my story – Page 16 – The Welcome Home

Motherhood’s a coupla short words

Do you ever consider the words you say the most? I mean, besides, ” justa minute” or any other phrase you use to buy yourself a few more minutes of time before you tend to the ‘interruption” behind you? I’m thinking that the words I say most are these (and I must’ve read too many D. Seuss books early on bcz my words all tend to rhyme): no. go. so.

There’s any combination of: no throw(ing). you’re sure grow(ing). can you tie a bow? tell me what you know. can you show me? hurry, hurry, hurry, let’s not be slow. i do laundry, i’m a pro. yes, there are many children here… just look at my garden grow. stack them up, put them in a row. And everyday’s a marvel: well, whaddya know!

What got me to thinking about this is that I am gathering things to send to Timothy in Africa. And at the same time, we’re in the midst of gathering and preparation for Kathryn to leave for Uganda in a few days. And along with that, getting ready to send Hannah with our daughter-in-law to Florida for a little vacation. Go, go, go… see them go.

To all this growing and going I want to say, justa minute. Must you go so soon? And I think, where’d the time go? Has it been that many years since they were young? And then my mind is awash with memories and pictures pass through my thoughts like a slide show – only the slide show goes slower than time seems to have gone.

I think back on the younger years… all day long: no, no, no… come this way, let’s go… time to go… do you have to go? mama said, no. Good boy, I knew you could do it, I told you so! Can you do that yourself? There you go! Oopsie-daisy, here you go. Time to go night, night… let’s go. Time to brush your teeth: let’s go. Did you go? You made that picture —Ooooo! O, sure I want to know. My-o-my… how fast they grow. And then I look at the hands of time moving swiftly forward and I want to say, no. Let’s stay here awhile. Let’s take things slow.

But I’m sure that’s not how I saw things in the early days, when I was saying “no” and “go” much more than I ever do today. A few years into, what I fondly now call, the early days, older women were telling me to “enjoy these days” — and I’m pretty sure I nodded in agreement — but sometimes, inside, I was thinking: enjoy these days… hmmm… I’m just trying to get through them! And then, often enough (Thank You Lord) I’d have another woman say to me, “…enjoy these days…” and then I’d strengthen my resolve once more to think of motherhood as more than something to get through… but something to enjoy and the days more than something to just get through… and I did enjoy them – and I do, more, now.

O, I still say, “no” a lot. I still say, “go” a lot. But it’s funny… now the words are in a different order, the older the children get and the more they leave home. Go? Now, I’m saying, Is it time to go? And my insides hurt and I think, no. I hug them and kiss them and smile at what the Long has done… and I say, as much as I don’t want you to go… I’m so proud of you and I know it’s time to go. No, really: Go.

So……….

While I work I often find I’m singing and really am thinking of and thanking the Lord for His ways…

So Send I You

So send I you to labor unrewarded,
To serve unpaid, unloved, unsought, unknown,
To bear rebuke, to suffer scorn and scoffing,
So send I you to toil for Me alone.

So send I you to bind the bruised and broken,
O’er wand’ring souls to work, to weep, to wake,
To bear the burdens of a world aweary-
So send I you to suffer for My sake.

So send I you – to loneliness and longing,
With heart a-hungering for the loved and known;
Forsaking home and kindred, friend and dear one,
So send I you – to know My love alone.

So send I you – to leave your life’s ambitions,
To die to dear desire, self-will resign,
To labor long and love where men revile you,
So send I you – to lose your life in Mine.

So send I you to hearts made hard by hatred,
To eyes made blind because they will not see,
To spend, tho’ it be blood, to spend and spare not-
So send I you to taste of Calvary.

*After many years, Miss Clarkson added to the hymn, writing verses that reflected the trials, and the joys, of God’s call on the lives of his children. As she matured she recognized that she was sent out to minister to others, not in isolation, but in triumph.

