marriage – Page 4 – The Welcome Home

Young Couples

For a few years now, we’ve had the privilege of having a weekly Bible study in our home. It’s been interesting and encouraging to watch the LORD work and show us new things, confirm or affirm old studies or understanding and to sharpen us in our walk with Him (and one another). Another tremendous blessing we’ve experienced is the blessing of walking with a young “newlywed” couple. I say “newlywed” that way bcz though they may feel like they’ve been married a long time now, to us it’s been a short time… not yet a year.

So last night we were talking together in our living room, after our study, and we were hearing some ideas they had about work and business opportunities and their plans. It’s always delightfully refreshing to talk with them as they’re so open, teachable and receptive to advice — now, that’s not to say that we tell them things and they automatically do them. No, no, no… that’s not what I mean by: receptive. What I mean is that they hear, consider and ponder their course. Perhaps what we share will be valuable to them and perhaps just a part of it will be useful. Whatever the case, they’re pliable… sort of like clay in the Hand of the Potter. O, and isn’t that just how we all desire to be to the LORD — pliable, yielded and tenderhearted toward the LORD?

Well, we were talking over some series of events early in our marriage and I was sharing with them that I’ve observed that most older folks — folks who’ve been married a number of years, would likely give nearly the same advice to young people. It’s really immaterial where they live, what they own, where they’ve been, etc., etc. What they would advise is very nearly the same. If they had it to do over, they would have saved regularly, they would have been more careful with their time and they would have developed healthful eating and exercise habits early on. We shared that we heard that advice early on. We heard it over and over and over. We didn’t heed that advice. We didn’t need to… we could keep working and we didn’t feel all that bad… so diet was sort of insignificant and exercise unnecessary. Oooooooooooo, wrong.

I shared that they could ask any couple and they’d likely hear the very same answers. That’s why marriage and finance books keep being written, that’s why health, diet and exercise books keep being written and that’s why New Year’s resolutions are essentially the same year after year. So I suggested that maybe they’d be ones to “break the mold” that maybe they’d hear and heed; maybe they’d be sitting in our place in thirty years telling the same thing to a young couple… only this time, from the perspective of having done so through the years and not later in their marriage.

We cautioned them about things not always being as they seem and that things never stay the same – of that they could be assured. We cautioned them about businesses offering grand income and little investment. We cautioned them about motives and how the accumulation of wealth –for most people– changes their outlook and a little more is always better. We talked about contentment and work and the necessity of having or doing both! It’s really easy to think that wealth wouldn’t change us and easier still to think that we’d be very, very generous if we made a large amount. Truth is, we’d all likely change and take care of ourselves first and then if, and that’s a big if, we had extra, we’d spread it around liberally.

Well, that brought up another topic and that was the matter of dual, or two, incomes… and the need to adjust their living expenses/needs and expectations to one income. Now, lest it seem we went from teaching or sharing to meddling, it was actually all part of the natural flow of the conversation. They shared that they’d been considering that quite a bit and had worked to that end themselves. See what I mean about them being pliable? The LORD was already working in their hearts… He was just using our conversation to clarity or affirm it to them (and to us). It’s no secret to them how we see the hand and working of the LORD in marriage and family.
We shared how that the LORD had cared for every single thing that’s concerned us, our family, our children, our home, our business, etc., etc, for nearly thirty years. In nearly thirty years we have had all our needs met — that though there were/are some very low times, very tough times, there was/is never a time where we did not have just what we needed — and we *needed* those tough times — especially early on! We needed to see God be God and for our faith to be strengthened and deepened. We needed His care in that way — we needed to see that no matter how foolish, how careless, or how faithless *we* were (are), He never is. He is always and only good. He is always and only faithful. We needed to *see* that and now… in faith we see how He was guiding us all the while. He was drawing us all the while. He proved (though He did not need to) Himself strong on our behalf. He was (is) forgiving and He was (is) our provider. We needed to see that… we need it now. He *is* faithful.

