Parenting – Page 4 – The Welcome Home

“Lost time can never be redeemed.”

That statement rings in my ears.

As I thought back on the Titus2 meeting last evening I was mindful of things similar to the title of today’s blog entry… things I had intended to write about this morning but now my train of thought has gone elsewhere. So I continue to mull this over. “… Lost time can never be redeemed.” And while that is true, I consider the thought or the truth or the hope that lost time can, in fact, be repaired by the great Redeemer – but truly there is great wisdom in that “lost time can never be redeemed” statement. I’ll share some ‘repair’ thoughts later.

But for now, I simply want to focus on the source of that quote – contained in a sermon I heard this morning.

I was gripped with sorrow for people I don’t know – have never met – people who are mourning the loss of the fine young man who spoke those words in that sermon at age seventeen. I marvel at the wisdom and accomplishment of the young man whose nineteen years on this earth came to an abrupt end as his life was suddenly taken this past week. I grieve for the mother and father of that precious son – what fine training he obviously received. What honour they have received in the bearing and training this fine son. What wisdom in youth! What strength of character! What knowledge and understanding: rightly dividing the Word of Truth! What a testimony of God’s marvelous grace. May God help and bless the Billings family.

I listened to the sermon he preached – and it, for me, encapsulated my hope for young men – our young men and the sons of my sisters in Christ. Were I to attempt to define what should be the goal of child training or bringing up young boys who would be men, it would be this – it would be a life totally and completely yielded to God, a life of steadfastness to the end – faithful to the end – loyal to the end – blessed and being a blessing.

Here is an early tribute by Doug Phillips to

Michael Billings; 1988 – 2007, A Son of Hope, An Unparalleled Defender of the Faith, and a Bright Shining Star in the Kingdom of God…”

When you listen to Michael’s sermon, you will see why Doug Phillips also wrote:

Michael was the oldest young man I have ever met and the single most passionate champion of truth to emerge from the ranks of the Vision Forum students. He died without regret, justified, uncompromising — a righteous man if ever we knew one. “

In the closing of the message, Life is But a Vapor, Michael preached that day, he admonished:

Fear God and Keep His commandments…
night is falling: you must seize the day.”

What a fine young man. What a testimony of a life fully yielded to Christ. What hope for us mothers who wonder how might we live today in the training of sons.

Parenting and Grandparenting Little Ones

The interesting thing about grandparenting little ones while still bringing up little ones at home is the necessary time each requires. Necessary time for instilling priorities and grounding in the relationship, necessary time for attention and care and necessary time for establishing order and authority. It’s a tough balancing act at times.

There’s the grandparents inherent desire to be accepted, appreciated, loved, etc., by the grandchildren — something that really is natural in children, but somehow, generally, grandparents don’t have that solid assurance from their grandchildren that they have from their own children. I think it has to do with the entirely right and appropriate authority of parents. But I think parents have a lot to do with the level of authority and respect represented and shown for their children’s grandparents. Children know their parents are their “authorities,” but they have this testing ground with grandparents… do they have to obey them or not? do they have to listen or not. Again, parents bear a great responsibility here: they must guide the level of authority and responsibility and obedience.

I like to think of it this way: when we have a job to do, we take responsibility for the planning, execution and completion of the job. If we don’t have the freedom to do the job completely, then we’ve not really been given responsibility for the job. Same with grandparenting. Grandparents need to be given the “authority” to look after the children, to be obeyed and to discipline when necessary. When the grandchildren know these perameters or expectations are set, they will have the freedom to love and obey the grandparents as they ought — and when the grandparents are sure of their place in the grandchildren’s lives, they, too, have the freedom to love and care for the grandchildren appropriately.

But if the grandparents are don’t have the blessing of the children’s parents to be true grand-parents, then they’ll naturally go down another path bcz they’ll still want to have the loyalty and affection of the grandchildren—the grandchildren will know they don’t have to listen or obey the grandparents and so the grandparents will seek, perhaps manipulative, ways to gain the hearts of the grandchildren and, ironically, the grandchildren will attempt to manipulate the permissive grandparents.

When the grandparents don’t have the obedience of the grandchildren their relationship will on shaky ground. If the children’s parents are seeking to train up the children in the way they should go, and yet have compromising grandparents to deal with, then the grandchildren will be torn by the guilt they will come to have if/when they behave contrary to parent’s wishes. They will be torn by split loyalties. They will be trapped in the snares of temptation and permissive grandparents. And the foolish grandparents will wonder: what happened here?

But if the grandparents parent the grandchildren the way their children are seeking to parent their own children, then there will be harmony and security. This harmony and security will not only be experienced by the children, but by the parents and grandparents as well.