So send I you – by grace made strong to triumph
O’er hosts of Hell, o’er darkness, death, and sin,
My name to bear, and in that name to conquer-
So send I you, My victory to win.

So send I you – to take to souls in bondage
The word or truth that sets the captive free,
To break the bonds of sin, to loose death’s fetters-
So send I you, to bring the lost to Me.

So send I you – My strength to know in weakness,
My joy in grief, My perfect peace in pain,
To prove My pow’r, My grace, My promised presence –
So send I you, eternal fruit to gain.

So send I you – to bear My Cross with patience
And then one day with joy to lay it down,
To hear My Voice, “Well done, My faithful servant –
Come share My throne, my kingdom and My crown.

“As the Father hath sent Me… so send I you.”

Margaret Clarkson – words
John W. Peterson – music

Pruning

The view from my kitchen sink seems not to have changed all that much for several months now. No leaves on the trees, no fruit on the vines, no blooms on the canes. Seemingly dead bushes and trees. But this morning I imagined a symphony rehearsing what will be a spectacular performance in a few short weeks from now. It’s as if the whole earth is rumbling getting ready for the pageantry of spring. The sun even seems to be eagerly anticipating the presentation of the spectacular!

The days are longer — several more minutes every day add to the glow of the evenings. I see the canes of the many bushes in my rose garden… I picture the pinks, whites, peaches, yellows and reds. I smile as I anticipate coming mornings where I will walk around to smell the roses and see each day’s handiwork of the Lord. I can almost feel the warmth of the sun on my face and nearly squint at the hope of the brightness of the sunshine.

But first… pruning. Soon, I’ll go out to cut back the unproductive canes, the thickest and seemingly best and strongest canes and the work will appear to have destroyed each rosebush. Each year as I prune the roses, I have this nearly gasping feeling that maybe this year the pruning will yield results opposite to my intent — and that intent is abundance of blooms and healthy plants – the deeper the pruning, the more prolific the yield – it will seem that the whole bush will be sacrificed. I used to give in to the feeling that taking away or deeply pruning canes would result in fewer beautiful roses since the canes would be fewer and shorter. So, in another of my many lessons from the garden, in those years there were very few roses and the bushes were diseased and weren’t beautifully full of rich shades of green leaves and buds.

I suppose it’s much like the children of Israel wondering if they will be protected, fed and led by the Lord. Doubting God. They chose their own way, they reasoned they knew better than God what was best for them. We often doubt that God will do what He has said He will do.

Well, I suppose that a garden of fragrant blooms isn’t exactly a promise of the Lord, but He has demonstrated to me, countless times over the years, His ways in the garden are pictures for me of His ways in my life, in my heart and in my home. The doubting He will guide and provide, the wondering if He is seeing and hearing and then the experiencing of His deep pruning the foolish, wasteful, unproductive areas of my life. Well, that’s the same with the roses. I love the Lord— and see His tender care for, in my life as in my garden, the deeper the pruning the sweeter the blooming.

I smiled as I read today’s Streams in the Desert… as God would have it, the devotion was on the importance of pruning. :o) God is sweet to me — always demonstrating His presence and confirming His ways.

So, here’s today’s Stream… may you be blessed as I am in the reading of it:

Pruned to Yield Fruit

“And every branch that beareth fruit he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit” (John 15:2).

A child of God was dazed by the variety of afflictions which seemed to make her their target. Walking past a vineyard in the rich autumnal glow she noticed the untrimmed appearance and the luxuriant wealth of leaves on the vines, that the ground was given over to a tangle of weeds and grass, and that the whole place looked utterly uncared for; and as she pondered, the Heavenly Gardener whispered so precious a message that she would fain pass it on:

“My dear child, are you wondering at the sequence of trials in your life? Behold that vineyard and learn of it. The gardener ceases to prune, to trim, to harrow, or to pluck the ripe fruit only when he expects nothing more from the vine during that season. It is left to itself, because the season of fruit is past and further effort for the present would yield no profit. Comparative uselessness is the condition of freedom from suffering. Do you then wish me to cease pruning your life? Shall I leave you alone?” And the comforted heart cried, “No!”

