Motherhood – Page 10 – The Welcome Home

I will look up

If I look down and see my feet and the rocky ground beneath — or look down and see not my feet but shifting waves crashing all around me, a wave of panic washes over me and I fear I will sink or be washed away in the flood of fear.

But, in the most peculiar of all, the most wonderful of all experiences I know is the sweet peace that washes over when I look not down but up — when I lift my eyes and see that not only am I not in perilous straits or not only am I not sinking in the mire, but I am being lifted up and it is in the able hand of the LORD that I stand.

All around me points to possible failure and loss, all around me the tasks are too great and I, in those moments of despair, see I cannot possibly do this task of guiding this home, teaching these children, directing them on the path, filling all the needs and doing all that needs to be done. All around me, the giants of doubt hover. The enemy brings to mind past failures and accomplishments seem to pale in comparison to the number of losses.

But wait.

What does God say… what’s really true?

The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms: and he shall thrust out the enemy from before thee; and shall say, Destroy them.”

Deuteronomy 33.27

O, blessed morning, sweet, sweet morning… I look out to see the sunrise and I cannot count or name all the blessings of the LORD. Sunshine floods my home and I cannot list quickly enough the ways of His gracious mercy. In giving thanks I see that this is His home, these are His children, my husband is His man and He has, is and will guide my husband’s steps — all of our needs, all of our hopes, all of our plans are in His Hands.

Why would I fear? Who else is there beside the LORD? Why would I resort to the shifting sand? Why would I look down? Why do I have this work of being a homemaker, doing all these tasks, looking after these children and missing the others? I instantly stand and clutch the blessing of the plan and work of the LORD in my life and I gladly walk in this path and zealously guard it. For I would want no other to take my place in this home and no offender to come in. I would want no other task and pray to not squander these blessings another minute to doubt or fear.

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
2 My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.
3 He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
4 Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.
6 The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
8 The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.

Psalm 121.1

the awesome task

It’s always hard to blog a post when it’s been some time since the previous. It’s sort of like exercising. There are a million and one excuses for not doing so or for avoiding the task, but once begun, it’s always a refreshing thing. And, like exercise with many breaks between, blogging is awkward and probably painful to the reader of the flabby blogger.

I marveled at this Spurgeon quote:

We have come to a turning point in the road.
If we turn to the right mayhap our children
and our children’s children will go that way; but if we turn to the left,
generations yet unborn will curse our names
for having been unfaithful to God and to His Word.”
Charles Spurgeon

Well, that puts a whole new spin on tomorrow’s plans. Have you ever thought that the decisions you are making today will affect the children’s children? Or, do you consider what you’re doing day by day in light of eternity? It’s sort of silly, then, to fret over this covering or that plastic storage thing or what they were wearing at the Oscar’s, isn’t it. For in our hand we hold the clay of the future. We’re molding and shaping the vessels of tomorrows work for the LORD. What a marvelous task we have been entrusted to carry on. What an awesome thing it is to be a mother. For if we do not teach them… another will. They will be taught. What will they be taught and what will the effect be on their children?

Amazing love, how can it be that thou my God shouldst die for me.

revisting books

I think one of the problems with simply borrowing books from libraries instead of buying copies for our own libraries is that we can’t go back and revisit a chapter or even a meaningful sentence very easily. That, and it’s frowned upon to mark up borrowed books. =o)

So I was browsing book availability (read: eBay, Half and Craig’sList) and a book title popped up – a book I’d read last year and found to be encouraging. Now, the trouble with books I read last year (or, rather, my memory of the content) is that I had had surgery and my consciousness was, early on, altered and therefore, my memory doesn’t serve me right or allow me to bring up specifics. But isn’t it interesting that I do remember all the names of the caregivers, docs and nurses who were attending to me. Well, that’s either good or bad. In most cases it was neither – but in a couple, it was the latter.

So I read a book by Cheri Fuller: The Mom You’re Meant to Be, and just today I came across a “study guide” for that book. I guess I liked the book because it was a reminder to me to make the best of every single day and had specific suggestions for doing so. Anyway… here’s the link for the guide. You’d be helped by having the book – but even if you don’t, her questions are good springboards for your consideration and answers. Here you go.
Week 8, and Chapter 39, in particular, was especially meaningful to me.

