to do? And then I must yield to whatever He leads. No matter how daunting it may seem — or how humbling.

If you’re facing troubles, dilemmas, trials, hurts, hopelessness, fear or whatever… You may need to make some dramatic changes. You may need to set or reset some boundaries. You may need to completely change how you’re currently handling things. — your thoughts, your self-talk, your schedule, your computer time, your reading materials, your food, your exercise, your conversations, etc., etc. You’ll probably need help implementing changes.

PRAY!! Talk with the LORD. Talk with your husband, talk with a trusted friend. PRAY!! Study the Word *and* journal your studies! Study up on the problem you’re dealing with, get help — don’t go it alone — you need to be careful to not get in a trap of defeat, of hopelessness, of worthlessness, etc. If people have let you down or if situations are troubling you or if you’re facing depression… talk these things over with your husband and/or trusted friend. Trust the Lord with all these things.

If there are things in your life, patterns of living, etc., that don’t bring glory to God or honour to your husband and family — confess those things as sin and repent of those things . Set your mind to CHANGE THOSE THINGS. Get off that path a day at a time, a step at a time.

Make a list of things you need to do. Add to that list the things you want to do. Arrange that list into a daily routine. Print that list out and follow it. Everyday: consult the list in the morning, check off the things you accomplish and review what’s left to do; set about doing them at the first opportunity. Determine to not be deterred from doing what you know the Lord has called you to do. Others may do things differently, others may mock you, the enemy may mock you, others may question what you’re doing – you may even be or feel rejected… but if the Lord has called you to do something, do it heartily – as unto Him.

Do good things: good things for your husband, good things for your family, good things for you. Doing good will require sacrifice and will likely require repentance. Doing good may be painful or even lonely at first. Whatever the “good” is that you’re called to do, you can be assured if the LORD has directed it, He *will* supply for you.

If the Lord is speaking to your heart today — touching on things that need to go or things that need to be done or changed — TODAY is the day to take your first step of obedience to the Lord and yield to His call on your life. Today is the day of salvation. Today is the day to start doing the things you know you ought to do. Follow the Lord today.

Seek the LORD — seek wisdom.
You will find Him and you will find peace and joy.
Things might not seem to change right away.
Things might take time to set in order.
Your life will not always be the same as it is today;
There will be another chapter.

The Lord will work all these things together for good.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
Lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him and
He will make your path straight.

Just like an extra hot grandé mocha… the addiction starts a sip at a time. And you don’t even know it. You don’t even realize the cost — just like that steaming cup of coffee — it’s so smooth, so gradual – so available, so everywhere, so chíc. An isolated instance — not a big deal; not a great expense — not initially.

Sometimes when I hear the rumble of the caffé steamer I think of the early days of the internet connection tone — choooooooooooo, clang, clang, clang, clang – chooooooooooooooooo, click: Welcome, You’ve Got Mail!

Life’s going on – you think maybe everyone out there has a friend and you wish you had one, too. Everyone out there is doing something great and you wish you were, too. Everyone out there has people cheering them on, telling them the latest news, showing them the latest trends — everyone knows the latest stuff — everyone’s so awesome — well, everyone except: the lonely, living in a crowd, Mrs. All Alone.

O, sure, she had her husband, her Bible studies, her home — she had some friends, she had her family, she had a few hobbies, she had radio Bible programs and talkshows, she had cassettes and study books and Gentle Spirit magazine, but she still felt lonely — oftentimes pretty unimportant. She didn’t have a television or VCR – and almost never went to the theaters.

And then along came the computer — initially only used for business, she realized the great value and ease of using the computer for writing homeschool assignments or women’s retreat talks and keeping other “documents.”

And then… what’s this? What’s this new adventure? E-mail?!?!? Letters without paper, envelopes, stamps or days between writing and receiving mail!?!?! In the beginning, few of her friends indulged in the new method of communication. And if they did, in the early days e-mail notes were short – almost cryptic. Brevity was sort of the protocol. Rare and brief. Initially.