–Homera Homer-Dixon

It is the branch that bears the fruit,
That feels the knife,
To prune it for a larger growth,
A fuller life.

Though every budding twig be lopped,
And every grace
Of swaying tendril, springing leaf,
Be lost a space.

O thou whose life of joy seems reft,
Of beauty shorn;
Whose aspirations lie in dust,
All bruised and torn,

Rejoice, tho’ each desire, each dream,
Each hope of thine
Shall fall and fade; it is the hand
Of Love Divine

That holds the knife, that cuts and breaks
With tenderest touch,
That thou, whose life has borne some fruit
May’st now bear much.

–Annie Johnson Flint

I receive the Streams in the Desert by email each day, but am so blessed to have an original 1925 copy of the book, Streams in the Desert by Mrs. Chas E. Cowman, right here on my desk. The book was my father-in-law’s and that, I suppose, makes it even more meaningful to me. It’s a book very well worth searching for. There are newer, edited versions of this daily devotional. I just love the old books best.

speaking of letters…

We received a great letter yesterday from our boy, Timothy, in Ghana. Happily, we received a phone call from him yesterday afternoon as well! God is so merciful to us, each one… just the moment we have a need: He’s already there.

So, here’s a link to Timothy’s page… letters are on subsequent pages.

I’m sorting and filing piles and piles of papers, letters, pictures and cards here today… so strolling down memory lane does not allow much time for blogging. More later.

Time flies…

I was wondering… how long ago was it that we remodeled our upstairs bathroom? A couple of years? Three years? Already? Here’s what was happening in the month of February 2005

Timothy sent new pics… here’s the latest from Ghana and other pics, too – his page here. I love making pages for our children… their adventures and the Lord’s work in and through them. God is faithful. Always.

Timothy’s really working to acclimate to the culture and people of Ghana to get to know them and serve so that he can more fully relate to them and to proclaim the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ. So, his work continues… talking with locals, getting to know them and their families, helping the missionaries there and getting the missions training school ready and well… and becoming a local. ;o)

He’s really pretty incredible with a few buckets of paint. :o)

timothy painting

timothy painting room

This is his room now… it will eventually be a ‘boys dorm’ when the young men come to stay and study at the mission’s training school. I think Timo’s pretty pleased with the outcome of the room… it looks to me like a Ghanaian team room. :o)

Now we see why he brought soccer balls and wants us to send more. He uses them to start up conversations – and then friendships are begun. He gets attention by simply being there – but I’m thinking that he is getting attention because he is *living* there. The Lord says to *occupy* till He comes.

O, may we all be found *occupied* with the Lord today – not preoccupied with all the stuff of our plans.

What thirty years have taught me… the secret?

Are you looking for the key to happy marriage? The key to long marriage? I think we’re all looking for the key to something. Just think of the things for which you wish you had the key. I need to lose twenty pounds fast; what’s the key to fast weightloss. I wish I had buckets of money; what’s the to getting rich quickly? I wish we had happy, compliant and delightful children; what’s the key to perfect children? O, I wish our home looked like magazine photos; what’s the key to a beautiful and orderly home while raising children?

See, we all want the key – the key to success, the key to thinness, the key to youth — whatever our ______wish, we all know we secretly wish for the key to it. Same with marriage. Women are longing for the key to success in marriage. They think if they could just get a hold of that key – that special formula that would produce or unlock the door to success, they’d finally have a happy marriage – they’d be happy.

Well, here’s the secret: there is no magic key.

There is no magic formula and there is no dot to dot template. There is no ancient secret that only 33% of married couples are privileged to receive. Just like there aren’t people who are ‘just born organized’ or have ‘what it takes’ to have a large family, there aren’t people who just naturally have long happy marriages.