So… what a delight to talk and walk with those who are not as far down the road in years… but who walk with God and we share that very sweet and very strong bond of family in Him.

Birth-Control vs Lordship of the Womb

…and there is really so much to say on this matter.

As I was sharing yesterday and the day before on some pretty sensitive matters, I recognize that the matter of marriage, family size, the sovereignty of God and Lordship of the womb is probably one of the most volatile topics concerning marriage and family… and, sadly, is not embraced and promoted by the mainstream Christian writers/teachers/preachers in the church today and is seldom embraced by Christians in general — what a pitiful indictment against the church. Actually, I think that birth control and immodest and/or gender-neutral clothing are a couple of the most blatant. Both pit believers against God’s design. What a sad commentary – what a pitiful contradiction of the Word.
So I’ve continued to mull over the consequences of birth-control or the determined limiting of family size or the selfish, purposeful prevention of conception all together. The consequences are both huge and lasting and I believe the enormity of longterm effects in and through the church cannot be measured. Intentional barrenness is a strong delusion and judgment. Consider, simply, the contradiction to God’s Word those tiny little pills on a wheel present. Consider God’s eternal purpose and the design those little pills violate.Consider… the apple.

And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food,
and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired
to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat,
and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.
Genesis 3.6

Just like that pretty red apple was, I think Birth-control is that expedient or pragmatic approach to most all many relationships marriages. But, in reality, we as Christians are not called to pragmatic living or to expedient living—we are called to faith. We are called to trust. I suppose that’s why I respond so ardently in opposition to things I know to be in violation of God’s design. The Bible isn’t antiquated, blessings aren’t antiquated and prayer is not passé. So, why then do most Christians deny the LORD in this area or reject His design for women, for marriage, for family and for the home? Now, it might not be an obvious or intentional rejection, but, in reality, Christians reject God’s design.

God’s so “pro-life!” just look at the intentional design of men and women… think of the millions of opportunities He has designed to meet *one* egg! Over and over and over… month after month. Now, that’s PRO-life! He surely didn’t have latex in mind back in the garden! And I don’t think it’s in His design today. He didn’t hand Eve her little leaf-purse size wheel of pills to take for three weeks of every month… especially when those little pills not only manipulate her cycle but also do not prevent conception… pregnancies are ended but conceptions aren’t prevented. What a sad sad thing… the church stands in line to swallow. If you’ve got a prescription for ten or twenty more years of blessing control, then I would respectfully ask you to pray about the next pill you intend to swallow. You may never have thought to question the methods you follow or the seemingly normal course of your life. You’d be innocently following what most people in the Church are teaching today (whether in the pulpits or by their lives). But—-when you are faced with the reality of the truth—when you truly hear the Truth of the Word… then… then, at that moment, at that point: you are responsible for your actions/decisions/behaviour. O, your actions may not instantly follow – but I’d say that like in all other areas of spiritual conviction, obedience is key. Prayer is key.
I had a comment that referenced the concept of “full quiver” thinking and I thought on that quite a bit—and respect what the writer was saying. Actually, I’ve thought on the matter quite a bit for many years and have many times attempted to personally steer clear of that label “full quiver” simply bcz I think it tends to do what birth-control does—only, in reverse. I think just as using birth control to limit family size is manipulative, so also (as many attempt to do) attempting to “have as many as possible” is sort of man-centered. And then… what often follows is another sad commentary bcz when man suddenly feels over loaded or “can’t handle anymore” then many (I’ve known) suddenly say: enough’s enough and the quiver is “full.”In the strictest sense or the intended sense of the term “quiverful” I suppose is, if a couple genuinely determines to be full-quiver or quiverful minded, then they just determine to leave the “quiver” open and the Lord fills it with arrows as He chooses… and in that, I would fully understand and agree with.But I think the problem with saying outloud that one is “quiverful minded” is that it tends to ostracize those with few or none and elevate those with “many.” I’ve known quite a number of women who have completely given the matter of conception and pregnancy to the LORD and yet have one, none or few children. There are many explanations for the none, one or few children… diabetes, pcos, cancer, endometriosis, hormone imbalances, age and on and on – just to name a few. These women are just as QF as the ones who’ve carried many children. So, that’s why I tend to avoid that label and attempt to strictly concentrate on the Lordship issue or position. For, when one is simply submitted to the LORD and to whatever He leads, directs, provides, etc., then whatever the outcome: none, few, many: will have been of faith. Period.

