More Slices of Life

About that lingering conversation?

Well… about that lingering conversation, I thought I’d add a few lines.

I know there will come a time when I stop writing about our current “lingering conversation.” I know we’ll likely move on to other things. But I write about them — and whatever else I write about — for lots of different reasons. Mostly, I just don’t want to forget – and I know I will forget some of the small details of these days. Blogging’s sort of therapeutic for me. I don’t want to forget what God’s taught me, how He’s worked in these days, what’s going on and what I think of it all these days. I blog so that I will have a place to recall… I blog so that maybe someone else will be encouraged with things that have encouraged me. There’s a risk involved in sharing the personal details of life and I know that. There’s probably as much a risk of being understood as being misunderstood. There’s a risk to being transparent, but this is who I am… and this where I share slices of my life, and maybe something I write might help someone else too. So… I blog.

Wes had an appointment with the cardiologist today. It’s been a few weeks since we saw her and so we went through a time of sort of dialogging questions and answers. She gave Wes strong assurances that he could go back to normal work and any activities… even training for a marathon. We glanced at one another and smiled.

True story: On the way to the doc’s office, Wes said he wanted to ask what he would be free to do, what are his limitations, etc. and then said, ” It’s not like I am going to train for a marathon or anything like that… I just want to be able to do whatever the day requires.” ~smile~

So she answered Wes’s questions and gave strong rationale for the prescribing of each of the meds he is taking. And even humoured him when he questioned the validity of some of the rationales for the meds. But he agreed to take them – and to continue taking them. What was interesting to me was her favourable comments regarding some of the things he had begun taking (fish oil, green food, red yeast rice) and in particular: red yeast rice. She said there were many studies showing very favourable results from taking red yeast rice. And she went on to share some benefits. (Our sincere thanks to Kelli for her studying up on heart stuff – and more – for us!)

I had suggested to Wes that he not eat b’fast just in case they wanted to do some tests. When he was told they’d need some lab work, they asked if he had eaten yet today. O, so glad he hadn’t! He hasn’t gotten the lab results from the ekg or blood work but it seems quite certain that had there been a problem he’d have heard about it.

So we left the office… with sort of glad sense of relief… sort of with a sense of new resolve: now we go on. We needed this – or we needed what we’ve learned from this. And it’s one of those bittersweets… you know, one of those things you come to terms with and as the doctor said this morning, it’s a time of mourning the loss of “where you thought you were and what you thought you had.”

I’ve gotten to the place where I am thankful… and I can see I needed these lessons. I very much needed them. It was as if I was given a gift that day in the hospital as I waited for him in surgery. I remember sitting in a waiting room in that same hospital ten years ago when Wes cut up his hand in a skilsaw and underwent several hours of reconstructive surgery… I remember the lessons learned at that time and how God demonstrated His merciful lovingkindness and abundant provision for me/us.

Well… so now I needed to learn new lessons… not lessons so much about God’s faithful provision and physical restoration and His protection of my husband as I needed to meet his mortality. Now I may well still go before he does, but I needed to come to grips with the fact there will be an end. And I needed to affirm that I know that I know that I know God is sovereign. I knew it… I’ve known it… but I needed to know it in this matter of love and life and my love’s life. I needed to come to grips with the fact that God’s way in the life and eventual death of my husband is perfect.

I will praise thee, O LORD,
with my whole heart;
I will shew forth all thy marvellous works.
psalm 9.1

Sorrow skips no home

This autumn’s sure brought a strange season of sorrow… and though I’ve often said, sorrow skips no home, it seems its presence is far more prevalent in recent weeks. So much sorrow… so much loss. Though some loss is expected, the sorrow is never really conceived until it washes over the home… then, its intensity is overwhelming. Sorrow’s not only in death and loss, it’s in change and disappointment, sickness and disability. Sorrow’s so intensely personal and yet touches everyone who’s associated in some manner to the circumstances at the center of that sorrow… so sorrow’s sort of a community thing and is far reaching.