But.

Don’t you just love that word? But. I think it’s probably one of my very favourite words of all words. “But” conveys a whole host of things – it’s like a gigantic stop sign. It says, hey, things were going one way or things might look bad or bleak or hopeless !BUT! things don’t have to be. And here’s why: But God… but God who is rich in mercy…

I’m telling you faith in God is key to just about anything you’ll ever face. If you don’t have faith in God, you — quite literally — don’t have a prayer. That’s what I was meaning when I said yesterday that it is by the grace of God that we have been happily married as long as we have. If it weren’t the Lord who was on our side, I’m telling you truly, we would have capitulated to the great abyss of selfishness, self-centeredness, loss and quite possibly have been another of the casualties of marriage: divorced.

So, I’m going to say that there is a secret – but it’s no secret, really. The key to long marriage (besides physical longevity) is faith in God and the resolute affirmation that in this home – between these two people – now or ever – there will be no divorce. Period. We will strive together – not against one another – to preserve, protect, fortify and strengthen our walk with God, our faith in Jesus and our commitment to be the other for the other. It’s the resolve to say: Sweetheart: I am your other – you are my other and beside you there will never be another and beside me there will never be another. We together are the only other we are going to have. Ever. And by the grace of God, I will learn what it takes to be the best other for you beyond what you could ask or imagine.

Tomorrow I’ll share a bit more… some practical things I’ve learned and am working on – sort of what’s in the fabric of a long marriage.

What thirty years have taught me… p.o.a.t. don’t pout.

For many days now I’ve been mulling over the question: what have thirty years of marriage have taught me? When I look back at where we were, where we’ve been and all that’s happened through the years, all I can honestly say is that it is the kindness, the grace and the mercy of God that we’re where we are today. Now, that might be a preface one might use to begin telling the story of a once rocky marriage or the story of a marriage that was saved from shipwreck. In deciding to use the “it’s by the grace of God…” preface is to say that we are humbly aware that the blessings, the good things, etc., etc., are all by the grace of God. That preface is used to convey the thought that we are in awe of the benevolent grace and mercy of the Lord we’ve been immersed in through all these years.

I know that years have softened rough edges of difficulties or trials, disappointments, lack and loss through the years and that my memories are probably a bit selective and my vision is not as sharp as it once was, but I’m not wearing rose coloured glasses today to gloss over reality. Perhaps more accurately though, I find that there’s some real benefit to wearing rose coloured glasses… it’s in wearing them that there’s a blessing to just be able to pass over the things that really don’t matter and to glowingly see the things that do. And so, that’s probably my introduction to what thirty years of marriage have taught me: to pass over the things that really don’t matter and joyfully anticipate and savour the things that do. Because, truly, most things we fret (or fretted) over, or make (or made) a big deal over, are really not (or weren’t) all that important.

In the end, some of those little irritations, those petty arguments, and selfish preferences really didn’t and really don’t matter. And so, what I wish I had known then (whenever the ‘then’ was — yesterday, ten years ago, twenty years ago or even thirty years ago) are things I know (a bit more) now. I’ve been learning more and more through the years to just pass over the unimportant things *and* to not make big things out of little things. Thirty years have taught me that we honestly and truly will forget or think unimportant those things that in the past might’ve gripped us — those things we might’ve at one time thought of as impossible, irreconcilable differences or grievances. So, what are those things?

Well, I’ve wondered a lot lately: what are the things that I was or might’ve been irritated over in the past or what things made me frustrated, nervous, disappointed, and etc.? Put in perspective, I’ve thought of this question further in this context: if Wes were to die tonight, what would not matter or what would not have mattered? Really… deep down matter? Then, for even more clarity: if he only had three and a half months to live, would some of this stuff matter at all? Would those things that didn’t get done or those things I wanted to do and didn’t or couldn’t — what, if anything, would matter or be worth quibbling over?