You know… one of the most wonderful things I noticed today, along with many accomplishments around here? Ah… it’s nearly 5pm and it’s still light outside. O, the hope of glorious Springtime. Wintertime in the PacificNorthwest is very, very… very… very dim—most days.

mo betah mothering

So, I’m still going through our home… regathering, resorting, redistributing, refusing and recycling. But the one thing I don’t want to spend anymore time on is rearranging the same stuff – trying to figure out how to keep the same stuff I still won’t need later.

It’s been good… I’m thinking that at the end of the week I will finally get down to some serious paring down. Now, paring down for me or for us would be like drowning in cluttered chaos for a few of our friends who are the epitome of order and define minimalist decor. But for us, who have most everything we ever bought or were given (except for the things that broke or were stolen) doing a de-cluttering of the home is major surgery. What needs to go on here is akin to an amputation or something. Actually… what I really think needs to happen is that the walls need to be pushed out about 12 feet on all sides of the house – but then, that would sound greedy and discontent and, really, I strive to be neither.
So, the re-righting continues. I’m missing Hannah as she’s still in Idaho staying with a family and helping at the home of a young mother after the birth of their fifth child. O, how grateful I am for the opportunity for Hannah. I am remembering when that young woman was in her teens and how incredibly industrious she was (and is, still) and what a blessing she was to her family and to ours—so to now be able to send a little help to her at this time is really quite endearing to me. I tell Hannah that she is much like Becca was at her age… so it’s sort of melancholy to me as I think of what the LORD may have ahead for Hannah.

With most of the olders gone, the youngers have to “step up to the plate,” so to speak, and both fill in the gaps and learn the diligence that makes the work and lives of their older brothers and sisters valuable to others. I like to see these “life lessons” in play as they always increase the importance or reason for learning what they’re studying – they see the application and how God uses lives dedicated to Him. As a mom, I’ve needed to see the imperative to press on and not be weary of the repetitive nature of motherhood. I’ve needed to reemploy the creative enthusiasm as I train and retrain and retrain so that the last will be as skilled and capable as the first—and that the last will receive the same (yet, hopefully more) fresh, wonder-filled, awestruck passion that it seems only new moms possess.

So then, both the rewriting and the re-righting continues. Hopefully mo betah as the days go by.

It takes about this long…

You know… I am finally getting why children take so long to grow up. It’s mothers who need about this long to get the hang of the deal. And then when we get the hang of the deal, we get calls or letters like this:

Well, we finally got here.. the car is actually looking quite well considering all it went through, i guess it wasn’t built to roll…

So praise the Lord I’m just kidding. We made it here safely with no problems despite the Mount Hood pass being quite icy.

Thank you for all of your prayers! –tim

So, we need about this much time to laugh at letters like that.

We also need about this long to happily take the grandchildren for a week or more. We get it. We know that every mom needs a little time to regroup sometimes. It’s not that the mom can’t handle the load or that she doesn’t desire motherhood or whatever else. It’s that sometimes a mom just needs to gather her thoughts, to cut and eat her own food, to carry on an uninterrupted fifteen minute conversation, to go potty alone, to wear the same garment – unsoiled – for a whole day… to see sunsets and the sunrise in another place… to have a few minutes to write down some stuff she thinks today she’ll never forget. But she will forget. We all do.

It takes about this long to see that need and be very willing to meet it.

It takes about this long to not be so flustered when nothing at all works out right for a whole day.

It takes about this long to not be fearful of so many of the “what if __________ happens” in life. And not so overcome if the _____________’s don’t happen or don’t come along.

So… motherhood. What an amazing gift. I wish I’d known sooner what a gift it is and how quickly it goes.

motherhood means dying to self

I’m often surprised at the events or changes each season brings. Sort of like knowing that snow’s coming but not realizing how cold it will feel or how distracting it will be.