I’ve thought on the unexpected assault of sorrow and grief a lot lately as I think back a little more than a couple of weeks ago to the memorial service for our friend and all that’s happened in this relatively short space of time. And in this space of time I’ve mentioned to many: you never know when the loved one you enjoy today will not be around anymore. In a seeming moment, life changes and is never the same again.

Whenever I see the television reporter’s van at our little airport here in town, I think: O, no. Sometimes I know my: “O, no” is related to the ever ongoing saga of the proposed airport expansion and the heated tension in this community over all the ‘what if’s’ surrounding the impact such an expansion would possibly bring to pass. But I knew yesterday’s presence of the television reporters had nothing to do with the expansion. I knew there had to be some major problem. Returning home, I had more confirmation that something ‘really big’ had happened.

Most of the time when friends face loss or trials, my answer or my action is to make food. And when I see lots of cars, lots of food. So, that was yesterday. Our neighbors waited; cried and watched and waited, prayed and cried as they waited for news of the whereabouts of ten people aboard a skydiver’s plane that had disappeared and was presumed to have crashed in the Cascade mountains on Sunday night. That was the reason for the reporter’s hanging around the airport all day yesterday and this morning. But this afternoon, they’re no longer waiting for answers – at least not answers to the question of the location of the plane or if there were survivors… and their grief is inestimable. The plane with its pilot and nine passengers had crashed and none survived. Now, I suppose, their questions will likely only be answered in eternity. And for now, they’re left grieving… the loss of many things, many hopes and dreams. Of those friends, all they have are the sweet memories of those who were ‘family’ to them.

The most recent news piece is here.

In our Bible study this morning, we were so impressed with the many references to the holiness of God – the many references to praising God, to trusting in Him and rejoicing in Him. O, how I pray the families affected by this horrific tragedy will know the peace and comfort of the Lord and that He will minister to their hearts in this time of tremendous grief and sorrow.

All of these things serve to remind me – us – of the brevity of life and the uncertainty of days. And one thing is very certain… just as we shall all face sorrow, we shall all face our own end, the death of this life. And we will all meet the Lord. And we will all give an account. And eternity awaits us all. Eternity in heaven or eternity in hell. And the most sobering thing is that those who do not know Jesus will not spend eternity in heaven with Him but will be eternally separated from God. This is the record of His Word.

1John 5.4-13

4 For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith.
5 Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God?
6 This is he that came by water and blood, even Jesus Christ; not by water only, but by water and blood. And it is the Spirit that beareth witness, because the Spirit is truth.
7 For there are three that bear record in heaven, the Father, the Word, and the Holy Ghost: and these three are one.
8 And there are three that bear witness in earth, the Spirit, and the water, and the blood: and these three agree in one.
9 If we receive the witness of men, the witness of God is greater: for this is the witness of God which he hath testified of his Son.
10 He that believeth on the Son of God hath the witness in himself: he that believeth not God hath made him a liar; because he believeth not the record that God gave of his Son.
11 And this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son.
12 He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life.
13 These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.

Sorrow skips no home… but in Jesus there is hope and life and peace.

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes;
and there shall be no more death,
neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain:
for the former things are passed away. —The Revelation 21.4

holidays

Several weeks back, we made some plans for a little ‘working holiday’ away from home. Now… this has providentially been a real blessing – not just bcz we love to spend time here, but also has been a ‘forced rest’ for Wes. We’d originally thought we’d come here a bit later in the year or after the first of the year… but taking into consideration both Kathryn’s and Timothy’s departures (at different times) to Africa, we thought we’d do this now. Well… in truth, I actually thought it might not be a very good idea and even voiced my sort of nervous concern to the cardiologist… and she promptly said: Go! Whatever you need to do to get rest, eliminate stress and not go back to work… that’s a good thing to do (again, candidly here, I was not relieved). Wes was relieved. Though he’s a swimming pool contractor, he really does not like swimming. At all. Isn’t that funny? But… give him a spa and a sauna or steam room opportunity and he’ll like that!