Some inconsiderate comment? Socks on the floor? Forgetting important details of a story? Neglecting to remember an appointment? Not being as ‘good’ or as ______ (fill in the blank here) as Mrs. So ‘n so’s husband? Would I care about some of my have not’s? Would I be impatient with him? Would it irritate me that he forgot to do or say something? Would I find it drudgery to run another errand for him, or wait for him, or have him be late for dinner or whatever great or small inconvenience was in my path?

Well, since we don’t know the day or the hour of our own death, our husband’s death or the great or small activities we may face. One thing i do know is this: the Bible says, “The discretion of a man defereth his anger and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.” – we read in Proverbs 19.11. A glory to pass over a transgression? A glory? Yes. It is a glory to just let things go – to say, it doesn’t matter. Let that comment go into the sea of forgetfulness. I know poat is not a great acronym – it’s not catchy and it’s not all the attractive. So the only thing I’ve ever been able to tie it to is this: poat, don’t pout.

So… that’s probably one of the greatest benefits or lessons I’ve been learning through the years. Let those disappointments, those trials, those insensitive words or comments, those missed marks – misunderstandings, those less than ideal conditions… let then slip away and be cast into the sea of forgetfulness.

Last night as we were dining in a delightful little Greek restaurant – Monday night, notoriously not a very busy night of the week in restaurants, we had smatterings of conversations with our server… a beautiful young woman glowing with early pregnancy and youth. Later she asked what brought us to the island and what we were celebrating; we told her today’s our thirtieth wedding anniversary! Glowing. :o) She was taken aback and quickly offered: “Wow, congratulations!”

Later she returned and said… so I want to know: what would you tell me is the key to long marriage?

Pass over things. Not a lot of what you think’s important today is really all that important. Let little things go… don’t be petty and don’t get easily ruffled or offended. It doesn’t matter… it really doesn’t matter. Delight in him… let him know it – live it every day. You may not have tomorrow. Make today the best today. Trust the Lord. We talked a little bit about a lot of different things.

She returned again later saying she wanted to take care of our dessert for us for being such an encouragement and blessing to her. The whole evening was delightful… as sweet as thirty years of dessert.

now, we’re thirty.

By the grace of God… we do celebrate thirty years – of marriage and family.

our wedding

thirty

You know, I sometimes find it hard to believe I’m over thirty years old… but it’s harder for me to fathom thirty years of marriage. And, in many ways, it feels like we’re just beginning. So… now we’ve sure been reminiscing. Thirty years… February 4, 1978.

I think over then next few days I’ll write a little bit about marriage and what thirty years has taught me. I’ve loved being married. I’ve loved being married to the man I’m married to. You know, lately I’ve been thinking of so many things… I smile as I think that in many ways, he’s not the same man I married. The man I married was not my lifelong companion, my fully and completely trusted friend, my safe harbour in the storms of life. The man I married was not the father of eleven children… he hadn’t been proven, tested, strengthened, beaten down, bold to start over again and again. The man I married was invincible and I’m sure I thought he’d never get old, never get sick, never get tired and never fail. The man I married was adventuresome and he was charming, delightful and thought I was everything.

At the time, I was far from thirty. I was, by any standard, a very inexperienced and often foolish girl. I didn’t know… well, let’s just say that, looking back now, I didn’t know much about anything.