Bcz this isn’t the first time or the second or the third… I knew it would be hard to say another goodbye-for-now to Timothy this morning. I knew the children would be sad and we’d all go through the litany of wouldda-shouldda-couldda dones. And, I knew I’d run the gamut of emotions as I helped with last minute stuff and stood on the porch waving i-love-you’s and goodbyes. But I didn’t really know. I didn’t know this part of the road—I didn’t know this part of this season. And I didn’t know how this would ache in a different kind of way than other times…
So, more and more I’m seeing that motherhood is a series of goodbyes. And with each goodbye we learn. With each goodbye we learn to make a choice to live a little more or to die a little more. Sort of a prompting to experience more joy and die to self. That dying to self is the hard part sometimes. It’s hard bcz we spend a lot of our early motherhood in the it’s-all-about-me phase. My pregnancy, my birth, my nursing, my schedule, my baby… my next pregnancy, my baby shower, my greatest-child-ever-born, my baby’s first_________, my midwife, my rocking chair, my quiet-time, my baby quilt, my dishes, my appliances, my memories…

And then, suddenly it hits: Owow. Wait-a-second… what? It’s not all about me. O, it’s not about me, it’s all about whoever it’s about at the time. And usually when you come to this realization, you discover it’s all about them. Their plans, their schedule, their clothes, their discoveries, their meals, their tickets, their books, their mail, their studies, their calling in life, their stuff, their coming’s and going’s. And it’s all necessary… it’s part of their season. It is all about them.

And mother stands on the porch and waves goodbye.

And it’s all good. It’s all right. It’s the way it oughtta be.

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the spectator mother

A phase of motherhood I was never prepared to experience is how quickly I would become sort of a spectator –or that I would become a spectator at all. I just guess I thought I’d always be the mother. The mother-mother. I didn’t even see the spectator-mother signs coming. When the oldest of the two trainer children began to court his wife, I think I was still so wrapped up in the childbearing phase of motherhood that I didn’t even see it coming. I didn’t see the “game over” light flashing in front of me. I just thought of it as another phase of motherhood—and it was, but the way I saw it was that I’d still have some integral part or something. I guess I sort of missed that flashing light and now, years later, am really seeing how over it is when it’s over.
There are no second chances in motherhood. O, we may feel as though we have more chances because we have another child or ten, but with each one there is only one go-around and then the ride stops and you get off and they keep going. You just spent your ticket with that one. The ride’s over. O, sure, there’s another ride that you can get a ticket for ― that ride’s for the spectator-mothers.

Just like you can’t really know how the way is going to go in the early phase of motherhood, you can’t really know how the spectator phase goes until you get onboard and take the ride. There’s no guarantee that you’ll enjoy the ride or that you’ll find fulfillment or satisfaction or even that you’ll have a long ride. But, in reality, you do have a choice how you’ll react to or experience the ride. Just like in the earlier phase of motherhood… that earlier childbearing phase, you didn’t have an exact plan or program for how it would go. You did and do have the Word of God, so you, in a sense, had a “rule-book” or a “guide book” but as far as a specific description of how your days would go, you didn’t know. You won’t know as a spectator, either. Difference is, that when you were “the mother,” you had a whole lot more control and it was largely up to you to order the days. Now, as a spectator, there’s very little of that –if any at all.

As a spectator mother, there’s a lot of waiting… waiting for “children” to return home, waiting for children to get back test results, job offers, marriage proposals, acceptance… schools, jobs, houses, ministry positions… And there’s the waiting for what the LORD’s going to do in and through them —how He’ll use them for His glory. Sometimes we get the opportunity to see that while we’re still in the active mothering phase — but most likely not. Most likely all those things will happen in the spectator phase. That’s where we see faith. The surest revelation of faith is when the rubber meets the road.

lingering to rush

I always feel like 1 Thessalonians is like lingering over a great cup of coffee and fresh hot bread with butter and jam and then glancing at the clock: and it’s like a race to get out the door to catch a plane. You know what I mean; the times you linger in pleasant conversation and then suddenly it hits you: you’ve got to leave –right now! 1 Thess starts like a soothing chat and ends like… well, sort of like that moment when you’re standing in the doorway of a train and hear the PA system: please step away from the doors.