And so, here we are. It’s a wonderful place to spend some time… such a radically different place and pace than home. And bcz we’re not too fond of crowded places or swimming with others, we like that the pools during the week are practically empty, very calm and quiet. In a very peculiar way, I’m even liking the misty weather (even though that’s one of the drawbacks to vacationing in the “off-season”) and the cooler days.
I’ve since come to see that Wes sure did have excellent foresight to make these plans to be here while the Sand Sculptures are still ‘on display.’ Harrison Hot Springs was the site for an international sandcastle building competition that took place in May and the sculptures were available for viewing throughout the summertime Harrison Festival of the Arts… and fortunately, for us, even now! We’ve walked around the lake and then today we looked at each of the sculptures… amazingly, these many months later, the sculptures have withstood many hard rainstorms and high winds and still are quite impressive to see! Some of the sculptures have sustained a bit of damage, and some even have some moss growing on them! but, for the most part, they appear to have just recently been completed. I’ve no idea the tremendous time and skilled work that goes into the creation of these sculptures on the beach… they’re just such amazing things!

The leaves have turned and the air is crisp and we’ve had to bundle up as we’ve gone out for walks! I’m thinking that for the next several months, this will be our daily routine – just not here – we are going home – really! Now, isn’t this an interesting turn of events! Here I am the one who needs to lose weight, exercise and drop cholesterol – and it was my husband who had the heart attack! His blood pressure has been good for years and cholesterol level’s been good, too. He’d made many changes in diet in the last several months and eliminated the daily donut nearly two years ago. So… here we are today. He continues to make different changes and has regained strength and stamina and says he feels pretty good. I continue to… drink coffee.

Tomorrow’s another day… I’ll be home tomorrow. O, home… home sweet home – holidays are sweet… but home’s sweeter!

A families’ Rubicon

Throughout the week I’ve been thinking on some of the talks men gave during our fellowship on Sunday. We gather each week with believers in a home church and each week our meeting is in the form of an open meeting – meaning, that in addition to singing and prayer, the men share what the Lord’s given them to share in the way of a message or a testimony or whatever. I generally take notes so that I can review the talks later or so that I can look up whatever Scriptures have been cited. Occasionally one of the men will share something that really gets me thinking or really confirms something the LORD’s already teaching me, or has been impressing or guiding here in our home. I love that we can always learn… I love that the Lord continually shows us new angles of His Truth.

Some of the men, though they might not see or appreciate the comparison, remind me of my husband’s younger self. Their zeal, their fervent love for the Lord and the Truth, their determination to lead their families and their passion for the Word is so refreshing and encouraging. I love the enthusiasm of younger believers – it’s really motivating; motivating to redouble the efforts or to revisit that which the LORD has clearly shown in His Word, to reexamine those things that the Lord directed in earlier years. We get older… we get softer –or so it appears. We appear to become lackadaisical in some ways — we may lose a bit of the fire we once had. Some would say this is weak and some would then tend to discount or overlook an older person. But I think sometimes all we need to do is spend a little time around someone older to see what’s really going on and the older need to spend time with the younger… someone idealistic and zealous for the Truth and the old fire is rekindled. And the younger person may need to take a long walk with the older one to see the view down the road. What this also shows me is that both are needful in a fellowship… both are of tremendous, inestimable value — both need the genuine fellowship of the other. Fellowship takes time… it really takes time; and in our harried world, time’s becoming more and more precious — anything threatened becomes more precious… time, age, health, ability…

So what have I been mulling over? One of the men shared about his family studying ancient history, and drew some analogies to the time of Julius Caesar’s crossing the Rubicon. Crossing the Rubicon made a bold statement, passing the point of no return, Caesar said, “The die is cast.” Our friend likened that move, or the crossing the Rubicon, to our walk with the Lord: that point we lay down our lives at His feet, that time we say we will follow Him no matter what… no matter what others do, no matter what it costs, no matter what happens. He shared a bit about his family and decisions they had made as a family.