So back to that balancing act of parenting and grandparenting simultaneously. We have noticed that we must be extremely careful when caring for our grandchildren here in our home. It’s not all that noticeable in other’s homes where we and both our children/grandchildren are present. But in our home, we see the necessity of consistent parenting for both our young children and our grandchildren. We cannot allow our grandchildren the luxury of being/doing/saying what we don’t allow our own youngsters to be/do/say. And yet… there’s this unique dynamic that we also need to work to affirm our children (the parents of our grandchildren) but deferring to them when discipline is necessary or backing up recent discipline with appropriate boundaries. Our grandchildren witness this as see us as a “united front” with their parents. And our own little children (the aunts and uncles of the grandchildren) see us demonstrating the very same care and discipline and so they also have affirmation of a unified consistency. I can’t afford the consequences of not doing these things… and the children would be poorly served if I didn’t.

More another time on grandparenting and parenting young ones.

Some Home Making’s

Some Home Making’s	February 13, 2006

I had (late last night) decided that in the morning I’d like to share “Some Home Making’s” for today’s blog—and how faithful is the LORD—I had a direction late yesterday and He showed that He had a purpose for it today.

Our friend sent us an email this morning: “Type in your home address or a family members’ address. The web site will bring up a map of your neighborhood with small colored boxes on it. The small House icon represents your address; the colored boxes represent sex offenders in your area. Click on the colored boxes and it will bring up the offender’s photograph and the locations, names and employers. Click ALL AROUND, you will be amazed at the information you get!” http://www.familywatchdog.us/ So, out of curiosity, I did a check and was also amazed. I also found that I just was reminded to be more careful about “strangers” and to talk to the children about “strangers” and the need to be cautious as we go about our business in town or at the park, etc. I find that I need these simple reminders to talk to the children about the realities of life.

I think, as mothers of many children, we might sometimes tend to be lax or think we’ve covered the bases, so to speak, and sometimes forget “who knows what” as far as the different children in the family are concerned. For example: the other day I was asking one of the younger children to do a particular task and they sort of glazed over and didn’t know what to do—and so I smiled and asked, have I not taught you that yet? No. No, I hadn’t. Teaching, teaching, teaching. It never stops—it mustn’t stop. But we get weary in the well doing sometimes. But again, we mustn’t let weariness lead to neglect or indifference or wavering—or worse: giving up. That’s not an option—it may feel (some days) like an option—especially if we listen to bad counsel or the coarse talk of the day that is obnoxious and rude about the precious value of motherhood, parenting and children.

We need to stop and assess, from time to time, the understanding or knowledge of each of the children. Not just a “what are their strengths and weaknesses” sort of assessment, but: do they know this or that basic skill. Do they know particular numbers, protocol for different situations, how to find information they need, what would they do in this or that circumstance, etc., etc. I always amazes me when I realize that one of the younger children missed a particular teaching and how they just went on without it or compensated for it in some other manner. This could be anything from handwriting (how they come up with a particular formation of a letter that looks alright but is incorrectly performed) to sewing, cooking, math, cleaning, personal hygiene (bathing, flossing, tooth-brushing, wiping, etc.), housekeeping or whatever. Skills need to be learned, perfected and maintained. But it requires attentive attention. (sort of the way the LORD told the disciples: “And he said unto them, With desire I have desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer.” –Luke 22.15)

It’s attentive attention. It’s hearing *and* listening. With desire we must desire to parent and care for the children.

So, this has led to some “drilling” around here. Perhaps not all at once and not in a scary or confrontational way, but it has meant asking questions (from time to time—for clarity and reinforcement) of different age groups of children , from basic questions like: what is your full name, what is your address, what is your age, what is your phone number, what is your dad’s and mother’s name, what is your birthday, what do you do if a fire starts here or here, what do you do if the toilet overflows, what do you do if someone comes to you in the yard and mother is in the house, what do you do if a person we do or do not know tells you to do something we have told you not to do, what do you do if someone touches you inappropriately, what do you do if your are cut or injured or whatever, what do you do if someone tells you not to tell mother and dad about something—and you know it’s not a birthday surprise or something you need to discern as a “good” secret, etc., etc. All of these things require discretion.

And then, to older children, we need to evaluate from time to time, their responses to some of those similar questions that would be occurring in their lives. They need to know all those same answers throughout their childhood, but the scenarios will necessarily be different as they grow and mature and as their activities increase and their circle of freedom increases. They’ll have more and more opportunities to be “out” for parental sight or supervision and will be in settings where they will have to have earned privileges and trust and will have opportunity to demonstrate maturity and trustworthiness. For the older children, whether in home or public school, I think it’s vitally important to ask and receive answers to these and many more questions resulting from dialogue each day. I guess we cannot just assume they know answers and right responses and we must be very careful to correct wrong assumptions and wrong responses. This is easier said than done if the teens are older and communication has been compromised or limited.

Talking, talking, talking trough the years—and it’s never too early, I’m convinced, has astoundingly important implications and results. Totally open communication really and truly appears to be key in any relationship—-most especially in marriage and parenting. I’m also pretty sure it’s never too late.

So, what did all this have to do with the registered sex-offender link and information? Everything.