I’d just implore praying the LORD would provide the table… that the husband and wife could dine together and then as they thank the LORD for His mercy, His grace and His precious gift of salvation — for one another, for the meal they share and for His provision, that they would just humbly ask if He’d provide more chairs. And, if He sees fit to do so, then… praise. If not, then… praise. He is the LORD.It’s never too late to surrender one’s life, home, marriage, womb, children… to the LORD. O, the enemy will make it seem that way, but it is *never* too late this side of heaven. It’s never too late to repent of failings, of fear, of lack of faith, of surgical or chemical decisions/actions and it’s never too late to turn from following the ways of the lost and yield to the Living Lord. Never… it’s never too late this side of Heaven. You may never have another child. You may never bear a child in your womb. Lordship of the womb is not about numbers of children conceived there… it’s simply about faith regarding whatever does or does not happen there.

Choose you this day whom you will serve… And if anything but skin has come between you and your husband… pray. The LORD hears prayer. And He answers.

Lord of the Womb… another non-optional.

I’m steeped in thought about this matter this morning – not just bcz of celebrating another birthday in our home and not just bcz I wrote about some non-optionals yesterday… but bcz another day passes that reminds me that the season of childbearing has passed on by and I’m beginning to walk through the leaves and am no longer sitting under the shade trees of summer.

So, I think further on non-optionals – and today: the non-option of the lordship of the womb. The womb belongs chiefly and solely to the LORD, our Creator. We were created by Him for His glory. He is our Creator and He *is* creative in and through us! Wow. It’s both humbling and exhilarating to even catch a glimpse of the power of this thought-this Truth. He is the Creator-He is Lord. He is Lord of our lives, Lord of our homes, Lord of our marriage, and Lord of all that concerns us. And that… that should naturally be followed by the acknowledgment that He is also Lord of the womb. One would think that above all people on the earth, Christians would stand in awe of this Truth (and live it out!). But, no, Christians— (should be) followers of Jesus Christ— seem, on the whole, to be least likely to embrace this Truth.

I think this is part of the fallout from the teaching and preaching that says, man is created with a god-shaped whole in his heart that only God can fill and that man needs to embrace God for a life of lasting happiness, yada, yada, yada. No… man is born in sin and eternally separated from God and cannot escape death and eternal judgment apart from a life redeemed in salvation by faith and trust in and through Jesus Christ. So teachers/preachers do an incredible disservice (and actually preach a different little “g” gospel) to their hearers when they teach health, wealth, prosperity and lasting happiness – instead of teaching/preaching the Truth of the Supreme Righteousness of God and life and salvation through faith in Him alone. It is then that believers walk in Truth that God is sovereign, that He *is* Lord and He *is* to be feared and He *is* to be trusted and He *is* to have the preeminence in our lives and we *are* to honour, obey, seek, serve and worship *Him!*

Instead… today we have a misinterpretation —a social gospel— that man decides what’s best for man, man decides what *he* thinks seems right and what feels good for wherever he’s at at the time through his version or fluid interpretation of what he wants God’s Word to say and mean. Dangerous. Relativism is probably the most destructive element in the church today… but, interestingly, it really doesn’t matter what man thinks, does or says… bcz God *is* still on the throne and He *is* still Lord of all – whether *all* or few or none think so or not. God is the LORD.

Now why is all that important to the topic of Lordship of the womb? Bcz and incorrect or an erroneous view of God leads to an erroneous view of the Christian walk and, more specifically, a flawed foundation for marriage.