As you hug and say the good-bye’s, you race through all the important stuff you meant to say but reminisced too long to say them and then you recognize that some very meaningful things will be missed or imperative instructions won’t be given unless you just blast them out sort of like bullets firing from a machine gun. So you make several points in as few words as possible and hope they’ll stick more than all the things you said during that seemingly unhurried portion of the visit. So… yes, that’s what Thessalonians is like to me. And motherhood.

We do that, as mothers, to our children. We stand at the door and say all the stuff in about a minute and a half that we had already spent years teaching them and then think we need to tell them again when they leave on a trip or whatever. Or even when they go to visit for a few hours somewhere. You know… the list that starts our sounding a bit wistful and then speeds up as you see the doors closing and the seatbelts fastening… Be sure to call when you get there. Mind your manners. Be sure to say thank you. Be sure to ask interesting questions. Listen well before you answer. Be gracious. Be helpful. Be careful of what activities you agree to do. Don’t do anything you wouldn’t do if your father were standing next to you. You’ll be fine, the LORD will watch over you: He’s faithful. Remember, I’ll be praying for you. Have a good time. Be careful. Greet all of them for us! Be good! God bless you…. I loooooove yoooooooo……..

And they’re off. And you pray. 1 Thess 5 is sort of like that.

A Mother Worthy of Remembrance

A Mother Worthy of Remembrance…
No matter who you are, where you live, what your age… the very mention of the word “mother” likely conjures up many emotions. Even when we mothers look at ourselves in the mirror, we undoubtedly have mixed emotions as to who we are, what we do, what we hoped we’d be and what we are becoming. We may think back on memories of our mothers with bittersweet emotion… loving them for who they were or tried to be, cringing with regret for taking them for granted, regretting things they did that hurt us or things we did that hurt them, we may feel a sense of loss over the mother we never really knew, we may have ambivalent feelings toward them who have or had lives so different than our own… Whatever the case, Mother’s Day surely is a time when emotions run high, when remorse or guilt grips us, or when joyful memories flood our hearts and minds. This Mother’s Day, I am especially mindful of who I am as a mother to my children, of how I am viewed by them and how they’ll remember these days of their childhood and early adulthood—thus the title of my message today: A mother worthy of remembrance.

In addition to considering how I will be remembered by them, I am now also considering another phase and that is how the LORD will use me in the lives of my grandchildren… and I am continually sobered by the thought that the grandchildren, like my own children need loving encouragement and they need a faithful mother/grandmother who will daily be remembering them at the feet of the LORD, that someone loves them and cares so much for them that they are a frequent topic of conversation before the LORD. I know that one of the saddest thoughts I had at the passing of my husband’s grandmother was the fact that we would no longer have her daily prayers of intercession on our behalf. I knew that day by day we were carried to the throne of God in her prayers. It was knowing this that taught me to daily pray for our children… it was her example of steadfast prayer that taught me to pray and to wait on the LORD for His timing and His answers, in the same way, she taught me to pray for their future spouses, for their lives and for the work the LORD had planned for them. Her dedication to prayer and of daily waiting on the LORD was a discipline she learned from her mother—of whom, as I understand it, was also widely known as a woman of prayer.

It amazes me how the LORD works, in that some of her prayers were not answered until long after her death, and yet, seemingly unanswered prayer was not a discouragement to her while she lived. It is knowing this and trusting in the LORD’s timing that has inspired me to pray for our children in a whole new way. I pray for many things for them and I pray that they, too, will learn the discipline of prayer—the obedience of prayer. I pray for their daily walk, their decisions, their future work, for their future spouses, and so on. Recorded prayers and recorded answers to prayers have surely been an encouragement to me as I look back on petitions before the LORD and His directions and answers to them. More and more I hunger for the times of the day when I can go aside and pray. The LORD has demonstrated His loving and listening ear over and over as He directs through His Word and in answers to prayers. He has confirmed His listening ear time and time again and I trust Him for His past deeds and future promises—for what He has said, that will He do. The prayers of His saints are wafting up as incense about His throne. What a blessing this is to know. And so, prayer is one of the disciplines of a mother worthy of remembrance.

