I have one more day to be the age I never thought I be. And then tomorrow I will be the age I never thought I’d reach. For some reason, I don’t rightly remember why, I thought I’d never live past 39. And then I did. And now, I’m wondering how I got this far. It’s surely not my own doing – for I have been my own undoing. It’s surely not my dietary choices or physical fitness or any other personally inspired or responsible behaviour on my part, for I am one of the ‘least of these’ when it comes to consistent anything. I’m a short-term sprinter when it comes to diets, physical fitness or health regimens.
If it were good intentions that brought me here today, even those generally come to a failing point. Many roads are paved with good intentions and I certainly have a number of them. I think back on The Cambridge diet I did in 1982… I lost 30 pounds in thirty days. I know. Yikes. I drank a shake in the morning and evening. I had a bowl of soup at midday and several cups of water and a handful of supplements throughout the day. I bounced on a rebounder and that’s it. I was busy with two very small children… but that’s it. I never really gained much of that back… but then, I was doing such a great deal of physical work that it was sometimes difficult to take time to just do nothing much.
Then I think of all the different attempts to lose weight after each subsequent pregnancy… and I do lose weight. Not so fast and not so easily as before, but I do lose weight – but that only happens when I’m totally set and I don’t know why but I am only totally set ever several years – it’s the in between time that’s so disastrous! I always count on tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll get a handle on this weight reduction… Tomorrow I will really get serious. Tomorrow I will really get back to my T-Tapping exercising and I so will get my water intake up and my carb intake down. Tomorrow I work more diligently to eat to get my alkaline level up and keep my consumption of acid producing foods down. Yep – back at it tomorrow.
I have this weight chart… the idea of it is to demonstrate to me how great things are going by the downward line across the page. But I must tell you… I very nearly think I’m dead for all I see is a flat line. No, I didn’t say fat line (though, it’s inferred, I suppose). So the flat line has continued. Well, until recently. I am seeing a small decline. I used to measure success in inches and pounds. Now I do so in much smaller increments… and I say, this garment doesn’t feel as tight as it did before. O, o… that’s right, it’s from the grouping of larger clothes I have in my closet.
Tomorrow I’ll do my green drinks and walk. Tomorrow I will take my supplements and lemon & distilled water. Tomorrow I will get back on track – yes indeedy, I will. Tomorrow I will sprout some wheat, make some spinach salads and a bunch of other greens will go into my smoothie… along with that Total Tonic and wheatgrass juice powder. Tomorrow will be a great day for all of that. O, wait.
Tomorrow’s the day I never thought I’d live to see.
My mom’s in South America… and through the sweet joy and benefit of the internet, she sent me a pretty card. Sweet of her… but before she left, she gave me two very beautiful blue and white mugs with tea infusers and lids. I love blue and white anything. Anything blue and white or white and blue is my favourite – well, except on cheddar cheese.
And about that umpteenth and one diet? Yeah…I’m on it. Again.
Yes – I totally understand that — and you know, sometimes when we hear the LORD directing a particular way, we’re reticent to listen or to obey bcz we’re thinking that, in our own strength, we cannot possibly fathom all that that obedience would entail. It’s in those times that we need to simply obey… trust and obey!
God bless you and thank you for your sweet encouragement!
love, pamela
Thank you so much for your kind words:) I hope you didn’t think I was upset because you didn’t comment right back I wasn’t. I learned much about you in your old posts:)
Please pray that we truely listen to God. I wanted to honor and please Him in everything I do.
Blessings,
Renee
O, Renee — I’m very sorry to have missed this. Thank you for writing back – these past three weeks have literally been a blur to me and our household. The day you wrote… marked the beginning of three weeks of seemingly non-stop activity and houseguests – a flurry of food, plates and faces, clean-up and more food prep.
Somehow I missed your note in the shuffle.
As for the ages of the children… the ‘bookends’ are our nearly 7 and 29 with 9 others in between. Do they mind? O, no… they love each other very much and we’ve talked about what it would be if we didn’t have ________. We cannot fathom life without any one of them. Through thick and thin, good times and bad, joy and sorrow, plenty and not so plenty, I wouldn’t trade away a moment – O, I wish I’d handled some things differently, but I wouldn’t trade a day here for a billion dollars or a million days of whatever the world might think is better.