Today, and I am speaking of Christian marriage here, we see a great deal of the infiltration of worldly thought. Consider: young couples marry. Brides, for the most part, look *just like* the world, not sacred and covered, are prepped for their life ahead by the standards of the world, thus, marriages begin on a foundation set by the standards of world. Both work outside the home -roles are blended or are interchangeable. The marriage bed is defiled. The plan is not for God to bless the home and the womb – but rather the couple sets out to make the plan–seeking “their own way” for their marriage. The first step taken before marriage (even if they physically-relationally stay “pure”) is to be sure and get some barrier for the marriage bed. There seems to be no thought for the biblical standards or design of marriage – though they are clear. From the beginning, the standard of, or the design for, marriage is very clear. But, since we have an enemy of our souls, the enemy of God, it surely stands to reason that marriage will be the clearest target—especially when we know that God says that marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. Whew! That’s big–that’s tremendous! So the distortion of marriage, of the home, and centrally: the destruction of godly seed, is the chief aim of the enemy of our souls–the enemy of God. But remember, satan is a defeated foe (else the death, resurrection and life of Jesus was for naught) and death has no more dominion over the believer in Jesus. That is the record.

I share all that bcz I see more and more that when the foundation is incorrect or flawed, then the whole building is out of kilter. And this is seen nowhere more clearly than in the way and working of the Christian home. The enemy will use all sorts of tactics to destroy the home… if he can’t do it through simply breaking down the marriage through by lust, pornography, etc., etc., then he’ll go through the wife by fear, covetousness, discontent, etc., etc., and the place of greatest attack will be in the womb.

Many years ago we sat in a forum where people were discussing the greatest threat to the Church. People threw out ideas as to what those threats might be. After a couple of hours and much debate, I sheepishly contended that birth-control is one of the greatest threats to the church today. That was close to twenty years ago – and I thought I felt pretty strongly about it then – but today… this many years later, I couldn’t be more resolute in that stand. I actually liken it to the abortion holocaust in America (and around the world); it (along with its close cousin: pornography) is the holocaust of the Christian marriage.

I know that’s a bold statement. I know it’s a strong position to take—that birth-control has no place in the Christian marriage. It’s a strong and loaded statement to say that birth-control is for people who shouldn’t be getting pregnant. And who shouldn’t be getting pregnant? People who are not married. So who shouldn’t be in that position? Anyone who is not married… and on and on. Birth-control is license to sin. Yeah. Just like pornography is license to commit adultery. Yeah. It’s all man-centered… it’s the infiltration of secular humanism… man does what man thinks is best and it’s according to man’s interpretation of what is.
So… no birth-control. Then should Christians try and have as many babies as possible? No. Should Christians work their situation to make fertility favourable? No… not really. For that is as man-centered manipulation – not faith. We are called to walk by faith, not by sight. I never think that couples should try and have as many babies as *they* can. That’s (to me) a roundabout form of birth-control. I think and say that Christian couples should *not* fear what God will do in and through them and should *wait* on Him for *His* provision —whatever that is. And… amazingly, that might be many, it might be none, it might be few, it might be one: child/ren. What is true is that it’s God’s creation. His and His alone. If we believe He is God (and He is) and we say we trust Him, then we trust Him. Period. We trust Him.

His ways are not our ways, His ways are higher than our ways. We cannot see. Period. We cannot see… the great and marvelous things He has planned for us, the ways He has for us to bring Him glory and honour. Some will have many, some will have few, some will have none… BUT! we should all be glad for His blessings… whatever they are. And children are a blessing… God says they are. We should live in, or seek to live in, agreement with what *He* says is true. I’ll write more about this tomorrow… for the topic is great and it’s importance cannot really be measured.
I have this on one of my pages on our website:
So again I say, sisters: pray… study, pray, research and trust God for His direction, plans and purposes in your life and trust Him for the outcome! Do this: Pray! Prove all things, hold fast that which is good!! I do not believe that there is a drug, an herb, a method or a formula or any other performance that can be prescribed and followed in order to bring about or “make” conception happen outside living according to God’s marvelous design for marriage. It is and will only be: God. It is God who opens and God who closes the womb. It’s all God. I simply believe He gives us understanding, nutrients, etc., to be prepared for His ways should He choose to so move and bring about pregnancy.”

