The Love Dare Journal — Day 5

love dareToday’s “Dare” begins:  Love is not rude.

Once again, I find it difficult to carry out the dare of the day.  I say this because I genuinely feel as though I am never rude to my husband.   In fact, from the beginning of our marriage, courtesy and manners have been something we’ve continually practiced.  But I am determined to go through this book and so I read the chapter and considered the definitions, thoughts and suggestions.  And then I had thought on them for a number of days.

quotebegin.gifNothing irritates others as quickly as being rude.  Rudeness is unnecessarily saying or doing things that are unpleasant for another person to be around.  To be rude is to act unbecoming, embarrassing, or irritating.”

I’ve considered several scenarios and I’ve realized that I will occasionally make a comment that interrupts or even contradicts something my husband has said.  In times past I have thought I do this bcz I know him so well that I know what he meant to say and so I occasionally interject what he meant to say.  And you know… I got to thinking about this and realize that I need to keep this in check — O, I’m not saying I wouldn’t tell him something — but rather, the way it’s done is what I need to determine to redouble my efforts to consider.

 The chapter continues with suggestions as to what rudeness looks or sounds like and some Scriptures — concerning how rude behaviour affects a husband (Proverbs 25.24) and the importance of discretion and graciousness. (Proverbs 112.5)  The sugesstions were followed by some questions — one being:

quotebegin.gif Would your husband or wife say that you are a blessing, or that you’re condescening and embarrassing?”

Then tree suggestions (with comments):
1. Guard the Golden Rule…
2. No double standards…
3. Honour requests…

Just yesterday I heard a request — I complied… but I didn’t complete the task — and actually didn’t realize I hadn’t completed the task.  Do you know why?  I hadn’t listened carefully to the information I was given.  I hadn’t paid close attention to the details.  Now, in that situation there was no harm done whatsoever — except — that I hadn’t paid close attention to specifics.  So from that I now know two things — the next time I am to complete that specific task, my husband will remind me of what I missed this time and *I* will pay very close attention to look in the place he told me I would find the product he had purchased. :o)

Do you think I wanted to ask the questions in this chapter’s exercise?  Really… I don’t mind — even though, as with any test, confrontation or question I get nervous that I won’t measure up.  I know one thing’s for sure — when my husband tells me something I need to do or something he’d like to have done I kow he is *for* me and wants the very best for me.  Time and experience has proven this over and over.  I am assured of his love and respect.  Here’s this chapter’s dare:

 quotebegin.gifAsk your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you.  You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behaviour.  This is from their perspective only.”

______ check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.

There’s space in the book to record what your spouse pointed out; space to record how you handled it; and space to record what you plan to do to improve these areas.   Tomorrow, Day 6:  Love is Not Irritable.

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On Colbert…

teacuppamela.pngThis isn’t a blanket endorsement of Stephen Colbert or The Colbert Nation… but I’m just posting this so that you’ll see the lengths to which some people are going to deceive others or to discredit the Bible.  I first saw this at an apologetics conference this weekend during a talk by Dr. Doug Geivett.  He was talking about evidence and why it matters — evidence for Christian theology.  He made an interesting comment regarding evidence:

  quotebegin.gif Evidence has never mattered more than it does today.

           Evidence has never mattered less than it does today.

Do you get that?  Let it sink down in your ears.

I’ve been mulling this thought over and over.  I have been trying to articulate this for years — that the Bible matters.  Truth matters. Knowing God matters.  Knowing God’s Word matters.  Faith matters. Obedience to God’s Word matters.   But it seems — if you listen to or read books by mainstream pastors — like none of all that matters all that much.  Truly… if you follow mainstream preacher/teacher sorts, you will find that *the Truth* doesn’t always matter so much as what it is that they think that matters.

http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/224128/april-09-2009/bart-ehrman

Are you a big surprise?

teacuppamela.pngHave you let someone mock you and steal your dream?

Our family crowed [sorry, that’s a typo.  Our family didn’t crow around the computer — we crowded; c-r-o-w-d-e-d]around the computer to view a YouTube video that was suggested to us.  So we waited for the video clip to upload….

