“Love thinks.  It’s not a mindless feeling that rides on waves of emotion and falls asleep mentally.  It keeps busy in thought, knowing that loving thoughts precede loving actions.”

Today’s ‘dare’ is based on the  principle that Love is Thoughtful.  I have been prompted to ask myself many times:  is this thoughtful… am I mindful of his feelings, wishes, desires?  Am I thinking — really thinking — of his needs?

The book outlines ways we slip out of [...]]]>

       “Love thinks.  It’s not a mindless feeling that rides on waves of emotion and falls asleep mentally.  It keeps busy in thought, knowing that loving thoughts precede loving actions.”

Today’s ‘dare’ is based on the  principle that Love is Thoughtful.  I have been prompted to ask myself many times:  is this thoughtful… am I mindful of his feelings, wishes, desires?  Am I thinking — really thinking — of his needs?

The book outlines ways we slip out of being thoughtful — or how we tend to be less thoughtful than we were, say, when we were first falling in love.  We told one another we couldn’t stop thinking of the other.  And… after marriage other things are allowed to come in and crowd our thoughts toward our spouse… that we ‘drift into thinking about your job, your friends, your problems, your personal desires, yourself.  After awhile, you unintentionally begin to ignore the needs of your spouse.”

So, I thought about this chapter.  I asked — boldly asked myself: do I do this?  Do I think of everyone else or everything else before I think of him?  Do other things hold greater priority in my thoughts, plans and decisions?

“If you don’t learn to be thoughtful,  you end up regretting missed opportunities to demonstrate love.  Thoughtlessness is a silent enemy to a loving relationship.”

This day’s dare was to:  “Contact your spouse sometime  during the business of the day.  Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.”  (and again, a _____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.)

This was not really a new thing to me… I often call my husband and he often calls me. But you know what grabbed my attention?  He left me a cell-phone text message of a phone number I was to call and bcz it was not a call I could have made right then… I didn’t reply right away.  I knew he was busy so I justified my not returning the message  — his message required no reply, really.   But, later, I thought… now, it would have been thoughtful to return the message with any sort of affirmation or acknowledgment .  You see? I could have used that text to give thanks as well as ask if there was anything I could do for him.

So, I determined to use that experience as a prompting to be more attentive and thoughtful… even in the smallest things.   And I do want to be faithful (and thoughtful) even in the smallest things.  And not bcz of any book or dare or anything like that… but bcz it’s the very least I could do for the great love that’s been shown and given to me.

Love is not Selfish.  This chapter begins with the comment:     “We live in a world that is enamored with  ’self.’  The culture around us teaches us to focus on our appearance, feelings, and personal desires as the top priority.  The goal, it seems, is to chase the highest level of happiness possible…”

I am continuing to mull over each days’ entries and suggestions.  I am finding that it’s increasingly difficult to relate to this book from my personal standpoint — and [...]]]>

Love is not Selfish.  This chapter begins with the comment:     “We live in a world that is enamored with  ’self.’  The culture around us teaches us to focus on our appearance, feelings, and personal desires as the top priority.  The goal, it seems, is to chase the highest level of happiness possible…”

I am continuing to mull over each days’ entries and suggestions.  I am finding that it’s increasingly difficult to relate to this book from my personal standpoint — and I’ll tell you why.  My husband and I have determined to whatever has been necessary to have a strong, commited, loyal and enduring marriage.   So… the Love Dare book is not a challenge, necessarily.   Interestingly enough though,  I find this to be a valuable book — but it’s not something that’s particularly grabbing my attention for personal application like the movie “Fireproof” grabbed my attention.  And I think it’s bcz I saw the movie and for two hours I was reveling in the fact that I love(!) marriage — I love(!) my husband — I am, year after year, fighting to proclaim this message of hope, commitment, covenant and importance of marriage and, therefore, I have recommended the movie, Fireproof, bcz it very much championed my deeply held personal convictions. For the two hours of the movie, I was cheering the decisions to fight for marriage — to contend for the faith in Jesus Christ and to live according to His Word.

I do this daily.  I have been doing this daily.  I will continue to do this daily.

Our marriage is strong.  Our love is strong — our commitment to one another *and* to the Lord Jesus Christ is strong.  We are already merciful with one another.  We are already patient with one another.  We are already not selfish with one another… and tomorrow’s exercise (Love is thoughtful) we are already doing as well… and the next day (Love is not rude) we are already doing as well.

So, why am I still determined to keep plugging away at this book?  Well… I’ll tell you… it’s not necessarily going to be for our marriage… but I am using it as a personal life “check-up.”   I wouldn’t think of being unkind, rude, selfish, impatient… etc., etc. with my husband… but what about my whole life?  What about my life in general.  Now, I will keep my focus on the intent of this book — but my husband does not like being a project any more than I do and we both destest contrived situations — and so, I am telling him about the day’s ‘topic’ and we’re sort of working through things together and I’m using the suggestions to “go the second mile” so to speak.

I’m behind on recording the entries for each day.  The day I was working on “Love is not selfish,” my husband was driving me an hour south of our home to a doctor appointment.  From there, he would drive me another 2 hours north of  our home I was to attend and would teach in a Titus2 group meeting.  I exclaimed to him…. wait!  I’m supposed to not be selfish today! ;o)  And he, not missing a beat, quickly answered… “O, I am doing today’s lesson!”    Where I was not to be putting my interests, desires and priorities in front of my husband… that day it seemed that that’s just what I was doing.   And yet, the Lord spoke to my heart.  I was yielding to my husband’s care and provision and protection… I could have been selfish and could have said:  No, I’ll go myself — I’ll drive myself and you don’t worry about a thing.  Instead, the *un*selfish thing to do was to share the afternoon — be taken to my appointment and then on to the meeting.

So… in answer to the questions posed in the book:  (I answered heartily: yes!)

Do I truly want what’s bet for my husband?
Do I want him to feel loved by me?
Does he believe I have his best interest in mind?
Does he see me as looking out for myself first?

The ‘exercise’ was to do something for your spouse that would show investment in them… to buy something that would say:  “I am thinking of you today.”   Well… on the way to the meeting, we stopped and shared dinner at an old fashioned ice cream parlour sort of diner.  As we ate, we talked over my talk for the meeting, the Love Dare book — that day’s ‘dare’ and many things.  We reminisced over the many times we’d gone to similar sorts of places and thought of how we’d done different things for one another over the years.   So… I gave my husband attention — he gave the same to me.  Love is not selfish.

Just as I have been very conscious of the previous days’ dares… I am adding them day by day and these “dares” are sort of governing and prompting my thoughts.   I am hemmed in… the LORD has so blessed me.

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