Dates and gifts

cup We went on a date on Saturday night ― out to dinner to a place I love. Well, I love going out on dates anywhere, so the place or location really doesn’t matter to me all that much. Actually, even dates at Home Depot or wherever, whenever and however the time happens, dates are sweet to me (and make me sweet to him, btw).

So we went on a date. Yes, it was wonderful date and adding to the delight, it was a double-date with dear friends. We went to a local restaurant that serves beautiful food beautifully and the atmosphere (aided by fond memories of previous dinners there) is always marvelous. It was the first day of my umpteenth diet, and so following dinner, I *shared* dessert. So today’s the first day of my umpteenth and one diets. We saw the sunset and had delightful conversation and laughed as shared common “parenting stories” and ways the LORD is dealing with us and in and through our families.

Later, sweet conversation lingered as we drove home in our sports car. Well, to us for that evening it was a sports car to others, it might’ve looked like a doctor’s waiting room on wheels — and with only two patients sitting in the waiting room, the 13 empty seats make the waiting room look much larger than when all the seats are occupied (with people, carseats and assorted paraphernalia). We chuckled that we can sit in that waiting room for $100. for 400 miles now. We laughed at how quiet it was ― and after stopping to turn off a reading light that must’ve been left on from the last family ride, we laughed at how far back those seats really are. The lengthy roll of paper that was on one side: a Costco receipt, was a reminder that we weren’t really alone… just on a date.

We reflected on the dinner table conversation earlier in the evening where we talked about dates, dating, all the definitions of “courtship” and children. Our friends were talking about the recreation of dating and its assorted other recreational activities and how kids are entertained to death with recreation. We had talked about how we’ve shared with our children over the years that regardless of how things look or seem presently, the boy or girl they might “date” is, in stark reality, someone’s husband or wife. Somewhere, sometime, someplace, that person will be someone’s spouse. And if our children have “dated” that person and it’s not their spouse, they will have defrauded that person. We told our children many times through the years that they come with, or are born with, many gifts—many “firsts” — and it’s these gifts or “firsts” that they will give to their spouse. If they’ve kept them all, then when they get to the alter on their wedding day, their groom or bride will receive all their gifts—all their “firsts.” Their first love, their first embrace, their first hopes, their first kiss, their first promises, their first attention, etc., etc. All those “firsts” will have been preciously preserved or they will have been thoughtlessly and foolishly squandered. How sad it would be to arrive at the alter with no gifts… or tarnished gifts.

We have shared with our children that we are ashamed that many of our gifts were squandered on others. That we didn’t arrive at the alter with all of our gifts… I’ve been quick to say that I am thankful I arrived at the alter with the big gift intact… but how much sweeter it would have been and would be today if all my kisses, all my promises, all my embraces, all my dreams had been reserved for the one man the LORD had chosen for me—the one man I was chosen to complete. How much more complete I could have been had my life been totally yielded to the LORD.

We’ve shared that dating is so sweet, so delightful. And I suppose this is a matter of semantics and some might think I’m beating a dead horse, but dating is so misunderstood. Courtship’s even becoming misunderstood and perhaps it’s becoming sort of glorified dating. But real dating is for married people—for only married people can enjoy or have a whole date with no regrets. Any other sort of “dating” is simply recreation… playing at marriage, playing at emotional divorce, playing house. And like I’ve shared many, many times: marriage is for keeps—playtime isn’t. We pray for all of our children (even married) to fully enjoy authentic love and authentic dates! With no regrets.
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