When she walked on the stage of “Britain’s Got Talent” it was obvious what the audience thought of the contestant, Susan Boyle.  Standing there, smiling and obviously pleased to be there, she was — to worldly eyes —  not stylish, attractive, seductive or of much interest — and certainly not a star.  And it’s shocking, isn’t it, how much stock the world puts in worldliness or in people who *seem* to have it all together  — or how powerful the world is in defining worth.   So, here she was — engaging — but from audience reactions, apparently odd — unprofessional and awkward.  Additionally, she didn’t appear to have talent except whatever talent it took to make it to that mark on the stage.

Susan Boyle was asked by one of the judges, Simon Cowell, “Okay, what’s the dream?” She answered, “I’m trying to be a professional singer.” And at that, the camera, panning the audience, stopped on a young girl wearing a blue blouse — gasping and crossing her arms, rolling her heavily black-lined eyes — obviously thinking this next contestant was a joke.  I thought, how pitiful that we are often derailed in life by small people who are so filled with their own self importance and ridicule of others — and yet we, for whatever reason, believe or fall prey to their mockings or belittling.   After answering the “What’s the dream” question, Susan Boyle was asked, “And why hasn’t it worked out so far, Susan?”  She answered,  “Well, I’ve never been given a chance before, but here’s where I figure it will change.”  And for a moment the mocking and  preconceptions rippled through the audience — but the moment she began to sing, stunned audience was transformed.

I, at once, admired her obvious eager desire and tenacity.  I am not a television viewer and I don’t know and don’t follow talent programs or personalities.  I’m not a follower of celebrities and had to look up the program and names of the judges (Simon Cowell, Amanda Holden, and Piers Morgan); and, by the way, even mentioning this program might be misconstrued as an endorsement — I assure you: it is not.  But I am attempting to make a point — and it is this:  small people steal big dreams.  I am reminded once again — and it’s hit me profoundly — to not be careless with other people’s dreams and to not let others be careless with mine.

I was thinking about this through the evening and this morning.  And I was considering the number of times — and lengths of time — I have been derailed by others and what they thought — or, more accurately, what I think they thought — because, in reality, I know people don’t think as much about us as we think they do.  And… sadly, we often ignore or discount those who think highly of us (because we allow ourselves to be squashed by, and dwell on, those who don’t care much about us).

I think of the times I’ve felt like a Susan Boyle with big dreams… and then I am derailed as I let my eyes fall on an ignorant girl rolling her eyes back at me with disgust at my pitiful hopes. I hate that I am inhibited by fear of foolishness or ineptitude.  I think of situations where I’ve been chided or mocked through the years for things I do or choices I’ve made — and occasionally have allowed my mind to be overrun with negative thoughts.  The times I’ve not taken every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. (2Cor10.5)  I then feel stupid and small (or too poor or too fat or too old or too ignorant or whatever) and then I’m sort of paralyzed by those negative thoughts and don’t carry out what I know I ought to be doing.In those times I forget what my Heavenly Father thinks of me — how He loves and cares for me.

In those times I forget what He has created me to be and do.
In those times I forget (or dismiss) how much my husband loves and cares for me.
In those times I forget the promises of God and His glory and plans.

I think there are lots of us who occasionally allow the enemy’s mocking to squash our hopes and cloud our days.  I pray from here on out… we’ll just be a big surprise to the watching world.  To God’s glory.

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Because of Jesus

I’m in awe… thankful and amazed at the mercy of God.
I could never do anything, be anything, think anything: to earn my way to redemption.
But God! Because of the cross… 

because of Jesus

— Jesus alone
I stand redeemed. I stand in awe, I stand redeemed.

Consider Jesus… who lived among men, was crucified, suffered, died, rose again, was seen by many, ascended into heaven
and ever lives to make intercession for us who believe.
Jesus is coming again. 

Trust in Him.
Believe today… repent and follow Him.

because of Jesus… we have life.

  “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him
endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
Hebrews 12.2

One day I will see my Saviour face to Face and I will be home… today, because of the Cross,
because of the finished work of Jesus Christ… through faith by the grace of God: I stand redeemed.


 It’s only Jesus.  It’s always been just Jesus.
  “Neither is there salvation in any other:
for there is none other name under heaven
given among men, whereby we must be saved.”
Acts 4.12

He is Risen!

Jesus is Alive

the stone’s been rolled away…

God has given the greatest gift ever given. 

The awful stone of your life can be rolled away today…

and for you today — today — can be the day of salvation.