History gives us lots of those analogies, those points of no return, those times where the die is cast. Families have to come to that point if they are to walk on with Christ – if they are to be obedient to the cross. A family has to decide the here and now things… the from here on and the from now on things of life. For each family, the from here on and the from now on things might look different one from another family. But the from here on and the from now on things might include: from here on and from now on: we will walk with Christ. From here on and from now on: we will have no divorce, we will have no idols before God, we will walk in faith. From here on and from now on, we will live as a loving, working, courteous, loyal, faithful family. We will cross the Rubicon. We will walk on, we will engage in the battle and we will fight to the end. The die is cast. Our I will’s will stand firm in Jesus.

My husband and I, right before we were married, made a determination with several I will’s and several we will never’s. Along the way, the Lord has brought us to the water’s edge and we’ve had decisions to make: to stay there or to step in and cross the river. When He put on our hearts to leave our childbearing to Him, to give Him Lordship of the womb, we had to cross the river, the die was cast. When He led us to discipline, to homeschool, to guide and train up our children in the way He has, we had to cross the river… the die was cast. We’ve had to mark those decisions well, we’ve marked some with stones because they’ve been challenged, they’ve been tested, others have scoffed, things haven’t always been or seemed rosy and we’ve needed to be reminded: we crossed the river, the die was cast.

By whatever naame or idiom or phrase, every Christian family needs to come to the River. And then, hopefully, to the point of decision… the point of no return: their own Rubicon – their own: “Choose ye this day…”

too many good things…

It seems, far too often, that there are so many good things happening that events or milestones or appointments all start to blend together after awhile. It’s as if each event lately has been a gift and with the passing of each day the previous days’ gift is covered up and it takes days of recollection to take out and examine each event, each memory, to see just what’s happened – to reevaluate and apply the lessons learned.

We experience a similar burying of treasures when we attend the believer’s conference at Deer Lake each Labour Day. Between the good teaching, singing, testimonies, baptisms and table conversations, we’re literally overloaded with good things… good things of the Word, good things of God’s work, good things of answers to prayer, good things of changed lives, good things of God’s blessings and on and on. Each year I’ve wanted to occasionally just put the weekend on “pause” so that I could take time to stop and mull over what’s just been shared or what’s going on so that I can slow it down and store it, as it were, to recall later. But, that not being possible, I attempt to take copious notes —notes I’ve reread many times this week. Note-taking helps me to listen more intently… and and to later recall more specifically what was said.

As the LORD would have it, this past weekend was filled with delightful things… great teaching was only one of the outstanding things. As friends have since discussed the talks we heard, each have had comments or highlights that were especially meaningful -and happily, they heard things I didn’t hear or were impressed with things I’d missed and so the blessing is increased. As I look back, I think one of the things that was most prominent to me was the common thread seen throughout the weekend. A common thread that seemed to both bind the messages and link them together — the thread that seemed to demonstrate the guiding of the LORD. Sometimes in life, when messages are shared, there seems to be a disconnect or a disjointed feel to the time… but then, other times, as was the case this past weekend, the messages just seem to flow… sort of like a book and each talk is simply the next chapter of a very instructive book.

We were blessed to have all our children (well, all that live here at home) together for this year’s conference. This has sadly not been the case over the last few years – something I very much regret! I’ve missed having Timothy with us… so it really was a sweet time this year. The traveling and lodging together was a blessing I’ll always treasure. A particular highlight for me, in addition to Hannah’s baptism, was the time of prayer for the missionaries who would be heading to Ghana in the next few months. I was thankful for that time of prayer as I’ll likely often recall that evening when Timothy is somewhere in Ghana and I’m seeking the comfort of the Lord and the assurance of His presence and protection. It was a blessing to hear the long-time missionary share of the plans for Ghana and then to talk with him and his wife about the plans ahead. I have always known that Timothy has a particular call on his life and God will use him for His glory. As he walks with the Lord, it is evident to me that God has great plans for him. I do know that there is no safer place in the world than in the Hand of the Lord… and nowhere on earth is safe outside the will of God. I don’t fret about all that lies ahead—it’s clear to me that God’s leading; I pray His will be done.