So, as for the morning sickness or the trial of birth and labour, well, I’d say it’s an extremely minuscule price to pay for the joy and blessing of a life – though, truthfully, at the moment there is great discomfort. I guess I’d just say: ask the Lord to bless according to His will and in faith, just give Him your life, give Him your future, give Him your womb, give Him your hopes and dreams and ask Him to use your life according to all that He would have for you.
Should He choose to bless you in the way of pregnancy and birth, then praise Him. Should He choose to bless you in another way, then praise Him.
I think “quiver-full” simply is the decision to thank God for His will and way and to not stand in the place of His will regarding the number, order and frequency of pregnancy and/or birth.
I believe (personally speaking) it’s not ours to take on that area of God’s domain – I believe the womb to be His domain – the secret place of His handiwork. It’s so incredibly humbling that He would allow any of us to be vessels He would use to create life — Totally humbling to me. His ways are past finding out – trust Him and wait on Him.
A little aside, if your husband says he is ‘all for it’ than I would say don’t question what he has said and don’t doubt his sincerity. Men don’t usually waste words. I guess, truth be told, we’re *all* more comfortable when things seem easy (as in older – more self sufficient daughters). But I tell you the truth, some of the harder, more arduous times of our lives have been the very, very best- the most fruitful, etc. I cannot convey the joy your family would likely experience should the Lord bless your womb with another life (or more). When the family anticipates a baby *together* then the joy is multiplied and we’re seeing now, things we could never have imagined with the loyal camaraderie between the brothers and sisters – young and old.
Should you become pregnant, you would need to explore ways to ease or prevent such sickness, and then – oftentimes, just plow through — your daughters are much older now and can accomplish so much with guidance and a bit less direct moment by moment supervision. They can learn lessons of service, nutrition, home-keeping, etc., by helping you, by loving you through the time and you can demonstrate faith and trust — faith and trust they will likely need to draw on in future days. Faith and trust that God will carry them, too, as they mature and marry and likely bear children. Much is caught – you teach by example and they learn by application.
God bless you, Renee – and I will be watching for the next note or answer from the Lord in your life.
with love, pamela
Hello!
Well I am back since you never answered my comment I search through your blog and found what I was looking for:) Sometimes No words are words after all:)
I wanted to thank you again for a wonderful blog! You put some much of yourself into it:)Many Blessings to you and your family:)
Renee
Pamela,
Hello!
It has been a while since I visited your blog. There has been many things going on in my life and many things that have been needing my attention. I write you because I have been feeling God tugging at my heart to have another child. We have two wonderful daughters 14 and 11. I feel maybe we have waited to long. I am 38 years old. I wonder if my girls would feel weird having a younger sibling? I worry that it is selfish to want another child.
I sure you think it is weird that I am writing to a stranger about such things. My mom was 48 when she had my sister. I just want it to be clear to me that it is the right thinking and not a selfish thought. My husband is all for it but I am not sure if he is being honest. I know that he likes things just the way they are.( things are alot easier) I get terriable morning sickness and he would have to help me homeschool the girls during this time.
Well I hope you can give me some kind of direction?
I really love your blog:)
How old are your children? Does your oldest mind having a younger sibling?
Renee
Dear Pamela,
a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You know if one thing the Lord has pointed out to me with my lupus is that life is too short to worry about your weight, height, a few wrinkles…You’re family rises and calls you blessed! You are such a testimony to so many you may never meet in person…the Lord has used and continues to use you in many ways for his glory and honor…May you remember this on your very special day.
Love and Blessings,
Vikki
Happy Birthday!
I have now turned 50 and it is beyond my comprehension. I was part of the “never trust anyone over thirty” generation.
I still remember when my mom turned 60. She said she looked in the mirror and wondered who that old woman was staring back at her! 🙂
Happy birthday! Praise God you’re alive to live another day. I pray you reach yet another age you thought you’d never be, and you never reach another size you never want to be. 🙂