Salvation through faith in the living LORD — Yeshua… Jesus 

 

The Love Dare Journal — Day 4 — Love is Thoughtful

love dare

 

       “Love thinks.  It’s not a mindless feeling that rides on waves of emotion and falls asleep mentally.  It keeps busy in thought, knowing that loving thoughts precede loving actions.”

Today’s ‘dare’ is based on the  principle that Love is Thoughtful.  I have been prompted to ask myself many times:  is this thoughtful… am I mindful of his feelings, wishes, desires?  Am I thinking — really thinking — of his needs?

The book outlines ways we slip out of being thoughtful — or how we tend to be less thoughtful than we were, say, when we were first falling in love.  We told one another we couldn’t stop thinking of the other.  And… after marriage other things are allowed to come in and crowd our thoughts toward our spouse… that we ‘drift into thinking about your job, your friends, your problems, your personal desires, yourself.  After awhile, you unintentionally begin to ignore the needs of your spouse.”

So, I thought about this chapter.  I asked — boldly asked myself: do I do this?  Do I think of everyone else or everything else before I think of him?  Do other things hold greater priority in my thoughts, plans and decisions?

“If you don’t learn to be thoughtful,  you end up regretting missed opportunities to demonstrate love.  Thoughtlessness is a silent enemy to a loving relationship.”

This day’s dare was to:  “Contact your spouse sometime  during the business of the day.  Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.”  (and again, a _____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.)

This was not really a new thing to me… I often call my husband and he often calls me. But you know what grabbed my attention?  He left me a cell-phone text message of a phone number I was to call and bcz it was not a call I could have made right then… I didn’t reply right away.  I knew he was busy so I justified my not returning the message  — his message required no reply, really.   But, later, I thought… now, it would have been thoughtful to return the message with any sort of affirmation or acknowledgment .  You see? I could have used that text to give thanks as well as ask if there was anything I could do for him.

So, I determined to use that experience as a prompting to be more attentive and thoughtful… even in the smallest things.   And I do want to be faithful (and thoughtful) even in the smallest things.  And not bcz of any book or dare or anything like that… but bcz it’s the very least I could do for the great love that’s been shown and given to me.

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The Love Dare Journal — Day 3 — Love is not selfish —

love dare

Love is not Selfish.  This chapter begins with the comment:     “We live in a world that is enamored with  ‘self.’  The culture around us teaches us to focus on our appearance, feelings, and personal desires as the top priority.  The goal, it seems, is to chase the highest level of happiness possible…”

I am continuing to mull over each days’ entries and suggestions.  I am finding that it’s increasingly difficult to relate to this book from my personal standpoint — and I’ll tell you why.  My husband and I have determined to whatever has been necessary to have a strong, commited, loyal and enduring marriage.   So… the Love Dare book is not a challenge, necessarily.   Interestingly enough though,  I find this to be a valuable book — but it’s not something that’s particularly grabbing my attention for personal application like the movie “Fireproof” grabbed my attention.  And I think it’s bcz I saw the movie and for two hours I was reveling in the fact that I love(!) marriage — I love(!) my husband — I am, year after year, fighting to proclaim this message of hope, commitment, covenant and importance of marriage and, therefore, I have recommended the movie, Fireproof, bcz it very much championed my deeply held personal convictions. For the two hours of the movie, I was cheering the decisions to fight for marriage — to contend for the faith in Jesus Christ and to live according to His Word.

I do this daily.  I have been doing this daily.  I will continue to do this daily.

Our marriage is strong.  Our love is strong — our commitment to one another *and* to the Lord Jesus Christ is strong.  We are already merciful with one another.  We are already patient with one another.  We are already not selfish with one another… and tomorrow’s exercise (Love is thoughtful) we are already doing as well… and the next day (Love is not rude) we are already doing as well.

So, why am I still determined to keep plugging away at this book?  Well… I’ll tell you… it’s not necessarily going to be for our marriage… but I am using it as a personal life “check-up.”   I wouldn’t think of being unkind, rude, selfish, impatient… etc., etc. with my husband… but what about my whole life?  What about my life in general.  Now, I will keep my focus on the intent of this book — but my husband does not like being a project any more than I do and we both destest contrived situations — and so, I am telling him about the day’s ‘topic’ and we’re sort of working through things together and I’m using the suggestions to “go the second mile” so to speak.