It’s interesting to be living long enough to see history

repeat itself.

I heard that sort of thing from my mother growing up. I read about history repeating itself in school, in letters and in magazines in dentist’s offices over the years. I read about it in Ecclesiastes. The more I read the more I see it. The longer I live I see it: History repeating itself.

So I was driving along and a song popped in my head and I must’ve been humming… one of the children said, O, that’s a new ____ song. I thought… no, no… that’s an old song. What? You *know* that song? Yes… it was… Harry Nillson… 1971… I was in the… …drifting off. And then it was affirmed to me once again: there is nothing new under the sun (in addition to: vanity of vanities; all is vanity) and the more things change, the more they stay the same. And children are still surprised at life that happened before they were born. Back before… wow, CD players.

I was talking with a young mom and she was lamenting the length of days and the monotony of repetition. I told her, as is my oft repeated mantra these days: this will pass and you will cry for these days. She sort of glazed over when I continued on telling her that these days will be the past all too quickly and she’ll miss them with a physical ache she cannot comprehend at this point in time – but there will come a time that she will, indeed, cry for these days. A curious blend of regret, longing, missing, hope and love. She cannot see that now. All she can see is the daily-ness of today. And that’s a problem with young mothers… motherhood is so daily. Too daily for some and they think real life is happening somewhere else (but that’s a lie). All she can see is the endless mountains of laundry, valleys of despair and dishes mounting in the sink.

I told her she would, one day, be telling another mother these same things. She will be able to tell that future mother more convincingly if she embraces these days and loves motherhood with unreserved abandon. But if she hates these days and continues rejecting God’s precious gift of motherhood… then… she won’t have much to tell that future mother and will certainly leave no joy in her children’s memories of her. History will repeat itself… the daughters will become mothers and who will encourage them? Who will cheer them on? Will they reject or embrace motherhood? Will they be sweet mothers?

I hope she will live long enough to see history. I pray it’s sweet.

So, I was mindful today as I was reading through some articles and noticing a common thread… what mothers went through yesterday, mothers face anew today— but it’s not new, not really. It’s the next chapter. It’s the same thing only different. Different bcz of history. By this I mean that what we face today we have faced already – just differently. As mothers we’ve waited and waited and waited for, say, the birth of the next baby. Then we waited and waited and waited for this or that milestone. Then we waited and waited and waited for the next and so on — History repeating itself. We watch how God worked in a particular situation and then marvel when yet another situation is miraculously covered — History repeating itself. On our behalf. We wait and wait and wait to see history. And you know… for believers what we really want to see is His – story. We all long to see His way and will played out in the lives of our children… and what a blessing it would be to see history played out in our children’s children.

For all of history is HIStory.

A Glad Representation

It was sort of surreal sitting there last night at the local Burger King… since our family size had been dramatically reduced for the evening and since it was Andrew’s actual birthday, I decided to do some very, very different things for the day and evening. So, there I was, with the four children, sitting in the play structure area. I was sipping on a DP (btw – I’m not sure that’s on the T-Tapper’s allowed beverage list), and as the sun was beginning to set, there was a glow that sort of obscured the reality of where I was and transported me back to days gone by — days long ago when our four oldest children played on similar climbing toys at a local park. I sat cheering all the: Mama, watch me’s and all the: Mama, can you see me’s?

A man at a nearby table asked if those were all my children. I smiled and said, yes, but not all — and went on to share that we have eleven children and those are the four youngest. He exclaimed some surprised expression — and was even more surprised when I said we have three grandbabies. Sharing the table with him was his mother-in-law and a few other family members. She asked if I was with another local family… a family with a bunch of children. (I smiled – inside thinking how funny it is that large families are sort of birds of a feather… and of course would be acquainted) I confirmed that we did, indeed, know them and fellowship with them and she was quite pleased to hear that. We continued to have a delightful conversation and, all the while, our children continued to play together… Joey helping the youngest of theirs get up and around in the tubes. Up and down, round and round they played.