These Grand and great-grandmothers were models to emulate; they are mothers worthy of remembrance … and their disciplines are worthy of remembrance today, as I know that my mother in law credits her own disciplined life to the examples she saw in her mother and grandmother. Faithful women. We may not personally have living examples of faithfulness, but the LORD has given us models of women who trusted in Him, whose faith was a credit to them. We have past lives and living examples and accounts of women in the Word who stand as models for us today. Sarah is an example of a woman whom the LORD found faithful. We are told in 1 Peter that we are her daughters if we do well and are not afraid with any amazement… or as the American Standard says: “…if ye do well, and are not put in fear by any terror.” We are to trust and not fear. We see once again that fear and faith cannot be carried in the same bucket. And so, faithfulness is one of the disciplines of a mother worthy of remembrance.

It is the desire of our hearts to be found faithful… just as we read in the Word: “His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.” —Matthew 25.23

I so wish that I had had the wisdom in the early years to carefully weigh the decisions I was making and the lasting impact those decisions would have. I didn’t grow up as a disciplined person, nor did I learn to carefully plan decisions. Oh, how I thank and praise the LORD today for His watchcare over me even when I did not know Him. Motherhood sort of just “happened” to me as a young married and I would apply what I was reading or what was suggested to me at the time. I must thank the LORD continually that He specifically placed me in “strategic” places where I would learn or hear ideas and try and do them. I didn’t know early on that decisions needed to be made with wisdom. I didn’t carefully weigh out all my decisions in light of the future or in light of eternity. The tyranny of the urgent and the expedient ways of doing things dictated how I made decisions. As I look back now, very seldom was wisdom employed in the making of decisions. I was easily swayed by emotion and worldly reasoning. I didn’t weigh out the consequences of my actions… though I was hemmed in by the LORD, I took much liberty to exercise what I would later come to see as poor judgment.

I continually grow in this area of decision making as I still on occasion tend to be impulsive and have to keep this in mind when buying things for our home, for our children, etc. I see such great need for wisdom and understanding when teaching the children, when talking with others, in making lists for the day, in planning schedules or whatever other decisions might need to be made. I often pray for wisdom and understanding as I seek the LORD as the mother in our home. I sometimes think that there is nothing I need more than this with the passing of each day. The Word teaches us that wisdom is more to be desired than gold. Proverbs 31.26 says: “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.” And so this tells me that seeking wisdom is one of the disciplines of a mother worthy of remembrance.

Psalms 49.3 “My mouth shall speak of wisdom; and the meditation of my heart shall be of understanding.”

Psalms 51.6 “Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.”

Psalms 90.12 “So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.”

Another one of the disciplines of a mother worthy of remembrance is the discipline of virtue. We learn of this in the Word that the Proverbs 31 woman was a woman of virtue. She was a woman of excellence. What a loving and Marvelous God to give us this insight into His design for us each one. O, that it might be said of us: “Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.” (Proverbs 31.29) We learn of this quality in the New Testament as well. 2Peter 1.3 “According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue” This quality is both passive—and what I mean by this is that it is a quality of the mind or the way we think on things—and it is active, it is what governs what we do and how we behave, and it is given to us by the Lord Himself.

Philippians 4.8 “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”

2Peter 1:5 “And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge;”

Desiring and becoming a virtuous woman means deciding to leave off with worldly thinking and worldly ideals. A virtuous woman cannot be measured by the standards of the world—she is measured by the standards of the Word. And just as I shared with you earlier as well as last week, faith and fear cannot be carried in the same bucket, so also the Word and the world cannot be carried in the same bucket—one will displace the other. In order to follow the Word, you must leave off following the world. The road of either one is going in an opposite direction. A virtuous woman does not travel both roads… she has chosen the better part, she has chosen to be a woman of the Word. And so, at any cost, seeking to be virtuous is one of the disciplines of a mother worthy of remembrance.

Proverbs 31.10 “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.”

And finally, though this subject is far from being covered, a mother worthy of remembrance is a mother who is loving. O, how I desire to be a mother who, through love, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I feel quite certain that this aspect of love is the desire of your heart as well. No matter how much I pray, no matter how disciplined I am, no matter how I seek wisdom and virtue, if I don’t have or demonstrate love, I am nothing… and that’s not how I want to be remembered.

A truly loving mother… that’s a mother worthy of remembrance.

pamela spurling ~ TheWelcomeHome ~ 2001 ~