True story: one day, shortly after we were married, I went shopping and bought groceries. Lots of groceries. I recall that I spent $176. Yep, lots of groceries. There were just the t-w-o of us in our one bedroom-upstairs apartment. I have no idea now how I could’ve purchased all those groceries for t-w-o people. But I did. I was from a very small family – just three of us, by the way, and I, myself, was very small and didn’t eat much. So, the groceries…

Well, I got them all put away and it must have been just a short time later that I proceeded to make the dinner. I call it ‘the dinner’ bcz I fixed fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, peas and carrots, salad, rolls and a blueberry pie. That’s what was in the picture in my cookbook. I loved my kitchen and my new cookbooks — my new world. Wes hardly said a word all through dinner… just kept smiling and eating. He’d look around the table at all the place settings I had set out (because I thought the dishes looked so pretty) and he’d smile at me and keep on eating. At the end of the meal, still holding my hand, he said that was the best meal he’d ever eaten. (btw – I *never* make that meal anymore)

Well, anyway, another day, in the early months, I decided to bake an apple pie. Hmmmm. Pare and core. Hmmmm. What does that mean? So, I called my husband at work (I know, I cannot believe it either) to ask him what does it mean to pare and core the apples? Is that peeling them and cutting them up? Yes, he says, I think that’s it! So, I asked him, then why didn’t they just write: Peel and core? O, I see… the paring is the peeling and slicing process. Okay.

I’m sure it’s the best pie I ever made – truly. That’s what he told me. And I still believe him. 🙂

The man I married didn’t have a whole lot of worries, concerns or responsibilities – O, I think they were there, but there were really few things that ever concerned him. I’d never seen him weep. I’d never seen him disappointed. I’d never seen him sad or weary. Thirty years has some sorrows. Thirty years has some disappointments. Thirty years has a bunch of memories – so many, many memories. Thirty years is to me now a very, very long journey with lots of hills and valleys, beautiful sunrises, full moons and leaves falling. Thirty years sees lots of blooms, hopes and dreams and lots of stormy days, but enough sunny days to warm the heart and the skin on your shoulders. Sunny days, soft breezes…thirty years sees lots of answers to prayer, lots of ways the LORD went before and provided and guided the path. Thirty years… watching children grow and go; kneeling beside our bed in prayer, walking the floor with fussy babies, standing beside cribs to just watch. Thirty years of watching and waiting, praying and hoping. Thirty years around the table… at bedsides, and fevers, soft baths and fluffy towels, streams in the deserts, steep hills and rocks on the path… soft rain on roses.

On the night we were married, I recall him looking into my eyes and I thought at that moment I could never love him more. But I also know now, that I didn’t really know what love — true love — was. I had not yet really seen the Hand of the LORD, I had not understood the provision of God – and didn’t know what it was to have a marriage as a picture of Christ and the church. I now know that I didn’t have any idea the blessing in store in the gift of my husband. I had not yet seen him tenderly caring for my every need, immersed in the moment, looking into my eyes, helping me through contraction after contraction, baby after baby… each time overwhelmed with love and gratitude looking into the face of each newborn baby and then over at me. He wept over those babies… and sometimes still does, even though they’re far from those days now.

I didn’t know the man I married would still be saying to me nearly every single morning, in answer to: how’d you sleep? Fine, I got to sleep next to you, didn’t I? And you know… after he had a heart attack and was still in the hospital and I slept in our bed alone, when I awoke, it wasn’t that I felt it was so hard to sleep alone, but it was hard to wake up alone. My heart is tender for those who are waking up alone today. The bittersweets of life.

I never thought we’d be thirty… but I sure am glad… and I wouldn’t trade a single day away for anything, anyone, anywhere in the world.

Today’s slice… such things as I have

Catching up…

I was thinking of contrasts today. Chilly here and 90 in Africa. Raining here but snowing up the street. Contrasts. But weather related contrasts weren’t the only ones I was thinking of. I smile now — because the day’s over and everything got done that needed to get done — but I smile, too, bcz early in the day I was fretting about some of the “such things as I have” and the condition of some of the “such things as I have.” And, by the way, some of those “such things as I have” were not things at all – they were schedules, relationships, children, etc., etc.