As we took a play-break to eat dinner, the conversation continued. And I was keenly aware, once again, of the fact that we all represent one another to others. We represent the LORD to others. We represent our families and our friends everywhere we go. When I’m diving along in my 15 passenger sports car I’m representing other mama’s who drive similar vehicles. When I’m at the grocery store, I’m representing other mothers…. I’m continually aware of this through the years.

What started this thought, along subsequent decisions and convictions, was an event that happened quite a number of years ago while I was shopping at Costco. As I was placing item after item on the counter, the cashier commented to me that she always noticed that I was always dressed a particular way and that I always had such a clean, wholesome look about me. I thanked her and shared with her that her comments were humbling – that whatever good she saw was all the LORD’s doing. I made it a point to greet her and ask about her each time I shopped there. It was the LORD’s doing then and whatever good’s going on today is the LORD’s doing now. I sort of tucked that conversation away and it was added to the (so far as depends on me) “I will always _______ ” list. It’s not an actual list, but personal stands, or guidelines, that govern my life.

As a believer, everywhere I go… whatever I do… whatever I say… whatever I wear… is a representation of something. That something is the Living LORD — that something is my husband — that something is our family — that something is my sisters in Christ — that something is those in our fellowship, along with believers around the world — that something is my husband’s business and etc., etc. When I keep behaviour, presence, appearance, etc., etc., as a high priority, our children see and understand, for they can see and know that I represent them, too.

So, as we sat there last night I suddenly remembered that I was sort of “representing” those who were not there — and you know what? I was sort of melancholy and glad all at the same time. I rarely ever stop to analyze situations like that — but I did last night. I was glad that my love and respect for the different ones had been obvious. I was glad that were my husband to walk in, he would have been well represented. Had our friends walked in, they, too, would have been well represented. When we got up to leave, I told them it was nice to meet them… and they said we sure had a nice family and thanked us for the smiles.

As we all hopped in the ~~van~~ sports car I was still smiling. I was recalling parts of the conversation… their comments about our friends and the great work they had done on their house and what a nice family they had. I was glad that we hadn’t “represented” them in anything but a favourable light. I was glad to have been there with our children having such a delightful time. Whenever I look back on last night (or when those people look back on last night) I imagine it will be with gladness. Most of all, I was glad the LORD was honoured in our midst.

I think of the verses in Ephesians 5.1-4:

Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour. But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.”

For better or worse, everywhere we go, we are a representation… O, to be a glad representation.

Slices of Life ~ August 9

Today’s my sweet boy Andrew’s 9th birthday. I’ll write about this boy a little later on. What a delight he is and has been for our family. I’m marveling today: what would I do without this boy?

mamaandrewparty

Too bizzy for bloggin’ today — but wanted to share an interesting thing – a YouTube clip…. I put it on our site. Staggering statistics…

And… I sent out a “Letters to my Sisters” today… hopefully it will be of encouragement to a mama who’s wondering if anything she’s doing is amounting to anything. This one’s called The Significance of Stones.

And now…. even *I* can see: the baby’s growing up:

The dolly, Amelia, lost her first tooth today.

and while I’m at it… here are a couple more pics:

These were taken a few weeks ago… Samuel and Hannah were hiking

A terrific view of Mount Rainier

Samuel… at the top of Mount Pilchuck.

They tell me I wouldn’t make it.
Well, maybe not today…

Okay…

And I cannot resist one more.
Those who know Hannah – know she *loves* to laugh.
A lot!

And Hannah and her friend, ‘Rissa, together?
Double the pleasure, double the fun, quadruple the laughter.

more slices of life another day…

and so it goes.

My new friend

I have a new friend. And believe me… I didn’t instantly like her… she was just… hmmmm too… too. O, she hasn’t done anything wrong… no, no, no. It’s just that I initially thought she was smug and seemed a bit too sure of herself. O, not that she was arrogant or even that she was overly confident, for I really do appreciate the character quality of “confidence” in a person. It seems that when a person is genuinely confident, then I can be pretty sure they’re also genuinely… uh… genuine. I don’t mean the confidence that’s actually insecure, but the confidence that’s confident about what’s known or what’s believed. I have, however, met lots of people who are insecure but are truly sure and solid about their beliefs (but I digress and that’s probably a whole other blog entry).