I’m behind on recording the entries for each day.  The day I was working on “Love is not selfish,” my husband was driving me an hour south of our home to a doctor appointment.  From there, he would drive me another 2 hours north of  our home I was to attend and would teach in a Titus2 group meeting.  I exclaimed to him…. wait!  I’m supposed to not be selfish today! ;o)  And he, not missing a beat, quickly answered… “O, I am doing today’s lesson!”    Where I was not to be putting my interests, desires and priorities in front of my husband… that day it seemed that that’s just what I was doing.   And yet, the Lord spoke to my heart.  I was yielding to my husband’s care and provision and protection… I could have been selfish and could have said:  No, I’ll go myself — I’ll drive myself and you don’t worry about a thing.  Instead, the *un*selfish thing to do was to share the afternoon — be taken to my appointment and then on to the meeting.

So… in answer to the questions posed in the book:  (I answered heartily: yes!)

Do I truly want what’s bet for my husband?
Do I want him to feel loved by me?
Does he believe I have his best interest in mind?
Does he see me as looking out for myself first?

The ‘exercise’ was to do something for your spouse that would show investment in them… to buy something that would say:  “I am thinking of you today.”   Well… on the way to the meeting, we stopped and shared dinner at an old fashioned ice cream parlour sort of diner.  As we ate, we talked over my talk for the meeting, the Love Dare book — that day’s ‘dare’ and many things.  We reminisced over the many times we’d gone to similar sorts of places and thought of how we’d done different things for one another over the years.   So… I gave my husband attention — he gave the same to me.  Love is not selfish.

Just as I have been very conscious of the previous days’ dares… I am adding them day by day and these “dares” are sort of governing and prompting my thoughts.   I am hemmed in… the LORD has so blessed me.

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The Love Dare Journal — Day 2 — Love is Kind

love dare

The Love Dare — Day 2 — Love is Kind

   Today’s Dare was much like (in my mind anyway) yesterday’s dare — except it was more “outward” or “tangible” instead of passive, personal or inward.  Whereas yesterday’s dare was a “be careful, little mouth, what you say” sort of thing,  I think today’s dare was more: be careful caring, little hands, what you do.   However, that said, being kind (as with being patient) also requires great emotional and verbal restraint from time to time.

Not reading ahead for tomorrow’s dare, the coupling of the first two ‘dares’ for the second day was really instructive and encouraging to me.   Now, it was encouraging — not because I have so much or so little need in this area but because I really loved the challenge to do more — to be more — for my husband.   I don’t have marital strife or troubles with my husband — so, in many ways, I could tend to dismiss this book out of hand and sort of smugly ignore it.  But I have chosen to read it and go through journey and the exercises of each day.  My reason is much like my reasons are for doing any sort of Bible study or class — I want to improve the things that are already good or satisfying, I want to have ‘blind spots’ revealed (and corrected), I want to know the Lord’s will more and more and I want to learn new things or see things in a new light — and in this case, so that an already strong marriage can be fortified.

I woke up this morning with today’s dare on my mind.  I thought of some of the suggestions in the book that were given to shed light on the topic of kindness.  It gives suggestions regarding gentleness, willingness, initiative, and helpfulness (with a paragraph of illustrations for each of those).  “She opens her mouth with wisdom and on her tongue is the law of kindness.” — Proverbs 31. 26  Now that’s a great way or a powerful admonishment for starting the day right, isn’t it!?

Here’s another quote from this chapter:  quotegraysmall.gif… But love in its truest sense is not based on feelings.  Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward.  You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness.”

Day 2

quotegraysmall.gif In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today,
do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

_____Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.

What discoveries about love did you make today?  What specifically did you do in this dare?  How did you show kindness?”

I loved looking for ways to demonstrate kindness — and you know, once again, I found myself doing this in many areas of my life – husband, home and family.  As I did specific chores and meal preps, I was especially mindful as to how it would appear or how kind or gracious I could respond to each person or each situation that arose today and I made extra effort to get many things done.  O… ack… I just now remembered I forgot to put away a shovel.  Ooops.  When I answered questions, I thought of my tone and words in replies.  I wanted my husband to know that I had prepared his plate especially for him and was cheerful about what he was doing — this was not difficult… he’s very easy to please, very easy to prepare for and to serve.

 

So, day two:  check, check. ;o)

Tomorrow:  Love is Not Selfish

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