Now, I’m generally pretty content with the “such things as I have” things of life — until I’m not. And when I’m not, I fret. I worry. I compare. I doubt. And then I must needs repent. Truly. It’s almost as if I can see a visible dark cloud hanging over me when I begin to travel down that path – and I know it’s not a path of faith and trust. I have to stop and literally tell myself that whatever it is I am fretting over is really not that important or I have to ask: is this really that important? Is what I’m concerned over really mine to carry or whatever? What I endeavor to say is: if I’m the Lord’s – and I am, then I needn’t fret over the things I do or don’t have, the schedules or the children or the relationships or whatever else I’m fretting about. For, if I’m the Lord’s – and I am, then I have somehow stepped off the path or somehow determined I can and do know what’s best for me or how things are going to work out or whatever. And one precious thing I do know is this: what a blessing to not know what’s down the road or to not know just exactly the details and order of the outcome of things in my life.

I am working at being contented with the “whatsoeverthingsIhavetoday” things of life. For, all of these tasks, all of these needs to meet, all of these relationships, expectations and interruptions are all part of the “whatsoeverthingsIhavetoday” that God has given me – both for my good and His glory ( should I be faithful to yield my heart to Him and to obey). I know I want to obey I know I want to trust Him – and truly, these are not just precious words to a favourite hymn: I know I want to trust and obey, for truly I know there’s no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

I continue to work at being content… and I think of Philippians 4.11

Not that I speak in respect of want:
for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am,
therewith to be content.

I used to say: especially if that state is California… but I ~~try not to~~ don’t say that ~~very often~~ ~~much~~ anymore. really.

So, let’s see… on the home front, we have turned another corner. We’ve made some practical adjustments to our schedule and day to day activities, juggled the dailies and reassigned chores and have set our minds to work, so to speak, so that we can be more productive each day. We had slipped into some pretty sloppy habits… with chores and schoolwork and playtime and bedtime all sort of getting mixed up and out of order. So, it was a necessary thing to talk over all these things and make an adjustment in our course. So, consequently, our rise ‘n shine time is much earlier again – as is bedtime.

I think I’ve gotten all the laundry done and I don’t see Timothy’s things coming through the wash now (except the items the different brothers absconded). I smile as I think of him… I could tell from his letter today he’s doing fine; happy to be where he is, and from piecing different notes together that he has sent to me and to some of the children, I’d say he is adjusting to life in Africa just fine. It’s a very hard life compared to here in America – there are very few amenities and fewer luxuries – those have likely already run out. But he’s where he’s always wanted to be and that’s just fine with me… Fine doesn’t necessarily mean easy – but like I’ve said before, I’d rather have him in the Hand of the LORD anywhere in the world than anywhere outside of the will of the LORD. I’d never want to spare him discomfort if it would mean compromising truth and trust in the LORD.

It’s all good.

It might not be all that noticeable, but I’m attempting to steer clear of hot topics floating in the blogosphere these days. Sometime back, my husband made a comment that we ought to have a strong conviction to work at charity in speech and so… I thought it fitting to recall what he said and to let those words sink down into these fingers and refrain from all the controversies. You know, years ago when I first started blogging… it was just simply a means to daily make notes of what was going on in our home, comments on mails I was receiving, websites I was visiting, and occasionally, comments regarding the ‘state of the church’ and some political going’s on. I just blogged informally for fun and info.

Nowadays, there are blogs are everywhere —great blogs everywhere— and that’s just it: great blogs everywhere (and not enough time to read them all – good as they are!). But there’s also another thing going on and that is the proliferation of blogs that are used to take potshots and sabotage others. I know we all engage in that to one degree or another (me included) from time to time in our speech or writing. But it sure seems there’s a lot more going on recently and it’s sad — O, it might be expected in the mainstream media, of course, but among believers, there ought to be a bit more discretion… especially when we’re dealing with things that are the “gray” areas of the Word — those things that are not clearly spelled out and yet are part of the Word – I think maybe part of the ‘he who has ears to hear, let him hear.” Sometimes those gray areas are what define us or distinguish us from others – either in the world or in the church – so we may bring up an issue, a trend or a topic – a book or an article or some other matter – share it, perhaps discuss it and then let it go at that. God knows… and He’ll work. I think there’s some value in discussion; but to continually dredge up and take part in all the ugliness of debates is really a poor use of time and space – both for the writer and the readers.