So my new friend…. boy, is she direct and commanding! I don’t know exactly why she had my attention from the very beginning, but she did. It was as if whatever she said, that was true! I’m sometimes wary of such boldness and I tend to have reservations… but in her case, I was somehow immediately fascinated by her story – her approach. So she was standing there sharing her credentials, her experiences and sort of the outcome of her life and those experiences. There was no arguing with her “success” — I mean, in many ways: seeing is believing!

My husband told me that he was perfectly fine with me investing time with her. In fact, so much so, that he agreed that if he were to help me develop a friendship with her, he wanted me to agree to meet with her regularly and he wanted me to make a strong commitment to do so. So I did. You know… just for the “record,” my husband isn’t looking for me to do anything and isn’t even remotely hinting that I need to do anything, by the way – just so’s ya know.

Well, as things would go, about that same time another friend came over to visit… and amazingly, with her was my new friend! She didn’t know just how serious I was about becoming friends with this woman — and yet, she brought her over to my house?! My friend warned me that I might not like her after a few visits. I told her that I was willing to work through any difficulties bcz I was so ready to be done with my current circumstances that I was willing to go through just about anything… remember: no pain, no gain. O, wait… no pain, no success.
So… the first occasion went fairly smoothly… then the next day was probably equally so. By the third day I was wondering if I was going to like this friend after all. I mean, she sort of kept gliding through our new friendship and I was really having a time of it. I’d say… wow, I can’t do this and there she’d go… over and over again: yes, you can! Then each time we’d get to the end of our visit, I’d think, well, maybe I can stick it out. I did make a commitment to my husband after all. And… she is, after all, adored by so many! It’s just that I keep thinking I’m not going to be one of the ones to have such a successful friendship with her. Or, rather, maybe I’m just not like other people… and maybe I can’t.

Today I’m going to visit with her — you know… that commitment I made and all… And I know she’s going to be as cheerful and commanding as ever — each day she’s always the same… she just says the same things over and over. She’s got it down to a routine. I know what’s coming now and I know what she’s going to say. And… though I’m hurting, she just smiles and says: yes, you can! Now, I know I haven’t heard her whole story and so I know that there are many things she might want me to do in the future — she has all this stuff planned for me once I get a little more experience… there’s sort of an expectation that I will advance in our friendship.

Though I haven’t told her, the only reason I even wanted to make friends with her is that I have been on umteenth and one diets and I cannot seem to lose weight past a certain point and I do have a goal I “must” meet in six months. Well… and during that little gout episode recently, my doctor told me I need to lose ten pounds and then lose ten pounds. That was sort of her truthy way of telling me I need to lose t-w-e-n-t-y pounds. Ten and then ten seemed to sound better. Well, better to her (my doctor’s probably a size 0 or 2 – really). Not to me. Anyway… so my brand new friend seems to think I can do this and so: bcz I made a commitment to see her, I will stick to it (and I also have my 6 month goal to keep in mind). I read her book, listened to what other people think about her and on and on. Today’s my fourth visit. O, she’s already here!

Now, if I have some good things to say about her in twenty seven days, at the end of this month, I’ll be sure and tell you! No, wait, if I have any good thing to share about her during these days, you can be sure I will tell you. What did I say yesterday about blogging and candor? I’m not being secretive here… I’m just nervous to tell about my new commitment and what this friend’s name is… in case I fail (my husband or me or both). But… at least for this initial number of 30 days, I have made a commitment to spend time everyday with my new friend Teresa. As in Tapp. And about that umteenth and one diet? Don’t ask. And my six month goal? Drum roll…. my six month goal is to be able to *comfortably* wear my wedding dress on our thirtieth wedding anniversary February 4. Though I’ve not tried it on in twenty years, I know it’s a bit small for me —- well, okay, quite a bit —Oooooooo: now it’s out in the open. I can almost hear my new friend now: Yes, you can!