So, Mrs. All Alone began to explore the vast possibilities available to her at her fingertips! Voilà! She decided to look up “key words” that best described her life: She clicked Ask Jeeves. And instantly he answered with gusto! Here you go. Look at that: links to things she liked — though in those days there were relatively few websites for homemaking, Bible studies, Titus 2 & Proverbs 31 topics. Unbeknownst to Mrs. All Alone, she was embarking on a journey that would soon swallow her up. She didn’t even realize that, just like the one sip at a time Sbx addiction, one click at a time, she was sealing her fate.

Those were the days before Amazon or Wikipedia or Myspace or Facebook. Long before blogs (gasp!), Twitter and Skype — even before Gooooooooogle became a verb. Those were the days before Starbucks and espresso stands dotted every corner in Snohomish county. With the advent of internet bulletin boards, lists and groups, Mrs. All Alone could, with just a few clicks, instantly become: Mrs. You’ve got Friends! Friends all over the world. Just like that.

In a matter of minutes Mrs. All Alone has 10, 20, 650 girlfriends expressing the very things she’s been feeling, dealing with or experiencing as a stay-at-home mother of many – yet feeling unheard, unknown, unappreciated, unqualified, unremembered, unremarkable and sometimes unloved — all alone in the world.

She couldn’t wait to log into the computer! Each day, much to her amazed delight, her email (then: “e-mail”) inbox was flooded with letters from friends, sisters in the Lord — other mothers of many. Mrs. All Alone quickly became Mrs. Alone No-More. For now she had friends — understanding friends — likeminded friends. Hundreds of them — all over the world — women (and unfortunately men who posed as women – but that’s a story for another time) who shared common interests in faith, biblical studies, home and family, marriage and faith. Some actually became genuine friends.

Mrs. Alone No-More read all she could, wrote all she could, researched all she could — lost in time as she read and wrote articles and letters. She soon realized she might be able to help other women — by pointing them to a collection of many Good Things so they didn’t trip over the bad things on the Net. A new vocabulary: ” justa sec” and “justa minute” dotted her conversations in the kitchen. It was a great time of learning and application — but somewhere along the way it all got out of balance.

Many years passed. Though many good things were happening, just a few minutes here, just a few more minutes there, time was passing — seasons were passing. Going along, working alone… on studies, articles, news, letters, webpages, blogging etc. A new kind of alone… a distracted alone, a missing in action alone. Life was going on all around her, but so addicted to good things — so many good things — time was evaporating, years were passing — she didn’t even realize just how distracted she was.

And then came the day of reckoning.

(part two: The Day of Reckoning… later)

internet junkie

There have been times when I imagined that one day I’d be sitting in a circle waiting for my turn to introduce myself and then when the person beside me finished their introduction and small talk, they’d glance at me, signaling my turn, and then I’d say: I don’t know why I’m here or how I got to this point, but here I am. So, hello, I’m pamela and I’m an internet junkie.

I used to say (and laugh about it) that one day there’s going to be a branch of medicine dedicated to the emotional problems, effects and disorders associated with computer abuse use and result of internet addiction. I used to think it was isolation that would be a great problem — but now, that’s not what I think to be the great problem. Now I think it’s distraction. Distraction from what’s really going on. Distraction from what’s being said, directions being given, loved being shared — but missed bcz the computer is an attention siphon. The computer (or, ahem, handheld whatever’s) and the internet are erasers of time. Erasers of special events and conversations. They’re what obscure those moments you don’t even know you’re missing. Until later. The internet took the place of some days, months or years you will never see again. I know this is true… grievous as it was to me to see and admit.

I must say that it’s been hard to think of resuming writing regularly bcz I fret I’ll fail or revert back to old habits of distraction and ‘internet addition’ that contributed to the darkness of the valley earlier this year. As I’ve told you before, I didn’t realize just how distracted I’d become or how wrapped up in my projects I was each day. So, I’ve had to be exceedingly careful not to slip back into old patterns.

If you’ve never been an internet junkie, then you have no idea what I’m talking about. But if you have, or are, you know exactly what I’m talking about and you have or had the same trouble I have had.

And if you are on the net all day or many hours a day and neglect important things to attend to lesser things and you don’t think you are addicted to the net, I’d say you’re in denial. I know, I was there once, too.

And if this computer didn’t have the system in place to automatically shut off after a designated time, I’d still be there. Just like that.