Besides, we all have so many “such things as we have” to deal with.

The dawn of another year…

I didn’t really make any new year’s resolutions this year. I don’t ever really do well with resolutions – I set lofty ideals and then fail. But you know, there really is something about a new year, a fresh start, a clean slate that has a particular appeal to me. I want things to go well – I want things to be fresh and new and without all the problems or blemishes of the past or without the obvious failures or even partial successes of the past. So, I guess I must, deep down, have a desire to set and keep new year’s resolutions — even though I say (or feel like) I don’t.

So, I’ve been mulling over many things in the last several days. You know, the good things and hard things of the last year – the “all that happened in 2007” things. I’ve been mulling over some of my life “resolves” — things I resolve to do, be or say. Sort of the planks I stand on in life. What are they, for sure? I’ve been asking. I’ve also been praying… I’ve asked the Lord, what would You tell me or what would you show me if my whole heart was fully yielded to You? What could You do with or through me if I were totally yielded to You? I listen for the voice of the Lord — but I suppose many times I discount the voice or I think I don’t hear completely or whatever. O, how I want to be resolved that I will seek the Lord – I want to hear the voice that Elijah heard (1Kings 19), when the Lord was not in the wind or the earthquake or the fire – but was there… a still small voice. And I know God is faithful – He is and has been faithful. I think of those things I feared but that did not come to pass. Those things that I feared that did come to pass —but— the Lord was with me — He was before me. He is before me and behind me. His grace is sufficient for the day and His provision is steadfast and abundant: beyond what I could ask or imagine.

On this first day of 2008, I’ve had the privilege of seeing some of the most spectacular sights on earth. From the rising of the sun to the darkness of night, I’ve been keenly aware of the presence of the Lord. Early this morning, I stood on a hilltop looking out over the vast prairie of Idaho; it was still and quiet except for the sound of snow crunching under foot and a few birds that would occasionally swoop down. The view was absolutely breathtaking; it seemed I could see for a thousand miles — and I was filled with astonishment at the beauty of the Lord and of His creation.

Later, as we traveled west, over hills and valleys, through strong winds, over great rivers and hundreds of miles wheat fields blanketed with fresh snow which was illuminated by the sun and it seemed to glisten like millions of millions of diamonds. We were again mesmerized by God’s handiwork — His provision — His creation. Many hours later, as we traveled down our lane, we could see the little twinkle lights in the windows seeming to say: welcome home… and now in the warm house we’re mindful of His answers to prayer, His merciful kindness, His protection and provision and all we can say is: thank You.

I Stand In Awe Of You
Mark Altrogge

You are beautiful beyond description
Too marvelous for words
Too wonderful of comprehension
Like nothing ever seen or heard
Who can grasp you infinite wisdom
Who can fathom the depth of your love
You are beautiful beyond description
Majesty enthroned above

And I stand, I stand in awe of you
I stand, I stand in awe of you
Holy God to whom all praise is due
I stand in awe of you.

It is the dawn of a new year, and I am filled with both awe and hope – for what He has done and what He will do. And I do stand in awe of the LORD… I’ve had time to think of what God’s done in the past year – again, those things I feared that did, and those things I feared that didn’t, come to pass in the last year. O, the countless miracles and tender mercies of the Lord. It’s because of these things and more that I resolve to obey the LORD and I do stand in awe.

So, the first plank I want to stand on this year is the plank of faith.
The second plank I want to stand on this year is the plank of wisdom.
The third plank I want to stand on this year is the plank of truth.
Still another plank is the plank of discretion.

At the dawn of this new year… may I — may we — be found faithful. I pray God will complete the work He’s begun.